Post by MadStepDad on Jul 31, 2012 13:23:05 GMT -5
Introducing your host for tonight...
COLT CABANA!
Dropping any pretense of a character, Colt Cabana - the Podcast veteran - is in the studio for guest duties... and it's only appropriate that we end this cycle on a full circle note, as Colt Cabana was the very FIRST XPW Online host before a contract dispute necessitated his removal (I added him from the free agent pool, only to have somebody else tell me they already had him - weeks after I started using him!) Tonight... It’s the end of an era… and the start of a new chapter. Tonight we are broadcasting LIVE from an undisclosed location in Los Angeles, where XPW Remixed is presenting the LAST EPISODE of it’s landmark Online show! We’re promising an all-star gala affair in honor of this achievement - and it all climaxes with our titanic main event… JOHN CENA (2012) takes on SAMOA JOE (2007) to determine the #1 contender for the XPW Remixed World championship!! Where one avenue ends another road emerges and XPW Remixed has elevated to the next level! Complete internet takeover! Join the revolution or catch the revolver!
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FABULOUS KANGAROOS (w/ Wild Red Berry)
versus
WORLDS GREATEST TAG TEAM
w/
versus
Former XPW Remixed tag team champions THE FABULOUS KANGAROOS and their entire entourage (including manager Wild Red Berry, and American & Australian flag bearers) get the big entrance and scattered pockets of cheers - as their opponents for the night are even more hated within the XPW Remixed fan spectrum… the “invading”, big-league presence of two of the most legit names in fantasy wrestling today - Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas… the “World’s Greatest Tag Team”… Shelton Benjamin & FabKang #1 Al Costello start the match and even the FabKangs heel-ish stall tactics are met with some cheers (as their antics clearly get under the skin of the WGTT)… Benjamin tries to get his hands on Costello, but the FabKang quickly tags in his partner Roy Heffernan before contact is made… FabKang 2 Roy Heffernan ducks and gets in a quick right jab to Shelton Benjamin... Heffernan wins the slugfest, so Benjamin locks in a side headlock… FabKang #2 shoves Benjamin off into the ropes and we get a criss-cross, leap frog from Benjamin but he get’s floored with a stiff shoulder block from Heffernan… Shelton Benjamin answers with a quick right followed by a scoop slam… but Benjamin misses the elbow drop and Heffernan tags in FabKang #1 Al Costello… he hits an atomic drop and a side leg sweep on Shelton, before hammering him into the mat with a hard knee drop to the skull… but only a 2 count… both Haas & Heffernan wind up getting tagged in… Lock up and Haas out muscles Heffernan into the corner, but eats a huge boot on a charge… FabKang #2 Heffernan almost takes Charlie‘s head off with a clothesline for a big cheer… Charlie Haas begs off but retaliates with a thumb to the eye and lights into Heffernan‘s chest with chops… but the FabKang (with crowd cheering them on completely now) no-sells them, and yells for more! Haas hit’s a series of stiff chops - but FabKang #2 Roy Heffernan reverses his momentum - buries Haas in the corner - and blasts him repeatedly with knife edge chops of his own!!
Haas counters with a HUGE release german suplex and tags in Shelton Benjamin… WGTT work over Heffernan with a side slam/leg drop combo, and a hangman’s leapfrog… but FabKang #2 Roy Heffernan still kicks out… finally WGTT attempt a double suplex on Heffernan, but FabKang #1 Al Costello enters to push his partners feet back to the mat and then clobber WGTT with a double clothesline! Fans pop and the ref forces Costello back on the apron… Shelton Benjamin with a big kick to FabKang #2 Heffernan in the corner, but FabKang #1 trips up Shelton Benjamin from the outside and low blows him into the steel ring post! Fans pop for that move too, but they always boo “Wild” Red Berry - so it makes for a wild dichotomy… In the ring FabKang #2 Heffernan mounts Shelton Benjamin for some ground-n-pound, before hitting a huge clothesline and making the hot tag to FabKang #1 Costello… FabKang #1 starts choking Shelton Benjamin and breaks it up after three… but it gets another decent reaction from the crowd so he does it again… elbow off the ropes… on another rebound off the ropes, both Benjamin & Costello go down with a double-clothesline… Benjamin finally tags Haas - but “Wild” Red Berry uses impeccable timing to distract the referee, and the official turns around to forbid the tag! He didn’t actually *see* Haas get the tag and forces him out of the ring… another big pop for that classic heel-ish tactic as the FabKangs double-team Shelton Benjamin into oblivion… two clotheslines, a high back body drop, boot to the face - and finally a big elevated Full Nelson bomb… but Haas still makes it back into the ring in time to break up the pin fall on his partner… we‘re back to FabKang #1 Al Costello versus Shelton Benjamin…
Costello continues the punishment on Benjamin but can’t keep him down… eventually the new-age athleticism, speed & size of Shelton Benjamin catches up with the FabKang classic and Haas gets the tag-in… he takes over on FabKang #1 with good old fashioned wrestling takedowns and ground-n-pound… Cover and FabKang 1 kicks out after two… Haas puts FabKang #1 Al Costello up on his shoulders, LOD-style - as Shelton Benjamin scales the top rope on the opposite side of the ring… but “Wild” Red Berry jumps up to distract Shelton with his cane - only to get kicked off the apron in return… but the priceless distraction allows FabKang #2 Roy Heffernan to snatch Shelton right off the top rope with a huge overhead suplex! FabKang #1 Al Costello slips off Haas’ shoulders and collapses his spine with a crushing German suplex! The match is starting to break down now, with the ref losing control! Shelton Benjamin ducks a clothesline from Heffernan and answers with a vicious backcracker… Charlie Haas & Costello get tangled up and tumble over the top rope… Shelton with a dropkick, spin kick and top rope clothesline to finish off Heffernan… 1!.. 2!.. KICKOUT! Crowd pops at the FabKangs resilience… now - the “Intellectual Savior of the Masses” DAMIEN SANDOW makes a ringside appearance to support his manager Wild Red Berry (still recuperating from Shelton’s kick to the head)… Sandow has a look of disgust and disdain for WGTT, and sneers condescendingly at them as he helps his manager back to his feet… back in the ring WGTT are wary of Sandow, and that insecurity seemingly plays in their minds as they bumble a finishing sequence of moves that allows FabKang #2 Roy Heffernan to escape danger - Damien Sandow to jump up and argue with the ref over their mistreatment - and FabKang #1 Al Costello to SPIT FOSTERS BEER in Charlie Haas’ eye! The blinded Haas turns around and stumbles right into a modified FabKangs-version of the 3D!!
Winners: FABULOUS KANGAROOS
Post match - as Berry and his camp of mental giants celebrate in the ring - the (NEW again) and reigning XPW Remixed Tag Team champion MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS show up on the entrance ramp to stare them down and flaunt their championship belts... next week the state of XPW Remixed's tag team division gets permenantly defined, and the chaos and upheavel of the past few weeks gets put to rest... On XPW TV Episode #50 the pecking order will be cemented when MCMG defend their titles against the Fabulous Kangaroos! One match to determine the best team in XPW Remixed, period!! It's on!!
** XPW Remixed Tag Team championship **
Motor City Machine Guns (2010) © versus Fabulous Kangaroos (1960)!!
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EDITORS NOTE:
XPW Online originated as a stab at “B-Show” level… the highest highest highest-level you can achieve as a Territory Warrior… It’s a SECOND weekly broadcast on top of your weekly A-grade output and monthly supershow obligations… so it’s a lot of work and requires a lot of dedication, which is why only the greatest, highest-level players can achieve this lofty level… As XPW Remixed grew and expanded I thought I too could attempt that… in the beginning, XPW Online was an off-shoot of the GDT Inc expansion efforts (that also led to a brief foray onto the East Coast, and an engorged roster)… it ran every Friday night in conjunction with every new XPW TV Episode on Tuesdays… over time I couldn’t make the 2x/week commitment and decided upon a formula that best suited my posting schedule - one show a week/alternating between XPW TV and XPW Online… but since that time I’ve realized I’m only shooting myself in the foot, “points wise”… Because of instead of dropping a weekly show that’s worth maximum points (7), I’m alternating it with a “secondary show” worth only 5... So I’m losing 4 points a month just for writing “Online” instead of “TV”, and here we are!… I’m still keeping my 1x/week posting schedule, expect it will be “XPW TV” every week instead of only bi-weekly! So long XPW Online, I’ll post a Greatest Hits package on the OnDemand board!!
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GREAT GAMA versus
SABU (w/ Jinder Mahal)
versus w/
Great Gama is another in a long line of MSD-trademark Golden Age Icons… from the carnival shooter and strongman days, when the game had started evolving past local yokel challenges into these guys challenging each OTHER - Great Gama reigned as one of the best in the WORLD… he retired undefeated only to be awoken from his slumber by the evil machinations of JINDER MAHAL (2014) - the greatest Punjabi wrestler of all time… at first Gama found himself tethered to Mahal, but broke his strict obedience in the face of Jinder Mahal’s true evil spirit… but the sins of his old alignment still feast upon him when his old dark master Mahal beat him - right HERE on XPW ONLINE! (see XPW Online #16) - and ENDED his hallowed undefeated streak! But the “loss” only lit a new age fire in Gama and he set about reaffirming his GREATNESS by vowing to exterminate Jinder Mahal from fantasy wrestling for good! So the mad pursuit began - through the buildings, backstage areas, city to city and coast to coast… Gama chased Mahal until finally goading him into a match at “Give Me Liberty or Death” (right here on the XPW Online (prelims) segment!!) But the world would quickly learn Jinder Mahal would never have accepted that challenge if he didn’t already have an ace in the hole - the unchained, madman eccentric SABU! Recruited to join the fold of Mahal’s dark political cell he was unleashed upon Great Gama in a surprise attack (see “Give Me Liberty or Death”) resulting in another victory for Jinder Mahal… but that crooked victory comes at an amazing price tonight - when Great Gama runs right through Sabu like a hot knife through butter… Sabu goes like a suicidal bump machine, and really puts over Great Gama’s strength displays… Jinder Mahal has some of the most convincing facial expressions and he tells the story of his entire frustration, anger (and fear?) of Gama… huge charging SPEAR through a table leaning against the turnbuckles gets Gama his victory - and small measure of retribution… but when he dare charge Mahal after the match, the set-up leads to a brutal 2-on-1 assault that climaxes with Sabu SAVAGING Great Gama’s face and forehead with a metal spike! An absolute gorefest as huge crimson puddles quickly form beneath Gama’s ravaged head! Jinder Mahal locks Great Gama in his camel clutch for an obscene amount of time (forcing the blood to flow down Gama’s face and into Mahal’s cupped hands like a fountain)… before ordering Sabu to drive him through a table with a steel chair assisted top rope face buster… a blood-stained Mahal and Sabu rejoice post match, and the deadly scene is a reminder of the kind of unedited, Xtreme action you can only witness Online…
Winner (?): GREAT GAMA
** CUT **
__________________________________________________________________
"Get with the muthaphuckkin MOVEMENT!"
Get with the muthaphuckking MOVEMENT! The RASHAD CAMERON movement! The former “Sabian” cuts a backstage promo putting over his new style, attitude and “anti-government name” before introducing his wolf pack of goons behind him - Michael Tarver, JTG & Shad Gaspard… each of them are as menacing as any Black gangbanger can be, and the punch line comes when Rashad Cameron’s promo references corny wiggers and white boy poseurs and his crew start flashing PG-13 (JC Ice Baby & Wolfie D’s) gear, kicks and medallions - alluding to some kind of incident where they apparently jumped the white boys backstage and jacked them for their shit...
MICHAEL TARVER & CRYME TYME 2.0
versus
RUCKUS & BIZARRE RYDE
versus
Rashad Cameron leads his movement to the ring - his profane declaration of independence ringing the entire time as he rants on the mic the entire time… in-ring he’s finally rebutted by former tag team partner RUCKUS - who shows up on the entrance ramp to answer him on the mic… he clowns Cameron a little and puffs on his Black-n-Mild… when the angry, Napoleon-complex Rashad Cameron checks Ruckus and his lack of back-up… Ruckus stands back to introduce his partners for the night… BIZARRE RYDE!
The new, masked tag team of daredevil high-flyers! Ruckus starts with JTG in the ring and out dazzles, outmuscles and outquicks the Brooklyn gangsta… but falls victim to a Big Shad running boot… now Tarver & Gaspard take turns beating on Ruckus, while commentators Solie & Striker touch on the identities of the masked Bizarre Ryde (everybody knows Kendrick & London recently signed with XPW Remixed and have been waiting to debut)… finally Ruckus fights back - takes out Tarver & JTG - and crawls over for the hot tag… only to have BOTH Bizarre Ryde members simultaneously drop off the ring apron and avoid his hand! What the…!?!? Ruckus is incredulous! The fans start booing! Rashad Cameron and crew look just as confused as the commentators sound… Bizarre Ryde simply shake their heads no at Ruckus, before unmasking to reveal…
GENERATION ME!?!?!
They laugh, smile and guffaw - apparently happy with the little “swerve” they just pulled… Cameron and crew take immediate advantage and jump on the outnumbered Ruckus… Big boot from Shad - KO punch from Tarver - sleeping neck breaker from JTG on Ruckus ends the fight 1 2 3... Post match the former “Sabian”, Rashad Cameron gets to unleash a BLKJeez double-foot stomp off the top rope to Ruckus head (as his crew held a steel chair over his face) - effectively putting a “bullet” in his former partner… Rashad Cameron & his movement are left to soak up the boos and taunt the audience while the commentators discuss them and the newly-returned Generation Me with great disgust…
Winners: THE MOVEMENT
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"Controversy grips XPW Remixed referee pool"
More information from within the file folder first revealed by Lou Thesz on XPW TV Episode #49... Backstage correspondent MSD reviews the materials, evidence and summaries contained within…
Name: DANNY DAVIS
Alias: “Dangerous”
New England native (hey I’ve heard stories he lived right up the street in Broken City) Danny Davis comes plucked to us from the WWE universe circa 1987... He’s a credible, big-name official capable of handling big time main event names, matches & crowds… so on the surface, this signing was a coup for Gold Dust Trio Inc (the parent company of XPW Remixed)… but what we are now starting to learn, Danny Davis was only able to be signed because of a suspension he’s facing in the big leagues… apparently the stink of injustice, criminal conspiracy and biased officiating hangs heavy over his career - as numerous incidents have spawned reports… Davis has been accused of bribery by no less a source than Gorilla Monsoon, and officiated many screwy finishes (including a Paul Orndorff/Hul Hogan steel cage match and a tag team title change between the Hart Foundation & British Bulldogs… it was that gregarious decision that led to the mists of XPW Remixed swallowing him and depositing him here…
In XPW Remixed canon this once-anonymous face has been pointed out in a line-up, and now previously shady incidents have a new light shone upon them… Davis refereed the controversial “submission” victory of Jinder Mahal that ENDED Great Gama’s hallowed undefeated streak amongst other things… and now the “tap-out” of former XPW World champion Lou Thesz… another slow motion recap of the finish @ “GMLoD” shows Thesz trapped in Alberto Del Rio’s arm bar and struggling for better leverage, including a pat of his hand upon Del Rio’s kneepad to get a better grip… it was that slight hand motion that caused referee Danny Davis to end the match and declare a “Tap Out Submission”… MSD is continuing to look into these ties and will reveal the information as it becomes released…
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE INTERLUDE **
Honky Tonk Man & Heath Slater are in the office of XPW President Ed “Strangler” Lewis trying to start a “bidding war”… Heath Slater holds (what he claims to be) an exclusive, 6-figure PACKAGE DEAL contract with the AWA for him and HTM to jump ship! Slater goes into a classic oversell of his & HTM’s contributions and value all designed to scare Ed Lewis into offering them more money… but it doesn’t work… in a humorous bit, Ed Lewis repeatedly asks to see the paperwork so he can authorize their release - but Slater keeps balking and refuting it until you realize the papers he’s got are just blanks - and NOT an AWA contract as stated… their ploy to squeeze more money and air time out of XPW Remixed fails and they’re sent on their way… they look to object one more time, until TAZ strides into the office! They take one look at his stone cold-serious face and DISAPPEAR! That leaves Taz alone in the office to exchange some harsh words with the XPW Remixed president… Taz choked out Dean Ambrose! Choked out Snuff! Choked out TNA champion Christian! Choked out Zandig! Choked out Messiah! And if Taz doesn’t start getting some respect he’ll choke out the Strangler too! But Ed Lewis tries to placate him, and encourages Taz to play the game… but Taz does things HIS way and storms out of Ed Lewis’ office after a tense stand-off and stare down…
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________________________________________________________________
XPW DECLARES SUMMER OF WAR
("Bitches ain't shit but hoes & tricks")
Gunner & Jessica Darlin get their sleazy, strip-club entrance… Gunner gleefully treats Darlin like shit and the bitch likes it… "show your tits!" chant from the crowd... a fans sign in the crowd says "XPW REMIXED: GLORY(hole) BY HONOR"... Quick power promo from Phil “Gunner” Shatter putting them over, before answered by none other than ANNIE SOCIAL! The diminutive sparkplug has something to prove and a challenge to make - but she doesn’t want that slutty non-wrestler Jessic Darlin… Annie Social wants a piece of Gunner’s sexist, disrespectful ass! Of course Gunner laughs it off - but things turn scary when he suddenly snaps and GRABS Annie Social by her hair! All the while Jessica Darlin is taunting her and egging her man on… Gunner takes Social’s head and THRUSTS it between his legs in piledriver position! The same deadly move that took his former partner Austin Idol OUT of XPW Remixed for good! But at the last second - a platinum blond savior arrives… SABLE 1998! Familiar with the mistreatment of women at the hands of wrestling males (see her *recent* storyline friction with husband “Marvelous” Marc Mero) Sable shares Annie Social’s outrage with Gunner & Darlin’s sexist (and borderline pornographic) antics! And she shows up out of the blue to even the odds! SURPRISE LOW BLOW to Gunner! Roundhouse kick to the HEAD of Jessica Darlin, knocking that bitch on her oft-stuffed bum! Now hindered by the debilitating effects of the lowblow, Gunner is no match for the combined might of Annie Social & Sable! GIRL POWER! Double DDT ejects Gunner from the ring permanently! Big cheers! Sable & Social keep it tuff-girl, but sexy glamorous at the same time… meanwhile an incredulous (and incredibly PISSED OFF) Gunner and Darlin drag their sorry carcasses back up the entrance ramp to lick their wounds… probably literally…
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** BACKSTAGE INTERVIEW **
MSD is with the "Cali Crippler" Ad Santel, and the cocky German shooter has some choice words for the upper echelon talent in XPW Remixed... after an XPW Remixed career spent building up his Cali Cripplers training camp, it's time for Ad Santel to get a title shot... he's beaten all comers... suddenly (and brazenly) - an outsider interupts his interview time to stare him down... it's MILDRED BURKE! The simmering intensity between the two is palpable, as Ad Santel is aghast by the blatant disrespect showed to him by a WOMAN! Burke cuts a Depression-era, tuff-talk promo on Santel and references her "submission" over him at "Scene of the Crime"... she claims Santel has been ducking her - and caught out there under the bright lights and glare of the TV camera, Ad Santel has no choice but to accept or lose face!! It's gonna be on! On XPW TV Episode #50, Ad Santel finally accepts Mildred Burke's challenge for a one-on-one match!
versus
Mildred Burke versus Ad Santel!
Intergender "Equality Match"!
Only on XPW TV Episode #50!! Be there!!
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** BACKSTAGE INTERLUDE **
Former Olympia training camp partners Alexxis Nevaeh & Tommaso Ciampa in conversation… Alexxis has finally cornered him into a conversation and she is distraught and despondent over his choice to abandon the camp… Ciampa doesn’t really give much a reason, or a response - but when Alexxis begs him to reconsider (with the whole “we’re like family” talk) he may silently agree… before leaving the scene and Alexxis wondering what he’s thinking…
** CUT TO RING **
HAKUSHI KURO versus JUN KASAI
versus
Recap of the Onita/Muldoon mini-feud, which each of them angling for the position of “Commissioner”… Muldoon avenged his honor (and win/loss record) by defeating former pupil Hakushi Kuro @ “GMLoD” - thus denying Atsushi Onita the Commissioner position of power… This is the part of the show that fulfills our “pro wrestling as male soap opera” drama quotient… but because this is XPW Remixed it’s all dark and ominous, like a growing horror film… Segment starts in the back with a WICKED vignette in which Onita practically tortures his charges Hakushi & Jun Kasai while verbally destroying them for failing to uphold Black Army honor (Rob Black’s team lost @ “GMLoD”)… this is Full Metal Jacket/Homeland-type psychological and physical torture that manifests itself with an in-ring promo from Onita, surrounded by his brainwashed, savage followers Hakushi Kuro & Jun Kasai… to continue furthering the punishment he gleefully engages them in combat (per Commissioner Muldoon’s decree on XPW TV Episode #49) like one might do abused pitbulls in a backyard dog fight… Onita encourages each to obscene degrees and Hakushi Kuro finally finishes Kasai by sending him backwards through a burning table barbed wire death trap (which had originally been set ablaze by Onita in the first place)… “XPW! XPW!” chants and Hakushi Kuro really gets put over as a pulverizing, Action film-like ninjitsu warrior…
Winner: HAKUSHI KURO
Onita finally turns his bile towards his original target - Commissioner Muldoon… Onita unleashes a loud, belligerent diss promo on Muldoon - calling him and his camp all kinds of horrible things - but when he dares call Muldoon a “coward” - none other than a new theme song interrupts us..
Enter TOMMASO CIAMPA!!
He has apparently emerged to defend the honor of Olympia after all! But it’s hard to tell from his ice-cold, stoic expression… he stands his ground and stares Onita dead in the eye as the Japanese madman lambastes him to his face… it appears Ciampa may have outdid himself here, as Hakushi & Kasai begin to circle him in a very tense stand-off situation… until COMMISSIONER WILLIAM MULDOON emerges! This is his first time actually getting to see Ciampa since his desertion, and Muldoon uses this opportunity to let bygones be bygones in the face of a shared threat… but just when it seems it will at least be 2-on-3 (odds Muldoon favors as a “fair fight” against 3 Death Match savages)… Tommaso Ciampa (predictably) abandons Muldoon AGAIN!
Onita, Kasai & Hakushi beat down the aging Commissioner while Ciampa just watches on in blank, befuddled inactivity… the beat down continues with Ciampa just watching on until Alexxis Neveah makes the run in! She uses her body to shield Muldoon’s and cries out to Tommaso “WHAT R U DOING!?!?” Her efforts seem to have waylaid the bad guys and put the soap opera focus back on Alexis & Ciampa’s brother/sister relationship - when she finally SLAPS him out of anger and frustration! He silently steams but doesn’t act - in fact, he doesn’t do ANYTHING - even as Hakushi Kuro sneaks into the ring like a cat behind her - spins her around - and spits blinding BLACK MIST into Alexxis’ face! She shrieks and goes down! Oh the horror! Muldoon writhes in pain and tries to crawl over to her! Onita cackles madly and leads his troops in a victory lap! Tommaso Ciampa just continues to watching - blankly… silently… as he slinks back up the entrance ramp… paramedics must tend to grievously injured Alexxis Nevaeh…
Atsushi Onita sows chaos wherever he goes...
** CUT **
________________________________________________________________
"XPW DECLARES SUMMER of WAR"
("Just Clownin Around")
What is this? Oh my, take a look! It’s old XPW Online alumni Doink the Clown!(it‘s really not Matt Bourne so relax your stinking sue-happy fingertips) Oh what a pleasant surprise on our SERIES FINALE! Backstage correspondent MSD awaits in the ring for a few words with the surprise guest, and waits patiently as the face-painted Doink the Clown classic hands out balloons and small toys to ringside children… in the ring, Doink procures a very special STING action figure as a small rib on WWF but can’t get a single word out before we are interrupted by a theme song…
It’s the NEW XPW Boston champion, and FRANCHISE of fantasy wrestling…
SHANE DOUGLAS (w/ Lizzy Borden)!!
This is primetime Franchise with a chip on his shoulder - porn bitch dimepiece on his arm - and championship belt around his waist… and he’s got A LOT to say… another classic “shoot-style” rant from Shane Douglas where he completely dismisses this entire childish charade and instead demands this air time go to him instead… as far as he’s concerned, he proved he’s legit at “Give Me Liberty or Death” - the “Boston” title can be called the “Pittsburgh championship” for all he cares - Doink the Clown is a JOKE like the WWF (and Lizzy Borden has some harsh, choice words for that “Jacked-up, clit-dick cum dumpster CHYNA” as well)… and Shane Douglas is the muthaphuckkin FRANCHISE of fantasy wrestling! And he proves that once again tonight with a scary display of bully intensity when he jumps and quickly dismantles Doink the Clown (while MSD flees)… Pittsburgh Plunge breaks the clowns neck and Douglas finishes by sarcastically popping the head OFF the WWF-brand Sting action figure in the ring… But no sooner has he done that, we get our 2nd interruption of the segment…
AWESOME! Enter the XPW Remixed fan favorite…
MIZ!!
** XPW Boston Championship **
SHANE DOUGLAS © w/ Lizzy Borden versus
versus w/
Great Gama is another in a long line of MSD-trademark Golden Age Icons… from the carnival shooter and strongman days, when the game had started evolving past local yokel challenges into these guys challenging each OTHER - Great Gama reigned as one of the best in the WORLD… he retired undefeated only to be awoken from his slumber by the evil machinations of JINDER MAHAL (2014) - the greatest Punjabi wrestler of all time… at first Gama found himself tethered to Mahal, but broke his strict obedience in the face of Jinder Mahal’s true evil spirit… but the sins of his old alignment still feast upon him when his old dark master Mahal beat him - right HERE on XPW ONLINE! (see XPW Online #16) - and ENDED his hallowed undefeated streak! But the “loss” only lit a new age fire in Gama and he set about reaffirming his GREATNESS by vowing to exterminate Jinder Mahal from fantasy wrestling for good! So the mad pursuit began - through the buildings, backstage areas, city to city and coast to coast… Gama chased Mahal until finally goading him into a match at “Give Me Liberty or Death” (right here on the XPW Online (prelims) segment!!) But the world would quickly learn Jinder Mahal would never have accepted that challenge if he didn’t already have an ace in the hole - the unchained, madman eccentric SABU! Recruited to join the fold of Mahal’s dark political cell he was unleashed upon Great Gama in a surprise attack (see “Give Me Liberty or Death”) resulting in another victory for Jinder Mahal… but that crooked victory comes at an amazing price tonight - when Great Gama runs right through Sabu like a hot knife through butter… Sabu goes like a suicidal bump machine, and really puts over Great Gama’s strength displays… Jinder Mahal has some of the most convincing facial expressions and he tells the story of his entire frustration, anger (and fear?) of Gama… huge charging SPEAR through a table leaning against the turnbuckles gets Gama his victory - and small measure of retribution… but when he dare charge Mahal after the match, the set-up leads to a brutal 2-on-1 assault that climaxes with Sabu SAVAGING Great Gama’s face and forehead with a metal spike! An absolute gorefest as huge crimson puddles quickly form beneath Gama’s ravaged head! Jinder Mahal locks Great Gama in his camel clutch for an obscene amount of time (forcing the blood to flow down Gama’s face and into Mahal’s cupped hands like a fountain)… before ordering Sabu to drive him through a table with a steel chair assisted top rope face buster… a blood-stained Mahal and Sabu rejoice post match, and the deadly scene is a reminder of the kind of unedited, Xtreme action you can only witness Online…
Winner (?): GREAT GAMA
** CUT **
__________________________________________________________________
"Get with the muthaphuckkin MOVEMENT!"
Get with the muthaphuckking MOVEMENT! The RASHAD CAMERON movement! The former “Sabian” cuts a backstage promo putting over his new style, attitude and “anti-government name” before introducing his wolf pack of goons behind him - Michael Tarver, JTG & Shad Gaspard… each of them are as menacing as any Black gangbanger can be, and the punch line comes when Rashad Cameron’s promo references corny wiggers and white boy poseurs and his crew start flashing PG-13 (JC Ice Baby & Wolfie D’s) gear, kicks and medallions - alluding to some kind of incident where they apparently jumped the white boys backstage and jacked them for their shit...
MICHAEL TARVER & CRYME TYME 2.0
versus
RUCKUS & BIZARRE RYDE
versus
Rashad Cameron leads his movement to the ring - his profane declaration of independence ringing the entire time as he rants on the mic the entire time… in-ring he’s finally rebutted by former tag team partner RUCKUS - who shows up on the entrance ramp to answer him on the mic… he clowns Cameron a little and puffs on his Black-n-Mild… when the angry, Napoleon-complex Rashad Cameron checks Ruckus and his lack of back-up… Ruckus stands back to introduce his partners for the night… BIZARRE RYDE!
The new, masked tag team of daredevil high-flyers! Ruckus starts with JTG in the ring and out dazzles, outmuscles and outquicks the Brooklyn gangsta… but falls victim to a Big Shad running boot… now Tarver & Gaspard take turns beating on Ruckus, while commentators Solie & Striker touch on the identities of the masked Bizarre Ryde (everybody knows Kendrick & London recently signed with XPW Remixed and have been waiting to debut)… finally Ruckus fights back - takes out Tarver & JTG - and crawls over for the hot tag… only to have BOTH Bizarre Ryde members simultaneously drop off the ring apron and avoid his hand! What the…!?!? Ruckus is incredulous! The fans start booing! Rashad Cameron and crew look just as confused as the commentators sound… Bizarre Ryde simply shake their heads no at Ruckus, before unmasking to reveal…
GENERATION ME!?!?!
They laugh, smile and guffaw - apparently happy with the little “swerve” they just pulled… Cameron and crew take immediate advantage and jump on the outnumbered Ruckus… Big boot from Shad - KO punch from Tarver - sleeping neck breaker from JTG on Ruckus ends the fight 1 2 3... Post match the former “Sabian”, Rashad Cameron gets to unleash a BLKJeez double-foot stomp off the top rope to Ruckus head (as his crew held a steel chair over his face) - effectively putting a “bullet” in his former partner… Rashad Cameron & his movement are left to soak up the boos and taunt the audience while the commentators discuss them and the newly-returned Generation Me with great disgust…
Winners: THE MOVEMENT
** CUT **
___________________________________________________________________
"Controversy grips XPW Remixed referee pool"
More information from within the file folder first revealed by Lou Thesz on XPW TV Episode #49... Backstage correspondent MSD reviews the materials, evidence and summaries contained within…
Name: DANNY DAVIS
Alias: “Dangerous”
New England native (hey I’ve heard stories he lived right up the street in Broken City) Danny Davis comes plucked to us from the WWE universe circa 1987... He’s a credible, big-name official capable of handling big time main event names, matches & crowds… so on the surface, this signing was a coup for Gold Dust Trio Inc (the parent company of XPW Remixed)… but what we are now starting to learn, Danny Davis was only able to be signed because of a suspension he’s facing in the big leagues… apparently the stink of injustice, criminal conspiracy and biased officiating hangs heavy over his career - as numerous incidents have spawned reports… Davis has been accused of bribery by no less a source than Gorilla Monsoon, and officiated many screwy finishes (including a Paul Orndorff/Hul Hogan steel cage match and a tag team title change between the Hart Foundation & British Bulldogs… it was that gregarious decision that led to the mists of XPW Remixed swallowing him and depositing him here…
In XPW Remixed canon this once-anonymous face has been pointed out in a line-up, and now previously shady incidents have a new light shone upon them… Davis refereed the controversial “submission” victory of Jinder Mahal that ENDED Great Gama’s hallowed undefeated streak amongst other things… and now the “tap-out” of former XPW World champion Lou Thesz… another slow motion recap of the finish @ “GMLoD” shows Thesz trapped in Alberto Del Rio’s arm bar and struggling for better leverage, including a pat of his hand upon Del Rio’s kneepad to get a better grip… it was that slight hand motion that caused referee Danny Davis to end the match and declare a “Tap Out Submission”… MSD is continuing to look into these ties and will reveal the information as it becomes released…
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE INTERLUDE **
Honky Tonk Man & Heath Slater are in the office of XPW President Ed “Strangler” Lewis trying to start a “bidding war”… Heath Slater holds (what he claims to be) an exclusive, 6-figure PACKAGE DEAL contract with the AWA for him and HTM to jump ship! Slater goes into a classic oversell of his & HTM’s contributions and value all designed to scare Ed Lewis into offering them more money… but it doesn’t work… in a humorous bit, Ed Lewis repeatedly asks to see the paperwork so he can authorize their release - but Slater keeps balking and refuting it until you realize the papers he’s got are just blanks - and NOT an AWA contract as stated… their ploy to squeeze more money and air time out of XPW Remixed fails and they’re sent on their way… they look to object one more time, until TAZ strides into the office! They take one look at his stone cold-serious face and DISAPPEAR! That leaves Taz alone in the office to exchange some harsh words with the XPW Remixed president… Taz choked out Dean Ambrose! Choked out Snuff! Choked out TNA champion Christian! Choked out Zandig! Choked out Messiah! And if Taz doesn’t start getting some respect he’ll choke out the Strangler too! But Ed Lewis tries to placate him, and encourages Taz to play the game… but Taz does things HIS way and storms out of Ed Lewis’ office after a tense stand-off and stare down…
** CUT **
________________________________________________________________
XPW DECLARES SUMMER OF WAR
("Bitches ain't shit but hoes & tricks")
Gunner & Jessica Darlin get their sleazy, strip-club entrance… Gunner gleefully treats Darlin like shit and the bitch likes it… "show your tits!" chant from the crowd... a fans sign in the crowd says "XPW REMIXED: GLORY(hole) BY HONOR"... Quick power promo from Phil “Gunner” Shatter putting them over, before answered by none other than ANNIE SOCIAL! The diminutive sparkplug has something to prove and a challenge to make - but she doesn’t want that slutty non-wrestler Jessic Darlin… Annie Social wants a piece of Gunner’s sexist, disrespectful ass! Of course Gunner laughs it off - but things turn scary when he suddenly snaps and GRABS Annie Social by her hair! All the while Jessica Darlin is taunting her and egging her man on… Gunner takes Social’s head and THRUSTS it between his legs in piledriver position! The same deadly move that took his former partner Austin Idol OUT of XPW Remixed for good! But at the last second - a platinum blond savior arrives… SABLE 1998! Familiar with the mistreatment of women at the hands of wrestling males (see her *recent* storyline friction with husband “Marvelous” Marc Mero) Sable shares Annie Social’s outrage with Gunner & Darlin’s sexist (and borderline pornographic) antics! And she shows up out of the blue to even the odds! SURPRISE LOW BLOW to Gunner! Roundhouse kick to the HEAD of Jessica Darlin, knocking that bitch on her oft-stuffed bum! Now hindered by the debilitating effects of the lowblow, Gunner is no match for the combined might of Annie Social & Sable! GIRL POWER! Double DDT ejects Gunner from the ring permanently! Big cheers! Sable & Social keep it tuff-girl, but sexy glamorous at the same time… meanwhile an incredulous (and incredibly PISSED OFF) Gunner and Darlin drag their sorry carcasses back up the entrance ramp to lick their wounds… probably literally…
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE INTERVIEW **
MSD is with the "Cali Crippler" Ad Santel, and the cocky German shooter has some choice words for the upper echelon talent in XPW Remixed... after an XPW Remixed career spent building up his Cali Cripplers training camp, it's time for Ad Santel to get a title shot... he's beaten all comers... suddenly (and brazenly) - an outsider interupts his interview time to stare him down... it's MILDRED BURKE! The simmering intensity between the two is palpable, as Ad Santel is aghast by the blatant disrespect showed to him by a WOMAN! Burke cuts a Depression-era, tuff-talk promo on Santel and references her "submission" over him at "Scene of the Crime"... she claims Santel has been ducking her - and caught out there under the bright lights and glare of the TV camera, Ad Santel has no choice but to accept or lose face!! It's gonna be on! On XPW TV Episode #50, Ad Santel finally accepts Mildred Burke's challenge for a one-on-one match!
versus
Mildred Burke versus Ad Santel!
Intergender "Equality Match"!
Only on XPW TV Episode #50!! Be there!!
** CUT **
___________________________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE INTERLUDE **
Former Olympia training camp partners Alexxis Nevaeh & Tommaso Ciampa in conversation… Alexxis has finally cornered him into a conversation and she is distraught and despondent over his choice to abandon the camp… Ciampa doesn’t really give much a reason, or a response - but when Alexxis begs him to reconsider (with the whole “we’re like family” talk) he may silently agree… before leaving the scene and Alexxis wondering what he’s thinking…
** CUT TO RING **
HAKUSHI KURO versus JUN KASAI
versus
Recap of the Onita/Muldoon mini-feud, which each of them angling for the position of “Commissioner”… Muldoon avenged his honor (and win/loss record) by defeating former pupil Hakushi Kuro @ “GMLoD” - thus denying Atsushi Onita the Commissioner position of power… This is the part of the show that fulfills our “pro wrestling as male soap opera” drama quotient… but because this is XPW Remixed it’s all dark and ominous, like a growing horror film… Segment starts in the back with a WICKED vignette in which Onita practically tortures his charges Hakushi & Jun Kasai while verbally destroying them for failing to uphold Black Army honor (Rob Black’s team lost @ “GMLoD”)… this is Full Metal Jacket/Homeland-type psychological and physical torture that manifests itself with an in-ring promo from Onita, surrounded by his brainwashed, savage followers Hakushi Kuro & Jun Kasai… to continue furthering the punishment he gleefully engages them in combat (per Commissioner Muldoon’s decree on XPW TV Episode #49) like one might do abused pitbulls in a backyard dog fight… Onita encourages each to obscene degrees and Hakushi Kuro finally finishes Kasai by sending him backwards through a burning table barbed wire death trap (which had originally been set ablaze by Onita in the first place)… “XPW! XPW!” chants and Hakushi Kuro really gets put over as a pulverizing, Action film-like ninjitsu warrior…
Winner: HAKUSHI KURO
Onita finally turns his bile towards his original target - Commissioner Muldoon… Onita unleashes a loud, belligerent diss promo on Muldoon - calling him and his camp all kinds of horrible things - but when he dares call Muldoon a “coward” - none other than a new theme song interrupts us..
Enter TOMMASO CIAMPA!!
He has apparently emerged to defend the honor of Olympia after all! But it’s hard to tell from his ice-cold, stoic expression… he stands his ground and stares Onita dead in the eye as the Japanese madman lambastes him to his face… it appears Ciampa may have outdid himself here, as Hakushi & Kasai begin to circle him in a very tense stand-off situation… until COMMISSIONER WILLIAM MULDOON emerges! This is his first time actually getting to see Ciampa since his desertion, and Muldoon uses this opportunity to let bygones be bygones in the face of a shared threat… but just when it seems it will at least be 2-on-3 (odds Muldoon favors as a “fair fight” against 3 Death Match savages)… Tommaso Ciampa (predictably) abandons Muldoon AGAIN!
Onita, Kasai & Hakushi beat down the aging Commissioner while Ciampa just watches on in blank, befuddled inactivity… the beat down continues with Ciampa just watching on until Alexxis Neveah makes the run in! She uses her body to shield Muldoon’s and cries out to Tommaso “WHAT R U DOING!?!?” Her efforts seem to have waylaid the bad guys and put the soap opera focus back on Alexis & Ciampa’s brother/sister relationship - when she finally SLAPS him out of anger and frustration! He silently steams but doesn’t act - in fact, he doesn’t do ANYTHING - even as Hakushi Kuro sneaks into the ring like a cat behind her - spins her around - and spits blinding BLACK MIST into Alexxis’ face! She shrieks and goes down! Oh the horror! Muldoon writhes in pain and tries to crawl over to her! Onita cackles madly and leads his troops in a victory lap! Tommaso Ciampa just continues to watching - blankly… silently… as he slinks back up the entrance ramp… paramedics must tend to grievously injured Alexxis Nevaeh…
Atsushi Onita sows chaos wherever he goes...
** CUT **
________________________________________________________________
"XPW DECLARES SUMMER of WAR"
("Just Clownin Around")
What is this? Oh my, take a look! It’s old XPW Online alumni Doink the Clown!(it‘s really not Matt Bourne so relax your stinking sue-happy fingertips) Oh what a pleasant surprise on our SERIES FINALE! Backstage correspondent MSD awaits in the ring for a few words with the surprise guest, and waits patiently as the face-painted Doink the Clown classic hands out balloons and small toys to ringside children… in the ring, Doink procures a very special STING action figure as a small rib on WWF but can’t get a single word out before we are interrupted by a theme song…
It’s the NEW XPW Boston champion, and FRANCHISE of fantasy wrestling…
SHANE DOUGLAS (w/ Lizzy Borden)!!
This is primetime Franchise with a chip on his shoulder - porn bitch dimepiece on his arm - and championship belt around his waist… and he’s got A LOT to say… another classic “shoot-style” rant from Shane Douglas where he completely dismisses this entire childish charade and instead demands this air time go to him instead… as far as he’s concerned, he proved he’s legit at “Give Me Liberty or Death” - the “Boston” title can be called the “Pittsburgh championship” for all he cares - Doink the Clown is a JOKE like the WWF (and Lizzy Borden has some harsh, choice words for that “Jacked-up, clit-dick cum dumpster CHYNA” as well)… and Shane Douglas is the muthaphuckkin FRANCHISE of fantasy wrestling! And he proves that once again tonight with a scary display of bully intensity when he jumps and quickly dismantles Doink the Clown (while MSD flees)… Pittsburgh Plunge breaks the clowns neck and Douglas finishes by sarcastically popping the head OFF the WWF-brand Sting action figure in the ring… But no sooner has he done that, we get our 2nd interruption of the segment…
AWESOME! Enter the XPW Remixed fan favorite…
MIZ!!
** XPW Boston Championship **
SHANE DOUGLAS © w/ Lizzy Borden versus
THE MIZ
w/ versus
Miz makes fun of Douglas for picking on an action figure - makes fun of Lizzy Borden for being a trash bag gutter-feeding hoe bag - and winds up using his big mouth to cash a championship check tonight… Shane Douglas (in front of the voracious XPW Remixed live audience) has his manhood questioned and must answer the call… solid match between the two as the announcers cover their history within XPW Remixed canon (long feud - climaxed with Shane Douglas beating Team Miz at “Scene of the Crime” - still simmering) and the two athletes put over the importance of this title belt (and it‘s lineage going all the way back to Danno O‘Mahoney 1935 and his “World title“ status)… Miz proves he’s on the level and earns a few very close near-falls, but in the end - ringside manipulations from Lizzy Borden ensure her man the victory and Douglas catches Miz with a crushing Pittsburgh Plunge for the pin…
Winner (and STILL XPW Boston champion): SHANE DOUGLAS
Post match Shane Douglas & Lizzy Borden want to go for the beat down on Miz further, when they are interrupted and antagonized by a SECOND Doink the Clown appearing the scene… much taller and skinnier this one, with a curiously-large blown out green afro on his head… the new Doink unleashes a surprise WHIPPED CREAM attack on Lizzy Borden’s face - leaving her looking like a bukkake victim! Dazzling glitter strike to Shane’s eyes and the 2nd Doink takes over with a familiar, juke-n-jiving high-flying offense! Splits! Waves! Jive-Soul Bro! Shane Douglas is OUTTA HERE and the 2nd Doink unmasks to reveal none other than…
HUMAN TORNADO!!
With the crowd surging behind him (their endorsement speaking levels) - and the support of Commissioner William Muldoon - we are granted our first PPV title defense! Shane Douglas will defend his XPW Boston championship against HUMAN TORNADO at “Damage Inc 2!!” Crowd goes berserk! Douglas & Borden are irate over the lack of respect! Muldoon signs out, and Human Tornado dances and preens for the crowd to end this segment!
** XPW Boston championship **
Shane Douglas © (w/ Lizzy Borden) versus Human Tornado!!
Only @ “DI2”!!
** CUT **
_____________________________________________________________________
NATALYA NEIDHART versus WENDI RICHTER
versus
Ill breakdown in traditional, XPW Original style… music-video styled clip job that highlights the best 3-4 minutes of this match… Promo from Wendi Richter to start where she angrily calls out Natalya Neidhart for COLLECTING A BOUNTY on her @ “GMLoD” - attacking Richter in the locker room - and preventing Richter from claiming her title shot against Awesome Kong… cut to Nattie answering on the mic and admitting she collected the bounty set by Lizzy Borden and is guaranteed a woman’s title shot herself - if she can beat Wendi Richter TONIGHT! Cut to action with highlights interspersed over the “Bumpin Bumpin” beat by Kreayshawn… hard-hitting, exciting match that finds Nattie overcoming a missile-dropkick attempt from Richter by catching the former XPW Remixed Woman champions legs and LOCKING IN THE SHARPSHOOTER! Wendi tries to fight it and get to the ropes but can’t! No choice but to TAP or SNAP! Nattie Neidhart smiling, cackling like her father and flaunting her hard-won victory… XPW Remixed is the home for REAL woman‘s fantasy wrestling… fuck ROH…
Winner (by submission): NATALYA NEIDHART
** CUT **
_________________________________________________________________
XPW Remixed presents...
"SLAUGHTAHOUSE STAMPEDE 2"
RULES: Royal Rumble-style, Xtreme-rulez battle royal in which participants are allowed to wear street-clothes and use weaponry... these are very violent, dangerous matches - and only the sickest sunovabitches in Mash-Up Wrestling dare sign up...
ROLL CALL of PARTICIPANTS:
Dean Ambrose
Snuff
Sabu
Original Sheik
New Jack
Pogo the Clown
Atsushi Onita
Kevin Sullivan
the MESSIAH
Sami Callihan
Danny Havoc
Madman Pondo
Jun Kasai
** and more!! **
** SLAUGHTAHOUSE STAMPEDE QUALIFYING MATCH **
ORDER of ELIMINATION:
1) Officer Cabana (used as filler, eliminated quickly - his heel authority figure is permanently written out of XPW Remixed storylines off camera when he is arrested in front of the live audience for bribery and corruption, and led away in handcuffs hooting and hollering...)
2) Unnamed Jobber(a warm body used to take some Xtreme bumps and bleed alot...)
3) Ricky Reyes ("accidentally" eliminated by tag team partner Rocky Romero)
4) Drake Younger (Violent Kendo stick assault from the "New Horror" Sami Callihan)
5) Jimmy Uso (Throws himself over the top rope after the last entrant makes his way to the ring weilding a muthaphuckkin WEED WHACKER!!)
6) Jey Uso (same as his brother - they THOUGHT they were tuff guys until the masked mystery man with the weed whacker enters - then the Uso's eliminate themselves and get the hell outta town!)
7) Rocky Romero (Eliminated by masked mystery man and last entrant)
8) Tony Altomare(Italian "mob boss" spent entire match ducking everybody and clinging to the bottom ropes, until the ratty-haired, scarred-up masked mystery man eliminates him with a steel chair smash to the skull...)
9) Sami Callihan(Already entered into the Slaughtahouse Stampede, per his CZWO affiliation - Callihan felt pressured to take this match regardless, especially after his "ghost" talk and mystery backstage assault (or so he claims - see XPW TV Episode #49) prevented him from coming to the aid of his stablemate Messiah... but to Callihan's horror tonight, the last entrant is the masked "GHOST" that attacked him last week! And he's got a muthaphuckkin weedwhacker! After clearing the ring in a blaze of glory - the mystery man unmasked to reveal a face from Sami Callihan's XPW Remixed past...)
10) ** WINNER: Thumbtack Jack!! **
The last entrant, he came to the ring wearing his all-white "ghost" mask and carrying a weedwacker... he went on a violent elimination frenzy before zeroing in on his former "mentor" and violent abuser Sami Callihan - revenge for the sacrifice Thumbtack Jack became in the wake of CZWO's creation... Thumbtack Jack is BACK! And he's ready for the Slaughtahouse Stampede!!
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE VIGNETTE **
Another comedic interlude between "Real Deal" Damien Steele and Ricardo Rodriguez... Steele is adamant about becoming XPW Remixed champion Alberto Del Rio's personal assistant, but hilariously fails in this bi-lingual exchange with Ricardo - and Steele winds up accidentally admitting he's a "moron who enjoys cock" in Spanish (complete with humorous subtitles provided by XPW Remixed producers)... chalk up another minor victory for Del Rio's personal ring announcer...
** CUT **
________________________________________________________________
** HYPE **
** Backstage interview with Lou Thesz - touches on ref controversy at "GMLoD" but isn't making excuses... he will regain his championship on XPW TV Episode #50 when he rematches with Alberto Del Rio... **
** Sheamus promo hyping his match with "Nature Boy" Buddy Rogers on XPW TV Episode #50 - if Sheamus wins he will earn a rematch against Matt Morgan, who beat him via crooked means at "GMLoD"... **
** Retort from Rogers & Morgan who remind you of Buddy Rogers run of greatness through XPW Remixed and how Matt Morgan is the future of Fantasy Wrestling... Sheamus will be left in the past... **
** Scary, dark, boiler-room promo from Reigning KotDM champion ZANDIG - who puts over the CZWO mission to destroy XPW Remixed from within... he will defend his title for the first time on XPW TV Episode #50 against a mystery opponent... **
** Management skit in which Ed Lewis & Toots Mondt enter Rob Black's messy office - kick Jack Pfefer out of the room - and basically pleasently strong-arm Rob Black into signing over Alberto Del Rio's exclusive contract rights... they get their long-awaited champion NOT named Lou Thesz - and Rob Black has more fodder for his paranoid conspiracy theory that "everbody is out to get him"... **
** CUT TO RING **
_________________________________________________________________
** #1 Contenders Match **
JOHN CENA (2012) versus SAMOA JOE (2007)
versus
Recap of the Cena/Joe feud that raged over the XPW Boston championship - before segueing to this match with championship stipulations… in arena, current XPW Remixed World champion ALBERTO DEL RIO enters first to join Solie & Striker at the commentary table… Samoa Joe enters next… Cena last… Gordon Solie notes that despite the accusations and alleged “proof” of wrongdoing, XPW official DANNY DAVIS has still be assigned to ref this match… we start off with Cena taking down Samoa Joe with a quick arm drag off a lock-up, showing off his wrestling skills… but Samoa Joe is unimpressed and answers with a takedown of his own… Joe & Cena have several exchanges where they counter wrestle, scramble and reverse each other… Cena goes for an FUAA early, but Joe elbows out and hit’s a sick combination of strikes… Samoa Joe takes over on offense, while Alberto Del Rio admits how dangerous each man is - but never hesitates to believe he can beat either one of them… Samoa Joe with a shoulder block from the ring apron and then a springboard forearm and Muay-Thai clinch - driving his knees into Cena‘s face… Samoa Joe goes to work on Cena’s arm, trying to nullify his strength advantage… a front facelock slows the action down, and gives the crowd a chance to get off their chants (“Joe’s gonna KIIIILLLL YOU…”, “LET’S GO CENA! / CENA SUCKS!”).. Cena finally fights back with some big right hands - shoulder blocks - spinning sit-out suplex - and finally (to mixed cheers) the 5-Knuckle shuffle… but Joe kicks out at 2 and tries rolling out of the ring… outside the ring a brawl erupts between the both men that carries over towards the announce table… at one point, Cena takes a running CHARGE at Joe - only to have Samoa Joe sidestep him and send Cena flying over the announce table RIGHT INTO Alberto Del Rio! Cena crashes into the champ and both men crumple onto the arena floor…
Back in the ring, Cena eats a vicious Pele kick and side Russian leg sweep from Joe… now Joe is calling for the Kokina clutch rear-naked choke… he zooms in on Cena and tries catching him in the hold - but John fights back… he actually manages to HOIST Samoa Joe up onto his shoulders into FUAA position! BAM! Cena hits his finishing move in the middle of the ring… but Joe doesn’t release his grip! He locks his legs around Cena’s body and tightens the rear naked choke! Both men’s shoulders are down on the mat and the referee counts… 1!.. 2!.. 3!! WHAT!?!? Joe breaks the hold, and raises his arms aloft triumphantly! There is confusion from the commentators over the decision… fan reaction is notably hostile… finally after a long pause, SAMOA JOE is announced the winner via pinfall! This brings Boston area promoter (and John Cena & the MCMG’s backstage manager) PAUL BOWSER to ringside where he vehemently protests the decision… He actually gets XPW Commissioner William Muldoon to REVERSE THE DECISION! It was JOE’S shoulders on the mat for the referee’s count, therefore the true victor is JOHN CENA! Big pop for that! But now Samoa Joe is enraged! XPW Remixed VP Joseph “Toots” Mondt is making his way to ringside to join the argument… but it’s all for naught! Because in the midst of the chaos and confusion - and irate Alberto Del Rio storms the ring using his championship belt as a weapon! BAM! Belt shot to the back of Joe’s skull, knocking him out! BAM! Belt shot to Cena’s forehead, busting him open and leaving him lying! Del Rio is an island upon himself, and NOBODY deserves to be his challenger! Show fades to black with Alberto Del Rio soaking in the boos and flaunting his precious XPW Remixed World Championship… he defends against Lou Thesz next week on XPW TV Episode #50!!
Winner: Samoa Joe (?) / John Cena (?)
** FADE OUT **
________________________________________________________________
XPW Remixed presents...
** XPW Boston championship **
Shane Douglas © (w/ Lizzy Borden) versus Human Tornado
** Slaughtahouse Stampede match **
________________________________________________________________
w/ versus
Miz makes fun of Douglas for picking on an action figure - makes fun of Lizzy Borden for being a trash bag gutter-feeding hoe bag - and winds up using his big mouth to cash a championship check tonight… Shane Douglas (in front of the voracious XPW Remixed live audience) has his manhood questioned and must answer the call… solid match between the two as the announcers cover their history within XPW Remixed canon (long feud - climaxed with Shane Douglas beating Team Miz at “Scene of the Crime” - still simmering) and the two athletes put over the importance of this title belt (and it‘s lineage going all the way back to Danno O‘Mahoney 1935 and his “World title“ status)… Miz proves he’s on the level and earns a few very close near-falls, but in the end - ringside manipulations from Lizzy Borden ensure her man the victory and Douglas catches Miz with a crushing Pittsburgh Plunge for the pin…
Winner (and STILL XPW Boston champion): SHANE DOUGLAS
Post match Shane Douglas & Lizzy Borden want to go for the beat down on Miz further, when they are interrupted and antagonized by a SECOND Doink the Clown appearing the scene… much taller and skinnier this one, with a curiously-large blown out green afro on his head… the new Doink unleashes a surprise WHIPPED CREAM attack on Lizzy Borden’s face - leaving her looking like a bukkake victim! Dazzling glitter strike to Shane’s eyes and the 2nd Doink takes over with a familiar, juke-n-jiving high-flying offense! Splits! Waves! Jive-Soul Bro! Shane Douglas is OUTTA HERE and the 2nd Doink unmasks to reveal none other than…
HUMAN TORNADO!!
With the crowd surging behind him (their endorsement speaking levels) - and the support of Commissioner William Muldoon - we are granted our first PPV title defense! Shane Douglas will defend his XPW Boston championship against HUMAN TORNADO at “Damage Inc 2!!” Crowd goes berserk! Douglas & Borden are irate over the lack of respect! Muldoon signs out, and Human Tornado dances and preens for the crowd to end this segment!
** XPW Boston championship **
Shane Douglas © (w/ Lizzy Borden) versus Human Tornado!!
Only @ “DI2”!!
** CUT **
_____________________________________________________________________
NATALYA NEIDHART versus WENDI RICHTER
versus
Ill breakdown in traditional, XPW Original style… music-video styled clip job that highlights the best 3-4 minutes of this match… Promo from Wendi Richter to start where she angrily calls out Natalya Neidhart for COLLECTING A BOUNTY on her @ “GMLoD” - attacking Richter in the locker room - and preventing Richter from claiming her title shot against Awesome Kong… cut to Nattie answering on the mic and admitting she collected the bounty set by Lizzy Borden and is guaranteed a woman’s title shot herself - if she can beat Wendi Richter TONIGHT! Cut to action with highlights interspersed over the “Bumpin Bumpin” beat by Kreayshawn… hard-hitting, exciting match that finds Nattie overcoming a missile-dropkick attempt from Richter by catching the former XPW Remixed Woman champions legs and LOCKING IN THE SHARPSHOOTER! Wendi tries to fight it and get to the ropes but can’t! No choice but to TAP or SNAP! Nattie Neidhart smiling, cackling like her father and flaunting her hard-won victory… XPW Remixed is the home for REAL woman‘s fantasy wrestling… fuck ROH…
Winner (by submission): NATALYA NEIDHART
** CUT **
_________________________________________________________________
XPW Remixed presents...
"SLAUGHTAHOUSE STAMPEDE 2"
RULES: Royal Rumble-style, Xtreme-rulez battle royal in which participants are allowed to wear street-clothes and use weaponry... these are very violent, dangerous matches - and only the sickest sunovabitches in Mash-Up Wrestling dare sign up...
ROLL CALL of PARTICIPANTS:
Dean Ambrose
Snuff
Sabu
Original Sheik
New Jack
Pogo the Clown
Atsushi Onita
Kevin Sullivan
the MESSIAH
Sami Callihan
Danny Havoc
Madman Pondo
Jun Kasai
** and more!! **
** SLAUGHTAHOUSE STAMPEDE QUALIFYING MATCH **
ORDER of ELIMINATION:
1) Officer Cabana (used as filler, eliminated quickly - his heel authority figure is permanently written out of XPW Remixed storylines off camera when he is arrested in front of the live audience for bribery and corruption, and led away in handcuffs hooting and hollering...)
2) Unnamed Jobber(a warm body used to take some Xtreme bumps and bleed alot...)
3) Ricky Reyes ("accidentally" eliminated by tag team partner Rocky Romero)
4) Drake Younger (Violent Kendo stick assault from the "New Horror" Sami Callihan)
5) Jimmy Uso (Throws himself over the top rope after the last entrant makes his way to the ring weilding a muthaphuckkin WEED WHACKER!!)
6) Jey Uso (same as his brother - they THOUGHT they were tuff guys until the masked mystery man with the weed whacker enters - then the Uso's eliminate themselves and get the hell outta town!)
7) Rocky Romero (Eliminated by masked mystery man and last entrant)
8) Tony Altomare(Italian "mob boss" spent entire match ducking everybody and clinging to the bottom ropes, until the ratty-haired, scarred-up masked mystery man eliminates him with a steel chair smash to the skull...)
9) Sami Callihan(Already entered into the Slaughtahouse Stampede, per his CZWO affiliation - Callihan felt pressured to take this match regardless, especially after his "ghost" talk and mystery backstage assault (or so he claims - see XPW TV Episode #49) prevented him from coming to the aid of his stablemate Messiah... but to Callihan's horror tonight, the last entrant is the masked "GHOST" that attacked him last week! And he's got a muthaphuckkin weedwhacker! After clearing the ring in a blaze of glory - the mystery man unmasked to reveal a face from Sami Callihan's XPW Remixed past...)
10) ** WINNER: Thumbtack Jack!! **
The last entrant, he came to the ring wearing his all-white "ghost" mask and carrying a weedwacker... he went on a violent elimination frenzy before zeroing in on his former "mentor" and violent abuser Sami Callihan - revenge for the sacrifice Thumbtack Jack became in the wake of CZWO's creation... Thumbtack Jack is BACK! And he's ready for the Slaughtahouse Stampede!!
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE VIGNETTE **
Another comedic interlude between "Real Deal" Damien Steele and Ricardo Rodriguez... Steele is adamant about becoming XPW Remixed champion Alberto Del Rio's personal assistant, but hilariously fails in this bi-lingual exchange with Ricardo - and Steele winds up accidentally admitting he's a "moron who enjoys cock" in Spanish (complete with humorous subtitles provided by XPW Remixed producers)... chalk up another minor victory for Del Rio's personal ring announcer...
** CUT **
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** HYPE **
** Backstage interview with Lou Thesz - touches on ref controversy at "GMLoD" but isn't making excuses... he will regain his championship on XPW TV Episode #50 when he rematches with Alberto Del Rio... **
** Sheamus promo hyping his match with "Nature Boy" Buddy Rogers on XPW TV Episode #50 - if Sheamus wins he will earn a rematch against Matt Morgan, who beat him via crooked means at "GMLoD"... **
** Retort from Rogers & Morgan who remind you of Buddy Rogers run of greatness through XPW Remixed and how Matt Morgan is the future of Fantasy Wrestling... Sheamus will be left in the past... **
** Scary, dark, boiler-room promo from Reigning KotDM champion ZANDIG - who puts over the CZWO mission to destroy XPW Remixed from within... he will defend his title for the first time on XPW TV Episode #50 against a mystery opponent... **
** Management skit in which Ed Lewis & Toots Mondt enter Rob Black's messy office - kick Jack Pfefer out of the room - and basically pleasently strong-arm Rob Black into signing over Alberto Del Rio's exclusive contract rights... they get their long-awaited champion NOT named Lou Thesz - and Rob Black has more fodder for his paranoid conspiracy theory that "everbody is out to get him"... **
** CUT TO RING **
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** #1 Contenders Match **
JOHN CENA (2012) versus SAMOA JOE (2007)
versus
Recap of the Cena/Joe feud that raged over the XPW Boston championship - before segueing to this match with championship stipulations… in arena, current XPW Remixed World champion ALBERTO DEL RIO enters first to join Solie & Striker at the commentary table… Samoa Joe enters next… Cena last… Gordon Solie notes that despite the accusations and alleged “proof” of wrongdoing, XPW official DANNY DAVIS has still be assigned to ref this match… we start off with Cena taking down Samoa Joe with a quick arm drag off a lock-up, showing off his wrestling skills… but Samoa Joe is unimpressed and answers with a takedown of his own… Joe & Cena have several exchanges where they counter wrestle, scramble and reverse each other… Cena goes for an FUAA early, but Joe elbows out and hit’s a sick combination of strikes… Samoa Joe takes over on offense, while Alberto Del Rio admits how dangerous each man is - but never hesitates to believe he can beat either one of them… Samoa Joe with a shoulder block from the ring apron and then a springboard forearm and Muay-Thai clinch - driving his knees into Cena‘s face… Samoa Joe goes to work on Cena’s arm, trying to nullify his strength advantage… a front facelock slows the action down, and gives the crowd a chance to get off their chants (“Joe’s gonna KIIIILLLL YOU…”, “LET’S GO CENA! / CENA SUCKS!”).. Cena finally fights back with some big right hands - shoulder blocks - spinning sit-out suplex - and finally (to mixed cheers) the 5-Knuckle shuffle… but Joe kicks out at 2 and tries rolling out of the ring… outside the ring a brawl erupts between the both men that carries over towards the announce table… at one point, Cena takes a running CHARGE at Joe - only to have Samoa Joe sidestep him and send Cena flying over the announce table RIGHT INTO Alberto Del Rio! Cena crashes into the champ and both men crumple onto the arena floor…
Back in the ring, Cena eats a vicious Pele kick and side Russian leg sweep from Joe… now Joe is calling for the Kokina clutch rear-naked choke… he zooms in on Cena and tries catching him in the hold - but John fights back… he actually manages to HOIST Samoa Joe up onto his shoulders into FUAA position! BAM! Cena hits his finishing move in the middle of the ring… but Joe doesn’t release his grip! He locks his legs around Cena’s body and tightens the rear naked choke! Both men’s shoulders are down on the mat and the referee counts… 1!.. 2!.. 3!! WHAT!?!? Joe breaks the hold, and raises his arms aloft triumphantly! There is confusion from the commentators over the decision… fan reaction is notably hostile… finally after a long pause, SAMOA JOE is announced the winner via pinfall! This brings Boston area promoter (and John Cena & the MCMG’s backstage manager) PAUL BOWSER to ringside where he vehemently protests the decision… He actually gets XPW Commissioner William Muldoon to REVERSE THE DECISION! It was JOE’S shoulders on the mat for the referee’s count, therefore the true victor is JOHN CENA! Big pop for that! But now Samoa Joe is enraged! XPW Remixed VP Joseph “Toots” Mondt is making his way to ringside to join the argument… but it’s all for naught! Because in the midst of the chaos and confusion - and irate Alberto Del Rio storms the ring using his championship belt as a weapon! BAM! Belt shot to the back of Joe’s skull, knocking him out! BAM! Belt shot to Cena’s forehead, busting him open and leaving him lying! Del Rio is an island upon himself, and NOBODY deserves to be his challenger! Show fades to black with Alberto Del Rio soaking in the boos and flaunting his precious XPW Remixed World Championship… he defends against Lou Thesz next week on XPW TV Episode #50!!
Winner: Samoa Joe (?) / John Cena (?)
** FADE OUT **
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XPW Remixed presents...
** XPW Boston championship **
Shane Douglas © (w/ Lizzy Borden) versus Human Tornado
** Slaughtahouse Stampede match **
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