Post by MadStepDad on Aug 3, 2012 13:14:33 GMT -5
** SHOW INTRO **
Godfather movie themed intro, featuring a genial, jolly Ed “Strangler” Lewis (the don) giving a cheerful toast to longevity, solidarity and the much anticipated XPW TV Episode #50! This time last year XPW Remixed was near collapse and split into two… but now the ship sails firmly with all the sailors rowing in the same direction… SALUTE! Cameras pan to Joseph “Toots” Mondt joyously toasting along, with a look of smug “know it all” confidence – almost condescending towards the 3rd man at the end of the table, Robert Black… who appears slightly disheveled, tweaked out and paranoid… the state of “unity” within in XPW Remixed… meanwhile the cameras continue to pull out revealing an old school, “Magic City” on Starz, NWA-styled conference with all the top promoters in fantasy wrestling… including Paul Bowser, manager of John Cena & the MCMG… and they are seated around conference tables chatting incessantly and incestuously (plotting? Scheming? Planning?) even while the Dom Perignon is still bubbly from the toast…
** CUT TO VIDEO INTRO **
Cut to the in-studio announce team for the evening:
Gordon Solie & Matt Striker
Sick video recap that covers the birth of XPW Remixed - from Bruno Sammartino inaugural champion… to XPW WORLD champion Lou Thesz… all the way up to the present and future with Alberto Del Rio (2011) flaunting his championship hardware like Tony Montana at the end of Scarface (“say hello to my little friend!”)… over the span of the last 50 episodes, you - Mash-Up Wrestling's (lone) fan - have witnessed the evolution of a fantasy wrestling phenomenon… the most vile, vulgar, balls-to-the-wall, in-your-face, str8t hood org in Fight-Fiction history… tonight - we tip the champagne flutes towards the past - pour out a little liquor for those XPW Remixed alumni no longer with us - and toast to the future… this is XPW Remixed… and this is REAL.
TONIGHT!
Alberto Del Rio defends the XPW World championship against former champ LOU THESZ! The KotDM title is up for grabs against a mystery contender… Sheamus 2012 takes on “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers 1963 in another epic timeline clash (with a match against Matt Morgan waiting in the wings if Sheamus can be victorious)… a woman’s championship match… and the long-awaited championship rematch pitting XPW Remixed tag team champs MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS against their archival arch-rivals THE FABULOUS KANGAROOS! All this and more as we continue down the road towards “DAMAGE INC 2”!! Stay tuned!!
** CUT TO RING **
_________________________________________________________
** King of the Death Match championship **
ZANDIG versus ? ? ?
versus
Show opens with the camouflage pants and ski-mask wearing, Timberland stomping, crowbar-wielding invading goon squad known as the CZWO! The leader of the pack – ZANDIG – cuts a “death b4 dishonor” speech that is greeted with massive BOOS from the West Coast audience who see them as plagiarizing, entitled, East Coast fucks… most of the boos are reserved for The MESSIAH – a native son who turned tail and fled to the East Coast… Zandig is anwered on the mic by Black Army Japanese delegate and Hardcore Icon ATSUSHI ONITA!
He shouts Zandig down… threatens to unleash the deadly SNUFF upon him (as the commentators remind you of his victory over Sycho Sid that made that no-talent stiff want to flee to safer ground - aka “WWF”)… before swerving everybody and demanding security SEIZE THE INVADERS! A dozen or so XPW Remixed security officers collapse upon the ring and try to take the CZWO by force - but all it does is give the CZWO an opportunity to run through them all, black-ninja style… but eventually the ring is cleared leaving only Zandig and Snuff going face to face… only to have DEAN AMBROSE appear out of nowhere to blindside Zandig with a bundle of fluorescent light tubes! Onita finally calls for the bell and the REAL challenger is now apparent - Dean Ambrose!
He uses the elements of chaos and surprise around him to attack the distracted Zandig and absolutely brutalize him… this is the trademark XPW Remixed "all hell breaks loose" segment of the night, with Slaughtahouse Stampede participants like NEW JACK, Danny Havoc and even Original Sheik all getting involved... in the end, Zandig no-sells a barbed-wire bat shot to hulk up - intimidate Ambrose - before impaling him through a barbed wire table with a double-fisted chokeslam bomb! Dean Ambrose rolls out of the ring in pain, apparently forfeiting the match...
Winner (by "count-out") and STILL KotDM champion: ZANDIG
Post match, Zandig barely has a minute to celebrate his victory when Rob Black appears on the entrance ramp to angrily confront his bi-coastal rival and bubble over with rage... he says he has a very special opponent for Zandig at "DI2"... and unleashes upon him the destructive force of KILO! The white-haired, coked-out, immune-2-pain, 400 lb+ BEAST sneak attacks Zandig and CRUSES him with a sit-out piledriver onto a steel chair! KILO leaves the CZWO capo lying in the ring! A small measure of retribution for Rob Black and his Army!
** King of the Death Match championship **
ZANDIG © versus KILO!!
Only at "Damage Inc 2"!!
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE INTERLUDE **
Back from commercial and the bad guys from the previous match are backstage arguing vehemently amongst themselves - Dean Ambrose is pissed and in pain, exclaiming “that’s not what kind of title shot I meant”! Meanwhile “Prince of Darkness” Kevin Sullivan (1982) is shouting him down with a chowdah thick Boston accent, talking about Dean’s failures to uphold the Black Army - when finally head honcho ROB BLACK rolls into the scene… he claims to have thrown them a lifeline once more, but they’re making him look like a complete fool with their ineptitude… The Black Army gets one more chance for redemption in the “Slaughtahouse Stampede” match @ “DI2” - and now Black had to hire an outside party (Kilo) to handle this KotDM championship… Rob Black is also subtly hyping himself up for a meeting he plans to have tonight with his business partners Lewis & Mondt - to air his recent grievances… Black walks away, talking to himself in vague and sinister tones - while the rest of the Black Army just starts bickering and fighting with each other again…
** CUT **
______________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE INTERLUDE **
Segment starts with a brief backstage sketch… Commissioner Muldoon (cheers) is conversing with XPW Remixed Television champion RVD (even bigger cheers)… Commissioner Muldoon takes his duty very seriously and has instituted a series of rankings (based on wins/losses etc..) to determine RVD’s championship field… RVD 4:20 is all “whatever man”, and while his pot themed innuendo doesn’t fly over Muldoon’s head – the straight-laced Commissioner none the less lets it slide… when they are approached by Harvard Law Graduate David Otunga and his sexy legal secretary GG… in a brief confrontation rife with lawyer jargon and legalese, Muldoon STILL declines Otunga’s demand for ANOTHER TV title match for Focus and is even about to levy another FINE upon them for their actions (see XPW TV Episode #49) – when RVD chimes in… now his red-eyes are fueled by anger and he dismisses Focus as cheap trash and challenges Gorgeous George to meet him in the back alley after the show if he wants to fight dirty…
** CUT TO RING **
RVD 4:20 ©, RUCKUS & HAVANA PITBULLS
versus
RASHAD CAMERON & THE MOVEMENT
versus
Match itself is designed to get over the new “MOVEMENT” led by International X-Division superstar RASHAD CAMERON… his band of Ghetto-fabulous rock star heavyweights runs deep… the rejuvenated Cryme Tyme 2.0 and Michael Tarver… RVD gets his offense over, going one-on-one primarily with Cameron (harkening back to their TV title match last Episode)… Ruckus and RVD display amazing 4:20 chemistry, and the “Bruce Lee of OOOWEE” gets a chance to bust out his best moves as well – but plays face-in-peril for the middle portion of the match… Reyes & Romero work mechanically, yet separately – and Romero even appears to freeze Reyes out some of the plays (like Rondo did Ray Allen on the Boston Celtics 2012)… in the end, Ruckus & JTG get really into it and wind up brawling all the way through the crowd and off screen somewhere...
FOCUS magnate David Otunga shows up at ringside (with his ditzy "legal assistant" GG) - flashing his lawyer credentials and GDT Inc affiliation as a license to be there - but of course pricelessly distracting RVD - so much so, RVD forsakes a sure-fire 5-Star Frog Splash aimed at Michael Tarver - to instead fly OFF the top rope OVER GG's head ONTO David Otunga with a flying body press! BIG POP and a mixture of "HOLY S**!" and "RVD" chants that eventually meld into one unified cry of "XPW! XPW!"... RVD brawls with Otunga at ringside... meanwhile in the ring, Rashad Cameron and Big Shad Gaspard double team Ricky Reyes until he fights back with stiff martial kicks and strikes (reminding you of a poor mans Low-Ki + about 10 pounds of muscle)... but when he reaches for the hot tag from his partner Rocky Romero - he's nowhere to be found! Instead, of an exact reanactment of his original desertion - Romero instead hops off the apron and leaves Reyes to his doom, wiping his hands of the "Havana Pitbulls" once and for all... Reyes is left to be victimized by a big running Timberland boot from Shad into a BLK Jeez double footstomp from the top rope by Rashad Cameron (aka the former "Sabian")...
Winners: THE MUTHAPHUCKKIN MOVEMENT
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE INTERLUDE **
Back from commercial and David Otunga is arguing loudly with Commissioner Muldoon over RVD’s unscripted, “unprovoked” attack during the previous segment… Otunga is demanding restitution… instead he gets a one-on-one match with RVD himself on the next XPW TV Episode! This announcement segues to further chaos up the hall… all eyes and cameras pan left where we see the tail-end of some kind of locker room ruckus… there - we find Atsushi Onita has apparently unleashed his ninja assassin HAKUSHI KURO upon an unsuspecting Drake Younger - leaving the young Shooters Club protégé laying dead in the corridor… Onita also takes credit for the blinding black mist Hakushi spit in Alexxis Nevaeh’s face (see XPW Online #23) and taunts Commissioner Muldoon - saying attacks like this will continue to happen to the roster until Muldoon RESIGNS HIS POSITION! Onita & Hakushi flee while Muldoon (and now Dan Severn & Masahiko Kimura) arrive to check on the fallen Drake Younger… will Muldoon succumb to these evil threats of extortion from the Black Army?? Or will more bodies fall in their wake??
Hakushi Kuro: ninja assassin
** CUT **
______________________________________________________________
"A Matter of Respect"
The office of XPW Remixed VP Joseph “Toots” Mondt… he dismisses his phone call to take a visitor in person – XPW Remixed WORLD champion Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez)!! Mondt & Del Rio are on the level, though there is still a sense that neither one of them wants to give up an inch to the other… because of the results of the #1 Contenders match (see XPW Online #23 – “Series Finale”), it is true, there is no clear victor… but as Mondt would like to tell Del Rio – he is cut off by the next visitor into the office… it is legendary Boston area promoter PAUL BOWSER, who pleasantly (in a condescending sort of fashion) greets the “world” champion Del Rio with a firm handshake and smile…
As Mondt was about to say, Bowser completes the sentence, because there was no clear victor – that also means there was no clear loser… therefore he has lobbied from the State Athletic Commission to institute a TRIPLE THREAT championship match featuring Samoa Joe versus Bowser’s boy John Cena versus the winner of tonight’s championship bout! Del Rio is flabbergasted and outraged, taking it out on Rodriguez in particular… but there is little Del Rio can do except grumble ominous threats like the vicious Mexican cartel leader he is… Mondt has to excuse them all from his office before the tension gets to thick… only to encounter Robert Black in the corridor coming to meet him…
Mondt has a quick one-on-one at Black’s behest, but it’s clear Mondt’s mind is on other issues… but Black is feeling all sensitive and wondering why they brought him on board only to take away his booking rights to Del Rio and relegate him to Death Match wrestling? Mondt is coldly dismissive – reminding Black of all his critical failures since coming on board here (namely the War Games match at “Give Me Liberty or Death” that gave the KOTDM title to the East Coast) and telling him to stay in his place! He closes by challening Black to find something that's going to bring RATINGS! Not turn fans away! Mondt leaves Black an angry, confused mess – ripe for the picking from a more devious, calculated, controlling mind… Black’s right hand confidant Jack Pfefer perhaps, who is waiting in the wings overhearing the whole exchange…
** CUT TO RING **
__________________________________________________________
"Blast from the Past"
Back from commercial break, XPW Remixed VP Joseph “Toots” Mondt is in the ring to introduce a very special guest for XPW TV Episode #50... Prodigal son and former Heavyweight Boxing champion of the world…
PRIMO CARNERA!
He gets a very gracious reception and has a few Santino Marella-like moments of language difficulty that is both affable and lovable… but he is rudely interrupted by a familiar (highly annoying) theme song that can mean only one thing…
Enter the “One Man Southern Rock Band” and his superstar agent…
HEATH SLATER & HONKY TONK MAN!!
The angry duo continues their pro-AWA / anti-XPW Remixed rants with great fervor, driving the fans into a lather… they even have the audacity to insult Primo Carnera on his night - until Toots Mondt (pressed in front of the ravenous fan base) is forced to respond - he gives Slater & HTM their match request - right here TONIGHT - with Primo Carnera as special guest referee! Introducing his opponent for the night..
COLT “BOOM BOOM” CABANA (2012)
HEATH SLATER (w/ Honky Tonk Man) versus
Godfather movie themed intro, featuring a genial, jolly Ed “Strangler” Lewis (the don) giving a cheerful toast to longevity, solidarity and the much anticipated XPW TV Episode #50! This time last year XPW Remixed was near collapse and split into two… but now the ship sails firmly with all the sailors rowing in the same direction… SALUTE! Cameras pan to Joseph “Toots” Mondt joyously toasting along, with a look of smug “know it all” confidence – almost condescending towards the 3rd man at the end of the table, Robert Black… who appears slightly disheveled, tweaked out and paranoid… the state of “unity” within in XPW Remixed… meanwhile the cameras continue to pull out revealing an old school, “Magic City” on Starz, NWA-styled conference with all the top promoters in fantasy wrestling… including Paul Bowser, manager of John Cena & the MCMG… and they are seated around conference tables chatting incessantly and incestuously (plotting? Scheming? Planning?) even while the Dom Perignon is still bubbly from the toast…
** CUT TO VIDEO INTRO **
Cut to the in-studio announce team for the evening:
Gordon Solie & Matt Striker
Sick video recap that covers the birth of XPW Remixed - from Bruno Sammartino inaugural champion… to XPW WORLD champion Lou Thesz… all the way up to the present and future with Alberto Del Rio (2011) flaunting his championship hardware like Tony Montana at the end of Scarface (“say hello to my little friend!”)… over the span of the last 50 episodes, you - Mash-Up Wrestling's (lone) fan - have witnessed the evolution of a fantasy wrestling phenomenon… the most vile, vulgar, balls-to-the-wall, in-your-face, str8t hood org in Fight-Fiction history… tonight - we tip the champagne flutes towards the past - pour out a little liquor for those XPW Remixed alumni no longer with us - and toast to the future… this is XPW Remixed… and this is REAL.
TONIGHT!
Alberto Del Rio defends the XPW World championship against former champ LOU THESZ! The KotDM title is up for grabs against a mystery contender… Sheamus 2012 takes on “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers 1963 in another epic timeline clash (with a match against Matt Morgan waiting in the wings if Sheamus can be victorious)… a woman’s championship match… and the long-awaited championship rematch pitting XPW Remixed tag team champs MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS against their archival arch-rivals THE FABULOUS KANGAROOS! All this and more as we continue down the road towards “DAMAGE INC 2”!! Stay tuned!!
** CUT TO RING **
_________________________________________________________
** King of the Death Match championship **
ZANDIG versus ? ? ?
versus
Show opens with the camouflage pants and ski-mask wearing, Timberland stomping, crowbar-wielding invading goon squad known as the CZWO! The leader of the pack – ZANDIG – cuts a “death b4 dishonor” speech that is greeted with massive BOOS from the West Coast audience who see them as plagiarizing, entitled, East Coast fucks… most of the boos are reserved for The MESSIAH – a native son who turned tail and fled to the East Coast… Zandig is anwered on the mic by Black Army Japanese delegate and Hardcore Icon ATSUSHI ONITA!
He shouts Zandig down… threatens to unleash the deadly SNUFF upon him (as the commentators remind you of his victory over Sycho Sid that made that no-talent stiff want to flee to safer ground - aka “WWF”)… before swerving everybody and demanding security SEIZE THE INVADERS! A dozen or so XPW Remixed security officers collapse upon the ring and try to take the CZWO by force - but all it does is give the CZWO an opportunity to run through them all, black-ninja style… but eventually the ring is cleared leaving only Zandig and Snuff going face to face… only to have DEAN AMBROSE appear out of nowhere to blindside Zandig with a bundle of fluorescent light tubes! Onita finally calls for the bell and the REAL challenger is now apparent - Dean Ambrose!
He uses the elements of chaos and surprise around him to attack the distracted Zandig and absolutely brutalize him… this is the trademark XPW Remixed "all hell breaks loose" segment of the night, with Slaughtahouse Stampede participants like NEW JACK, Danny Havoc and even Original Sheik all getting involved... in the end, Zandig no-sells a barbed-wire bat shot to hulk up - intimidate Ambrose - before impaling him through a barbed wire table with a double-fisted chokeslam bomb! Dean Ambrose rolls out of the ring in pain, apparently forfeiting the match...
Winner (by "count-out") and STILL KotDM champion: ZANDIG
Post match, Zandig barely has a minute to celebrate his victory when Rob Black appears on the entrance ramp to angrily confront his bi-coastal rival and bubble over with rage... he says he has a very special opponent for Zandig at "DI2"... and unleashes upon him the destructive force of KILO! The white-haired, coked-out, immune-2-pain, 400 lb+ BEAST sneak attacks Zandig and CRUSES him with a sit-out piledriver onto a steel chair! KILO leaves the CZWO capo lying in the ring! A small measure of retribution for Rob Black and his Army!
** King of the Death Match championship **
ZANDIG © versus KILO!!
Only at "Damage Inc 2"!!
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE INTERLUDE **
Back from commercial and the bad guys from the previous match are backstage arguing vehemently amongst themselves - Dean Ambrose is pissed and in pain, exclaiming “that’s not what kind of title shot I meant”! Meanwhile “Prince of Darkness” Kevin Sullivan (1982) is shouting him down with a chowdah thick Boston accent, talking about Dean’s failures to uphold the Black Army - when finally head honcho ROB BLACK rolls into the scene… he claims to have thrown them a lifeline once more, but they’re making him look like a complete fool with their ineptitude… The Black Army gets one more chance for redemption in the “Slaughtahouse Stampede” match @ “DI2” - and now Black had to hire an outside party (Kilo) to handle this KotDM championship… Rob Black is also subtly hyping himself up for a meeting he plans to have tonight with his business partners Lewis & Mondt - to air his recent grievances… Black walks away, talking to himself in vague and sinister tones - while the rest of the Black Army just starts bickering and fighting with each other again…
** CUT **
______________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE INTERLUDE **
Segment starts with a brief backstage sketch… Commissioner Muldoon (cheers) is conversing with XPW Remixed Television champion RVD (even bigger cheers)… Commissioner Muldoon takes his duty very seriously and has instituted a series of rankings (based on wins/losses etc..) to determine RVD’s championship field… RVD 4:20 is all “whatever man”, and while his pot themed innuendo doesn’t fly over Muldoon’s head – the straight-laced Commissioner none the less lets it slide… when they are approached by Harvard Law Graduate David Otunga and his sexy legal secretary GG… in a brief confrontation rife with lawyer jargon and legalese, Muldoon STILL declines Otunga’s demand for ANOTHER TV title match for Focus and is even about to levy another FINE upon them for their actions (see XPW TV Episode #49) – when RVD chimes in… now his red-eyes are fueled by anger and he dismisses Focus as cheap trash and challenges Gorgeous George to meet him in the back alley after the show if he wants to fight dirty…
** CUT TO RING **
RVD 4:20 ©, RUCKUS & HAVANA PITBULLS
versus
RASHAD CAMERON & THE MOVEMENT
versus
Match itself is designed to get over the new “MOVEMENT” led by International X-Division superstar RASHAD CAMERON… his band of Ghetto-fabulous rock star heavyweights runs deep… the rejuvenated Cryme Tyme 2.0 and Michael Tarver… RVD gets his offense over, going one-on-one primarily with Cameron (harkening back to their TV title match last Episode)… Ruckus and RVD display amazing 4:20 chemistry, and the “Bruce Lee of OOOWEE” gets a chance to bust out his best moves as well – but plays face-in-peril for the middle portion of the match… Reyes & Romero work mechanically, yet separately – and Romero even appears to freeze Reyes out some of the plays (like Rondo did Ray Allen on the Boston Celtics 2012)… in the end, Ruckus & JTG get really into it and wind up brawling all the way through the crowd and off screen somewhere...
FOCUS magnate David Otunga shows up at ringside (with his ditzy "legal assistant" GG) - flashing his lawyer credentials and GDT Inc affiliation as a license to be there - but of course pricelessly distracting RVD - so much so, RVD forsakes a sure-fire 5-Star Frog Splash aimed at Michael Tarver - to instead fly OFF the top rope OVER GG's head ONTO David Otunga with a flying body press! BIG POP and a mixture of "HOLY S**!" and "RVD" chants that eventually meld into one unified cry of "XPW! XPW!"... RVD brawls with Otunga at ringside... meanwhile in the ring, Rashad Cameron and Big Shad Gaspard double team Ricky Reyes until he fights back with stiff martial kicks and strikes (reminding you of a poor mans Low-Ki + about 10 pounds of muscle)... but when he reaches for the hot tag from his partner Rocky Romero - he's nowhere to be found! Instead, of an exact reanactment of his original desertion - Romero instead hops off the apron and leaves Reyes to his doom, wiping his hands of the "Havana Pitbulls" once and for all... Reyes is left to be victimized by a big running Timberland boot from Shad into a BLK Jeez double footstomp from the top rope by Rashad Cameron (aka the former "Sabian")...
Winners: THE MUTHAPHUCKKIN MOVEMENT
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE INTERLUDE **
Back from commercial and David Otunga is arguing loudly with Commissioner Muldoon over RVD’s unscripted, “unprovoked” attack during the previous segment… Otunga is demanding restitution… instead he gets a one-on-one match with RVD himself on the next XPW TV Episode! This announcement segues to further chaos up the hall… all eyes and cameras pan left where we see the tail-end of some kind of locker room ruckus… there - we find Atsushi Onita has apparently unleashed his ninja assassin HAKUSHI KURO upon an unsuspecting Drake Younger - leaving the young Shooters Club protégé laying dead in the corridor… Onita also takes credit for the blinding black mist Hakushi spit in Alexxis Nevaeh’s face (see XPW Online #23) and taunts Commissioner Muldoon - saying attacks like this will continue to happen to the roster until Muldoon RESIGNS HIS POSITION! Onita & Hakushi flee while Muldoon (and now Dan Severn & Masahiko Kimura) arrive to check on the fallen Drake Younger… will Muldoon succumb to these evil threats of extortion from the Black Army?? Or will more bodies fall in their wake??
Hakushi Kuro: ninja assassin
** CUT **
______________________________________________________________
"A Matter of Respect"
The office of XPW Remixed VP Joseph “Toots” Mondt… he dismisses his phone call to take a visitor in person – XPW Remixed WORLD champion Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez)!! Mondt & Del Rio are on the level, though there is still a sense that neither one of them wants to give up an inch to the other… because of the results of the #1 Contenders match (see XPW Online #23 – “Series Finale”), it is true, there is no clear victor… but as Mondt would like to tell Del Rio – he is cut off by the next visitor into the office… it is legendary Boston area promoter PAUL BOWSER, who pleasantly (in a condescending sort of fashion) greets the “world” champion Del Rio with a firm handshake and smile…
As Mondt was about to say, Bowser completes the sentence, because there was no clear victor – that also means there was no clear loser… therefore he has lobbied from the State Athletic Commission to institute a TRIPLE THREAT championship match featuring Samoa Joe versus Bowser’s boy John Cena versus the winner of tonight’s championship bout! Del Rio is flabbergasted and outraged, taking it out on Rodriguez in particular… but there is little Del Rio can do except grumble ominous threats like the vicious Mexican cartel leader he is… Mondt has to excuse them all from his office before the tension gets to thick… only to encounter Robert Black in the corridor coming to meet him…
Mondt has a quick one-on-one at Black’s behest, but it’s clear Mondt’s mind is on other issues… but Black is feeling all sensitive and wondering why they brought him on board only to take away his booking rights to Del Rio and relegate him to Death Match wrestling? Mondt is coldly dismissive – reminding Black of all his critical failures since coming on board here (namely the War Games match at “Give Me Liberty or Death” that gave the KOTDM title to the East Coast) and telling him to stay in his place! He closes by challening Black to find something that's going to bring RATINGS! Not turn fans away! Mondt leaves Black an angry, confused mess – ripe for the picking from a more devious, calculated, controlling mind… Black’s right hand confidant Jack Pfefer perhaps, who is waiting in the wings overhearing the whole exchange…
** CUT TO RING **
__________________________________________________________
"Blast from the Past"
Back from commercial break, XPW Remixed VP Joseph “Toots” Mondt is in the ring to introduce a very special guest for XPW TV Episode #50... Prodigal son and former Heavyweight Boxing champion of the world…
PRIMO CARNERA!
He gets a very gracious reception and has a few Santino Marella-like moments of language difficulty that is both affable and lovable… but he is rudely interrupted by a familiar (highly annoying) theme song that can mean only one thing…
Enter the “One Man Southern Rock Band” and his superstar agent…
HEATH SLATER & HONKY TONK MAN!!
The angry duo continues their pro-AWA / anti-XPW Remixed rants with great fervor, driving the fans into a lather… they even have the audacity to insult Primo Carnera on his night - until Toots Mondt (pressed in front of the ravenous fan base) is forced to respond - he gives Slater & HTM their match request - right here TONIGHT - with Primo Carnera as special guest referee! Introducing his opponent for the night..
COLT “BOOM BOOM” CABANA (2012)
HEATH SLATER (w/ Honky Tonk Man) versus
COLT CABANA
(Special referee Primo Carnera)
w/ versus
w/ special referee
Free of gimmickry & reinvented as an everyman’s champion, Colt Cabana steps right out of the Bridgewater MA Knights of Columbus building in 2012 into the XPW Remixed arena to great cheers and chants of “COLT! COLT!” He has a great “sportz entertainment” clash with Slater that relies heavily on audience participation (aided of course by the always explosive HTM at ringside - and gigantic force of law & order Primo Carnera refereeing the middle)… in the end Cabana catches Slater in his “Billy Goat’s Curse” finisher (reverse Boston Crab) for the tap-out victory! Primo Carnera calls for the bell himself!
Winner (by submission): COLT CABANA
Post match, Cabana celebrates with the fans at ringside - powdering out of the scene to leave Slater & HTM to have an angry confrontation with Carnera… HTM sneaks up on Carnera from behind and BREAKS the guitar over his broad back! But other than a slight flinch… Carnera NO-SELLS the guitar shot and turns around to roar in HTM’s face! (big pop) Honky Tonk Man flees the ring - Heath Slater tries to get one last shot in - only to have Primo wheel around and BAM! Flatten him with his K.O. punch! The same shot that ended Big Show’s XPW Remixed run in the first Crossover appearance in Territory Wars history! Primo Carnero KO punches Heath Slater and basks in the adulation of the fans to end the segment…
** CUT **
______________________________________________________________
** XPW Remixed Woman's Championship **
AWESOME KONG © versus NATALYA NEIDHART
versus
Nattie Neidhart is a formidable force - stronger than 99% of the female wrestlers on the planet - unfortunately for her, on this night, Awesome Kong is the 1%… strong-style, competitive woman’s match - the likes of which ROH (eco-version), Shimmer & WWW could only aspire to… she runs through Neidhart before flattening her with an Implant Buster for the pin…Awesome Kong is on another level…
Winner: AWESOME KONG
** CUT **
______________________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE PROMO **
But there is one person who thinks they can beat Awesome Kong… MILDRED BURKE! The Fabulous Moolah of pro wrestling before Fabulous Moolah existed, Mildred Burke dominated woman’s wrestling like no other champion before her… unfortunately she is still toiling beneath an iron-clad, bullshit contract that relegates her strictly to woman-on-MAN competition… and in an act XPW Remixed part-owner Rob Black is convinced will bring ratings - she is prepared to challenge MALE shooter & legendary hooker AD SANTEL tonight! Burke’s promo in the back with MSD paints a confident picture as she harkens back to the triangle choke that started this whole feud in the first place (see “Scene of the Crime”)… Burke says she's been training with an Olympic medalist and world champion for this shot, and MSD comments that this partner was supposed to be here tonight but bullshit Territory Wars politics and travel arrangements prevented it... none the less, Burke promises to debut her new partner on the next XPW TV... and ultimately, Burke is just itching to be the one to get in the ring and end Awesome Kong’s run of domination once and for all…
** CUT TO RING **
AD SANTEL versus MILDRED BURKE
versus
Hella controversy over this match, and build… at first Ad Santel completely refused to accept this match, citing old school (vaguely sexist) “standards & morals”… but most insiders speculated it was pure FEAR out of the *possibility* he could get tapped out and humiliated once again… but then he flip flopped and started sending out some very aggressive tweets and statements, challenging Burke to know her place (in the kitchen) and threatening all kinds of bodily harm upon her if they ever met in a real fight (many of these tweets were subsequently deleted after heavy fan backlash, and Santel even came out at one point to say his Twitter account had been “hacked” and those weren’t his real comments)… finally this match WAS signed, sealed and delivered - and even THAT came about after controversy (originally - after balking at the Mildred Burke match-up - Santel was offered Shooters Club member Dan Severn, but refused THAT fight too - on ground of “weight class differences”)… so Santel decided the fight with Burke was more to his liking after all, and here we are… but after Burke’s big prizefighter entrance (like “Million Dollar Baby” before she got brain-deaded)… Ad Santel appears to once AGAIN flip-flop! This time on the mic, and in front of a live arena audience! To huge heel heat and boos, Ad Santel cuts a full-on, 100% sexist promo on Burke - refusing to accept this match and verbally degrading her on the mic… he wants his Cali Cripplers trainee TAMINA to take this match instead (while Solie & Striker remind us Burke has beat Tamina straight-up before)… Tamina hops up on the apron to jaw angrily with Mildred Burke… but as soon as the Depression-era Burke turns her back - BAM! Ad Santel blindsides her from the rear (!?!) FINALLY the bell rings, signifying the “beginning” of this match - and just like that it’s over! Santel locks the diminutive Burke in a vicious Regal Stretch submission hold, wrenching her with all his manly might! What a lousy, bully cheat! He pulls, tears and rips her until she’s forced to submit! Ad Santel gets the big boos post match, and ends the charade by directing his girl Tamina to execute a Superfly splash to the prone Burke… Ad Santel poses and raises his arms aloft in victory like he’s so proud of himself…
Winner (by submission): AD SANTEL
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE INTERLUDE **
MSD catches up with Phil "Gunner" Shatter (2013) and his vixen valet Jessica Darlin backstage... Gunner is laughing over the beating Ad Santel just gave Burke - and promises to do the same HIMSELF as he challenges Sable & Annie Social to an intergender tag team match against him & Jessica Darlin! (see XPW Online #23 for the reason why)... Gunner promises to give it to them raw and Jessica Darlin will show them how to take it... evil snickering and guffaws to end the segment...
Jessica Darlin shows Sable 1998 and Annie Social 2010 exactly where they can stick it...
** CUT **
_________________________________________________________________
”SUMMER of WAR”
(“We Can't Wrestle”)
Continuing the theme of tipping our hat to the past while toasting to the future tonight – comes the return of an exciting, homebrewed theme song that – when played in XPW Remixed – can mean only one thing…
The XPW Original, and XPW Remixed TV title sensation…
”THE ROCKSTAR” JOEY KAOS!!
He’s back! Greeted by huge, enthusiastic cheers! “WELCOME BACK!” chants… he cuts a sweet promo about going all over the world to find competition and DEFEATING Impact (2012) champion and WCW (randomone version) champion AUSTIN ARIES straight up! And since that fantasy-wrestling rocking event, Kaos has found himself politically FROZEN from competition! It turns out the only place to find REAL competition in the Territory Wars is right here in XPW Remixed! And by Kaos’ calculations, since he BEAT the man… that MAKES him the man… and heretofore (until the so-called “other paper champions”) can beat him – Kaos is declaring himself the WORLD CHAMPION WRESTLER man! He unsheathes a custom-designed, Rockstar flavored championship belt that looks like an upgraded version of the classic strap to huge cheers and plays air guitar with it… Kaos can resurrect the old “wears title belt constantly, even during matches” gimmick – the fans get a hometown, surprise pop, and WCW gets put in it’s bitch-ass place! SALUD!
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE INTERLUDE **
In the dark corridors of the building somewhere - Samoa Joe and John Cena finally come face to face! Tense stand off between the two, until Samoa Joe admits a mutual respect and actually *thanks* Cena for the competitive match on XPW Online... even though Joe thinks he won... Cena accepts and returns that respect, but strongly stands his own ground and refuses to admit defeat... things get really tense between the two... until Joe sticks out the handshake of mutual respect and says "good luck in the Triple Threat Match @ DI2... "champ"... Cena accepts the handshake and they both go nose to nose staring each other down... Joe leaves smirking, Cena is left staring hard at him as he goes - with a blank, expressionless face... fade out...
** CUT **
________________________________________________________________
”The Path of Rage continues”
Tense backstage altercation between self-imposed “FTW” champion Taz and Commissioner Muldoon… Taz wants more respect - Muldoon wants him to earn more sanctioned victories, aka “play the game” in Taz’ mind (something he strongly objects to)… when Muldoon dares refute Taz and make the mistake of turning back to his paperwork, Taz does the unthinkable… he attacks Muldoon from behind and locks in the TAZMISSION choke hold! OMG Taz is choking William Muldoon OUT! Security and officials flood into the scene and have to literally pry the “Human Suplex Machine” off the Commissioner! He finally storms out of the office, as white froth foams from Muldoon’s mouth… as Taz exits, cameras catch former Olympia member TOMMASO CIAMPA standing idly by - watching the whole scene unfold with an odd detachment…
** CUT TO RING**
”You can’t shoot on me with blanks in the chamber…”
XPW Remixed Boston champion SHANE DOUGLAS (w/ Lizzy Borden) takes the ring for another trademark “angry shoot promo”… he targets imposters, poseurs and perpetrators in *his* sport - guys like Miz & Human Tornado who are nothing but JOKES… Shane makes sure to stay away from dissing organizations like WWF so as to not receive any kind of positive feedback from the crowd - he is strictly in 100% anti-XPW Remixed heel mode tonight… thankfully he’s interrupted by Human Tornado himself, who pimp struts in to control the crowd and steal the scene… he has some hilarious R-rated quips for Douglas and his porn star valet - along with some serious title threats - and a hilarious video trailer that leaves Douglas & Borden dumbfounded…
Douglas disses - Human Tornado dances - Lizzy Borden tries a sneak attack low blow from behind - but once AGAIN Human Tornado proves he has balls of steel by no-selling that (as Borden holds her arm in pain) - quickly outmaneuvering both Douglas & Borden, causing them to crash into each other and collapse in the corner - before unleashing his Jive Soul Bro soft shoe routine on them to a big pop! Human Tornado embarrasses and disgraces Shane Douglas again! He flaunts the XPW Remixed Boston championship belt while the bad guys fume!
** XPW Remixed Boston Championship **
Shane Douglas © w/ Lizzy Borden versus Human Tornado!!
** Only at “Damage Inc 2”!! **
** CUT **
"The Ratings Ultimatum..."
(will you abide?)
** BACKSTAGE INTERLUDE **
Rob Black is completely in a tizzy - driven to the brink of near-insanity; his paranoia preyed upon like a spider catching a fly in it’s web, Rob Black cuts a wild, borderline nonsensical promo… mad genius, Dr Frankenstein “IT’S ALIVE!” like fervor from Black as he details his newest revelation - if woman beating, child-molesting and Hepatitis-spreading isn’t enough to garner the popular vote - then FUCK EM! FUCK EM ALL! FUCK ALL OF YOU! FUCK THE ENTIRE TERRITORY WARS! How’s this for a surefire ratings boost - a THREAT of obscene proportions… Rob Black puts the word out on Live TV and social media, that if YOU (the Territory Wars viewer) don’t call/text/tweet/skype every person you know and tell them to turn on XPW TV… if the last quarter hour of XPW TV Episode #50 is NOT the highest rated segment in company history…
Then Rob Black is going to FEED A PUPPY TO A SNAKE ON LIVE TV!!
He’s not fucking playing people!! Tell everybody you know to tune into XPW TV or the fucking puppy gets it!! Meanwhile Jack Pfefer smiles cruelly in the background, content in his Machiavellian scheme to gaslight (aka "to intentionally drive insane") Robert Black and usurp his position... just like Jack Pfefer finally eliminated his former partner The Grand Wizard just a few months ago...
** ABRUPT CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
______________________________________________________________
World’s Greatest Tag Team Division
(“And it’s all about ME”)
Backstage interview with a clearly disgusted MSD who harkens back to GenMe’s recent masquerade return and asks for an explanation… GenME cuts a cocky, smirking promo about copycats, poseurs and biters (a common theme of the night), clearly alluding to *other* highly-accredited, “high”-flying tag teams in XPW Remixed… this is the best tag team division in fantasy wrestling today and Nick & Matt aim to prove that world revolves around THEM… XPW Remixed world tag team championship coming up next!!
** CUT TO RING **
** XPW Remixed Tag Team titles **
MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS (2010) ©
versus
FABULOUS KANGAROOS (1960) w/ Wild Red Berry
versus
w/
The FabKangs (w/ manager Wild Red Berry) continue their tag team tour de-force with their performance tonight… from the elaborate, uber-patriotic and sarcastic ring entrance (complete with mini-American flags like the Fabulous Rougeaus Bros 1989)… right down to their brutal, methodical (critics would say “slow paced”) ground-n-pound style… reigning XPW Remixed tag team champions MCMG of course are a blur of energy, action and synchronized tag team maneuvers… their style dazzles, and in 2010 they are at the pinnacle of their career - winning multiple tag titles and “Best Tag Team of the Year” PWI honors… this match is a continuation of their recent series, with a bevy of familiar maneuvers suddenly getting countered because of their experience against each other… on commentary, Solie & Striker try to play little mind to Rob Black's outrageous ratings demand but are clearly and deeply perturbed by it... in the end, something happens to Chris Sabin on a somersault plancha to the arena floor, and he comes up holding his knee… there appears to be several audibles pulled within the next few moments, as Wild Red Berry’s interference becomes more pronounced - stablemate DAMIEN SANDOW shows up to once again argue the referees ignorance - and the crowd starts chanting “WE WANT TABLES” in anticipation of a table spot the FabKangs had apparently been propping… but instead, they heel-ishly deny the fans wishes and counter a last-ditch Alex Shelley Tornado DDT attempt with their modified version of a 3D for the pin… 1!.. 2!.. 3! WE HAVE NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! All the while Chris Sabin is being tended to secretly by ringside physicians and officials…
Winners (and NEW XPW Remixed tag team champions): FABULOUS KANGAROOS
Post match Wild Red Berry gets the mic and breathlessly exclaims “I TOLD U SO! I TOLD U SO!” to the booing audience… the FabKangs all agree that American wrestling fans are BOORISH & ignorant! Not worthy of such men with style, class and dignity! Damien Sandow agrees, and Wild Red Berry says they are taking the XPW Remixed tag titles BACK TO AUSTRALIA and will only defend them there ! Because the Fabulous Kangaroos are the greatest tag team in the world! But this is fantasy wrestling - and the combination of insane emotional involvement, Dark Powers checks, sinkholes of evil and wild “WE WANT TABLES!” chants meld together to conjure up a literal manifestation of those very words… the “greatest tag team in the world”… heed the sirens call…
Introducing to XPW Remixed…
DUDLEY BOYZ (2009)!!
FabKangs, Berry & Sandow are flabbergasted and aghast! The fans are ECSTATIC! Dudley Boyz answer the challenge - cut a battle cry promo - and reveal they've signed on with XPW Remixed to compete for the Tag Team titles @ "DI2"! Berry tries to take the mic for a retort but suddenly can't stop stuttering and stammering! This leads to a brief physical calamity - the FabKangs and friends get out manuevered by the Dudz - and with the crowd cheers propelling them on like a rocket ship - the Dudley Boyz unleash a REAL Dudley Death Drop on Damien Sandow RIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE! They send the FabKangs and Berry scattering, while throwing up their "3's" and leading the fans in chants of "XPW! XPW!" Oh my, this is revolutionary! The greatest tag team division in fantasy wrestling just got even deeper!!
** XPW Remixed Tag Team titles **
Fabulous Kangaroos (1960) © versus Dudley Boyz (2010)!!
Only at "Damage Inc 2"!!
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE INTERVIEW **
MSD stands with former XPW Remixed champion Bruno Sammartino in honor of this exemplary 50th Episode celebration… but all they want to talk about, with great disgust, is Rob Black’s ridiculous “feed a puppy to a snake” stunt… Sammartino in particular is outraged - he is boycotting the rest of the show - takes some cheap political potshots at Lou Thesz for not quitting his championship match tonight - and releases some information, like email addresses and phone numbers of animal protection agencies etc that will immediately put a stop to this stunt… MSD concurs, apologizes to Sammartino and hopes to see him back next time under better circumstances… signing out…
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
____________________________________________________________
"SUMMER of WAR"
("World's Strongest Man")
Angry Jinder Mahal promo (with a raving Sabu tethered close behind him)… the ring is filled with various strong man tools and accessories (weight benches, bar bells, old school stuff etc…) Mahal disparages American’s use of PEDs, segueing into a shared hatred for fantasy wrestling blood rival GREAT GAMA that’s why Mahal has instigated this challenge tonight… he calls forth Gama who appears to good cheers (wearing bandages around his forehead – see XPW Online #23)…
Gama wants to destroy Mahal but is prohibited to by a very strict sanction placed on Mahal after the match (like “political immunity”)… Gama is wary, but when his honor is questioned in front of the ravenous XPW Remixed audience by the glib-tongued Mahal, he has no choice but to accept the challenge… So Great Gama embarks on a tour-de-force strongman’s performance – smashing any feat Mahal may pose – and popping the crowd louder every time, while Mahal’s anger and frustration grows more palpable… all the while Sabu is constrained like a rabid pitbull on a thin line… but the sick twist comes at the end when Mahal refuses to believe the feats are legit and claims the steel spike assault they perpetuated on Gama (see XPW Online #23) produced enough bloody proof to show otherwise! Mahal antagonistically pokes and prods Gama's chest with his pointed finger, until Gama SNAPS and grabs Mahal by the lapel of his $1000 suit! But just like Undertaker pausing at the moment he was about to kill Paul Bearer because of a shared revelation - Jinder Mahal says Gama is NOT the strongest man in the world! THIS man is!...
Yes! It's him! He's here! MARK HENRY 2011! He has the chest-thumping staredown with Gama in the center of the ring (Henry is the taller of the two) while Mahal taunts him and Sabu darts ravenously about! When Gama's not looking - WHAM with the workout weapon like Rude did to UW @ RR89! Mahal knocks Gama for a loop and Mark Henry takes over! BOOM through the weight bench! BAM with the Indian club! And finally - World's Strongest SLAM onto a pile of cinder blocks! Jinder Mahal finally lets Sabu loose to perform a skull-crushing Arabian Face buster from the top rope (with a steel chair)... all three men pose and soak up the cheers - with Jinder Mahal finally flashing his sick, sadistic grin of satisfaction...
The Greatest Punjabi wrestler of all time, Jinder Mahal (2014), just got even stronger...
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE VIGNETTE **
Ed “Strangler” Lewis hurries to meet Jack Pfefer passing by in the corridor - he knows they’ve had their political differences in the past, but tonight’s toast solidifies the future… what on EARTH is Rob Black doing?? The twitter feeds are flaming, FB pages crashing, cellphones, pagers, faxes and telegrams blowing up! Animal rights activists breathing down their necks! And now Rob Black can’t even be found, or contacted for comment! Where is he and what’s going on?? But Jack Pfefer says the wheels are already in motion - controversy creates cash - all publicity is good publicity… blah blah blah, basically everything you’d expect a shady, shiesty, unscrupulous promoter to say… Pfefer says GDT Inc will thank him and Black tomorrow when this comes in the highest rated segment in TV history… yeah, says Lewis, if the FCC doesn’t cancel us first!
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
_________________________________________________
** Slaughtahouse Stampede Qualifer **
BAM BAM BIGELOW versus BULL RAMOS
(Strap Match)
versus
”The New Twin Towers explode!” Highlights of their brief union and explosive break-up (fanned by the flames of jealousy and Wild Red Berry’s devious managerial mind)… these two giant behemoths clash head on like Godzilla & King Kong, in an unforeseen no-DQ environment… Bigelow is a beast, but this is Ramos’ specialty match… and especially after Wild Red Berry arrives on the scene to make his managerial decision… the Beast from the East doesn’t stand a chance… WHACK! Cane broken over Bigelow’s head! He’s lynched with the strap by Ramos! The Indian war chief touches all 4 turnbuckles, ending the match! But that’s not all! Post match, Berry & the newly-arrived Damien Sandow hold Bigelow down while Ramos whips the holy shit out of him with the strap… then Sandow gets to take his anger and frustration over being tabled (see previous segment with the Dudley Boyz) out on Bigelow as well - crushing him with his gentleman’s neck breaker… not only is Berry’s camp the highest of class and sophistication - they also harbor the roughest and toughest mercenary in the Xtreme division!
Winner: BULL RAMOS
Wild Red Berry continues to be Manager of the Year in XPW Remixed...
** CUT **
____________________________________________________________
"NATURE BOY" BUDDY ROGERS (1963)
versus
SHEAMUS (2012)
w/ versus
Sheamus theme song hits and he gets the heroes reception… but he too is in a befouled mood… Sheamus takes the ring for a promo and cuts down Rob Black for his involvement in such insulting, degrading and disgusting publicity stunts (referencing the “I WILL FEED A PUPPY TO A SNAKE” stunt Black is preparing to pull at the end of this telecast)… but Sheamus is cut off by the instrumental for “Diamonds from Sierra Leone”… enter “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers & Matt Morgan for the retort! Quite frankly they could care less about puppies & snakes cuz they know it’s always about one thing - the almighty dollar - and the former Diamond Dynasty cohorts know all about Gods currency… so they have an offer for Sheamus’ poor white azz right now - $10k buyout o march away and forsake his match with Rogers tonight… Morgan has proven all he needs to against Sheamus (see “Give Me Liberty or Death”) and nobody wants to see Sheamus get crippled on such a special night… Sheamus feigns possible acceptance - before collapsing Matt Morgan with a running Brogue kick and ripping Buddy Rogers right out of his designer Armani suit… stripped down to his underwear wrestling gear, Rogers puts on a quick serviceable match with the enraged Celtic Warrior… he does a few bumps, backdrops and shoulder blocks before succumbing to the Irish Curse backbreaker & Celtic Cross Razors edge… Sheamus does indeed appear unstoppable - far from the “peasant serf” Rogers & Morgan have tried to pain him as…
Winner: SHEAMUS
But post match, Rogers & Morgan get their heat back with a vicious double team beat down that climaxes in a ringpost Figure-4 leglock from Rogers that nearly snaps Sheamus legs in half! Morgan says Sheamus wanted this rematch so bad… HE’S GOT IT @ “DI2!” But Morgan & Rogers always up the ante - and with their considerable financial clout have managed to add a caveat to the match - if Sheamus loses HE BECOMES THEIR SLAVE! Now Sheamus, do you wanna fold??? Morgan & Rogers pose and taunt a down Sheamus to end the segment..
MATT MORGAN (2010) w/ Buddy Rogers versus SHEAMUS (2012)
** “Slavery versus Freedom Match”!! **
Only @ “Damage Inc 2”!!
** CUT **
__________________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE INTERVIEW **
Brief words from the challenger Lou Thesz - who strongly considered boycotting this upcoming match - before deep contemplation revealed that would only be playing right into the Black Army’s hand… Thesz is abhorred, horrified, repulsed, outraged and disgusted by the antics of Rob Black and his management firm - and aims to take ALL those frustrations and the anger of a million Fantasy Wrestling fans out on the Black Army’s figure head champion ALBERTO DEL RIO! Lou Thesz will regain his title tonight and restore fantasy wrestling to it’s rightful glory, free of criminal scumbags like Rob Black and is ilk!!
** CUT TO RING **
** XPW World Championship **
ALBERTO DEL RIO (2011) © versus
(Special referee Primo Carnera)
w/ versus
w/ special referee
Free of gimmickry & reinvented as an everyman’s champion, Colt Cabana steps right out of the Bridgewater MA Knights of Columbus building in 2012 into the XPW Remixed arena to great cheers and chants of “COLT! COLT!” He has a great “sportz entertainment” clash with Slater that relies heavily on audience participation (aided of course by the always explosive HTM at ringside - and gigantic force of law & order Primo Carnera refereeing the middle)… in the end Cabana catches Slater in his “Billy Goat’s Curse” finisher (reverse Boston Crab) for the tap-out victory! Primo Carnera calls for the bell himself!
Winner (by submission): COLT CABANA
Post match, Cabana celebrates with the fans at ringside - powdering out of the scene to leave Slater & HTM to have an angry confrontation with Carnera… HTM sneaks up on Carnera from behind and BREAKS the guitar over his broad back! But other than a slight flinch… Carnera NO-SELLS the guitar shot and turns around to roar in HTM’s face! (big pop) Honky Tonk Man flees the ring - Heath Slater tries to get one last shot in - only to have Primo wheel around and BAM! Flatten him with his K.O. punch! The same shot that ended Big Show’s XPW Remixed run in the first Crossover appearance in Territory Wars history! Primo Carnero KO punches Heath Slater and basks in the adulation of the fans to end the segment…
** CUT **
______________________________________________________________
** XPW Remixed Woman's Championship **
AWESOME KONG © versus NATALYA NEIDHART
versus
Nattie Neidhart is a formidable force - stronger than 99% of the female wrestlers on the planet - unfortunately for her, on this night, Awesome Kong is the 1%… strong-style, competitive woman’s match - the likes of which ROH (eco-version), Shimmer & WWW could only aspire to… she runs through Neidhart before flattening her with an Implant Buster for the pin…Awesome Kong is on another level…
Winner: AWESOME KONG
** CUT **
______________________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE PROMO **
But there is one person who thinks they can beat Awesome Kong… MILDRED BURKE! The Fabulous Moolah of pro wrestling before Fabulous Moolah existed, Mildred Burke dominated woman’s wrestling like no other champion before her… unfortunately she is still toiling beneath an iron-clad, bullshit contract that relegates her strictly to woman-on-MAN competition… and in an act XPW Remixed part-owner Rob Black is convinced will bring ratings - she is prepared to challenge MALE shooter & legendary hooker AD SANTEL tonight! Burke’s promo in the back with MSD paints a confident picture as she harkens back to the triangle choke that started this whole feud in the first place (see “Scene of the Crime”)… Burke says she's been training with an Olympic medalist and world champion for this shot, and MSD comments that this partner was supposed to be here tonight but bullshit Territory Wars politics and travel arrangements prevented it... none the less, Burke promises to debut her new partner on the next XPW TV... and ultimately, Burke is just itching to be the one to get in the ring and end Awesome Kong’s run of domination once and for all…
** CUT TO RING **
AD SANTEL versus MILDRED BURKE
versus
Hella controversy over this match, and build… at first Ad Santel completely refused to accept this match, citing old school (vaguely sexist) “standards & morals”… but most insiders speculated it was pure FEAR out of the *possibility* he could get tapped out and humiliated once again… but then he flip flopped and started sending out some very aggressive tweets and statements, challenging Burke to know her place (in the kitchen) and threatening all kinds of bodily harm upon her if they ever met in a real fight (many of these tweets were subsequently deleted after heavy fan backlash, and Santel even came out at one point to say his Twitter account had been “hacked” and those weren’t his real comments)… finally this match WAS signed, sealed and delivered - and even THAT came about after controversy (originally - after balking at the Mildred Burke match-up - Santel was offered Shooters Club member Dan Severn, but refused THAT fight too - on ground of “weight class differences”)… so Santel decided the fight with Burke was more to his liking after all, and here we are… but after Burke’s big prizefighter entrance (like “Million Dollar Baby” before she got brain-deaded)… Ad Santel appears to once AGAIN flip-flop! This time on the mic, and in front of a live arena audience! To huge heel heat and boos, Ad Santel cuts a full-on, 100% sexist promo on Burke - refusing to accept this match and verbally degrading her on the mic… he wants his Cali Cripplers trainee TAMINA to take this match instead (while Solie & Striker remind us Burke has beat Tamina straight-up before)… Tamina hops up on the apron to jaw angrily with Mildred Burke… but as soon as the Depression-era Burke turns her back - BAM! Ad Santel blindsides her from the rear (!?!) FINALLY the bell rings, signifying the “beginning” of this match - and just like that it’s over! Santel locks the diminutive Burke in a vicious Regal Stretch submission hold, wrenching her with all his manly might! What a lousy, bully cheat! He pulls, tears and rips her until she’s forced to submit! Ad Santel gets the big boos post match, and ends the charade by directing his girl Tamina to execute a Superfly splash to the prone Burke… Ad Santel poses and raises his arms aloft in victory like he’s so proud of himself…
Winner (by submission): AD SANTEL
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE INTERLUDE **
MSD catches up with Phil "Gunner" Shatter (2013) and his vixen valet Jessica Darlin backstage... Gunner is laughing over the beating Ad Santel just gave Burke - and promises to do the same HIMSELF as he challenges Sable & Annie Social to an intergender tag team match against him & Jessica Darlin! (see XPW Online #23 for the reason why)... Gunner promises to give it to them raw and Jessica Darlin will show them how to take it... evil snickering and guffaws to end the segment...
Jessica Darlin shows Sable 1998 and Annie Social 2010 exactly where they can stick it...
** CUT **
_________________________________________________________________
”SUMMER of WAR”
(“We Can't Wrestle”)
Continuing the theme of tipping our hat to the past while toasting to the future tonight – comes the return of an exciting, homebrewed theme song that – when played in XPW Remixed – can mean only one thing…
The XPW Original, and XPW Remixed TV title sensation…
”THE ROCKSTAR” JOEY KAOS!!
He’s back! Greeted by huge, enthusiastic cheers! “WELCOME BACK!” chants… he cuts a sweet promo about going all over the world to find competition and DEFEATING Impact (2012) champion and WCW (randomone version) champion AUSTIN ARIES straight up! And since that fantasy-wrestling rocking event, Kaos has found himself politically FROZEN from competition! It turns out the only place to find REAL competition in the Territory Wars is right here in XPW Remixed! And by Kaos’ calculations, since he BEAT the man… that MAKES him the man… and heretofore (until the so-called “other paper champions”) can beat him – Kaos is declaring himself the WORLD CHAMPION WRESTLER man! He unsheathes a custom-designed, Rockstar flavored championship belt that looks like an upgraded version of the classic strap to huge cheers and plays air guitar with it… Kaos can resurrect the old “wears title belt constantly, even during matches” gimmick – the fans get a hometown, surprise pop, and WCW gets put in it’s bitch-ass place! SALUD!
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE INTERLUDE **
In the dark corridors of the building somewhere - Samoa Joe and John Cena finally come face to face! Tense stand off between the two, until Samoa Joe admits a mutual respect and actually *thanks* Cena for the competitive match on XPW Online... even though Joe thinks he won... Cena accepts and returns that respect, but strongly stands his own ground and refuses to admit defeat... things get really tense between the two... until Joe sticks out the handshake of mutual respect and says "good luck in the Triple Threat Match @ DI2... "champ"... Cena accepts the handshake and they both go nose to nose staring each other down... Joe leaves smirking, Cena is left staring hard at him as he goes - with a blank, expressionless face... fade out...
** CUT **
________________________________________________________________
”The Path of Rage continues”
Tense backstage altercation between self-imposed “FTW” champion Taz and Commissioner Muldoon… Taz wants more respect - Muldoon wants him to earn more sanctioned victories, aka “play the game” in Taz’ mind (something he strongly objects to)… when Muldoon dares refute Taz and make the mistake of turning back to his paperwork, Taz does the unthinkable… he attacks Muldoon from behind and locks in the TAZMISSION choke hold! OMG Taz is choking William Muldoon OUT! Security and officials flood into the scene and have to literally pry the “Human Suplex Machine” off the Commissioner! He finally storms out of the office, as white froth foams from Muldoon’s mouth… as Taz exits, cameras catch former Olympia member TOMMASO CIAMPA standing idly by - watching the whole scene unfold with an odd detachment…
** CUT TO RING**
”You can’t shoot on me with blanks in the chamber…”
XPW Remixed Boston champion SHANE DOUGLAS (w/ Lizzy Borden) takes the ring for another trademark “angry shoot promo”… he targets imposters, poseurs and perpetrators in *his* sport - guys like Miz & Human Tornado who are nothing but JOKES… Shane makes sure to stay away from dissing organizations like WWF so as to not receive any kind of positive feedback from the crowd - he is strictly in 100% anti-XPW Remixed heel mode tonight… thankfully he’s interrupted by Human Tornado himself, who pimp struts in to control the crowd and steal the scene… he has some hilarious R-rated quips for Douglas and his porn star valet - along with some serious title threats - and a hilarious video trailer that leaves Douglas & Borden dumbfounded…
Douglas disses - Human Tornado dances - Lizzy Borden tries a sneak attack low blow from behind - but once AGAIN Human Tornado proves he has balls of steel by no-selling that (as Borden holds her arm in pain) - quickly outmaneuvering both Douglas & Borden, causing them to crash into each other and collapse in the corner - before unleashing his Jive Soul Bro soft shoe routine on them to a big pop! Human Tornado embarrasses and disgraces Shane Douglas again! He flaunts the XPW Remixed Boston championship belt while the bad guys fume!
** XPW Remixed Boston Championship **
Shane Douglas © w/ Lizzy Borden versus Human Tornado!!
** Only at “Damage Inc 2”!! **
** CUT **
"The Ratings Ultimatum..."
(will you abide?)
** BACKSTAGE INTERLUDE **
Rob Black is completely in a tizzy - driven to the brink of near-insanity; his paranoia preyed upon like a spider catching a fly in it’s web, Rob Black cuts a wild, borderline nonsensical promo… mad genius, Dr Frankenstein “IT’S ALIVE!” like fervor from Black as he details his newest revelation - if woman beating, child-molesting and Hepatitis-spreading isn’t enough to garner the popular vote - then FUCK EM! FUCK EM ALL! FUCK ALL OF YOU! FUCK THE ENTIRE TERRITORY WARS! How’s this for a surefire ratings boost - a THREAT of obscene proportions… Rob Black puts the word out on Live TV and social media, that if YOU (the Territory Wars viewer) don’t call/text/tweet/skype every person you know and tell them to turn on XPW TV… if the last quarter hour of XPW TV Episode #50 is NOT the highest rated segment in company history…
Then Rob Black is going to FEED A PUPPY TO A SNAKE ON LIVE TV!!
He’s not fucking playing people!! Tell everybody you know to tune into XPW TV or the fucking puppy gets it!! Meanwhile Jack Pfefer smiles cruelly in the background, content in his Machiavellian scheme to gaslight (aka "to intentionally drive insane") Robert Black and usurp his position... just like Jack Pfefer finally eliminated his former partner The Grand Wizard just a few months ago...
** ABRUPT CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
______________________________________________________________
World’s Greatest Tag Team Division
(“And it’s all about ME”)
Backstage interview with a clearly disgusted MSD who harkens back to GenMe’s recent masquerade return and asks for an explanation… GenME cuts a cocky, smirking promo about copycats, poseurs and biters (a common theme of the night), clearly alluding to *other* highly-accredited, “high”-flying tag teams in XPW Remixed… this is the best tag team division in fantasy wrestling today and Nick & Matt aim to prove that world revolves around THEM… XPW Remixed world tag team championship coming up next!!
** CUT TO RING **
** XPW Remixed Tag Team titles **
MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS (2010) ©
versus
FABULOUS KANGAROOS (1960) w/ Wild Red Berry
versus
w/
The FabKangs (w/ manager Wild Red Berry) continue their tag team tour de-force with their performance tonight… from the elaborate, uber-patriotic and sarcastic ring entrance (complete with mini-American flags like the Fabulous Rougeaus Bros 1989)… right down to their brutal, methodical (critics would say “slow paced”) ground-n-pound style… reigning XPW Remixed tag team champions MCMG of course are a blur of energy, action and synchronized tag team maneuvers… their style dazzles, and in 2010 they are at the pinnacle of their career - winning multiple tag titles and “Best Tag Team of the Year” PWI honors… this match is a continuation of their recent series, with a bevy of familiar maneuvers suddenly getting countered because of their experience against each other… on commentary, Solie & Striker try to play little mind to Rob Black's outrageous ratings demand but are clearly and deeply perturbed by it... in the end, something happens to Chris Sabin on a somersault plancha to the arena floor, and he comes up holding his knee… there appears to be several audibles pulled within the next few moments, as Wild Red Berry’s interference becomes more pronounced - stablemate DAMIEN SANDOW shows up to once again argue the referees ignorance - and the crowd starts chanting “WE WANT TABLES” in anticipation of a table spot the FabKangs had apparently been propping… but instead, they heel-ishly deny the fans wishes and counter a last-ditch Alex Shelley Tornado DDT attempt with their modified version of a 3D for the pin… 1!.. 2!.. 3! WE HAVE NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! All the while Chris Sabin is being tended to secretly by ringside physicians and officials…
Winners (and NEW XPW Remixed tag team champions): FABULOUS KANGAROOS
Post match Wild Red Berry gets the mic and breathlessly exclaims “I TOLD U SO! I TOLD U SO!” to the booing audience… the FabKangs all agree that American wrestling fans are BOORISH & ignorant! Not worthy of such men with style, class and dignity! Damien Sandow agrees, and Wild Red Berry says they are taking the XPW Remixed tag titles BACK TO AUSTRALIA and will only defend them there ! Because the Fabulous Kangaroos are the greatest tag team in the world! But this is fantasy wrestling - and the combination of insane emotional involvement, Dark Powers checks, sinkholes of evil and wild “WE WANT TABLES!” chants meld together to conjure up a literal manifestation of those very words… the “greatest tag team in the world”… heed the sirens call…
Introducing to XPW Remixed…
DUDLEY BOYZ (2009)!!
FabKangs, Berry & Sandow are flabbergasted and aghast! The fans are ECSTATIC! Dudley Boyz answer the challenge - cut a battle cry promo - and reveal they've signed on with XPW Remixed to compete for the Tag Team titles @ "DI2"! Berry tries to take the mic for a retort but suddenly can't stop stuttering and stammering! This leads to a brief physical calamity - the FabKangs and friends get out manuevered by the Dudz - and with the crowd cheers propelling them on like a rocket ship - the Dudley Boyz unleash a REAL Dudley Death Drop on Damien Sandow RIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE! They send the FabKangs and Berry scattering, while throwing up their "3's" and leading the fans in chants of "XPW! XPW!" Oh my, this is revolutionary! The greatest tag team division in fantasy wrestling just got even deeper!!
** XPW Remixed Tag Team titles **
Fabulous Kangaroos (1960) © versus Dudley Boyz (2010)!!
Only at "Damage Inc 2"!!
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE INTERVIEW **
MSD stands with former XPW Remixed champion Bruno Sammartino in honor of this exemplary 50th Episode celebration… but all they want to talk about, with great disgust, is Rob Black’s ridiculous “feed a puppy to a snake” stunt… Sammartino in particular is outraged - he is boycotting the rest of the show - takes some cheap political potshots at Lou Thesz for not quitting his championship match tonight - and releases some information, like email addresses and phone numbers of animal protection agencies etc that will immediately put a stop to this stunt… MSD concurs, apologizes to Sammartino and hopes to see him back next time under better circumstances… signing out…
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
____________________________________________________________
"SUMMER of WAR"
("World's Strongest Man")
Angry Jinder Mahal promo (with a raving Sabu tethered close behind him)… the ring is filled with various strong man tools and accessories (weight benches, bar bells, old school stuff etc…) Mahal disparages American’s use of PEDs, segueing into a shared hatred for fantasy wrestling blood rival GREAT GAMA that’s why Mahal has instigated this challenge tonight… he calls forth Gama who appears to good cheers (wearing bandages around his forehead – see XPW Online #23)…
Gama wants to destroy Mahal but is prohibited to by a very strict sanction placed on Mahal after the match (like “political immunity”)… Gama is wary, but when his honor is questioned in front of the ravenous XPW Remixed audience by the glib-tongued Mahal, he has no choice but to accept the challenge… So Great Gama embarks on a tour-de-force strongman’s performance – smashing any feat Mahal may pose – and popping the crowd louder every time, while Mahal’s anger and frustration grows more palpable… all the while Sabu is constrained like a rabid pitbull on a thin line… but the sick twist comes at the end when Mahal refuses to believe the feats are legit and claims the steel spike assault they perpetuated on Gama (see XPW Online #23) produced enough bloody proof to show otherwise! Mahal antagonistically pokes and prods Gama's chest with his pointed finger, until Gama SNAPS and grabs Mahal by the lapel of his $1000 suit! But just like Undertaker pausing at the moment he was about to kill Paul Bearer because of a shared revelation - Jinder Mahal says Gama is NOT the strongest man in the world! THIS man is!...
Yes! It's him! He's here! MARK HENRY 2011! He has the chest-thumping staredown with Gama in the center of the ring (Henry is the taller of the two) while Mahal taunts him and Sabu darts ravenously about! When Gama's not looking - WHAM with the workout weapon like Rude did to UW @ RR89! Mahal knocks Gama for a loop and Mark Henry takes over! BOOM through the weight bench! BAM with the Indian club! And finally - World's Strongest SLAM onto a pile of cinder blocks! Jinder Mahal finally lets Sabu loose to perform a skull-crushing Arabian Face buster from the top rope (with a steel chair)... all three men pose and soak up the cheers - with Jinder Mahal finally flashing his sick, sadistic grin of satisfaction...
The Greatest Punjabi wrestler of all time, Jinder Mahal (2014), just got even stronger...
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE VIGNETTE **
Ed “Strangler” Lewis hurries to meet Jack Pfefer passing by in the corridor - he knows they’ve had their political differences in the past, but tonight’s toast solidifies the future… what on EARTH is Rob Black doing?? The twitter feeds are flaming, FB pages crashing, cellphones, pagers, faxes and telegrams blowing up! Animal rights activists breathing down their necks! And now Rob Black can’t even be found, or contacted for comment! Where is he and what’s going on?? But Jack Pfefer says the wheels are already in motion - controversy creates cash - all publicity is good publicity… blah blah blah, basically everything you’d expect a shady, shiesty, unscrupulous promoter to say… Pfefer says GDT Inc will thank him and Black tomorrow when this comes in the highest rated segment in TV history… yeah, says Lewis, if the FCC doesn’t cancel us first!
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
_________________________________________________
** Slaughtahouse Stampede Qualifer **
BAM BAM BIGELOW versus BULL RAMOS
(Strap Match)
versus
”The New Twin Towers explode!” Highlights of their brief union and explosive break-up (fanned by the flames of jealousy and Wild Red Berry’s devious managerial mind)… these two giant behemoths clash head on like Godzilla & King Kong, in an unforeseen no-DQ environment… Bigelow is a beast, but this is Ramos’ specialty match… and especially after Wild Red Berry arrives on the scene to make his managerial decision… the Beast from the East doesn’t stand a chance… WHACK! Cane broken over Bigelow’s head! He’s lynched with the strap by Ramos! The Indian war chief touches all 4 turnbuckles, ending the match! But that’s not all! Post match, Berry & the newly-arrived Damien Sandow hold Bigelow down while Ramos whips the holy shit out of him with the strap… then Sandow gets to take his anger and frustration over being tabled (see previous segment with the Dudley Boyz) out on Bigelow as well - crushing him with his gentleman’s neck breaker… not only is Berry’s camp the highest of class and sophistication - they also harbor the roughest and toughest mercenary in the Xtreme division!
Winner: BULL RAMOS
Wild Red Berry continues to be Manager of the Year in XPW Remixed...
** CUT **
____________________________________________________________
"NATURE BOY" BUDDY ROGERS (1963)
versus
SHEAMUS (2012)
w/ versus
Sheamus theme song hits and he gets the heroes reception… but he too is in a befouled mood… Sheamus takes the ring for a promo and cuts down Rob Black for his involvement in such insulting, degrading and disgusting publicity stunts (referencing the “I WILL FEED A PUPPY TO A SNAKE” stunt Black is preparing to pull at the end of this telecast)… but Sheamus is cut off by the instrumental for “Diamonds from Sierra Leone”… enter “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers & Matt Morgan for the retort! Quite frankly they could care less about puppies & snakes cuz they know it’s always about one thing - the almighty dollar - and the former Diamond Dynasty cohorts know all about Gods currency… so they have an offer for Sheamus’ poor white azz right now - $10k buyout o march away and forsake his match with Rogers tonight… Morgan has proven all he needs to against Sheamus (see “Give Me Liberty or Death”) and nobody wants to see Sheamus get crippled on such a special night… Sheamus feigns possible acceptance - before collapsing Matt Morgan with a running Brogue kick and ripping Buddy Rogers right out of his designer Armani suit… stripped down to his underwear wrestling gear, Rogers puts on a quick serviceable match with the enraged Celtic Warrior… he does a few bumps, backdrops and shoulder blocks before succumbing to the Irish Curse backbreaker & Celtic Cross Razors edge… Sheamus does indeed appear unstoppable - far from the “peasant serf” Rogers & Morgan have tried to pain him as…
Winner: SHEAMUS
But post match, Rogers & Morgan get their heat back with a vicious double team beat down that climaxes in a ringpost Figure-4 leglock from Rogers that nearly snaps Sheamus legs in half! Morgan says Sheamus wanted this rematch so bad… HE’S GOT IT @ “DI2!” But Morgan & Rogers always up the ante - and with their considerable financial clout have managed to add a caveat to the match - if Sheamus loses HE BECOMES THEIR SLAVE! Now Sheamus, do you wanna fold??? Morgan & Rogers pose and taunt a down Sheamus to end the segment..
MATT MORGAN (2010) w/ Buddy Rogers versus SHEAMUS (2012)
** “Slavery versus Freedom Match”!! **
Only @ “Damage Inc 2”!!
** CUT **
__________________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE INTERVIEW **
Brief words from the challenger Lou Thesz - who strongly considered boycotting this upcoming match - before deep contemplation revealed that would only be playing right into the Black Army’s hand… Thesz is abhorred, horrified, repulsed, outraged and disgusted by the antics of Rob Black and his management firm - and aims to take ALL those frustrations and the anger of a million Fantasy Wrestling fans out on the Black Army’s figure head champion ALBERTO DEL RIO! Lou Thesz will regain his title tonight and restore fantasy wrestling to it’s rightful glory, free of criminal scumbags like Rob Black and is ilk!!
** CUT TO RING **
** XPW World Championship **
ALBERTO DEL RIO (2011) © versus
LOU THESZ (1955)
w/ versus
Video recap of the original match that spawned all this controversy (see “Give Me Liberty or Death”)… Thesz almost refused to compete, in objection to Rob Black’s “feed a puppy to a snake” stunt, but decided against it when he realized that would just play into GDT Inc’s hands… Thesz is determined to regain HIS championship and just take it elsewhere to defend it… he doesn’t need XPW Remixed - the company needs HIM - and they know this… which is why they’ve been conspiring to get the belt off him for months - and the key reason why GDT Inc went with Rob Black instead of B&B&B Enterprises to be the 3rd business partner (because Black had the inside track on signing Alberto Del Rio - a man they all believed capable of dethroning Thesz)… but to make matters even WORSE - despite the “unfounded” allegations, evidence and concern - XPW Remixed official DANNY DAVIS has STILL been assigned to officiate this match!
Thesz smells a screw job coming a mile away - which is why he actually brings out JOHN CENA with him to watch his back! OMG it’s the Fantasy Wrestling version of the muthaphuckkin MEGA POWERS right here! Thesz is ready to dethrone Del Rio while John Cena watches his back! The pop for Thesz was already huge, but this revelation makes it positively monumental…
Ricardo Rodriguez performs the big time, main event entrance for XPW Remixed WORLD champion Alberto Del Rio and he certainly looks, talks and plays the part of a wildly-successful, legitimate (and ruthless) Cartel leader… The bell rings and we get the slow walk together and stare down, before Del Rio tries to haul off with a slap! But Thesz catches his hand and the wrestling seminar begins… both men are equally sized (about 6’4” or so) and grapple, jockey and tussle for position… Del Rio with a cheap shot - chest chop, headbutt and right hands… Thesz gets in a few shots and hits a cross-body on Del Rio! A loud “XPW! XPW!” chant starts up again.. Thesz gets hung up on the ropes, and Del Rio crotches him before unleashing a huge running énziguri kick to the back of Thesz’ head… Del Rio with some more stiff rights and shoulder thrusts in the corner…. Del Rio wants to start working on Thesz already-targeted arm (a victim of Del Rio’s vicious arm breaker - see “Give Me Liberty or Death”)… Thesz gets a comeback spot, but gets planted with a big leaping DDT straight out of 2011... Del Rio rolls Thesz over into an STF (his own finishing move), but then switches up into a Crossface when Thesz starts countering… Thesz makes the ropes, but Del Rio continues working on the arm with various submission tactics and vicious strikes… Del Rio is getting confident, and taunts Cena a little at ringside… he signals for the end, but MISSES a charge in the corner - opening up the door for another Lou Thesz comeback… he hit’s a series of body-rocking European uppercuts, clotheslines, hiptosses and finishes with a big Lou Thesz press… but only gets a 2 count!
Thesz is up and Del Rio misses a charge… Thesz takes over with a few more moments of offense, but his weakened arm fails him again and he can’t lock in the STF - allowing Del Rio to slip out the back door… Del Rio targets the arm and HITS THE ARMBREAKER but Lou Thesz won’t give up…
The fans and John Cena at ringside are cheering him on… all the sudden - SAMOA JOE is spotted casually making his way to ringside! He’s carrying a steel chair with him that gets Cena all tense and paranoid… until Joe simply unfolds the chair and sits in it, to get a better vantage point of the match… no sense in Cena having all the fun, right? Now this action draws the attention of Alberto Del Rio as well, and he takes some crucial time out to shout Spanish profanities at Joe from in the ring…
Referee Danny Davis (aside from a few slow counts, and slight refusals to break Del Rio’s holds on time) has proven to be a somewhat fair official… but now he’s distracted by an animated Ricardo Rodriguez, who has hopped up on the apron to protest Joe’s involvement… at the same time though, Ricardo Rodriguez has actually slipped off his dress shoe - and passed it off to Del Rio as a weapon! Truly the mark of a desperate man! But John Cena is quick to act - hops in the ring - ducks Del Rio’s attempted shoe shot aimed for Thesz - and hit’s a massive FUAA to Alberto Del Rio in the center of the ring! Huge pop for that! John Cena pops to his feet - only to eat a CRUSHING CHAIR SHOT from Samoa Joe! BAM he goes down like a shotgun blast, blood cascading down the split in his forehead! OMG Samoa Joe just flattened Cena with the steel chair! Samoa Joe seems to be trembling with unbridled blood lust! Referee Danny Davis turns around just in time to see Samoa Joe CRUSH LOU THESZ with a chairshot as well! BAM! Immediately he calls for the bell! Del Rio has been disqualified, but keeps his championship belt!
Winner (by DQ): LOU THESZ
Samoa Joe can’t be stopped and he goes swinging at the referee with the chair (but he flees before contact is made)! He swings at Ricardo Rodriguez, who hops off the apron… and Samoa Joe unleashes one last concussive chair shot - this one to Alberto Del Rio who was just staggering to his feet! OMG Samoa Joe has laid out all 3 men! Chaos is unfolding as Joe uses the chair to keep security and XPW personnel at bay!
STOP STOP STOP STOP! Stop the madness! Stop the insanity! A now very angry XPW Remixed president Ed "Strangler" Lewis shows up on the entrance ramp to quell all the commotion! He's sick of the anarchy, destruction and wanton destruction! There is way too much controversy, bad blood and animosity to arrange a fair and valid solution to this championship fiasco! So Ed Lewis - in his judge, jury & executioner anger announces the only thing that can end these title disputes once and for all... something to keep the denizens of Hell OUT - and the gladiators trapped WITHIN! That's why at "DI2", Ed "Strangler" Lewis is ruling for a Fatal 4-way match between Del Rio, Thesz, Cena & Samoa Joe...
HELL IN A CELL!!
** zzzzzzztttttt!!!! **
Oh my, the fans go wild! The wrestlers (some barely concious) react! The commentars bug out! And finally - TV static cuts in from over the Titan Tron as the airwaves are suddenly hijacked... it's ROB BLACK! He's still in the building after all! And he's somewhere in a dark, dank boiler room with his evil party of strippers, rapists and murderers around him... he has the PUPPY in his hands and pulls the black curtain off a HUGE SNAKE CAGE with the demonic creature writhing about inside! FUCK YOUR TWEETS! FUCK YOUR PROTESTS! FUCK YOUR VALUES, MORALS AND "GOOD TASTE"! Rob Black knows what you want to see! Rob Black knows what you want to watch! And NOW - YOU GET TO SEE IT, YOU SICK FUCKS!!! HERE IT IS!! KILL ME NOW! I WILL BE A MARTYR! FUCK MASH-UP WRESTLING!!
** CUT **
_______________________________________________________
XPW Remixed presents...
** XPW World Championship **
Alberto Del Rio © vs Lou Thesz vs Samoa Joe vs John Cena
** Hell in a Cell!! *
** XPW Boston championship **
Shane Douglas © (w/ Lizzy Borden) versus Human Tornado
** Slaughtahouse Stampede match **
Matt Morgan (2010) w/ Buddy Rogers versus Sheamus (2012)
("Slavery versus Freedom match")
** King of the Death Match championship **
ZANDIG © versus KILO
** XPW Remixed Tag Team titles **
Fabulous Kangaroos (1960) © versus Dudley Boyz (2010)
[/b]w/ versus
Video recap of the original match that spawned all this controversy (see “Give Me Liberty or Death”)… Thesz almost refused to compete, in objection to Rob Black’s “feed a puppy to a snake” stunt, but decided against it when he realized that would just play into GDT Inc’s hands… Thesz is determined to regain HIS championship and just take it elsewhere to defend it… he doesn’t need XPW Remixed - the company needs HIM - and they know this… which is why they’ve been conspiring to get the belt off him for months - and the key reason why GDT Inc went with Rob Black instead of B&B&B Enterprises to be the 3rd business partner (because Black had the inside track on signing Alberto Del Rio - a man they all believed capable of dethroning Thesz)… but to make matters even WORSE - despite the “unfounded” allegations, evidence and concern - XPW Remixed official DANNY DAVIS has STILL been assigned to officiate this match!
Thesz smells a screw job coming a mile away - which is why he actually brings out JOHN CENA with him to watch his back! OMG it’s the Fantasy Wrestling version of the muthaphuckkin MEGA POWERS right here! Thesz is ready to dethrone Del Rio while John Cena watches his back! The pop for Thesz was already huge, but this revelation makes it positively monumental…
Ricardo Rodriguez performs the big time, main event entrance for XPW Remixed WORLD champion Alberto Del Rio and he certainly looks, talks and plays the part of a wildly-successful, legitimate (and ruthless) Cartel leader… The bell rings and we get the slow walk together and stare down, before Del Rio tries to haul off with a slap! But Thesz catches his hand and the wrestling seminar begins… both men are equally sized (about 6’4” or so) and grapple, jockey and tussle for position… Del Rio with a cheap shot - chest chop, headbutt and right hands… Thesz gets in a few shots and hits a cross-body on Del Rio! A loud “XPW! XPW!” chant starts up again.. Thesz gets hung up on the ropes, and Del Rio crotches him before unleashing a huge running énziguri kick to the back of Thesz’ head… Del Rio with some more stiff rights and shoulder thrusts in the corner…. Del Rio wants to start working on Thesz already-targeted arm (a victim of Del Rio’s vicious arm breaker - see “Give Me Liberty or Death”)… Thesz gets a comeback spot, but gets planted with a big leaping DDT straight out of 2011... Del Rio rolls Thesz over into an STF (his own finishing move), but then switches up into a Crossface when Thesz starts countering… Thesz makes the ropes, but Del Rio continues working on the arm with various submission tactics and vicious strikes… Del Rio is getting confident, and taunts Cena a little at ringside… he signals for the end, but MISSES a charge in the corner - opening up the door for another Lou Thesz comeback… he hit’s a series of body-rocking European uppercuts, clotheslines, hiptosses and finishes with a big Lou Thesz press… but only gets a 2 count!
Thesz is up and Del Rio misses a charge… Thesz takes over with a few more moments of offense, but his weakened arm fails him again and he can’t lock in the STF - allowing Del Rio to slip out the back door… Del Rio targets the arm and HITS THE ARMBREAKER but Lou Thesz won’t give up…
The fans and John Cena at ringside are cheering him on… all the sudden - SAMOA JOE is spotted casually making his way to ringside! He’s carrying a steel chair with him that gets Cena all tense and paranoid… until Joe simply unfolds the chair and sits in it, to get a better vantage point of the match… no sense in Cena having all the fun, right? Now this action draws the attention of Alberto Del Rio as well, and he takes some crucial time out to shout Spanish profanities at Joe from in the ring…
Referee Danny Davis (aside from a few slow counts, and slight refusals to break Del Rio’s holds on time) has proven to be a somewhat fair official… but now he’s distracted by an animated Ricardo Rodriguez, who has hopped up on the apron to protest Joe’s involvement… at the same time though, Ricardo Rodriguez has actually slipped off his dress shoe - and passed it off to Del Rio as a weapon! Truly the mark of a desperate man! But John Cena is quick to act - hops in the ring - ducks Del Rio’s attempted shoe shot aimed for Thesz - and hit’s a massive FUAA to Alberto Del Rio in the center of the ring! Huge pop for that! John Cena pops to his feet - only to eat a CRUSHING CHAIR SHOT from Samoa Joe! BAM he goes down like a shotgun blast, blood cascading down the split in his forehead! OMG Samoa Joe just flattened Cena with the steel chair! Samoa Joe seems to be trembling with unbridled blood lust! Referee Danny Davis turns around just in time to see Samoa Joe CRUSH LOU THESZ with a chairshot as well! BAM! Immediately he calls for the bell! Del Rio has been disqualified, but keeps his championship belt!
Winner (by DQ): LOU THESZ
Samoa Joe can’t be stopped and he goes swinging at the referee with the chair (but he flees before contact is made)! He swings at Ricardo Rodriguez, who hops off the apron… and Samoa Joe unleashes one last concussive chair shot - this one to Alberto Del Rio who was just staggering to his feet! OMG Samoa Joe has laid out all 3 men! Chaos is unfolding as Joe uses the chair to keep security and XPW personnel at bay!
STOP STOP STOP STOP! Stop the madness! Stop the insanity! A now very angry XPW Remixed president Ed "Strangler" Lewis shows up on the entrance ramp to quell all the commotion! He's sick of the anarchy, destruction and wanton destruction! There is way too much controversy, bad blood and animosity to arrange a fair and valid solution to this championship fiasco! So Ed Lewis - in his judge, jury & executioner anger announces the only thing that can end these title disputes once and for all... something to keep the denizens of Hell OUT - and the gladiators trapped WITHIN! That's why at "DI2", Ed "Strangler" Lewis is ruling for a Fatal 4-way match between Del Rio, Thesz, Cena & Samoa Joe...
HELL IN A CELL!!
** zzzzzzztttttt!!!! **
Oh my, the fans go wild! The wrestlers (some barely concious) react! The commentars bug out! And finally - TV static cuts in from over the Titan Tron as the airwaves are suddenly hijacked... it's ROB BLACK! He's still in the building after all! And he's somewhere in a dark, dank boiler room with his evil party of strippers, rapists and murderers around him... he has the PUPPY in his hands and pulls the black curtain off a HUGE SNAKE CAGE with the demonic creature writhing about inside! FUCK YOUR TWEETS! FUCK YOUR PROTESTS! FUCK YOUR VALUES, MORALS AND "GOOD TASTE"! Rob Black knows what you want to see! Rob Black knows what you want to watch! And NOW - YOU GET TO SEE IT, YOU SICK FUCKS!!! HERE IT IS!! KILL ME NOW! I WILL BE A MARTYR! FUCK MASH-UP WRESTLING!!
** CUT **
_______________________________________________________
XPW Remixed presents...
** XPW World Championship **
Alberto Del Rio © vs Lou Thesz vs Samoa Joe vs John Cena
** Hell in a Cell!! *
** XPW Boston championship **
Shane Douglas © (w/ Lizzy Borden) versus Human Tornado
** Slaughtahouse Stampede match **
Matt Morgan (2010) w/ Buddy Rogers versus Sheamus (2012)
("Slavery versus Freedom match")
** King of the Death Match championship **
ZANDIG © versus KILO
** XPW Remixed Tag Team titles **
Fabulous Kangaroos (1960) © versus Dudley Boyz (2010)
__________________________________________________________
[/div]