Post by MadStepDad on Mar 25, 2012 20:09:48 GMT -5
Cut to the in-studio announce team for the evening
Gordon Solie & Matt Striker
The stage was set at FallOut Festival… New tag team, Boston & King of the Death match champions were crowned… the dark angel Hakushi Kuro executed his mentor William Muldoon… Wendy Richter brought the woman’s championship back to 1985 with her flux capacitor – Jon Moxley answered The Grand Wizard’s challenge – and Lou Thesz outlasted eternal arch-nemesis Bruno Sammartino in an Iron Man match to retain the XPW Championship!
Now, the chips begin to fall… XPW Remixed presents a night of change… a night of revelation & celebration… a night where ALL XPW Championships will be on the line… XPW Remixed presents… A NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS!!! Coming late April from an unspecified location in LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA! XPW homeland!
** CUT TO RING **
_________________________________________________________
”WORDS FROM THE XPW REMIXED PRESIDENT”
XPW President Ed “Strangler” Lewis in the ring to start the show… record-breaking numbers for Fallout Festival… now the march to “Night of Champions” begins… TONIGHT we are hosting an 8-man #1 Contenders tourney to determine the next potential XPW Champion… participants have been briefed before the show – all combatants are ready – and the show starts right now!!!
Suddenly - "No Way Out" by SFD starts blaring... enter NEW "King of the Death Match" champion "Real Deal" Damien Steele w/ Lord Humongous & Jasmin St Claire… cocky, flippant attitude from the KotDM champion (and XPW Commissioner) Damien Steele… since he's SOMEHOW not included in the 8-Man #1 Contenders tourney tonight… he went ahead and booked himself the main event slot… Strangler Lewis begins to scoff at Steele’s brazen decision, until Steele reveals his tag team partner… returning to action TONIGHT from suspension…
SAMOA JOE!!!
Joe boldly steps to Strangler Lewis without a care or fear in the world… he has a LIST of complaints, with Thesz at the top... he disses Lewis, disses Bruno Sammartino and calls out the XPW Champion… and say his name 3x like Candyman, he shall arrive…
Enter XPW Champion LOU THESZ!!!
LOU THESZ: I really cannot choose from your list, although it still amazes me. I consider my greatest accomplishment is being the luckiest guy around. In finding George Tragos, Ed Lewis, Ray Steele and a long list of guys who were friends beyond the everyday use of the word. I have always believe it is better to be lucky than smart. Don't get me wrong, I worked hard, but without those guys, I would have never had the accomplishments you listed.
Thesz answers like a man to Samoa Joe and Damien Steele, immune to the Commissioners entourage… the champion doesn’t fight for Strangler Lewis anymore (see “New Years Revolution” for their original falling out)… he fights for the fans and fantasy wrestling, and ACCEPTS Steele’s challenge… but who will be Thesz’ partner? Because as XPW President Ed “Strangler” Lewis just informs us - Lou’s “Shooters Club” training camp has been REMOVED FROM THE BUILDING for “dress code violations”! It looks like tonight’s main event will be a handicap match! Until…
“Black & Yellow” by Wiz Khalifa…
Enter BRUNO SAMMARTINO!!!
He picks up the fantasy baton in the wake of his close-call with Thesz @ “Fallout Festival”, and says HE will be Lou’s tag team partner tonight! Finally Samoa Joe gets what he’s been asking for! Another piece of da Brune! Steele and entourage are a little perturbed that somebody dare stand alongside Thesz against them, but boldly declares his teams victory tonight nonetheless… and just to make sure everything is on the up and up tonight… “on the square”… XPW President Ed “Strangler” Lewis has volunteered himself as special ringside enforcer! Samoa Joe has to be practically held back from charging Bruno… Thesz & Steele have the cool, cocky staredown, while Ed Lewis chuckles mirthlessly at both of them… and Steele’s entourage rounds out the picture. Tag Team Main Event TONIGHT!!!
** CUT **
____________________________________________________________
** #1 Contenders Tourney **
POGO THE CLOWN (2002) versus
EZEKIEL JACKSON (2012)
versus
We return from commercial to find the John Wayne Gacy-inspired Pogo the Clown stalking ringside… using excessive profanity, and focusing on the children in the front row in a very unsettling manner… 4 wooden tables are propped up in each corner of the ring, resting on the turnbuckles… they do a little crowd bit, where Pogo winds up smacking the crap out of a male spectator and grabbing his girlfriend by the hair! The monster Pogo drags the woman into the ring by her hair in a terrifying scene... when suddenly - “Domination” rips through the speakers and crowd pop is HUMONGOUS! Enter the “Apocalypse of 2012”! Part Mark Henry 2011 / part Goldberg 1998 - all Domination! Announcers have just enough time to recount Jackson’s expedited victory over “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers at Fallout Festival - when Big Zeke just PLOWS through Pogo the Clown with a massive spear! The woman escapes! Pogo wanted to use his barbed wire shovel but Jackson was too explosive! He drives the monster Pogo through a wooden table in the corner for the pin fall! Crowd EXPLODES at the sudden finish! Pogo rolls out of the ring to regroup, while Jackson pounds his chest and breaks the barbed wire shovel over his knee! Jackson is one step closer to being #1 Contender!!!
Winner: EZEKIEL JACKSON (2012)
** CUT **
_____________________________________________________________
** DURING THE BREAK **
** We return from commercial to “During the Break” video footage hosted by Solie & Striker… apparently after Jackson left the ring area, Pogo went on a min-rampage - destroying the ringside area and smacking around camera men… until “Natural Born Killaz” by Dr Dre & Ice Cube stopped him dead in his tracks! Cue maniacal run-in from the OG of Xtreme New Jack… he came back at “Fallout Festival” and he’s here tonight to battle ex-partner Pogo the Clown! We cut back to TV just in time to catch the tail end of the brawl, with New Jack & Pogo tearing up the backstage area… **
**********
** BACKSTAGE SKIT **
Meanwhile, cameras cut to a brief backstage sketch… The Grand Wizard is heard yapping away on a cell phone, when he’s approached by MSD for a quick interview… MSD asks TGW’s reaction to a stipulation President Strangler Lewis put in place for his match that specifies if he or one of his men lay a hand on Jon Moxley tonight they will be FIRED under the “Spring Cleaning” act! TGW treats MSD like a hassle, rudely informing him he’s got things well in hand this evening… then TGW goes back to his phone call, closing with “OK Red I’m on my way over to finalize the agreement…”
** CUT TO RING **
** #1 Contenders Tourney **
SHEAMUS (2012) versus JON MOXLEY (2015)
versus
Both men jaw away at each other to start, before an aggressive lock-up (Sheamus overpowers)… Moxley tries to take his knee, but winds up running off the ropes into a Sheamus shoulder block that floors him… Another rebound and this time Sheamus catches him with a power slam… Moxley with a quick jawbreaker, but Sheamus answers with a big boot… it sends Moxley to the floor… Sheamus rams him into the steps... Back in, Moxley gets a Russian legsweep… Sheamus almost gets an Emerald Fusion, but gets caught with a facebuster and a leg drop… Sheamus comes back with a DDT and a flying shoulder tackle for 2... Sheamus tries to tie Moxley up in the ropes and uncork the “forearms to the chest“ bit, but Moxley connects with a spinning heel kick for two.. Both men down, until Moxley ducks a Brogue Kick attempt and hit’s a clothesline from Hell on Sheamus for a very close 2-count!! But now, we’re getting some kind of disturbance..
From the locker room emerges “WILD” RED BERRY (with his tag team champion Fabulous Kangaroos close behind)! Clad in his stylish fedora and cane he begins the slow, cocky strut to ringside… for a “closer view”… both combatants wary as we head to commercial… when we return, Berry has taken up residency next to Solie & Striker at the announce table - where he unleashes a torrent of multi-syllabic insults upon Sheamus (who defeated Berry’s man Bam Bam Bigelow at “Fallout Festival”)… sure enough, his loud insults and general presence irritates Sheamus and he turns to focus his attentions on Berry… the manager rises from the announce table to egg Sheamus on further, distracting both him and the referee… this actually allows the Fabulous Kangaroos to sneak up in the ring behind Sheamus… and hit JON MOXLEY with their Improvised 3-D finisher!?!? Yes, the FabKangs just DROPPED Moxley with their tandem finisher and slid from the ring, escaping detection! “Wild” Red Berry wipes his hands of Sheamus and hops down from the ring apron!
Sheamus turns around to see what the heck happened, and starts yelling at the FabKangs - standing at ringside… suddenly, Sheamus is blindsided from the rear by KEN PATERA (1977) and The Grand Wizard!?!?!? The ex-Olympic strongman/criminal jumps the ringside barricade in his track wear and lays waste to Sheamus in the ring! All the while, The Grand Wizard & “Wild” Red Berry are wildly congratulating each other on their arrangement! Solie & Striker surmise they must have found a loophole to Strangler Lewis’ “No Touch Decree”, by attacking each OTHER’S enemies!!! Inside the ring, the bell has tolled continuously to end the chaos - but to no avail… Ken Patera cripples Sheamus with his Swinging Full-Nelson, while the FabKangs brutalize Jon Moxley with double teams… in the end, scene closes with all 5 men united (and smiling in victory) in the ring, standing over their unconscious, bloody opponents bodies… American and Australian flags are flying proudly over the beat down, as trash and boos rain down upon them all…
NO FINISH
** CUT TO VIDEO **
**************
"THE QUEEN of HARTS IS COMING TO XPW REMIXED...
(see her debut on the next XPW Online!!!)
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
____________________________________________________________
** #1 Contenders Tourney **
ADAM PEARCE (w/ Ad Santel) vs.
versus
We return from commercial to find the John Wayne Gacy-inspired Pogo the Clown stalking ringside… using excessive profanity, and focusing on the children in the front row in a very unsettling manner… 4 wooden tables are propped up in each corner of the ring, resting on the turnbuckles… they do a little crowd bit, where Pogo winds up smacking the crap out of a male spectator and grabbing his girlfriend by the hair! The monster Pogo drags the woman into the ring by her hair in a terrifying scene... when suddenly - “Domination” rips through the speakers and crowd pop is HUMONGOUS! Enter the “Apocalypse of 2012”! Part Mark Henry 2011 / part Goldberg 1998 - all Domination! Announcers have just enough time to recount Jackson’s expedited victory over “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers at Fallout Festival - when Big Zeke just PLOWS through Pogo the Clown with a massive spear! The woman escapes! Pogo wanted to use his barbed wire shovel but Jackson was too explosive! He drives the monster Pogo through a wooden table in the corner for the pin fall! Crowd EXPLODES at the sudden finish! Pogo rolls out of the ring to regroup, while Jackson pounds his chest and breaks the barbed wire shovel over his knee! Jackson is one step closer to being #1 Contender!!!
Winner: EZEKIEL JACKSON (2012)
** CUT **
_____________________________________________________________
** DURING THE BREAK **
** We return from commercial to “During the Break” video footage hosted by Solie & Striker… apparently after Jackson left the ring area, Pogo went on a min-rampage - destroying the ringside area and smacking around camera men… until “Natural Born Killaz” by Dr Dre & Ice Cube stopped him dead in his tracks! Cue maniacal run-in from the OG of Xtreme New Jack… he came back at “Fallout Festival” and he’s here tonight to battle ex-partner Pogo the Clown! We cut back to TV just in time to catch the tail end of the brawl, with New Jack & Pogo tearing up the backstage area… **
**********
** BACKSTAGE SKIT **
Meanwhile, cameras cut to a brief backstage sketch… The Grand Wizard is heard yapping away on a cell phone, when he’s approached by MSD for a quick interview… MSD asks TGW’s reaction to a stipulation President Strangler Lewis put in place for his match that specifies if he or one of his men lay a hand on Jon Moxley tonight they will be FIRED under the “Spring Cleaning” act! TGW treats MSD like a hassle, rudely informing him he’s got things well in hand this evening… then TGW goes back to his phone call, closing with “OK Red I’m on my way over to finalize the agreement…”
** CUT TO RING **
** #1 Contenders Tourney **
SHEAMUS (2012) versus JON MOXLEY (2015)
versus
Both men jaw away at each other to start, before an aggressive lock-up (Sheamus overpowers)… Moxley tries to take his knee, but winds up running off the ropes into a Sheamus shoulder block that floors him… Another rebound and this time Sheamus catches him with a power slam… Moxley with a quick jawbreaker, but Sheamus answers with a big boot… it sends Moxley to the floor… Sheamus rams him into the steps... Back in, Moxley gets a Russian legsweep… Sheamus almost gets an Emerald Fusion, but gets caught with a facebuster and a leg drop… Sheamus comes back with a DDT and a flying shoulder tackle for 2... Sheamus tries to tie Moxley up in the ropes and uncork the “forearms to the chest“ bit, but Moxley connects with a spinning heel kick for two.. Both men down, until Moxley ducks a Brogue Kick attempt and hit’s a clothesline from Hell on Sheamus for a very close 2-count!! But now, we’re getting some kind of disturbance..
From the locker room emerges “WILD” RED BERRY (with his tag team champion Fabulous Kangaroos close behind)! Clad in his stylish fedora and cane he begins the slow, cocky strut to ringside… for a “closer view”… both combatants wary as we head to commercial… when we return, Berry has taken up residency next to Solie & Striker at the announce table - where he unleashes a torrent of multi-syllabic insults upon Sheamus (who defeated Berry’s man Bam Bam Bigelow at “Fallout Festival”)… sure enough, his loud insults and general presence irritates Sheamus and he turns to focus his attentions on Berry… the manager rises from the announce table to egg Sheamus on further, distracting both him and the referee… this actually allows the Fabulous Kangaroos to sneak up in the ring behind Sheamus… and hit JON MOXLEY with their Improvised 3-D finisher!?!? Yes, the FabKangs just DROPPED Moxley with their tandem finisher and slid from the ring, escaping detection! “Wild” Red Berry wipes his hands of Sheamus and hops down from the ring apron!
Sheamus turns around to see what the heck happened, and starts yelling at the FabKangs - standing at ringside… suddenly, Sheamus is blindsided from the rear by KEN PATERA (1977) and The Grand Wizard!?!?!? The ex-Olympic strongman/criminal jumps the ringside barricade in his track wear and lays waste to Sheamus in the ring! All the while, The Grand Wizard & “Wild” Red Berry are wildly congratulating each other on their arrangement! Solie & Striker surmise they must have found a loophole to Strangler Lewis’ “No Touch Decree”, by attacking each OTHER’S enemies!!! Inside the ring, the bell has tolled continuously to end the chaos - but to no avail… Ken Patera cripples Sheamus with his Swinging Full-Nelson, while the FabKangs brutalize Jon Moxley with double teams… in the end, scene closes with all 5 men united (and smiling in victory) in the ring, standing over their unconscious, bloody opponents bodies… American and Australian flags are flying proudly over the beat down, as trash and boos rain down upon them all…
NO FINISH
** CUT TO VIDEO **
**************
"THE QUEEN of HARTS IS COMING TO XPW REMIXED...
(see her debut on the next XPW Online!!!)
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
____________________________________________________________
** #1 Contenders Tourney **
ADAM PEARCE (w/ Ad Santel) vs.
FRENCH ANGEL (w/ Sammi Lane)
w/ vs. w/
West Coast nobility Adam Pearce and his trainer Ad Santel get their entrance… announcers touch on the beat down of B-Boy (by Santel’s Cali Cripplers) but indicate B-Boy is back with a new crew (see Fallout Festival Night #2)… Battle Royal winner French Angel (1942) and his lovely valet Sammi Lane get a big pop for their entrance… at first, Pearce is cocky and condescending… “too good” to soil his hands on the filthy French Angel… but Ad Santel’s threatening of Sammi Lane at ringside is enough to draw the animal from his shell, in the form of a hellacious French Angel beat down on Pearce… he runs through all his most popular spots, in a combination of late ‘80s George “Animal” Steele mixed with the ferociousness of an early ‘90s Vader… Angel has things well enough in hand, when suddenly… uniformed police march to ringside?? They circle the ring in an unsettling scene, before surrounding Sammi Lane… immediately French Angel rushes to be by her side and finds himself surrounded as well… cut to the video wall, where we find a hysterical, sobbing (battered & bruised) LIZZY BORDEN throwing herself in pity at the male police officers backstage, regaling us with her tragic story of woe and domestic abuse… yes, that’s right - Lizzy Borden is accusing French Angel of assault and domestic violence! A disgusting allegation by a truly vile and disgusting human being! Sammi Lane protests but when one officer dare lay a hand on her, French Angel flies into a RAGE! It takes a half dozen cops with batons, tasers and MACE to detain the frenzied animal! Now Sammi Lane is the one sobbing, and cursing the name of Lizzy Borden - as her man French Angel is literally handcuffed and dragged out of the building! Adam Pearce & Ad Santel are the only ones left!!
Winner (by Count-Out): ADAM PEARCE
Crowd outrage! Shenanigans! Adam Pearce & Ad Santel have somehow weaseled themselves into the title picture by unsavory means AGAIN! Santel & his prized pupil rejoice and raise their hands in victory… until the sound of GUNFIRE can be heard ripping through the arena sound system! Cue “Real Muthaphuckkin Gz” by Eazy-E! Enter B-BOY!!! But this time – he’s NOT ALONE! A group of West LA homie gangbangers are riding shotgun, and carrying implements of destruction! Pearce & Santel are caught completely off-guard! Ad Santel manages to flee, leaving Adam Pearce to his fate in the middle of the ring… Gangland-style beat down on Adam Pearce that completely removes him from the picture… Ad Santel can only watch in horror as they dismantle Pearce, and finish by DUNKING HIS HEAD in a wheel barrow of cement and leaving a dead fish on his chest! LA RAZA! The message has been sent… B-BOY RUNS THE MUTHAPHUCKKIN WEST COAST!!! Ad Santel is forced to flee, looking back in abject terror/boiling fury at the ring where he former student is brazenly throwing up gang signs IN HIS FACE, over the beaten, unconscious, cemented body of his prized pupil…
B-Boy runs the muthaphuckkin West Coast!!!
** CUT **
_____________________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE SKIT **
MSD catches up with a weepy Lizzy Borden (wearing dark sunglasses) and questions her about the French Angel's arrest earlier... she starts tell a horrifying tale about home invasion and assault, when Shane Douglas cuts into the picture to take over the story... he says French Angel is an animal who needs to be caged and that his win over Douglas in the Fallout Festival Battle Royal was a fluke... Douglas & Borden still on a mission to legitimize the unofficial XPW Championship... this actually draws THE MESSIAH into the picture from the shadows, startling both Douglas & Borden! Messiah cuts a cryptic speech, alluding to his own piece of the "XPW Original" title and a past relationship with Lizzy Borden... this spooks Douglas & Borden and scatters them from the scene... MSD asks Messiah about his victory at Fallout Festival and upcoming match against his tag partner Nick Mondo... Messiah doesn't call Mondo a coward exactly, but certainly alludes to a "weakness" Mondo carries in his soul... However, Messiah will extract his true being tonight...
** CUT TO RING **
** #1 Contenders Tourney **
”SICK” NICK MONDO versus THE MESSIAH
(“Combat Zone Warfare” Match)
versus
Big time main event treatment for this match… starts with a backstage promo with both Messiah & Mondo (hosted by MSD)… there is clear friction between them – both men walking the razors edge of ultra-violence… trying to tread with the light and not be swallowed by darkness… but there is a residual anger and disappointment in Messiah, as he sees Mondo as forsaking his Death Match roots… his subtle wording and Bible phraseology casts shame upon Mondo, who is trying desperately to rise above the mayhem… to him, his “Best of the Best I” tournament victory was validation for his cause (see “Genocide”)… Nick Mondo looks to remain unscarred, but dark forces conspire against him…
Both men get their own sizable fan reaction upon entrance, with the salad days of CZW Original being represented to the XPW Remixed-degree… Dueling “MONDO! / MESSIAH!” chants… They start it off Gotch/Hackenschmidt-style, with an emphasis on mat and chain wrestling… Mondo eager to show his talents extend far beyond being “Sick”… Messiah following suit in a mortal display of one-upmanship… Mondo gets the upper hand on a few exchanges, so Messiah kick starts a brawl – and then both men bring it into the new millennium with crazy top rope and arena floor suicide dives… “XPW! XPW!” With both men battling hard – yet New Age “scientific” – we have our first appearance by fantasy wrestling’s Anti-Christ…
Enter SAMMI CALLIHAN (and Thumbtack Jack)!!!
”The New Horror” Sami Callihan enters with his demented, Igor-like henchman Thumbtack Jack (wearing the all-white murderers mask with hoodie)… both men stalk to ringside, and make their presence known… They make a big spectacle of haunting Messiah & Mondo as they compete; distracting both men at certain points… Finally – Messiah reverses an “Assault Driver” from Mondo into his elevated Diamond Cutter finisher… but Thumbtack Jack hops up on the apron to distract the ref! Messiah comes over to argue, and Sami Callihan sneaks in the ring from the rear and drops Nick Mondo with a burning hammer! (Reverse Death Valley Driver) Messiah turns around just in time to see Callihan skirting from the ring, and Mondo laid out… but he doesn’t go for the pin. Instead Messiah begins to angrily jaw at Callihan ringside, thus drawing the referee into another ringside distraction… but THIS time, Thumbtack Jack creeps in from the other side and BLASTS Messiah in the back of the head with a Kendo stick! OOOOOOH! The ref turns around to find both men curiously down, and begins administering the double count… the thoroughly beaten Mondo & Messiah drag themselves back to their feet to resume battle, and after a quick series of exchanges Mondo scores a suprise "Life Cutter" finisher for the pin! Mondo has advanced to the Finals! But is it only because he failed to witness the dasterdly actions of Callihan & Thumbtack Jack??
Winner: "SICK" NICK MONDO
Post match, once again Callihan hops up on the apron - but this time, Mondo & Messiah decide to unite and take out the bad guys! Messiah & Mondo unleash a litany of high-flying, high impact double team moves to Callihan and Thumbtack Jack! Scene ends with Thumbtack Jack laid out precariously in between panes of glass (resting on steel steps, dragged into the center of the ring) with “Sick” Nick Mondo standing over him with a steel chair, reading to swing… but he doesn’t. Mondo made a vow to himself to forsake the madness of ultra-violence, not embrace it… meanwhile, Messiah spots him from across the ring and yells for him to DO IT! Bring destruction to thy enemy! But Mondo doesn’t… and that little hesitation leads to Sami Callihan attacking Messiah from behind and Thumbtack Jack escaping… the bad guys quickly take over and both Mondo & Messiah wind up getting powerbombed onto each other through the panes of glass... Callihan & Thumbtack Jack celebrate under darkened mood lighting, with their emo music blasting in the background - looking like the Devil's spawn themselves...
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
_______________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE SKIT **
Words from XPW President Ed "Strangler" Lewis on the status of the #1 Contenders tourney... unfortunately due to the non-finish of their match, both Sheamus & Moxley have been removed from the competition... and as the result of the illegal beatdown Adam Pearce received tonight (B-Boy and crew will be fined, suspended and possibly fired over the breach), Pearce will ALSO be removed from competition as a security precaution... that means Ezekiel Jackson & "Sick" Nick Mondo will meet on the next XPW TV Episode to determine the #1 Contender at "Night of Champions II"!!!
** CUT TO RING **
DIAMOND DYNASTY versus PG-13 (w/ JTG)
w/ &
Versus
w/
Cue Phase 2 of the Diamond Dynasty conglomerate… the gradual transition of “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers from active fantasy wrestling competitor, to talent manager… and the gelling of a pair of Varsity villains, in the upscale jock world of professional sports, Matt Morgan (2010) & Alex Riley (2010)… a snapshot in time of them at the most promising upswing, colored with a little fantasy wrestling Diamond Dynasty dust, and merged together under the cut-throat corporate environment of “Boiler Room” meets “Any Given Sunday”… the beautiful, young and vivacious Missy Hyatt (1990) provides the sass and beauty at ringside as Alex Riley’s XPW Remixed girlfriend… Rogers (clad in his custom made Armani suits, diamond pinky ring and cigar) starts the verbal fellatio on the mic, before segueing to Riley and closing with Matt Morgan… all very thorough, cocky and adamant in their new mission to conquer XPW Remixed tag team waters…
They are then rudely interrupted by the off-key, non-rhythm tic white-boy rap duo of PG-13!!! Led by their front man JTG, they respond to the Dynasty who remain mildly amused at their brazen outburst… according to them they are XPW Tag Team veterans who don’t take kindly to a bunch of entitled, Trust Fund douche bags thinking they can just take a piece of what PG-13 has worked so hard for! In ring, almost incredulously, Matt Morgan has to ask if they’re serious about calling out the Dynasty to a match tonight… a MATCH? Heck no! PG-13 wants a “Freestyle Contest”!!! OMG, chuckles, boos and eye rolls for that one… quick little hilarious banter between JC Ice Baby & Wolfie D as they figure out who’s gonna go first… before settling on JC Ice Baby… but before he can get out more than just a few “yo yo yo’s!”, the Dynasty flies into assault mode! Morgan & Riley take care of PG-13 quite efficiently, wasting little time and only taking a few moments in between to casually remove their suit coats and roll up their shirt sleeves… JTG sulks and screw faces at ringside, while Rogers & Hyatt whoop and holler… Riley hit’s a TKO on Wolfie D at the same time Morgan hoists JC Ice Baby up for his Hellevator finisher… dual “1!…2!…3!…”s here as the Diamond Dynasty makes it perfectly clear they mean business in the tag team division.
Winner: DIAMOND DYNASTY
***************
** BACKSTAGE SKIT **
"Wild" Red Berry - manager of new tag team champion Fabulous Kangaroos - gives a pleasant, peaceful (and wordy) promo in which he gladly offers the (Real) Kings of Wrestling a rematch in the main event of the next XPW Online! (If only they can keep their valet Jessica Darlin from screwin up again, *wink*!)
** CUT **
____________________________________________________________
”Gorgeous George, who proved the "Flop of the Year"
in his New York debut."
NEWS OF THE MAT WORLD
(By Stanley Weston, Ring Magazine, May, 1949)
New York finally got its long awaited look at Gorgeous George. Prior to the showing of the "Big Blond," he was showered with more publicity in the "big town" than wrestling has received in the past two decades. Promoter Bill Johnson rented Madison Square Garden for $6,000000. He built up the ballyhoo and the Garden, which has a seating capacity of over 18,000, was expected by the most pessimistic prophet to draw about 15,000 persons and a gross of close to $25,000. In this extravaganza of showdom, ringside ducats went for $750 a throw. The result of all this build-up turned out to be one of the biggest flops in the history of sports. Every metropolitan scribe panned the performance without mercy and prayed that they never again be called upon to cover a wrestling match. As a whole, the exhibition could be termed obnoxious and revolting. Ringsiders were disgusted at the sight of an athlete acting the part of a ham. Or their athletes associating with nauseating TMZ celebrity fodder like David Otunga (2014)
Exhibitions of this sort would pass in the smaller clubs of the city, where the fan pays his dollar bill to blow off steam and have a gay evening, but when an athletic event takes place in Madison Square Garden, it automatically attains a much higher profile than it would at any other arena in the nation. The Gorgeous George showing was a dollar show being passed off as a $750 Madison Square Garden attraction but the so-called suckers rebelled and made their disapproval known. Bill Johnson barred television from the proceedings, hoping to swell the gate. But Johnson never expected the show to draw so poorly. Only 4,197 people paid $13,966.00 to see a third-rate vaudeville show. Of this George took home $1,867 and Ernie received $1,067 for playing the fall guy. It cost Johnson about $1,500 to learn that cheap vaudeville is dead.
From the organ came the strains of "Pomp and Circumstance," composed for the coronation of a British king. Slowly, Gorgeous George advanced down the aisle. He mounted the steps and motioned to Jackson, his valet, to part the ropes so he could slip into the ring without disturbing his hair. George's face was set in a sarcastic sneer as he looked out at the small crowd. Carelessly, he tossed a few stray bobby pins into the audience. His champagne-colored locks were protected by a hairnet set all in sequins. He was wearing a lace-covered silk gown, as white as the California snows, and its hem was trimmed with bouquets of flowers. Leisurely, he disrobed, handing each article to Jackson, an impeccable figure in striped pants, cutaway and green vest. At last, Gorgeous George stood revealed in a pair of aqua-blue tights. He insisted Jackson spray Joe Boyle, the referee, with the sweet-smelling disinfectant and then indicated, with a wave of his hand, that he was ready to start. Jackson bowed to his master, gathered up the silks and satin robes, and departed. He had given a performance worthy of a better play. George screamed, as if he were a woman, and from then on the drama deteriorated into a farce. "What kind of a referee are you, anyway?" When the crowd hooted George for his generous lack of wrestling skill, he turned on them to cry in annoyed tones, "Why don't you shut up yourselves?" The clumsy comedy continued, and curl began to come out of Gorgeous George's hair. It was hanging in unkempt strings about his ears and on his neck. He looked just awful but his moment of triumph arrived. Gorgeous George was the winner. It was the first wrestling show held in the Garden in 12 years. An equal period of time is likely to elapse before another one is attempted.
Gorgeous George & "Focus" was made in Hollywood, where he is reported to be a tremendous success. He should return there without delay. He definitely is not Broadway. The act flopped last night, artistically and financially. Even in such spots as the St. Nicholas Arena and the Broadway Arena his peculiar talents are not likely to be appreciated. He's a sweet thing, but not sweet enough for the price. Undoubtedly the return of wrestling to the big time would have proved far more successful if a wrestler along the lines of Frank Sexton had appeared on the card. The fans would have left the place with a better taste in their mouths if they had seen an exhibition of real wrestling by men who know how to wrestle."
** BREAKING NEWS FROM "FOCUS" **
Don't believe the hype. Gorgeous George will be making his fantasy wrestling DEBUT at "Night of Champions II"!!! BE THERE FOR THE BIGGEST PREMIERE IN TERRITORY WARS HISTORY!!!
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
__________________________________________________________
"YOU KNOW U WANT ME"
Segment starts with Sunny (circa 1996) already in the ring (with a baggy jeans, wife beater & Timberland boot wearing Big Shad G acting as crowd deterrent and bodyguard… there is a large, curtained object hanging from the ceiling… display tables set up at ringside with various Sunny-related merchandise (mugs, posters, key chains etc)… peppy, sexy hype bit from Sunny as she delivers HER pitch to the XPW Remixed marketing people for “Night of Champions II” new promotional piece… cue the majestic unveiling…
SHAD G (w/ Sunny) versus JUN KASAI
vs
Crowd has just enough time to get the boos out of their system when we’re saved by… Jun Kasai (!?!?) The grinning, toothless “Crazy Monkey” plays to the crowd and has a few, indecipherable words on the mic… but they must be pretty obscene, as he suddenly drops his drawers to reveal a THONG and thrusts himself in Sunny’s direction! Crowd breaks out into hysterics as Sunny throws up in her mouth, and her boyfriend Big Shad G comes barreling into Jun Kasai’s FACE with a running size 15 Timberland boot! Quickie squash with Big Shad G getting a chance to flex his big man moves, and Jun Kasai bumping like a madman… Jun Kasai gets a brief advantage after taking to the sky, but once again becomes enamored with the idea of forcing himself upon Sunny - and winds up getting ejected over the top rope by Shad Gaspard with a running power bomb, crashing Kasai’s body through the merchandise tables set up ringside…Sunny rips the mic away from the house announcer to broadcast her man as the victor herself!
Winner: SHAD GASPARD
Just then – we’re cut off by the annoying sounds of LIZZY BORDEN on the mic! She’s approaching the ring to further harass Sunny, and insult her design for the promotional poster… Lizzy shows no fear, bodying right up to Sunny in the ring and talking shit – despite Shad’s looming presence… sure enough, Lizzy Borden SLAPS Sunny in the face – and suddenly Shad Gaspard reaches out violently and grabs Borden by her hair! He’s incredulous she would DARE strike Sunny in front of him, and ask the crazy bitch what the fuck she’s doing… but Borden just smiles… cue Shane Douglas run-in! He enters from the rear of the ring through the crowd and BLASTS Shad G in the back of the skull with his counterfeit XPW championship belt! Big Shad G is down, and once again Lizzy Borden & Shane Douglas strip, spank and humiliate Sunny… then they start ripping her giant poster to shreds, until…
“AWWWWEEESOOOOOOME!!!!”
_____________________________________________________________
** XPW Television Title **
THE MIZ (2011) versus
w/ vs. w/
West Coast nobility Adam Pearce and his trainer Ad Santel get their entrance… announcers touch on the beat down of B-Boy (by Santel’s Cali Cripplers) but indicate B-Boy is back with a new crew (see Fallout Festival Night #2)… Battle Royal winner French Angel (1942) and his lovely valet Sammi Lane get a big pop for their entrance… at first, Pearce is cocky and condescending… “too good” to soil his hands on the filthy French Angel… but Ad Santel’s threatening of Sammi Lane at ringside is enough to draw the animal from his shell, in the form of a hellacious French Angel beat down on Pearce… he runs through all his most popular spots, in a combination of late ‘80s George “Animal” Steele mixed with the ferociousness of an early ‘90s Vader… Angel has things well enough in hand, when suddenly… uniformed police march to ringside?? They circle the ring in an unsettling scene, before surrounding Sammi Lane… immediately French Angel rushes to be by her side and finds himself surrounded as well… cut to the video wall, where we find a hysterical, sobbing (battered & bruised) LIZZY BORDEN throwing herself in pity at the male police officers backstage, regaling us with her tragic story of woe and domestic abuse… yes, that’s right - Lizzy Borden is accusing French Angel of assault and domestic violence! A disgusting allegation by a truly vile and disgusting human being! Sammi Lane protests but when one officer dare lay a hand on her, French Angel flies into a RAGE! It takes a half dozen cops with batons, tasers and MACE to detain the frenzied animal! Now Sammi Lane is the one sobbing, and cursing the name of Lizzy Borden - as her man French Angel is literally handcuffed and dragged out of the building! Adam Pearce & Ad Santel are the only ones left!!
Winner (by Count-Out): ADAM PEARCE
Crowd outrage! Shenanigans! Adam Pearce & Ad Santel have somehow weaseled themselves into the title picture by unsavory means AGAIN! Santel & his prized pupil rejoice and raise their hands in victory… until the sound of GUNFIRE can be heard ripping through the arena sound system! Cue “Real Muthaphuckkin Gz” by Eazy-E! Enter B-BOY!!! But this time – he’s NOT ALONE! A group of West LA homie gangbangers are riding shotgun, and carrying implements of destruction! Pearce & Santel are caught completely off-guard! Ad Santel manages to flee, leaving Adam Pearce to his fate in the middle of the ring… Gangland-style beat down on Adam Pearce that completely removes him from the picture… Ad Santel can only watch in horror as they dismantle Pearce, and finish by DUNKING HIS HEAD in a wheel barrow of cement and leaving a dead fish on his chest! LA RAZA! The message has been sent… B-BOY RUNS THE MUTHAPHUCKKIN WEST COAST!!! Ad Santel is forced to flee, looking back in abject terror/boiling fury at the ring where he former student is brazenly throwing up gang signs IN HIS FACE, over the beaten, unconscious, cemented body of his prized pupil…
B-Boy runs the muthaphuckkin West Coast!!!
** CUT **
_____________________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE SKIT **
MSD catches up with a weepy Lizzy Borden (wearing dark sunglasses) and questions her about the French Angel's arrest earlier... she starts tell a horrifying tale about home invasion and assault, when Shane Douglas cuts into the picture to take over the story... he says French Angel is an animal who needs to be caged and that his win over Douglas in the Fallout Festival Battle Royal was a fluke... Douglas & Borden still on a mission to legitimize the unofficial XPW Championship... this actually draws THE MESSIAH into the picture from the shadows, startling both Douglas & Borden! Messiah cuts a cryptic speech, alluding to his own piece of the "XPW Original" title and a past relationship with Lizzy Borden... this spooks Douglas & Borden and scatters them from the scene... MSD asks Messiah about his victory at Fallout Festival and upcoming match against his tag partner Nick Mondo... Messiah doesn't call Mondo a coward exactly, but certainly alludes to a "weakness" Mondo carries in his soul... However, Messiah will extract his true being tonight...
** CUT TO RING **
** #1 Contenders Tourney **
”SICK” NICK MONDO versus THE MESSIAH
(“Combat Zone Warfare” Match)
versus
Big time main event treatment for this match… starts with a backstage promo with both Messiah & Mondo (hosted by MSD)… there is clear friction between them – both men walking the razors edge of ultra-violence… trying to tread with the light and not be swallowed by darkness… but there is a residual anger and disappointment in Messiah, as he sees Mondo as forsaking his Death Match roots… his subtle wording and Bible phraseology casts shame upon Mondo, who is trying desperately to rise above the mayhem… to him, his “Best of the Best I” tournament victory was validation for his cause (see “Genocide”)… Nick Mondo looks to remain unscarred, but dark forces conspire against him…
Both men get their own sizable fan reaction upon entrance, with the salad days of CZW Original being represented to the XPW Remixed-degree… Dueling “MONDO! / MESSIAH!” chants… They start it off Gotch/Hackenschmidt-style, with an emphasis on mat and chain wrestling… Mondo eager to show his talents extend far beyond being “Sick”… Messiah following suit in a mortal display of one-upmanship… Mondo gets the upper hand on a few exchanges, so Messiah kick starts a brawl – and then both men bring it into the new millennium with crazy top rope and arena floor suicide dives… “XPW! XPW!” With both men battling hard – yet New Age “scientific” – we have our first appearance by fantasy wrestling’s Anti-Christ…
Enter SAMMI CALLIHAN (and Thumbtack Jack)!!!
”The New Horror” Sami Callihan enters with his demented, Igor-like henchman Thumbtack Jack (wearing the all-white murderers mask with hoodie)… both men stalk to ringside, and make their presence known… They make a big spectacle of haunting Messiah & Mondo as they compete; distracting both men at certain points… Finally – Messiah reverses an “Assault Driver” from Mondo into his elevated Diamond Cutter finisher… but Thumbtack Jack hops up on the apron to distract the ref! Messiah comes over to argue, and Sami Callihan sneaks in the ring from the rear and drops Nick Mondo with a burning hammer! (Reverse Death Valley Driver) Messiah turns around just in time to see Callihan skirting from the ring, and Mondo laid out… but he doesn’t go for the pin. Instead Messiah begins to angrily jaw at Callihan ringside, thus drawing the referee into another ringside distraction… but THIS time, Thumbtack Jack creeps in from the other side and BLASTS Messiah in the back of the head with a Kendo stick! OOOOOOH! The ref turns around to find both men curiously down, and begins administering the double count… the thoroughly beaten Mondo & Messiah drag themselves back to their feet to resume battle, and after a quick series of exchanges Mondo scores a suprise "Life Cutter" finisher for the pin! Mondo has advanced to the Finals! But is it only because he failed to witness the dasterdly actions of Callihan & Thumbtack Jack??
Winner: "SICK" NICK MONDO
Post match, once again Callihan hops up on the apron - but this time, Mondo & Messiah decide to unite and take out the bad guys! Messiah & Mondo unleash a litany of high-flying, high impact double team moves to Callihan and Thumbtack Jack! Scene ends with Thumbtack Jack laid out precariously in between panes of glass (resting on steel steps, dragged into the center of the ring) with “Sick” Nick Mondo standing over him with a steel chair, reading to swing… but he doesn’t. Mondo made a vow to himself to forsake the madness of ultra-violence, not embrace it… meanwhile, Messiah spots him from across the ring and yells for him to DO IT! Bring destruction to thy enemy! But Mondo doesn’t… and that little hesitation leads to Sami Callihan attacking Messiah from behind and Thumbtack Jack escaping… the bad guys quickly take over and both Mondo & Messiah wind up getting powerbombed onto each other through the panes of glass... Callihan & Thumbtack Jack celebrate under darkened mood lighting, with their emo music blasting in the background - looking like the Devil's spawn themselves...
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
_______________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE SKIT **
Words from XPW President Ed "Strangler" Lewis on the status of the #1 Contenders tourney... unfortunately due to the non-finish of their match, both Sheamus & Moxley have been removed from the competition... and as the result of the illegal beatdown Adam Pearce received tonight (B-Boy and crew will be fined, suspended and possibly fired over the breach), Pearce will ALSO be removed from competition as a security precaution... that means Ezekiel Jackson & "Sick" Nick Mondo will meet on the next XPW TV Episode to determine the #1 Contender at "Night of Champions II"!!!
** CUT TO RING **
DIAMOND DYNASTY versus PG-13 (w/ JTG)
w/ &
Versus
w/
Cue Phase 2 of the Diamond Dynasty conglomerate… the gradual transition of “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers from active fantasy wrestling competitor, to talent manager… and the gelling of a pair of Varsity villains, in the upscale jock world of professional sports, Matt Morgan (2010) & Alex Riley (2010)… a snapshot in time of them at the most promising upswing, colored with a little fantasy wrestling Diamond Dynasty dust, and merged together under the cut-throat corporate environment of “Boiler Room” meets “Any Given Sunday”… the beautiful, young and vivacious Missy Hyatt (1990) provides the sass and beauty at ringside as Alex Riley’s XPW Remixed girlfriend… Rogers (clad in his custom made Armani suits, diamond pinky ring and cigar) starts the verbal fellatio on the mic, before segueing to Riley and closing with Matt Morgan… all very thorough, cocky and adamant in their new mission to conquer XPW Remixed tag team waters…
They are then rudely interrupted by the off-key, non-rhythm tic white-boy rap duo of PG-13!!! Led by their front man JTG, they respond to the Dynasty who remain mildly amused at their brazen outburst… according to them they are XPW Tag Team veterans who don’t take kindly to a bunch of entitled, Trust Fund douche bags thinking they can just take a piece of what PG-13 has worked so hard for! In ring, almost incredulously, Matt Morgan has to ask if they’re serious about calling out the Dynasty to a match tonight… a MATCH? Heck no! PG-13 wants a “Freestyle Contest”!!! OMG, chuckles, boos and eye rolls for that one… quick little hilarious banter between JC Ice Baby & Wolfie D as they figure out who’s gonna go first… before settling on JC Ice Baby… but before he can get out more than just a few “yo yo yo’s!”, the Dynasty flies into assault mode! Morgan & Riley take care of PG-13 quite efficiently, wasting little time and only taking a few moments in between to casually remove their suit coats and roll up their shirt sleeves… JTG sulks and screw faces at ringside, while Rogers & Hyatt whoop and holler… Riley hit’s a TKO on Wolfie D at the same time Morgan hoists JC Ice Baby up for his Hellevator finisher… dual “1!…2!…3!…”s here as the Diamond Dynasty makes it perfectly clear they mean business in the tag team division.
Winner: DIAMOND DYNASTY
***************
** BACKSTAGE SKIT **
"Wild" Red Berry - manager of new tag team champion Fabulous Kangaroos - gives a pleasant, peaceful (and wordy) promo in which he gladly offers the (Real) Kings of Wrestling a rematch in the main event of the next XPW Online! (If only they can keep their valet Jessica Darlin from screwin up again, *wink*!)
** CUT **
____________________________________________________________
”Gorgeous George, who proved the "Flop of the Year"
in his New York debut."
NEWS OF THE MAT WORLD
(By Stanley Weston, Ring Magazine, May, 1949)
New York finally got its long awaited look at Gorgeous George. Prior to the showing of the "Big Blond," he was showered with more publicity in the "big town" than wrestling has received in the past two decades. Promoter Bill Johnson rented Madison Square Garden for $6,000000. He built up the ballyhoo and the Garden, which has a seating capacity of over 18,000, was expected by the most pessimistic prophet to draw about 15,000 persons and a gross of close to $25,000. In this extravaganza of showdom, ringside ducats went for $750 a throw. The result of all this build-up turned out to be one of the biggest flops in the history of sports. Every metropolitan scribe panned the performance without mercy and prayed that they never again be called upon to cover a wrestling match. As a whole, the exhibition could be termed obnoxious and revolting. Ringsiders were disgusted at the sight of an athlete acting the part of a ham. Or their athletes associating with nauseating TMZ celebrity fodder like David Otunga (2014)
Exhibitions of this sort would pass in the smaller clubs of the city, where the fan pays his dollar bill to blow off steam and have a gay evening, but when an athletic event takes place in Madison Square Garden, it automatically attains a much higher profile than it would at any other arena in the nation. The Gorgeous George showing was a dollar show being passed off as a $750 Madison Square Garden attraction but the so-called suckers rebelled and made their disapproval known. Bill Johnson barred television from the proceedings, hoping to swell the gate. But Johnson never expected the show to draw so poorly. Only 4,197 people paid $13,966.00 to see a third-rate vaudeville show. Of this George took home $1,867 and Ernie received $1,067 for playing the fall guy. It cost Johnson about $1,500 to learn that cheap vaudeville is dead.
From the organ came the strains of "Pomp and Circumstance," composed for the coronation of a British king. Slowly, Gorgeous George advanced down the aisle. He mounted the steps and motioned to Jackson, his valet, to part the ropes so he could slip into the ring without disturbing his hair. George's face was set in a sarcastic sneer as he looked out at the small crowd. Carelessly, he tossed a few stray bobby pins into the audience. His champagne-colored locks were protected by a hairnet set all in sequins. He was wearing a lace-covered silk gown, as white as the California snows, and its hem was trimmed with bouquets of flowers. Leisurely, he disrobed, handing each article to Jackson, an impeccable figure in striped pants, cutaway and green vest. At last, Gorgeous George stood revealed in a pair of aqua-blue tights. He insisted Jackson spray Joe Boyle, the referee, with the sweet-smelling disinfectant and then indicated, with a wave of his hand, that he was ready to start. Jackson bowed to his master, gathered up the silks and satin robes, and departed. He had given a performance worthy of a better play. George screamed, as if he were a woman, and from then on the drama deteriorated into a farce. "What kind of a referee are you, anyway?" When the crowd hooted George for his generous lack of wrestling skill, he turned on them to cry in annoyed tones, "Why don't you shut up yourselves?" The clumsy comedy continued, and curl began to come out of Gorgeous George's hair. It was hanging in unkempt strings about his ears and on his neck. He looked just awful but his moment of triumph arrived. Gorgeous George was the winner. It was the first wrestling show held in the Garden in 12 years. An equal period of time is likely to elapse before another one is attempted.
Gorgeous George & "Focus" was made in Hollywood, where he is reported to be a tremendous success. He should return there without delay. He definitely is not Broadway. The act flopped last night, artistically and financially. Even in such spots as the St. Nicholas Arena and the Broadway Arena his peculiar talents are not likely to be appreciated. He's a sweet thing, but not sweet enough for the price. Undoubtedly the return of wrestling to the big time would have proved far more successful if a wrestler along the lines of Frank Sexton had appeared on the card. The fans would have left the place with a better taste in their mouths if they had seen an exhibition of real wrestling by men who know how to wrestle."
** BREAKING NEWS FROM "FOCUS" **
Don't believe the hype. Gorgeous George will be making his fantasy wrestling DEBUT at "Night of Champions II"!!! BE THERE FOR THE BIGGEST PREMIERE IN TERRITORY WARS HISTORY!!!
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
__________________________________________________________
"YOU KNOW U WANT ME"
Segment starts with Sunny (circa 1996) already in the ring (with a baggy jeans, wife beater & Timberland boot wearing Big Shad G acting as crowd deterrent and bodyguard… there is a large, curtained object hanging from the ceiling… display tables set up at ringside with various Sunny-related merchandise (mugs, posters, key chains etc)… peppy, sexy hype bit from Sunny as she delivers HER pitch to the XPW Remixed marketing people for “Night of Champions II” new promotional piece… cue the majestic unveiling…
SHAD G (w/ Sunny) versus JUN KASAI
vs
Crowd has just enough time to get the boos out of their system when we’re saved by… Jun Kasai (!?!?) The grinning, toothless “Crazy Monkey” plays to the crowd and has a few, indecipherable words on the mic… but they must be pretty obscene, as he suddenly drops his drawers to reveal a THONG and thrusts himself in Sunny’s direction! Crowd breaks out into hysterics as Sunny throws up in her mouth, and her boyfriend Big Shad G comes barreling into Jun Kasai’s FACE with a running size 15 Timberland boot! Quickie squash with Big Shad G getting a chance to flex his big man moves, and Jun Kasai bumping like a madman… Jun Kasai gets a brief advantage after taking to the sky, but once again becomes enamored with the idea of forcing himself upon Sunny - and winds up getting ejected over the top rope by Shad Gaspard with a running power bomb, crashing Kasai’s body through the merchandise tables set up ringside…Sunny rips the mic away from the house announcer to broadcast her man as the victor herself!
Winner: SHAD GASPARD
Just then – we’re cut off by the annoying sounds of LIZZY BORDEN on the mic! She’s approaching the ring to further harass Sunny, and insult her design for the promotional poster… Lizzy shows no fear, bodying right up to Sunny in the ring and talking shit – despite Shad’s looming presence… sure enough, Lizzy Borden SLAPS Sunny in the face – and suddenly Shad Gaspard reaches out violently and grabs Borden by her hair! He’s incredulous she would DARE strike Sunny in front of him, and ask the crazy bitch what the fuck she’s doing… but Borden just smiles… cue Shane Douglas run-in! He enters from the rear of the ring through the crowd and BLASTS Shad G in the back of the skull with his counterfeit XPW championship belt! Big Shad G is down, and once again Lizzy Borden & Shane Douglas strip, spank and humiliate Sunny… then they start ripping her giant poster to shreds, until…
“AWWWWEEESOOOOOOME!!!!”
_____________________________________________________________
** XPW Television Title **
THE MIZ (2011) versus
SHANE DOUGLAS (2002) w/ Lizzy Borden
versus w/
Enter the stylish, cocky XPW Television champion… he is cool and collected, sauntering onto the entrance ramp with a mic and his TV title over his shoulder… Miz sarcastically addresses Shane Douglas, and castrates him for his insecurities, bullying antics, cheap whore manager and fake gold belt! This absolutely INFURIATES Douglas & Borden who go right back at Miz on the mic… the two men go jawing back and forth until Miz is right in his face, taunting him with a *REAL* gold belt… they mouth off – we’ve got a challenge – Shane Douglas eagerly calls for the bell… and like Daniel Bryan/Sheamus WM28, Shane turns around to IMMEDIATELY EAT a running Timberland boot to the FACE from Big Shad G! Revenge! Miz slides into the ring to pick up the scraps! 1!.. 2!.. 3!! The MIZ retains his TV title in 18 seconds!!!
Winner (and STILL XPW TV Champion): THE MIZ (2011)
Oooooo the outrage! The degradation! How DARE they conspire against the King & Queen of Xtreme?? No doubt, that’s the gamut of emotions running through Shane Douglas & Lizzy Borden now as they recuperate on the arena floor and make wild, bugged out facial expressions… in the ring, Sunny has found her bounce again and taunts Lizzy & Shane (while Shad G rubs his head angrily, still selling the belt shot)… meanwhile, Miz holds his TV title aloft in slow motion, with that shit-eating grin on his face… cameras follow Shane & Lizzy as they slink angrily back up the entrance ramp, eyes locked on their foes in the ring the entire time… BUT that only allows them to completely miss Sammi Lane creeping on them from the rear! The peppy Sammi Lane sneaks through the entrance curtain carrying a bucket of green slime, which she promptly DUMPS ON DOUGLAS & BORDEN’s HEADS! Crowd cheers! Sammi Lane jumps for joy! Shane & Lizzy slip and fall, completely covered in green sludge! Everybody laughs at them!!!
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
__________________________________________________________
"HALL OF FAME 2012"
Segment opens with big-time TV entrance for new XPW Boston champion Mil Mascaras… pyro, music & laser light show… he takes the ring for a galvanizing championship coronation speech and in half English/Spanish makes sure to thank the fantasy wrestling FANS for making him what he is today… this in turn introduces the “Dr of Thuganomics” for the interruption - JOHN CENA… the former champion (see “Fallout Festival”) swaggers to ringside with a smirk, belaying his true emotions… Cena steals the show with another of his mock-sarcastic congratulatory monologues directed at Mascaras - just shy of outright disrespect… Mascaras turns the tables though, and harkens back to the Olympia brand of fantasy wrestling sportsmanship, which of course Cena respects… but when Mascaras extends the handshake of mutual respect, Cena contemplates only but a moment - before declining and giving a little “u can’t see me” hand motion to Mascaras’ FACE! This outrages Mascaras who goes nose-to-nose with Cena, chewing him out, while the audience temperature rises by the moment… just then, BLACKOUT! The arena lights pitch to darkness!!!
In but a flash the lights return, but when they do - the Angel of Death HAKUSHI KURO awaits in the ring with a steel chair! The next sequence happens in a flash - Cena sees Hakushi standing behind Mascaras with the chair and hollers at him to “WATCH OUT!” So Mascaras spins around to see Hakushi, and instinctively DUCKS just as Hakushi Kuro sends a spray of BLACK MIST in his face! The mist hits Cena’s eyes instead, blinding him instantly! This leaves ex-training partners Mascaras & Hakushi Kuro to briefly tangle - stiffly and uncooperatively - before all the sudden Mil Mascaras gets swooped up into an FU Attitude Adjustment by a still-blinded Cena! Perhaps not realizing his folly, Cena executes a devastating FUAA to Mascaras that catches Mil’s back right on the steel chair dropped in the ring - temporarily paralyzing him on the mat… Cena is down on his knees still frantically clawing at his burning eyes… which gives Hakushi Kuro time to dramatically unsheathe the steel chair again…approach Cena, still kneeling in executioners position - and BLAST him in the head with a steel chair-assisted buzz saw kick! Cena and Mascaras are DOWN and OUT! Hakushi Kuro - the black angel of Death - lurks over both of them with his blank, all-white uncaring eyes… before reaching for the Boston championship and holding it before him like one might the Holy Grail… Hakushi Kuro’s murky intentions have been made crystal clear here tonight…
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
_____________________________________________________________
"THE MONARCHY"
JINDER MAHAL (2013) w/ Raisha Saeed
versus w/
Enter the stylish, cocky XPW Television champion… he is cool and collected, sauntering onto the entrance ramp with a mic and his TV title over his shoulder… Miz sarcastically addresses Shane Douglas, and castrates him for his insecurities, bullying antics, cheap whore manager and fake gold belt! This absolutely INFURIATES Douglas & Borden who go right back at Miz on the mic… the two men go jawing back and forth until Miz is right in his face, taunting him with a *REAL* gold belt… they mouth off – we’ve got a challenge – Shane Douglas eagerly calls for the bell… and like Daniel Bryan/Sheamus WM28, Shane turns around to IMMEDIATELY EAT a running Timberland boot to the FACE from Big Shad G! Revenge! Miz slides into the ring to pick up the scraps! 1!.. 2!.. 3!! The MIZ retains his TV title in 18 seconds!!!
Winner (and STILL XPW TV Champion): THE MIZ (2011)
Oooooo the outrage! The degradation! How DARE they conspire against the King & Queen of Xtreme?? No doubt, that’s the gamut of emotions running through Shane Douglas & Lizzy Borden now as they recuperate on the arena floor and make wild, bugged out facial expressions… in the ring, Sunny has found her bounce again and taunts Lizzy & Shane (while Shad G rubs his head angrily, still selling the belt shot)… meanwhile, Miz holds his TV title aloft in slow motion, with that shit-eating grin on his face… cameras follow Shane & Lizzy as they slink angrily back up the entrance ramp, eyes locked on their foes in the ring the entire time… BUT that only allows them to completely miss Sammi Lane creeping on them from the rear! The peppy Sammi Lane sneaks through the entrance curtain carrying a bucket of green slime, which she promptly DUMPS ON DOUGLAS & BORDEN’s HEADS! Crowd cheers! Sammi Lane jumps for joy! Shane & Lizzy slip and fall, completely covered in green sludge! Everybody laughs at them!!!
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
__________________________________________________________
"HALL OF FAME 2012"
Segment opens with big-time TV entrance for new XPW Boston champion Mil Mascaras… pyro, music & laser light show… he takes the ring for a galvanizing championship coronation speech and in half English/Spanish makes sure to thank the fantasy wrestling FANS for making him what he is today… this in turn introduces the “Dr of Thuganomics” for the interruption - JOHN CENA… the former champion (see “Fallout Festival”) swaggers to ringside with a smirk, belaying his true emotions… Cena steals the show with another of his mock-sarcastic congratulatory monologues directed at Mascaras - just shy of outright disrespect… Mascaras turns the tables though, and harkens back to the Olympia brand of fantasy wrestling sportsmanship, which of course Cena respects… but when Mascaras extends the handshake of mutual respect, Cena contemplates only but a moment - before declining and giving a little “u can’t see me” hand motion to Mascaras’ FACE! This outrages Mascaras who goes nose-to-nose with Cena, chewing him out, while the audience temperature rises by the moment… just then, BLACKOUT! The arena lights pitch to darkness!!!
In but a flash the lights return, but when they do - the Angel of Death HAKUSHI KURO awaits in the ring with a steel chair! The next sequence happens in a flash - Cena sees Hakushi standing behind Mascaras with the chair and hollers at him to “WATCH OUT!” So Mascaras spins around to see Hakushi, and instinctively DUCKS just as Hakushi Kuro sends a spray of BLACK MIST in his face! The mist hits Cena’s eyes instead, blinding him instantly! This leaves ex-training partners Mascaras & Hakushi Kuro to briefly tangle - stiffly and uncooperatively - before all the sudden Mil Mascaras gets swooped up into an FU Attitude Adjustment by a still-blinded Cena! Perhaps not realizing his folly, Cena executes a devastating FUAA to Mascaras that catches Mil’s back right on the steel chair dropped in the ring - temporarily paralyzing him on the mat… Cena is down on his knees still frantically clawing at his burning eyes… which gives Hakushi Kuro time to dramatically unsheathe the steel chair again…approach Cena, still kneeling in executioners position - and BLAST him in the head with a steel chair-assisted buzz saw kick! Cena and Mascaras are DOWN and OUT! Hakushi Kuro - the black angel of Death - lurks over both of them with his blank, all-white uncaring eyes… before reaching for the Boston championship and holding it before him like one might the Holy Grail… Hakushi Kuro’s murky intentions have been made crystal clear here tonight…
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
_____________________________________________________________
"THE MONARCHY"
JINDER MAHAL (2013) w/ Raisha Saeed
versus GREAT KHALI (2007)
w/ versus
Segment starts with the Evil Empire in the ring, and Jinder Mahal on the mic… he cuts another venomous, borderline Anti-American, racist conspiracy theory that puts him at the forefront as a disadvantaged, abused victim… the vaguely “Untouchables” Al Capone dinner speech continues as Jinder Mahal subtly turns his attentions inwards, to his own Empire… and the perceived weak links within that are tainting the entire organization… video throwback to the Battle Royal at “Fallout Festival”, and the miscommunication between Mahal & Great Khali that led to Jinder Mahal’s accidental elimination… he’s NOT pleased, to say the least… he berates and insults a moribund Great Khali, and demands a humiliating apology from the big man - which he gets… but Mahal still isn’t satisfied… he feigns agreement - just like DiNero in “Untouchables” - before unleashing the proverbial “baseball bat to the back of the skull” bit on Khali… in this case its’ a metal crowbar concealed in Mahal’s suit that he uses to DESTROY Khali’s legs… I mean, brutally and viciously… he even orders Raisha Saeed to grab a chair - which she does - and Mahal Pillmanizes Khali’s leg and ankle… Now Jinder Mahal is demanding Great Gama follow suit and continue the massacre… but after a long pause, and concerned, conflicted facial expressions, the Great Gama DECLINES! He brazenly rejects his leaders orders and deserts the ring! He’s turning his back on Mahal and the Empire!?!? Mahal is outraged, and continues to take his aggressions out on Khali until security intervenes and the Punjabi giant is removed from XPW Remixed for good… fade out on an angry (yet vindicated) Jinder Mahal and his valet Raisha Saeed, as announcers speculate on Gama’s immediate future after his desertion…
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
______________________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE SKIT #1 **
Thesz & Bruno in the locker room... mutual respect after their Fallout Match... business tonight... after that, a rematch may be in the works...
*******
** BACKSTAGE SKIT #2 **
Samoa Joe on another tirade that has to be bleeped out, in which he tears down the "old guard" and says he teamed up with Commissioner Steele because he has the book and Joe needs another match against Bruno... to prove Sammartino's win against Joe at "MBVII" was a fluke... scary intensity from Joe.
*******
** BACKSTAGE SKIT #3 **
MSD catches up with Commissioner Damien Steele in his office... he's surrounded by the big hockey-mask wearing bodyguard (see Fallout Festival) and secretary Jamin St Claire... MSD questions him about his new allegiances and his introduces the bodyguard as "Lord Humongous" and says he's set about to prove that Damien Steele is the man with the stroke in XPW Remixed... MSD asks exactly HOW Steele plans on proving that, but Steele just smirks... nods his head towards Lord Humongous... who KICKS MSD IN THE GUT AND POWERBOMBS HIM THROUGH THE COMMISSIONERS DESK!!! Steele laughs and leads his troops away from the wreckage...
** CUT TO RING **
LOU THESZ & BRUNO SAMMARTINO
Versus
“REAL DEAL” DAMIEN STEELE & SAMOA JOE
versus
A joke of a match, as Thesz & Sammartino’s stone-cold professionalism is met head-on by Damien Steele’s abrasive, egocentric, tyrannical rulings… starts off standard tag-fare with Joe demanding a piece of Bruno, but getting Thesz instead… the brief tangle between Thesz & Joe is exciting, and the crowd responds very favorably… Steele is a heat magnet at ringside, with his giant hockey-mask wearing bodyguard and sexy secretary Jasmin St Claire… Ed Lewis rides the whole thing out at ringside, bringing a semblance of normalcy to the proceedings... but the whole thing breaks down every time Thesz & Bruno get an advantage.. Steele changes the rules - first to a no count-out (after he got double suplexed to the floor and needed more time to recuperate) - then to a No DQ match when Joe saved his hide from Thesz’ STF by hitting Lou with a chair… President Strangler Lewis just shakes his head at the madness, but hasn't done anything to stop Steele yet... all the while Joe is taunting Bruno, practically BEGGING him to go one-on-one again… Bruno finally relents and trades fisticuffs with Joe, getting the upper hand… until Damien Steele’s big masked goon interferes and turns the tides… NOW Steele makes the stipulation that if his team wins the match, Joe gets his coveted rematch against Bruno… but even with ALL those shenanigans Damien Steele STILL gets punked - this time by Thesz who overcomes an attempted belt shot from Steele and locks him in the STF for a quick, cowardly tap-out…
Winners: LOU THESZ & BRUNO SAMMARTINO
The giant masked goon begins to get into the ring to pry Thesz off Steele, but Bruno is quickly on him… but no sooner has Bruno tackled the big guy, Samoa Joe is on him from the rear - locking in a rear naked choke and dragging Sammartino to his back! Joe grapevines the waist and locks in the choke, trapping Bruno!!! He struggles for life but can’t break Joe’s grip! Meanwhile, the giant hockey mask-wearing cretin stomps on Thesz, and with Steele’s help, pound the XPW champion out on the mat… Steele directs traffic, calling for Jasmin St Claire to retrieve a table and slide it into the ring… Steele sets up the table and has Lord Humongous CHOKE SLAM Thesz through the table! Meanwhile, security has finally pried Joe off Bruno but Sammartino has been CHOKED UNCONCIOUS! The bad guys survey the damage, look around, laugh... UNITE with Strangler Lewis (he and Steele finally burying the hatchet and shaking hands) and throw their hands up in victory to end the show… the XPW Remixed front office just grew a whole lot stronger and more cohesive with the events of tonight...
** FADE OUT **
__________________________________________________________
XPW Remixed presents...
** XPW Championship **
Lou Thesz versus "Sick" Nick Mondo (2002) / or Ezekiel Jackson (2012)
** Money-in-the-Bank Ladder Match **
Gorgeous George debut match!!!
______________________________________________________________
CREDITS:
LOU THESZ: Wrestling Classics messageboard
__________________________________________________________________________
[/center][/div]w/ versus
Segment starts with the Evil Empire in the ring, and Jinder Mahal on the mic… he cuts another venomous, borderline Anti-American, racist conspiracy theory that puts him at the forefront as a disadvantaged, abused victim… the vaguely “Untouchables” Al Capone dinner speech continues as Jinder Mahal subtly turns his attentions inwards, to his own Empire… and the perceived weak links within that are tainting the entire organization… video throwback to the Battle Royal at “Fallout Festival”, and the miscommunication between Mahal & Great Khali that led to Jinder Mahal’s accidental elimination… he’s NOT pleased, to say the least… he berates and insults a moribund Great Khali, and demands a humiliating apology from the big man - which he gets… but Mahal still isn’t satisfied… he feigns agreement - just like DiNero in “Untouchables” - before unleashing the proverbial “baseball bat to the back of the skull” bit on Khali… in this case its’ a metal crowbar concealed in Mahal’s suit that he uses to DESTROY Khali’s legs… I mean, brutally and viciously… he even orders Raisha Saeed to grab a chair - which she does - and Mahal Pillmanizes Khali’s leg and ankle… Now Jinder Mahal is demanding Great Gama follow suit and continue the massacre… but after a long pause, and concerned, conflicted facial expressions, the Great Gama DECLINES! He brazenly rejects his leaders orders and deserts the ring! He’s turning his back on Mahal and the Empire!?!? Mahal is outraged, and continues to take his aggressions out on Khali until security intervenes and the Punjabi giant is removed from XPW Remixed for good… fade out on an angry (yet vindicated) Jinder Mahal and his valet Raisha Saeed, as announcers speculate on Gama’s immediate future after his desertion…
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
______________________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE SKIT #1 **
Thesz & Bruno in the locker room... mutual respect after their Fallout Match... business tonight... after that, a rematch may be in the works...
*******
** BACKSTAGE SKIT #2 **
Samoa Joe on another tirade that has to be bleeped out, in which he tears down the "old guard" and says he teamed up with Commissioner Steele because he has the book and Joe needs another match against Bruno... to prove Sammartino's win against Joe at "MBVII" was a fluke... scary intensity from Joe.
*******
** BACKSTAGE SKIT #3 **
MSD catches up with Commissioner Damien Steele in his office... he's surrounded by the big hockey-mask wearing bodyguard (see Fallout Festival) and secretary Jamin St Claire... MSD questions him about his new allegiances and his introduces the bodyguard as "Lord Humongous" and says he's set about to prove that Damien Steele is the man with the stroke in XPW Remixed... MSD asks exactly HOW Steele plans on proving that, but Steele just smirks... nods his head towards Lord Humongous... who KICKS MSD IN THE GUT AND POWERBOMBS HIM THROUGH THE COMMISSIONERS DESK!!! Steele laughs and leads his troops away from the wreckage...
** CUT TO RING **
LOU THESZ & BRUNO SAMMARTINO
Versus
“REAL DEAL” DAMIEN STEELE & SAMOA JOE
versus
A joke of a match, as Thesz & Sammartino’s stone-cold professionalism is met head-on by Damien Steele’s abrasive, egocentric, tyrannical rulings… starts off standard tag-fare with Joe demanding a piece of Bruno, but getting Thesz instead… the brief tangle between Thesz & Joe is exciting, and the crowd responds very favorably… Steele is a heat magnet at ringside, with his giant hockey-mask wearing bodyguard and sexy secretary Jasmin St Claire… Ed Lewis rides the whole thing out at ringside, bringing a semblance of normalcy to the proceedings... but the whole thing breaks down every time Thesz & Bruno get an advantage.. Steele changes the rules - first to a no count-out (after he got double suplexed to the floor and needed more time to recuperate) - then to a No DQ match when Joe saved his hide from Thesz’ STF by hitting Lou with a chair… President Strangler Lewis just shakes his head at the madness, but hasn't done anything to stop Steele yet... all the while Joe is taunting Bruno, practically BEGGING him to go one-on-one again… Bruno finally relents and trades fisticuffs with Joe, getting the upper hand… until Damien Steele’s big masked goon interferes and turns the tides… NOW Steele makes the stipulation that if his team wins the match, Joe gets his coveted rematch against Bruno… but even with ALL those shenanigans Damien Steele STILL gets punked - this time by Thesz who overcomes an attempted belt shot from Steele and locks him in the STF for a quick, cowardly tap-out…
Winners: LOU THESZ & BRUNO SAMMARTINO
The giant masked goon begins to get into the ring to pry Thesz off Steele, but Bruno is quickly on him… but no sooner has Bruno tackled the big guy, Samoa Joe is on him from the rear - locking in a rear naked choke and dragging Sammartino to his back! Joe grapevines the waist and locks in the choke, trapping Bruno!!! He struggles for life but can’t break Joe’s grip! Meanwhile, the giant hockey mask-wearing cretin stomps on Thesz, and with Steele’s help, pound the XPW champion out on the mat… Steele directs traffic, calling for Jasmin St Claire to retrieve a table and slide it into the ring… Steele sets up the table and has Lord Humongous CHOKE SLAM Thesz through the table! Meanwhile, security has finally pried Joe off Bruno but Sammartino has been CHOKED UNCONCIOUS! The bad guys survey the damage, look around, laugh... UNITE with Strangler Lewis (he and Steele finally burying the hatchet and shaking hands) and throw their hands up in victory to end the show… the XPW Remixed front office just grew a whole lot stronger and more cohesive with the events of tonight...
** FADE OUT **
__________________________________________________________
XPW Remixed presents...
** XPW Championship **
Lou Thesz versus "Sick" Nick Mondo (2002) / or Ezekiel Jackson (2012)
** Money-in-the-Bank Ladder Match **
Gorgeous George debut match!!!
______________________________________________________________
CREDITS:
LOU THESZ: Wrestling Classics messageboard
__________________________________________________________________________