Post by MadStepDad on Mar 15, 2012 12:17:14 GMT -5
Cut to the in-studio announce team for the evening
Gordon Solie & Matt Striker
This is a tumultuous time in the Territory Wars, with waves and waves of organizations collapsing under the weight of the economy and the threat of XPW Remixed… the so-called “XPW Remixed Curse” continues with the demise of yet another fantasy wrestling organization with working ties to the corrupt West Coast company… Now, more than ever before, XPW Remixed stands as the last bastion of true competition within the fantasy wrestling arena… a place where legends spring from anew, and classics live forever… at the end of March - Fantasy Wrestlemania Weekend - XPW Remixed will be hosting the first-ever “Fallout Festival”… a revolutionary 2-night wrestling Woodstock designed to showcase the flavor of XPW Remixed at a time all eyes in fantasy wrestling will be watching… behold, be forewarned, and BRACE YOURSELF!!! “FallOut Festival” coming soon! Tonight, we host a very special 5-on-5 “Fallout Survivors” Elimination tag match! All hell breaks loose on the road to Fallout! Plus John Cena defends his Boston championship against the Great GAMA in a “Last Man Standing” match, a new #1 contender will be immediately crowned, and the Spring Cleaning initiative continues with a Fatal 4-Way “Loser Leaves XPW Remixed” match! All TONIGHT!!!
** CUT TO RING **
_________________________________________________________
** Backstage skit… Sabu is approached in the locker room by JINDER MAHAL (followed by Great Khali & Raesha Saeed)… tense stand-off, but Mahal uses a little Punjabi diplomacy to ingrate himself to Sabu… Sabu = Evil Empire??? The Homicidal, Suicidal, Genocidal mad man is non committal… **
** #1 CONTENDERS MATCH **
(XPW Boston Championship)
MIL MASCARAS vs SABU vs HUMAN TORNADO
versus versus
Winner gets first crack at the Boston championship, after the winner of tonight’s title bout is determined… Human Tornado enters first, followed by Sabu, and finally Mascaras - each accompanied by an even louder pop… this is 1975 PWI’s Most Popular Wrestler Mil Mascaras here, and the high-flying collaborations between all 3 opponents tonight is truly breath taking… Mascaras enters with the dual mask, tossing one to the fans… Sabu ups the ante by crashing his own body through a set of tables… Solie & Striker surmise that Jinder Mahal may have been reaching out to Sabu to soften up the next potential #1 contender (to a title Mahal is certain his camp will hold by the end of the evening)… Human Tornado can do the jive, but Mascaras knows the salsa and turns up the heat with a wicked springboard plancha from the ropes to the floor that leaves the crowd chanting “XPW! XPW!” In the end, Sabu chases a charging Mascaras towards the turnbuckles, but Mascaras hops OVER the table propped in the corner (that Sabu crashes through), before launching himself off the turnbuckle with a corkscrew plancha/ into roll-up on Human Tornado for the pin!
Winner (and #1 Contender): MIL MASCARAS (1975)
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
** Backstage skit… now Jinder Mahal and troops are approaching the victorious Mil Mascaras in the locker room - he immediately preps for combat… but Mahal civilly offers the olive branch and a potential working relationship with Mascaras, depending on the end result of tonight’s title match… Mascaras is non-committal, leaving Jinder Mahal smug with conviction… **
** FADE OUT **
_____________________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE PROMO **
Words from XPW Boston champion John Cena… “hustle, loyalty, respect”, honor & prestige, righteous indignation… Cena is ready to rid the fantasy wrestling world of the Evil Empire scourge once and for all… a true international Dream Match that crosses generational, cultural and national boundaries! NEXT!!!
** CUT TO RING **
** XPW BOSTON CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH **
JOHN CENA © versus
GREAT GAMA (w/ Jinder Mahal)
versus w/
Scott: After a really fun match at New Year’s Revolution that saw Cena wrestle a psychological masterpiece against the Punjabi Bulldozer, we have our obligatory rematch with a stipulation. Over time the Last Man Standing becomes one of the most overused gimmicks in my opinion. However in this instance I think it makes perfect sense since Great Gama clearly pummeled Cena at NYR and saw his chance to be XPW Boston Champion stolen on a roll-up. However in the few weeks leading up to this match Great Gama continued to bludgeon the champ and injured his spleen. Both men go at it full bore here and we have some pretty sweet spots. First, with Jinder Mahal lingering on the outside, Cena lifts the ring steps over his head and just hurls them from the ring at Mahal outside. Then with Cena leaning against the steps in the corner. Great Gama goes for the butt splash but Cena misses and Great Gama butt splashes the steps. Cena, who had a tough end of Perfectly Straight Edge’s WCW and an even tougher time in OzzMania’s TNA in terms of gaining respect from all the fantasy wrestling Universe really worked hard in these two matches with Great Gama to try and get some street cred from the workrate junkies. Cena goes for an FU on the steps and scrapes his face on them. So he’s hideously busted wide open. Both men continue to destroy each other. Then, the moment that makes this match memorable. Great Gama lays a prone Cena over the announce table. He goes all the way, then goes for a running splash across two tables before missing the splash on the final table. Back in the ring, Great Gama rips a turnbuckle off the post. He goes to crush Cena with it, but Cena ducks it and then the champ tries to choke Great Gama out with the ring rope. After doing it the first time and Great Gama getting up, Cena tries it again. Finally Great Gama is out and the champion retains the title with blood all over his face. Maybe the best two matches of Cena’s career here, except maybe for his ”MBVII” match with William Muldoon and his Wrestlemania XXII match with Triple H. I didn’t think I’d grade this match as high as I am. But it certainly deserves it. Grade: 4.5
Justin: Less than a month after their first title showdown, Great Gama gets a rematch here in a Last Man Standing war. For the second straight show, these two face off in the ring in what feels like a big time matchup. Great Gama had been built up so well and the flash loss to Cena didn’t hurt him at all. Cena came out aggressive but Great Gama quickly outbrawled him and started focusing on Cena’s ribs. The crowd was fairly pro-Cena here, which really helped the drama and heat of the match. They busted out some good weapons shots, including Great Gama missing a running bulldozer into the steel steps. The weapon shots led to some hot and exciting counting segments on each man. I really dug the selling and bumping by both men as they were busting their asses to put on a classic. Calling back to their previous match, Cena still couldn’t hit the FU on Great Gama and this time it led to major damage as Cena collapses forward and smashes his head on the steel steps that were in the ring. And that bump led to a nasty gusher by Cena as he fought to his feet with blood streaming down his face. Things degenerated into a stiff slugfest and Cena started a Rocky-esque comeback as he tried to gut his way back against the monster. Just when it looked like Cena was going to retain, Great Gama cut him off cold with a sick Samoan Drop, slamming Cena onto the mat shoulder-first. It was pretty scary to watch and I thought Cena might have been pretty hurt. By this point, Cena’s blood was really sick and added to the desperation of the match. Another plus to this bout was that there was no wasted move, everything made sense and mattered as these guys beat the crap out of each other. The bumps were kicked up a notch when Cena grabbed a TV monitor and smashed it across the top of Great Gama’s head, leading to a sickening thud. As both men were recovering in the ring, Jinder Mahal hopped on the apron with a wrench and proceeded to unhook the top rope. He would hand Great Gama the huge metal turnbuckle rod, but Mil Mascaras made the run- in and save! He took Jinder Mahal out of the equation, before letting the match continue unabated. Cena was able to wrestle it away and use it to his advantage. He would then finally hit the elusive FU, but it wasn’t enough. So, in an innovative, smart and awesome finish, Cena grabbed the broken top rope, wrapped it around Great Gama’s neck and locked in the STFU. He would finally relent, but Great Gama somehow stayed alive and began to fight to his feet. Before he could, Cena beat him back down and hooked the STFU choke on again, this time forcing Great Gama to pass out. Great Gama stayed strong in losing once again, surviving the first STFU and then passing out cold to finally be defeated (in an “unsanctioned match”, so technically his hallowed Undefeated Streak is still in tact). This was an all out war in front of a red-hot crowd and this is easily one of Cena’s greatest matches. This crazed brawl is a hidden gem and kicks off the Match of the Year campaign with a bang. Grade: 4.5
Winner (and STILL XPW Boston Champion): JOHN CENA
Post match, Jinder Mahal and his troops go to regain their heat back by attacking John Cena - but Mil Mascaras is on the scene to even the odds! He and Cena team up to eliminate the Evil Empire once and for all, leaving them to argue and bicker amongst themselves as they retreat... In the ring, time for the slow stare down between Cena & Mascaras... point to the "Fallout Festival" sign... handshake of mutual respect... hold up the Boston championship and fade out as the crowd cheers wildly...
** CUT **
_____________________________________________________________
"CHAOS REIGNS"
** Officer Cabana is back with another stand-up sketch routine in which he (aka “Officer Jack Offerson”) runs down the list of perpetrators in XPW Remixed, on the way to declaring his entry into the Fallout Festival 20-Man Battle Royal and vowing a new era of law and punishment in XPW Remixed!!! **
His routine is interrupted by the BLKOut theme – enter Ruckus, Sabian and big Michael Tarver! They answer Cabana on the mic and body up to him in the ring… and with the threat of a full-on police assault brewing we are cut off by the Cali Cripplers! Enter “Scrap Iron” Adam Pearce (w/ head coach Ad Santel)! The fancy robe-wearing former XPW Midwest Champion stands alongside Cabana and touts the supremacy of law & order, rules & regulations… just as a big donnybrook is about to erupt between the have’s and have not’s – enter the WEEDMAN to plead for peace! He tries briefly appealing to both sides, before Pearce & Cabana just shake their heads in disagreement and attack him! So BLKOut attack THEM! And chaos reigns! Weedman gets pitched over the top rope! Fans look to the top of the entrance ramp, and there’s “Boston Bad Boy” Tony Rumble ushering his man MONDO KLEEN into the fray! Now a HUGE crowd pop as the “FRENCH ANGEL” (accompanied by Sammi Lane) chases them down! PG-13 with JTG! Ad Santel waves down the USO BROS! The ring is filled with a clash of titans! Sabian dives over the top rope onto Rumble! Michael Tarver uppercuts Officer Cabana over the top rope! Now French Angel is just going bananas, throwing EVERYBODY over the top rope! This is just chaos in XPW Remixed! Cut to commercial!
20-Man Battle Royal @ “FALLOUT FESTIVAL”!!!
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
*****************
** BACKSTAGE PROMO **
XPW Commissioner “Real Deal” Damien Steele (w/ secretary Jasmin St Claire) is having it out in the back conference room with former business associate The Grand Wizard… Steele is livid that TGW double-crossed him at the end of MBVII and sold a contracted match to Nick Gage… TGW blames it all on Steele for not crossing over to the Commission sooner and that his greed in trying to negotiate a new contract ruined everything… bicker, bicker, bicker… until XPW President ED “STRANGLER” LEWIS enters the picture! He is pleased to see their discord, and announces the two foes will once again be forced to work together tonight - when Damien Steele joins The Sheik in the 5-on-5 “Fallout Survivors” Elimination tag team main event! TONIGHT! He chuckles to himself and exits stage left, while Steele & TGW fume and stare each other down… until TGW’s sunglass-covered eyes slowly stray towards Jasmine St Claire’s cleavage… followed by Steele‘s comedic indignition… fade out…
** VIDEO CUT **
__________________________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE PROMO **
Shane Douglas (2002) stands backstage with Lizzy Borden (2002) in a complete and total XPW Original flashback… he came back to XPW Remixed with one purpose in mind, and that was to validate THIS bad boy right here… (unsheathes the XPW Original championship belt)… he indicates that he and Lizzy have had their differences in the past (but she likes it rough, so that’s ok)… and have caught the s***-end of the stick here in XPW Remixed… they’re both sick of being treated like garbage instead of the fantasy wrestling GOLD they are… so tonight, Shane Douglas kicks the baggage of Triple Threat for good and kick that old bag Tammy Sytch while they’re at it… this is redemption of Shane Douglas as fantasy wrestling superstar, and the reintroduction of Lizzy Borden - manager of champions…
** CUT TO RING **
SHANE DOUGLAS w/ Lizzy Borden
versus
BIG SHAD G (w/ Sunny)
w/ versus w/
Video package of the Douglas/Triple Threat/Candido triangle + involvement of Lizzy Borden & Sunny to the picture… Douglas stood up for Candido’s mistreatment by Sunny & Gaspard, only to have Candido STILL side with Sunny like a chump and get banned from XPW Remixed (see XPW TV Episode #37)… now, Shane Douglas has picked himself up from the scrap heap, signed with the newest manager extraordinaire Lizzy Borden (fresh from her firing as Divisional VP) and brought back the ORIGINAL XPW championship… a title belt Shane Douglas claims HE NEVER LOST… Lizzy Borden and Sunny of course have their own personal axes to grind, and use their respective male talent to dish out the torture… short but concise brawl from the two men that tumbles from the ring, into the barricades and back inside the ring where a Lizzy Borden/Sunny catfight finally erupts… Shane Douglas KO’s a distracted Shad Gaspard with a chain shot for the final victory… postmatch he and Lizzy Borden grab Sunny by the hair, shake her violently and slap the shit out of her… then Douglas puts her over his knee and Lizzy Borden hikes up Sunny’s skirt and administers a blistering ass-spanking to finish the job… Douglas & Lizzy Borden pose together as the newest power duo in XPW Remixed, with a counterfeit gold belt to boot…
Winner: SHANE DOUGLAS
*************
** BACKSTAGE PROMO **
The Miz answers Honky Tonk Man's proposterous accusations, dismisses his claims, and focuses on his inclusion in the "Fallout Survivors" Main Event TONIGHT.
THE MIZ: I think it was actually the same. It just sort of falls into you. It's really kind of the same. It's just a bigger person than yourself. You know? Being on a reality show they do a lot of editing. They do a lot of random stuff. But in wrestling you only get one take. You only get one try. You kind of start falling into that character. On the Real World they stereotyped me as the frat boy - the stereotypical, All American frat boy. Now in wrestling it's kind of fallen into that phase where I'm the chick magnet, XPW Television champion! I'm a person that's gonna say what I want to do, and do what I want to do and make fun of everyone on the Dirt Sheet, and that's what I'm gonna do. It's kind of just me being me...
** CUT TO RING **
______________________________________________________________
THUMBTACK JACK (2009) w/ Sami Callihan
versus
"SICK" NICK MONDO (2002) w/... ?
w/ versus w/
“Sick” Nick Mondo enters first to Papa Roach’s “Last Resort”, and he looks sullen and composed as usual… finally Sami Callihan’s theme song strikes and he and Thumbtack Jack have their horror movie entrance… Thumbtack Jack is wielding various weaponry, including criss-crossing light tubes and a handful of medical syringes positioned between his fingers like a Freddy Krueger glove… so much for a “straight up wrestling match”… but the bare handed Nick Mondo is no fool! With Thumbtack Jack & Sami Callihan creeping to ringside, Mondo simply slithers under the ropes… reaches under the ring… AND RETREIVES A MUTHAPHUCKKIN WEEDWHACKER!!! The revving sound of the engine as he boldly presents the weapon mid-ring drives the crowd into a frenzy, and repels Thumbtack Jack & Callihan in fear! Mondo’s point has been made!
Now with a house mic in his hand, Mondo addresses TJ & Callihan – reiterates his quest for redemption in XPW Remixed – and introduces his corner man…. THE MESSIAH!!! When Fear Factory first starts playing the pop is tremendous, and Callihan looks about in wide-eyed shock (he thought he destroyed Messiah at “MBVII”)… Messiah slowly stalks to ringside, distracting the bad guys. In the ring, Mondo drops the weed whacker to pursue Thumbtack Jack on the apron, disarming him and pulling him over the top rope by his hair… match proceeds in brutal beat down fashion, with “Sick” Nick Mondo relentless in his application of torturous submission holds… Sami Callihan races about ringside, acting wild and driving the crowd into a frenzy… Messiah is more subdued, but just as intense in his ringside observations…. Mondo and Jack have a series of competent Indy-wrestling exchanges, with Mondo clearly riding a locomotive of momentum… he’s getting the better of Thumbtack Jack, and sure enough he tries to resort to weaponry… but Messiah intercepts the steel chair Callihan was trying to slide Jack and leaves the young German Death match wrestler to Mondo’s capable hands… but just as he’s about to score the victory with an “Assault Driver” finisher – Sami Callihan says “F IT” and makes the run-in… suddenly all 4 men are in the ring wildly brawling… on commentary Matt Striker says this isn’t the AWA where wrestlers get disqualified for having a hang nail! This fight will continue!
Sami Callihan and Thumbtack Jack break out the light tubes and steel chairs and clear out Messiah… but “Sick” Nick Mondo fights back… in a fury he ejects Callihan from the ring and beats the ever-loving snot out of Thumbtack Jack, flying into a rage more and more with every shot… with the crowd in a frenzy now, Mondo has the weed whacker in his hands again and revs it menacingly over Thumbtack Jack!!! The German Death Match wrestlers cowers, and begs off! He’s trapped on his hands and knees, pleading for mercy! The crowd wants him dead and lets Mondo know in no uncertain terms! He’s revving the weed whacker, ready to disembowel Jack… but he just can’t… conflict is written in Mondo’s face, as he hesitates to use the weapon… he glances at ringside where Messiah has risen to his feet and is gesturing for Mondo to use it! Be strong of faith; God says an eye for an eye! But Mondo drops the weed whacker and walks away!!! So of course the slimy snake Thumbtack Jack strikes him from behind with a low blow! He rolls up Mondo for the pin (and with a handful of pants too)! Big time boos for that one. Mondo goes down clutching his crotch, and Jack & Callihan put the boots to his body until Messiah clears them out by swinging a steel chair… Sami Callihan and Thumbtack Jack celebrate their victory as they slink back up the aisle… meanwhile, Mondo and Messiah share mutual looks of dissatisfaction and disappointment… video replays show it was Messiah who slid Mondo the weed whacker to use at the end of the match.
Winner: THUMBTACK JACK
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE PROMO **
Words from the victorious Thumbtack Jack, and his demented mentor Sami Callihan… they have proved the strength of Xtreme wrestling and will continue to spread their plague… “Sick” Nick Mondo is WEAK and Messiah harbors a coward… more demonic double-speak from the forked tongue Callihan who will once again prove the nature of the beast is his to control, when he wins the “Fallout Survivors” main event TONIGHT!!
** CUT TO RING **
______________________________________________________________
JON MOXLEY vs
versus w/
Scott: After a really fun match at New Year’s Revolution that saw Cena wrestle a psychological masterpiece against the Punjabi Bulldozer, we have our obligatory rematch with a stipulation. Over time the Last Man Standing becomes one of the most overused gimmicks in my opinion. However in this instance I think it makes perfect sense since Great Gama clearly pummeled Cena at NYR and saw his chance to be XPW Boston Champion stolen on a roll-up. However in the few weeks leading up to this match Great Gama continued to bludgeon the champ and injured his spleen. Both men go at it full bore here and we have some pretty sweet spots. First, with Jinder Mahal lingering on the outside, Cena lifts the ring steps over his head and just hurls them from the ring at Mahal outside. Then with Cena leaning against the steps in the corner. Great Gama goes for the butt splash but Cena misses and Great Gama butt splashes the steps. Cena, who had a tough end of Perfectly Straight Edge’s WCW and an even tougher time in OzzMania’s TNA in terms of gaining respect from all the fantasy wrestling Universe really worked hard in these two matches with Great Gama to try and get some street cred from the workrate junkies. Cena goes for an FU on the steps and scrapes his face on them. So he’s hideously busted wide open. Both men continue to destroy each other. Then, the moment that makes this match memorable. Great Gama lays a prone Cena over the announce table. He goes all the way, then goes for a running splash across two tables before missing the splash on the final table. Back in the ring, Great Gama rips a turnbuckle off the post. He goes to crush Cena with it, but Cena ducks it and then the champ tries to choke Great Gama out with the ring rope. After doing it the first time and Great Gama getting up, Cena tries it again. Finally Great Gama is out and the champion retains the title with blood all over his face. Maybe the best two matches of Cena’s career here, except maybe for his ”MBVII” match with William Muldoon and his Wrestlemania XXII match with Triple H. I didn’t think I’d grade this match as high as I am. But it certainly deserves it. Grade: 4.5
Justin: Less than a month after their first title showdown, Great Gama gets a rematch here in a Last Man Standing war. For the second straight show, these two face off in the ring in what feels like a big time matchup. Great Gama had been built up so well and the flash loss to Cena didn’t hurt him at all. Cena came out aggressive but Great Gama quickly outbrawled him and started focusing on Cena’s ribs. The crowd was fairly pro-Cena here, which really helped the drama and heat of the match. They busted out some good weapons shots, including Great Gama missing a running bulldozer into the steel steps. The weapon shots led to some hot and exciting counting segments on each man. I really dug the selling and bumping by both men as they were busting their asses to put on a classic. Calling back to their previous match, Cena still couldn’t hit the FU on Great Gama and this time it led to major damage as Cena collapses forward and smashes his head on the steel steps that were in the ring. And that bump led to a nasty gusher by Cena as he fought to his feet with blood streaming down his face. Things degenerated into a stiff slugfest and Cena started a Rocky-esque comeback as he tried to gut his way back against the monster. Just when it looked like Cena was going to retain, Great Gama cut him off cold with a sick Samoan Drop, slamming Cena onto the mat shoulder-first. It was pretty scary to watch and I thought Cena might have been pretty hurt. By this point, Cena’s blood was really sick and added to the desperation of the match. Another plus to this bout was that there was no wasted move, everything made sense and mattered as these guys beat the crap out of each other. The bumps were kicked up a notch when Cena grabbed a TV monitor and smashed it across the top of Great Gama’s head, leading to a sickening thud. As both men were recovering in the ring, Jinder Mahal hopped on the apron with a wrench and proceeded to unhook the top rope. He would hand Great Gama the huge metal turnbuckle rod, but Mil Mascaras made the run- in and save! He took Jinder Mahal out of the equation, before letting the match continue unabated. Cena was able to wrestle it away and use it to his advantage. He would then finally hit the elusive FU, but it wasn’t enough. So, in an innovative, smart and awesome finish, Cena grabbed the broken top rope, wrapped it around Great Gama’s neck and locked in the STFU. He would finally relent, but Great Gama somehow stayed alive and began to fight to his feet. Before he could, Cena beat him back down and hooked the STFU choke on again, this time forcing Great Gama to pass out. Great Gama stayed strong in losing once again, surviving the first STFU and then passing out cold to finally be defeated (in an “unsanctioned match”, so technically his hallowed Undefeated Streak is still in tact). This was an all out war in front of a red-hot crowd and this is easily one of Cena’s greatest matches. This crazed brawl is a hidden gem and kicks off the Match of the Year campaign with a bang. Grade: 4.5
Winner (and STILL XPW Boston Champion): JOHN CENA
Post match, Jinder Mahal and his troops go to regain their heat back by attacking John Cena - but Mil Mascaras is on the scene to even the odds! He and Cena team up to eliminate the Evil Empire once and for all, leaving them to argue and bicker amongst themselves as they retreat... In the ring, time for the slow stare down between Cena & Mascaras... point to the "Fallout Festival" sign... handshake of mutual respect... hold up the Boston championship and fade out as the crowd cheers wildly...
** CUT **
_____________________________________________________________
"CHAOS REIGNS"
** Officer Cabana is back with another stand-up sketch routine in which he (aka “Officer Jack Offerson”) runs down the list of perpetrators in XPW Remixed, on the way to declaring his entry into the Fallout Festival 20-Man Battle Royal and vowing a new era of law and punishment in XPW Remixed!!! **
His routine is interrupted by the BLKOut theme – enter Ruckus, Sabian and big Michael Tarver! They answer Cabana on the mic and body up to him in the ring… and with the threat of a full-on police assault brewing we are cut off by the Cali Cripplers! Enter “Scrap Iron” Adam Pearce (w/ head coach Ad Santel)! The fancy robe-wearing former XPW Midwest Champion stands alongside Cabana and touts the supremacy of law & order, rules & regulations… just as a big donnybrook is about to erupt between the have’s and have not’s – enter the WEEDMAN to plead for peace! He tries briefly appealing to both sides, before Pearce & Cabana just shake their heads in disagreement and attack him! So BLKOut attack THEM! And chaos reigns! Weedman gets pitched over the top rope! Fans look to the top of the entrance ramp, and there’s “Boston Bad Boy” Tony Rumble ushering his man MONDO KLEEN into the fray! Now a HUGE crowd pop as the “FRENCH ANGEL” (accompanied by Sammi Lane) chases them down! PG-13 with JTG! Ad Santel waves down the USO BROS! The ring is filled with a clash of titans! Sabian dives over the top rope onto Rumble! Michael Tarver uppercuts Officer Cabana over the top rope! Now French Angel is just going bananas, throwing EVERYBODY over the top rope! This is just chaos in XPW Remixed! Cut to commercial!
20-Man Battle Royal @ “FALLOUT FESTIVAL”!!!
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
*****************
** BACKSTAGE PROMO **
XPW Commissioner “Real Deal” Damien Steele (w/ secretary Jasmin St Claire) is having it out in the back conference room with former business associate The Grand Wizard… Steele is livid that TGW double-crossed him at the end of MBVII and sold a contracted match to Nick Gage… TGW blames it all on Steele for not crossing over to the Commission sooner and that his greed in trying to negotiate a new contract ruined everything… bicker, bicker, bicker… until XPW President ED “STRANGLER” LEWIS enters the picture! He is pleased to see their discord, and announces the two foes will once again be forced to work together tonight - when Damien Steele joins The Sheik in the 5-on-5 “Fallout Survivors” Elimination tag team main event! TONIGHT! He chuckles to himself and exits stage left, while Steele & TGW fume and stare each other down… until TGW’s sunglass-covered eyes slowly stray towards Jasmine St Claire’s cleavage… followed by Steele‘s comedic indignition… fade out…
** VIDEO CUT **
__________________________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE PROMO **
Shane Douglas (2002) stands backstage with Lizzy Borden (2002) in a complete and total XPW Original flashback… he came back to XPW Remixed with one purpose in mind, and that was to validate THIS bad boy right here… (unsheathes the XPW Original championship belt)… he indicates that he and Lizzy have had their differences in the past (but she likes it rough, so that’s ok)… and have caught the s***-end of the stick here in XPW Remixed… they’re both sick of being treated like garbage instead of the fantasy wrestling GOLD they are… so tonight, Shane Douglas kicks the baggage of Triple Threat for good and kick that old bag Tammy Sytch while they’re at it… this is redemption of Shane Douglas as fantasy wrestling superstar, and the reintroduction of Lizzy Borden - manager of champions…
** CUT TO RING **
SHANE DOUGLAS w/ Lizzy Borden
versus
BIG SHAD G (w/ Sunny)
w/ versus w/
Video package of the Douglas/Triple Threat/Candido triangle + involvement of Lizzy Borden & Sunny to the picture… Douglas stood up for Candido’s mistreatment by Sunny & Gaspard, only to have Candido STILL side with Sunny like a chump and get banned from XPW Remixed (see XPW TV Episode #37)… now, Shane Douglas has picked himself up from the scrap heap, signed with the newest manager extraordinaire Lizzy Borden (fresh from her firing as Divisional VP) and brought back the ORIGINAL XPW championship… a title belt Shane Douglas claims HE NEVER LOST… Lizzy Borden and Sunny of course have their own personal axes to grind, and use their respective male talent to dish out the torture… short but concise brawl from the two men that tumbles from the ring, into the barricades and back inside the ring where a Lizzy Borden/Sunny catfight finally erupts… Shane Douglas KO’s a distracted Shad Gaspard with a chain shot for the final victory… postmatch he and Lizzy Borden grab Sunny by the hair, shake her violently and slap the shit out of her… then Douglas puts her over his knee and Lizzy Borden hikes up Sunny’s skirt and administers a blistering ass-spanking to finish the job… Douglas & Lizzy Borden pose together as the newest power duo in XPW Remixed, with a counterfeit gold belt to boot…
Winner: SHANE DOUGLAS
*************
** BACKSTAGE PROMO **
The Miz answers Honky Tonk Man's proposterous accusations, dismisses his claims, and focuses on his inclusion in the "Fallout Survivors" Main Event TONIGHT.
THE MIZ: I think it was actually the same. It just sort of falls into you. It's really kind of the same. It's just a bigger person than yourself. You know? Being on a reality show they do a lot of editing. They do a lot of random stuff. But in wrestling you only get one take. You only get one try. You kind of start falling into that character. On the Real World they stereotyped me as the frat boy - the stereotypical, All American frat boy. Now in wrestling it's kind of fallen into that phase where I'm the chick magnet, XPW Television champion! I'm a person that's gonna say what I want to do, and do what I want to do and make fun of everyone on the Dirt Sheet, and that's what I'm gonna do. It's kind of just me being me...
** CUT TO RING **
______________________________________________________________
THUMBTACK JACK (2009) w/ Sami Callihan
versus
"SICK" NICK MONDO (2002) w/... ?
w/ versus w/
“Sick” Nick Mondo enters first to Papa Roach’s “Last Resort”, and he looks sullen and composed as usual… finally Sami Callihan’s theme song strikes and he and Thumbtack Jack have their horror movie entrance… Thumbtack Jack is wielding various weaponry, including criss-crossing light tubes and a handful of medical syringes positioned between his fingers like a Freddy Krueger glove… so much for a “straight up wrestling match”… but the bare handed Nick Mondo is no fool! With Thumbtack Jack & Sami Callihan creeping to ringside, Mondo simply slithers under the ropes… reaches under the ring… AND RETREIVES A MUTHAPHUCKKIN WEEDWHACKER!!! The revving sound of the engine as he boldly presents the weapon mid-ring drives the crowd into a frenzy, and repels Thumbtack Jack & Callihan in fear! Mondo’s point has been made!
Now with a house mic in his hand, Mondo addresses TJ & Callihan – reiterates his quest for redemption in XPW Remixed – and introduces his corner man…. THE MESSIAH!!! When Fear Factory first starts playing the pop is tremendous, and Callihan looks about in wide-eyed shock (he thought he destroyed Messiah at “MBVII”)… Messiah slowly stalks to ringside, distracting the bad guys. In the ring, Mondo drops the weed whacker to pursue Thumbtack Jack on the apron, disarming him and pulling him over the top rope by his hair… match proceeds in brutal beat down fashion, with “Sick” Nick Mondo relentless in his application of torturous submission holds… Sami Callihan races about ringside, acting wild and driving the crowd into a frenzy… Messiah is more subdued, but just as intense in his ringside observations…. Mondo and Jack have a series of competent Indy-wrestling exchanges, with Mondo clearly riding a locomotive of momentum… he’s getting the better of Thumbtack Jack, and sure enough he tries to resort to weaponry… but Messiah intercepts the steel chair Callihan was trying to slide Jack and leaves the young German Death match wrestler to Mondo’s capable hands… but just as he’s about to score the victory with an “Assault Driver” finisher – Sami Callihan says “F IT” and makes the run-in… suddenly all 4 men are in the ring wildly brawling… on commentary Matt Striker says this isn’t the AWA where wrestlers get disqualified for having a hang nail! This fight will continue!
Sami Callihan and Thumbtack Jack break out the light tubes and steel chairs and clear out Messiah… but “Sick” Nick Mondo fights back… in a fury he ejects Callihan from the ring and beats the ever-loving snot out of Thumbtack Jack, flying into a rage more and more with every shot… with the crowd in a frenzy now, Mondo has the weed whacker in his hands again and revs it menacingly over Thumbtack Jack!!! The German Death Match wrestlers cowers, and begs off! He’s trapped on his hands and knees, pleading for mercy! The crowd wants him dead and lets Mondo know in no uncertain terms! He’s revving the weed whacker, ready to disembowel Jack… but he just can’t… conflict is written in Mondo’s face, as he hesitates to use the weapon… he glances at ringside where Messiah has risen to his feet and is gesturing for Mondo to use it! Be strong of faith; God says an eye for an eye! But Mondo drops the weed whacker and walks away!!! So of course the slimy snake Thumbtack Jack strikes him from behind with a low blow! He rolls up Mondo for the pin (and with a handful of pants too)! Big time boos for that one. Mondo goes down clutching his crotch, and Jack & Callihan put the boots to his body until Messiah clears them out by swinging a steel chair… Sami Callihan and Thumbtack Jack celebrate their victory as they slink back up the aisle… meanwhile, Mondo and Messiah share mutual looks of dissatisfaction and disappointment… video replays show it was Messiah who slid Mondo the weed whacker to use at the end of the match.
Winner: THUMBTACK JACK
** CUT **
** BACKSTAGE PROMO **
Words from the victorious Thumbtack Jack, and his demented mentor Sami Callihan… they have proved the strength of Xtreme wrestling and will continue to spread their plague… “Sick” Nick Mondo is WEAK and Messiah harbors a coward… more demonic double-speak from the forked tongue Callihan who will once again prove the nature of the beast is his to control, when he wins the “Fallout Survivors” main event TONIGHT!!
** CUT TO RING **
______________________________________________________________
JON MOXLEY vs
ABDULLAH THE BUTCHER (w/ The Grand Wizard)
(Impromptu Xtreme Rulez Bloodbath)
versus w/
If the first match was just an Xtreme tease, than this affair more than fulfills the ultraviolent quotient… segment starts with TGW in the ring (with a blindfolded hooded Abdullah the Butcher, looking as horrifying as ever)… aggressive, open mic promo against Jon Moxley – calling him “a dirty, flea-bitten, disgraceful cur” amongst other things… TGW is on a crusade to prove Moxley doesn’t deserve to breath the same air, and he will have Moxley removed from XPW Remixed! By hook or by crook! Tonight the TGW Open Challenge continues with his man Abdullah the Butcher ready to devour Jon Moxley! IF he’s man enough to answer the challenge! Which of course – the “Street Dog” is… Jon Moxley strides onto the top of the entrance ramp to the biggest pop thus far of his Territory Wars career… he cuts down TGW on the mic, promises to put his own name in lights, and ACCEPTS The Grand Wizard’s Open Challenge!... he races to the ring to begin a brawl with the Butcher before TGW can even bless him or remove the hood… wild slugfest with Moxley leading the charge and the rowdy XPW audience rocking along with every punch… they tumble from the ring and tear up the ringside area, concluding the “brawl through the crowd” part of our show this evening… quick, brutal and stiff the two maniacs slug, stab, jab and slice with Abdullah the Butcher using a fork with deadly intent… in a really awesome part, Abdullah the Butcher actually grabs a 40 oz beer bottle from a ringside spectator – SMASHES it against the ring post – and uses the glass shard as a shank on Moxley!
In the end, with the brawl having reached the top of the entrance ramp, Moxley has regained firm control and TGW is bugging out as his man Abdullah the Butcher teeters perilously on the entrance stage… so he calls for THE SHEIK! The OG Syran madman makes the run-in to attack Moxley from the rear… he and Abdullah briefly try to double-team him, before the inevitable miscue between the two miscreants… in this case, Sheik mistimed a fireball in Abdullah’s face – blinding him and allowing Moxley to hit a steel chair grand slam (taking out both Sheik and Abdullah with unprotected steel chair shots)… Moxley gets the pin – and with blood streaming down his face, defies TGW once more… TGW’s “Open Challenge” concludes at the Fallout Festival once and for all! Bring your best man, Moxley doesn’t care! Cuz if you beat Jon Moxley then he never belonged in XPW Remixed to begin with. So at Fallout Festival, Jon Moxley will face off against a mystery opponent of TGW’s choosing… if TGW wins then Moxley will bow down, kiss his feet and proclaim his greatness – a “slave” of sorts to TGW… but if Jon Moxley wins, he gets 5 minutes in the ring with THE GRAND WIZARD HIMSELF!!!! TGW initially doesn’t look like he wants to accept that stipulation, but with his manhood questioned and the rowdy, Roman Empire gladiator-like fans roaring behind him – TGW has no choice but to accept! Now Moxley is advancing upon TGW… but when the skinny manager tries to call for protection – Abdullah the Butcher & OG Sheik are brawling amongst themselves! Oh my TGW’s Monster Squad is once again bursting apart at the seams! Sheik and Abdullah tear up the set in their unholy brawl. Meanwhile Jon Moxley just stalks TGW with a psycho grin on his face... TGW is forced to FLEE the building for fear of his own LIFE!!! Jon Moxley is coming to the Fallout Festival to get a piece of TGW!!!!
Winner: JON MOXLEY
______________________________________________________________
** "Loser Leaves XPW Remixed Match" **
B-BOY versus TONY ALTOMARE vs CURLY MOE vs JC ICE BABY
vs vs vs
Curly Moe, La Coka Nostra (aka “FBI”) and JC Ice Baby (w/ JTG) are already in the ring… XPW Remixed VP Joseph “Toots” Mondt is in the ring for a brief proclamation… Fatal 4-Way “Loser Leaves XPW Remixed” match… he’s cut off and interrupted by Tony Altomare of La Coka Nostra… the tuff-talking Tony Soprano-parody complains to Mondt about his inclusion (citing some ridiculous reason why he shouldn’t compete) and winds up talking LIL GUIDO to take his place… he doesn’t really want to, but Altomare is da boss… so now Lil Guido will be competing on Tony Altomare’s behalf… NOW we’re interrupted by the theme song for the Cali Cripplers… enter head coach AD SANTEL (w/ his star pupil and prized butt-kisser Adam Pearce by his side)… brief promo from Santel reminding the world he runs the West Coast, and stating the contract of ex-Cripplers trainee B-Boy has been entered into this 4-way pool! In a heelish scam, Ad Santel makes Mister Mondt confirm the application and announce that because B-Boy NO-SHOWS THE MATCH HE AUTOMATICALLY FORFEITS! Some of the old territorial razzle-dazzle/sports commission bullshit that got countless wrestlers suspended and blackballed (including Sabu & Bruno Sammartino in XPW Remixed!) Ad Santel smirks with smug conviction… the rest of the opponents look relieved… Mister Mondt is about to end the match… when “Real Muthaphuckkin Gz” by Eazy E starts blasting through the arena sound system! Re-introducing B-BOY!!!
Straight West Coast thug life here, with the crowd responding favorably to B-Boy’s reappearance… he takes a few moments to taunt Santel & Pearce on the mic (“cuz real n****z don’t die!!!”) and enter himself into this match with the force of a shotgun shell! B-Boy races to the ring and we’re off!... brief affair with Curly Moe embarrassing JC Ice Baby (before JTG sucker punches Curly Moe out of spite) and B-Boy outfoxing Lil Guido on the mat… B-Boy is on fire – overcoming interference attempts from Tony Altomare… dodging, and then KICKING Adam Pearce in the face on the ring apron – before crushing Lil Guido with his “delikado” finisher for the pin! Post match, B-Boy goes buckwild on the mic challenging Santel’s dominion over the West coast and promising to RIDE ON EM!!! Meanwhile, Toots Mondt is informing Tony Altomare that because of the substitution and loss – THE ENTIRE LA COKA NOSTRA TEAM IS BEING RELEASED FROM XPW REMIXED!!! That’s Lil Guido, Tony Mamaluke AND Big Sal E. Graziano! They’re flipping out as somehow their bosses actions have led to THEM being released while he stays employed… go figure…
Winner: B-BOY
** CUT **
******************
BRUNO SAMMARTINO (Backstage promo w/ MSD where Bruno explains why he keeps fighting the good battle here in XPW Remixed, the most depraved fantasy wrestling organization in history) But my God aren’t wrestlers human beings? You hear all of these wrestlers dying, how could they not look into it to see what they can do so this will stop? We can start and these deaths can stop, the deaths can disappear, so many broken hearts, children losing their dads, women losing their husbands, and all of these tragedies. I find it appalling that all of this time and nobody’s done anything! So I'm here to end corruption in Fantasy Wrestling for good! And it starts by taking my title back at "Fallout Festival"!!!
** CUT TO RING **
____________________________________________________________
"WRATH OF A WOMAN SCORNED"
(Chyna's Rampage)
Segment actually starts with a female tag match – with Alexxis Nevaeh & Wendy Richter (future opponents @ Fallout Festival) teaming up against the returning Tamina & Raesha Saeed… with current XPW Woman’s champion ANNIE SOCIAL as special bikini-clad referee… they get a few exchanges (with Neveah & Richter in particular getting a chance to shine) before the inevitable run-in and rampage by a crazed Chyna (with her evil, mind-influencing manager Lizzy Borden)… Chyna crashes the ring, clotheslining Tamina over the top rope (while Raisha Seed flees)… Wendy Richter and Alexxis Neveah try to come at Chyna but she outsizes and clobbers them both in brutal fashion… finally she confronts Annie Social, who goes face to chest with the massive Chyna, yelling and snapping her fingers the entire time… but Lizzy Borden catches Annie Social by the hair from the rear, and Chyna quickly choke slams the champion in the center of the ring… Chyna and Lizzy Borden pose over her Annie Social’s writhing body, before cutting another mean, sexist promo on Mildred Burke (“shut the **** up!” chants from the crowd)…
Mildred Burke finally hears enough and stands boldly upon the entrance ramp to answer them, the crowd cheering their support… she gets Borden & Chyna off their game so much with Depression era-tough talk, that they don’t even notice the woman of XPW Remixed gathering their senses behind them… Richter & Neveah spring into action with a double dropkick, ejecting Chyna from the ring… meanwhile Annie Social gets her hands on Lizzy Borden’s head, and launches her like a helicopter out of the ring by her golden locks… the 3 woman regain control of the ring, before slowly mouthing off to each other beneath the giant “Fallout Festival” banner (while Annie Social holds up her championship belt)… meanwhile Mildred Burke smirks contently as Chyna and Lizzy Borden are once again sent off the handle into a furious tizzy…
XPW Woman's Championship 3-Way!
Mildred Burke vs Chyna in a steel cage!
Only at FALLOUT FESTIVAL!!!
** CUT **
______________________________________________________________
** #1 Contenders Fatal 4-Way Match **
FABULOUS KANGAROOS (w/ Wild Red Berry)
versus
USO's (w/ Tamina & Ad Santel)
versus
HAVANA PITBULLS
versus
BLKOUT
versus
versus
XPW Remixed tag team champion (Real) Kings of Wrestling enter first in street clothes to assume guest commentary duties beside commentators Gordon Solie & Matt Striker… The (Real) Kings of Wrestling are Phil “Gunner” Shatter (2013), Austin Idol (1982) and valet Jessica Darlin (2001)… on commentary they do NOT seem to be on the same page, with some bickering and Gunner telling Darlin to shut her mouth at one point, at which Idol talks back to Gunner… Each team introduced separately, with the Fabulous Kangaroos entering last (alongside their manager Wild Red Berry)… Solie & Striker inform you that the FabKangs were late additions to this match, after the Juggalo Ninjas (MadMan Pondo & Necro Butcher) were destroyed and removed from competition on XPW TV Episode #37… so the FabKangs are late replacements… but that’s fine with Wild Red Berry, who infuriates the audience with another pompous, self-deluded, wordy promo touting the superiority of the Fabulous Kangaroo fighting team… “USA OK!!! AMERICA #1!!!”
Havana Pitbulls are instant babyfaces on offense as they take it to the FabKangs… fan favorite BLKOut battle it out with Ad Santel’s tag team the Usos… (Real) KoW don’t particularly show respect to any of the teams, noting they’ve defeated BLKOut very convincingly before… they seem to be more concerned with putting themselves over and petty bickering… in the end, none other than B-BOY makes the run-in through the crowd to get his hands on Ad Santel… which causes the Uso’s to leave the ring and protect their coach… Ruckus & Sabian take to the skies to join the fray and a wild, unmanageable brawl has now broken out on the arena floor… Havana Pitbulls have well enough in hand, about to execute their “Cuban Missile Crisis” finisher upon FabKang #2 (aka Roy Heffernan)… until a picture-perfect interference scheme by “Wild” Red Berry leads to Rocky Romero of the Pitbulls catching a wooden cane shot to the back of the head… KO, and Fab Kang #1 (aka Al Costello) picks up the pinfall! Berry & and his boys celebrate wildly in the ring, waving their American and Australian flags proudly and doing their goofy little salute… B-Boy and Santel are still being pried apart, and BLKOut only add to the confusion with their street fighting and thuggish antics… (Real) KoW storm off commentary and stare stoically and intensely at their new challengers the Fabulous Kangaroos (who continue to celebrate obliviously in the ring).
Winners: FABULOUS KANGAROOS
________________________________________________________
DAVID OTUNGA INTRODUCES "FOCUS"
Brief video introduction from David Otunga, pitching his idea for “FOCUS” - the newest in fantasy wrestling marketing, strategizing and booking. And ladies and gentleman, in conjunction with Gold Dust Trio Inc, David Otunga will introduce the first signing to his FOCUS sports agency at the FALLOUT FESTIVAL! Folks, you do NOT want to miss this reveal… Otunga’s newest introduction to the Territory Wars will revolutionize the entire genre of fantasy wrestling. This is bar none, hands down THE biggest transaction in Territory Wars HISTORY. Bear witness as David Otunga and FOCUS become legends at the Fallout Festival…
______________________________________________________________
"DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER"
This is a reminder segment for those who may need it… a “refresher course” of sorts… starts with the billion dollar trust fund douche bag duo of Matt Morgan and Alex Riley (accompanied by Missy Hyatt 1990) in the ring touting their greatness… impassioned promo from each highlighting their devastating run through XPW Remixed (making themselves out to sound like world beaters) and toasting to their effortless captain “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers (unable to be here tonight due to a prior press engagement)… Of course their egocentric, Boiler Room boasts are interrupted and answered by Ezekiel Jackson… the jacked-up muscleman answers them from the top of the entrance ramp, getting a few moments to growl and threaten them ominously, before beginning his charge to ringside where he fully intends on spearing them both… but before he can, none other than the “absent” Nature Boy Buddy Rogers appears from the entrance curtain with a crowbar… whack to the back of Jackson’s knee, and just like that Rogers is taking him apart in the entrance aisle… his Diamond Dynasty cohorts whoop and clap joyously at the beat down… Figure-4 leglock… Buddy Rogers is still in this game, and after he takes out Jackson at “Fallout Festival” he’s coming for HIS XPW Remixed championship! Rogers has beaten Ezekiel Jackson before most convincingly! (see “Rapture”) And at the Fallout Festival he’ll do it again! Because Diamonds are Forever!!!
** CUT **
______________________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE PROMO FROM XPW CHAMPION LOU THESZ **
LOU THESZ: You may not believe this, but it is the first ending of a century I have approached.. I don't remember what professional wrestling was like at the beginning of the century, but I can claim the middle. When I first became interested in wrestling, at 8 years of age, it was a different world, and my generation changed it somewhat. While I like to remember only the part that makes me proud, even the early years were not without the performers. Wrestlers like Ed Lewis are the part of professional wrestling I have chosen to recall. I cannot help but wonder what he would say about today's offerings. Knowing him as well as I did, I don't think he would be upset about it. Ed really had a live and let live attitude. But XPW Remixed is simply out of control... and I'm the new sheriff in town that wil clean it up.
** CUT TO RING **
** MAIN EVENT **
Sammartino, Thesz, Gage, Sheamus & MIZ
versus
Samoa Joe, OG Sheik, Steele, Callihan & Bigelow
** "FALLOUT SURVIVORS ELIMINATION TAG MATCH" **
versus
5 on 5 “Survivor Series”-styled elimination match… called a “Fallout Survivors Tag” match, the comparisons are obvious… but the classics never go out of style, and with the XPW Remixed twist it’s like a brand new match…. The match interplay and character development of each are the main highlights here… Thesz & Sammartino remarkably show little to no interaction between them, preferring almost to snub the either entirely… Damien Steele argues vehemently (and comically, I must add) with The Grand Wizard at ringside -and that affects his relationship with tag partner Sheik… meanwhile Sami Callihan & Samoa Joe display a rabid, stiff ferociousness that’s answered only by Nick Gage’s bold and brazen offensive style… Bam Bam tries to dodge Sheamus as much as possible, which is to say - not much at all… the Miz plays baby face in peril for the most part…
ORDER OF ELIMINATION
#1 & #2: Sheamus & Bam Bam Bigelow (Brawl to a double countout)
#3: Sami Callihan (distracted by Messiah’s “congregation” in the audience - fans with “HOLY FN S***” shirt and ejected from the match for fighting with fans, ala Ron Artest in Detroit)
#4: MIZ (Honky Tonk Man showed up out of nowhere to BLAST Miz in the head with a guitar shot, causing him to fall unconscious into Samoa Joe’s kokina clutch… where his arm dropped 3 times)
#5: OG Sheik (By count out, when he inexplicably chooses to run from the ring and flee backstage instead of facing a fresh Lou Thesz in the ring… later camera cuts will find him backstage brawling once again with Abdullah the Butcher while TGW futilely tries to separate them)
#6: Nick Gage (Surprise, sneak-attack roll up from Damien Steele.. Cheap victory after Gage was violently involved with Samoa Joe, but Steele celebrates it obnoxiously like he just won the championship… Nick Gage has to be escorted out by security as Steele’s taunting becomes too much)
#7: “Real Deal” Damien Steele (tandem release Tbone suplex from Bruno into an STF submission by Thesz… Steele taps out instantly)
#8: Samoa Joe (The Samoan suplex machine embraces the two-on-one handicap situation, especially when it becomes clear Thesz & Sammartino are NOT on the same page… they aren’t working together well, and Joe is able to isolate each of them at one point.. But eventually the tandem becomes too much, and Samoa Joe is coming close to gassing out again… something that helped lead to his loss against Sammartino @ “MBVII”… “conditioning”… but tonight, when the odds are completely stacked against him, Joe rolls to the outside of the ring, grabs a chair, and goes absolutely berserk… senseless, remorseless, violent, steel chair-assisted beat down on BOTH Thesz and Sammartino, leaving each of them a bloody, concussed mess… Samoa Joe is relentless in his assault, going so far as to clobber any referees, bystanders, camera men or security that may get in his way! Complete blood lust by Joe here! He is in the throes of attempting to destroy Thesz’ knee with the chair, when FINALLY back-up arrives in the form of Dan Severn & Drake Younger (two of Lou Thesz’ “Shooters Club” trainers)… Samoa Joe smugly retreats from the ring, still holding the dented steel chair, and championship blood staining his chest and sprayed upon his face… both champion and challenger have been left in bloody heaps in the ring…)
"Winners": LOU THESZ & BRUNO SAMMARTINO
** FADE OUT **
________________________________________________________________
XPW Remixed presents...
FALLOUT FESTIVAL
A revolutionary two-night event that will blow the mind of every fantasy wrestling fan... a real life Wrestling Woodstock...BRACE YOURSELF!!!
** XPW Remixed Championship **
Lou Thesz © vs Bruno Sammartino
Chyna (w/ Lizzy Borden) versus Mildred Burke
(Steel Cage Match)
"Nature Boy" Buddy Rogers (1963) vs Ezekiel Jackson (2012)
Bam Bam Bigelow (w/ Wild Red Berry) vs Sheamus
** XPW Woman's Championship **
Annie Social © vs Wendy Richter vs Alexxis Nevaeh
20-Man Battle Royal
Nick FN Gage © versus "Real Deal" Damien Steele
("Loser Leaves XPW Remixed" Match)
** XPW Boston Championship **
John Cena (2005) © versus Mil Mascaras (1975)
Jon Moxley vs "Mystery Opponent" (w/ TGW)
_____________________________________________________________
CREDITS:
Scott & Justin: Royal Rumble 2007 review
BRUNO SAMMARTINO: CamelClutchBlog (10/11/10)
LOU THESZ: WrestlingClassics.com feature (2000)
THE MIZ: BuddyTV Interview (3/27/09)
(Impromptu Xtreme Rulez Bloodbath)
versus w/
If the first match was just an Xtreme tease, than this affair more than fulfills the ultraviolent quotient… segment starts with TGW in the ring (with a blindfolded hooded Abdullah the Butcher, looking as horrifying as ever)… aggressive, open mic promo against Jon Moxley – calling him “a dirty, flea-bitten, disgraceful cur” amongst other things… TGW is on a crusade to prove Moxley doesn’t deserve to breath the same air, and he will have Moxley removed from XPW Remixed! By hook or by crook! Tonight the TGW Open Challenge continues with his man Abdullah the Butcher ready to devour Jon Moxley! IF he’s man enough to answer the challenge! Which of course – the “Street Dog” is… Jon Moxley strides onto the top of the entrance ramp to the biggest pop thus far of his Territory Wars career… he cuts down TGW on the mic, promises to put his own name in lights, and ACCEPTS The Grand Wizard’s Open Challenge!... he races to the ring to begin a brawl with the Butcher before TGW can even bless him or remove the hood… wild slugfest with Moxley leading the charge and the rowdy XPW audience rocking along with every punch… they tumble from the ring and tear up the ringside area, concluding the “brawl through the crowd” part of our show this evening… quick, brutal and stiff the two maniacs slug, stab, jab and slice with Abdullah the Butcher using a fork with deadly intent… in a really awesome part, Abdullah the Butcher actually grabs a 40 oz beer bottle from a ringside spectator – SMASHES it against the ring post – and uses the glass shard as a shank on Moxley!
In the end, with the brawl having reached the top of the entrance ramp, Moxley has regained firm control and TGW is bugging out as his man Abdullah the Butcher teeters perilously on the entrance stage… so he calls for THE SHEIK! The OG Syran madman makes the run-in to attack Moxley from the rear… he and Abdullah briefly try to double-team him, before the inevitable miscue between the two miscreants… in this case, Sheik mistimed a fireball in Abdullah’s face – blinding him and allowing Moxley to hit a steel chair grand slam (taking out both Sheik and Abdullah with unprotected steel chair shots)… Moxley gets the pin – and with blood streaming down his face, defies TGW once more… TGW’s “Open Challenge” concludes at the Fallout Festival once and for all! Bring your best man, Moxley doesn’t care! Cuz if you beat Jon Moxley then he never belonged in XPW Remixed to begin with. So at Fallout Festival, Jon Moxley will face off against a mystery opponent of TGW’s choosing… if TGW wins then Moxley will bow down, kiss his feet and proclaim his greatness – a “slave” of sorts to TGW… but if Jon Moxley wins, he gets 5 minutes in the ring with THE GRAND WIZARD HIMSELF!!!! TGW initially doesn’t look like he wants to accept that stipulation, but with his manhood questioned and the rowdy, Roman Empire gladiator-like fans roaring behind him – TGW has no choice but to accept! Now Moxley is advancing upon TGW… but when the skinny manager tries to call for protection – Abdullah the Butcher & OG Sheik are brawling amongst themselves! Oh my TGW’s Monster Squad is once again bursting apart at the seams! Sheik and Abdullah tear up the set in their unholy brawl. Meanwhile Jon Moxley just stalks TGW with a psycho grin on his face... TGW is forced to FLEE the building for fear of his own LIFE!!! Jon Moxley is coming to the Fallout Festival to get a piece of TGW!!!!
Winner: JON MOXLEY
______________________________________________________________
** "Loser Leaves XPW Remixed Match" **
B-BOY versus TONY ALTOMARE vs CURLY MOE vs JC ICE BABY
vs vs vs
Curly Moe, La Coka Nostra (aka “FBI”) and JC Ice Baby (w/ JTG) are already in the ring… XPW Remixed VP Joseph “Toots” Mondt is in the ring for a brief proclamation… Fatal 4-Way “Loser Leaves XPW Remixed” match… he’s cut off and interrupted by Tony Altomare of La Coka Nostra… the tuff-talking Tony Soprano-parody complains to Mondt about his inclusion (citing some ridiculous reason why he shouldn’t compete) and winds up talking LIL GUIDO to take his place… he doesn’t really want to, but Altomare is da boss… so now Lil Guido will be competing on Tony Altomare’s behalf… NOW we’re interrupted by the theme song for the Cali Cripplers… enter head coach AD SANTEL (w/ his star pupil and prized butt-kisser Adam Pearce by his side)… brief promo from Santel reminding the world he runs the West Coast, and stating the contract of ex-Cripplers trainee B-Boy has been entered into this 4-way pool! In a heelish scam, Ad Santel makes Mister Mondt confirm the application and announce that because B-Boy NO-SHOWS THE MATCH HE AUTOMATICALLY FORFEITS! Some of the old territorial razzle-dazzle/sports commission bullshit that got countless wrestlers suspended and blackballed (including Sabu & Bruno Sammartino in XPW Remixed!) Ad Santel smirks with smug conviction… the rest of the opponents look relieved… Mister Mondt is about to end the match… when “Real Muthaphuckkin Gz” by Eazy E starts blasting through the arena sound system! Re-introducing B-BOY!!!
Straight West Coast thug life here, with the crowd responding favorably to B-Boy’s reappearance… he takes a few moments to taunt Santel & Pearce on the mic (“cuz real n****z don’t die!!!”) and enter himself into this match with the force of a shotgun shell! B-Boy races to the ring and we’re off!... brief affair with Curly Moe embarrassing JC Ice Baby (before JTG sucker punches Curly Moe out of spite) and B-Boy outfoxing Lil Guido on the mat… B-Boy is on fire – overcoming interference attempts from Tony Altomare… dodging, and then KICKING Adam Pearce in the face on the ring apron – before crushing Lil Guido with his “delikado” finisher for the pin! Post match, B-Boy goes buckwild on the mic challenging Santel’s dominion over the West coast and promising to RIDE ON EM!!! Meanwhile, Toots Mondt is informing Tony Altomare that because of the substitution and loss – THE ENTIRE LA COKA NOSTRA TEAM IS BEING RELEASED FROM XPW REMIXED!!! That’s Lil Guido, Tony Mamaluke AND Big Sal E. Graziano! They’re flipping out as somehow their bosses actions have led to THEM being released while he stays employed… go figure…
Winner: B-BOY
** CUT **
******************
BRUNO SAMMARTINO (Backstage promo w/ MSD where Bruno explains why he keeps fighting the good battle here in XPW Remixed, the most depraved fantasy wrestling organization in history) But my God aren’t wrestlers human beings? You hear all of these wrestlers dying, how could they not look into it to see what they can do so this will stop? We can start and these deaths can stop, the deaths can disappear, so many broken hearts, children losing their dads, women losing their husbands, and all of these tragedies. I find it appalling that all of this time and nobody’s done anything! So I'm here to end corruption in Fantasy Wrestling for good! And it starts by taking my title back at "Fallout Festival"!!!
** CUT TO RING **
____________________________________________________________
"WRATH OF A WOMAN SCORNED"
(Chyna's Rampage)
Segment actually starts with a female tag match – with Alexxis Nevaeh & Wendy Richter (future opponents @ Fallout Festival) teaming up against the returning Tamina & Raesha Saeed… with current XPW Woman’s champion ANNIE SOCIAL as special bikini-clad referee… they get a few exchanges (with Neveah & Richter in particular getting a chance to shine) before the inevitable run-in and rampage by a crazed Chyna (with her evil, mind-influencing manager Lizzy Borden)… Chyna crashes the ring, clotheslining Tamina over the top rope (while Raisha Seed flees)… Wendy Richter and Alexxis Neveah try to come at Chyna but she outsizes and clobbers them both in brutal fashion… finally she confronts Annie Social, who goes face to chest with the massive Chyna, yelling and snapping her fingers the entire time… but Lizzy Borden catches Annie Social by the hair from the rear, and Chyna quickly choke slams the champion in the center of the ring… Chyna and Lizzy Borden pose over her Annie Social’s writhing body, before cutting another mean, sexist promo on Mildred Burke (“shut the **** up!” chants from the crowd)…
Mildred Burke finally hears enough and stands boldly upon the entrance ramp to answer them, the crowd cheering their support… she gets Borden & Chyna off their game so much with Depression era-tough talk, that they don’t even notice the woman of XPW Remixed gathering their senses behind them… Richter & Neveah spring into action with a double dropkick, ejecting Chyna from the ring… meanwhile Annie Social gets her hands on Lizzy Borden’s head, and launches her like a helicopter out of the ring by her golden locks… the 3 woman regain control of the ring, before slowly mouthing off to each other beneath the giant “Fallout Festival” banner (while Annie Social holds up her championship belt)… meanwhile Mildred Burke smirks contently as Chyna and Lizzy Borden are once again sent off the handle into a furious tizzy…
XPW Woman's Championship 3-Way!
Mildred Burke vs Chyna in a steel cage!
Only at FALLOUT FESTIVAL!!!
** CUT **
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** #1 Contenders Fatal 4-Way Match **
FABULOUS KANGAROOS (w/ Wild Red Berry)
versus
USO's (w/ Tamina & Ad Santel)
versus
HAVANA PITBULLS
versus
BLKOUT
versus
versus
XPW Remixed tag team champion (Real) Kings of Wrestling enter first in street clothes to assume guest commentary duties beside commentators Gordon Solie & Matt Striker… The (Real) Kings of Wrestling are Phil “Gunner” Shatter (2013), Austin Idol (1982) and valet Jessica Darlin (2001)… on commentary they do NOT seem to be on the same page, with some bickering and Gunner telling Darlin to shut her mouth at one point, at which Idol talks back to Gunner… Each team introduced separately, with the Fabulous Kangaroos entering last (alongside their manager Wild Red Berry)… Solie & Striker inform you that the FabKangs were late additions to this match, after the Juggalo Ninjas (MadMan Pondo & Necro Butcher) were destroyed and removed from competition on XPW TV Episode #37… so the FabKangs are late replacements… but that’s fine with Wild Red Berry, who infuriates the audience with another pompous, self-deluded, wordy promo touting the superiority of the Fabulous Kangaroo fighting team… “USA OK!!! AMERICA #1!!!”
Havana Pitbulls are instant babyfaces on offense as they take it to the FabKangs… fan favorite BLKOut battle it out with Ad Santel’s tag team the Usos… (Real) KoW don’t particularly show respect to any of the teams, noting they’ve defeated BLKOut very convincingly before… they seem to be more concerned with putting themselves over and petty bickering… in the end, none other than B-BOY makes the run-in through the crowd to get his hands on Ad Santel… which causes the Uso’s to leave the ring and protect their coach… Ruckus & Sabian take to the skies to join the fray and a wild, unmanageable brawl has now broken out on the arena floor… Havana Pitbulls have well enough in hand, about to execute their “Cuban Missile Crisis” finisher upon FabKang #2 (aka Roy Heffernan)… until a picture-perfect interference scheme by “Wild” Red Berry leads to Rocky Romero of the Pitbulls catching a wooden cane shot to the back of the head… KO, and Fab Kang #1 (aka Al Costello) picks up the pinfall! Berry & and his boys celebrate wildly in the ring, waving their American and Australian flags proudly and doing their goofy little salute… B-Boy and Santel are still being pried apart, and BLKOut only add to the confusion with their street fighting and thuggish antics… (Real) KoW storm off commentary and stare stoically and intensely at their new challengers the Fabulous Kangaroos (who continue to celebrate obliviously in the ring).
Winners: FABULOUS KANGAROOS
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DAVID OTUNGA INTRODUCES "FOCUS"
Brief video introduction from David Otunga, pitching his idea for “FOCUS” - the newest in fantasy wrestling marketing, strategizing and booking. And ladies and gentleman, in conjunction with Gold Dust Trio Inc, David Otunga will introduce the first signing to his FOCUS sports agency at the FALLOUT FESTIVAL! Folks, you do NOT want to miss this reveal… Otunga’s newest introduction to the Territory Wars will revolutionize the entire genre of fantasy wrestling. This is bar none, hands down THE biggest transaction in Territory Wars HISTORY. Bear witness as David Otunga and FOCUS become legends at the Fallout Festival…
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"DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER"
This is a reminder segment for those who may need it… a “refresher course” of sorts… starts with the billion dollar trust fund douche bag duo of Matt Morgan and Alex Riley (accompanied by Missy Hyatt 1990) in the ring touting their greatness… impassioned promo from each highlighting their devastating run through XPW Remixed (making themselves out to sound like world beaters) and toasting to their effortless captain “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers (unable to be here tonight due to a prior press engagement)… Of course their egocentric, Boiler Room boasts are interrupted and answered by Ezekiel Jackson… the jacked-up muscleman answers them from the top of the entrance ramp, getting a few moments to growl and threaten them ominously, before beginning his charge to ringside where he fully intends on spearing them both… but before he can, none other than the “absent” Nature Boy Buddy Rogers appears from the entrance curtain with a crowbar… whack to the back of Jackson’s knee, and just like that Rogers is taking him apart in the entrance aisle… his Diamond Dynasty cohorts whoop and clap joyously at the beat down… Figure-4 leglock… Buddy Rogers is still in this game, and after he takes out Jackson at “Fallout Festival” he’s coming for HIS XPW Remixed championship! Rogers has beaten Ezekiel Jackson before most convincingly! (see “Rapture”) And at the Fallout Festival he’ll do it again! Because Diamonds are Forever!!!
** CUT **
______________________________________________________________
** BACKSTAGE PROMO FROM XPW CHAMPION LOU THESZ **
LOU THESZ: You may not believe this, but it is the first ending of a century I have approached.. I don't remember what professional wrestling was like at the beginning of the century, but I can claim the middle. When I first became interested in wrestling, at 8 years of age, it was a different world, and my generation changed it somewhat. While I like to remember only the part that makes me proud, even the early years were not without the performers. Wrestlers like Ed Lewis are the part of professional wrestling I have chosen to recall. I cannot help but wonder what he would say about today's offerings. Knowing him as well as I did, I don't think he would be upset about it. Ed really had a live and let live attitude. But XPW Remixed is simply out of control... and I'm the new sheriff in town that wil clean it up.
** CUT TO RING **
** MAIN EVENT **
Sammartino, Thesz, Gage, Sheamus & MIZ
versus
Samoa Joe, OG Sheik, Steele, Callihan & Bigelow
** "FALLOUT SURVIVORS ELIMINATION TAG MATCH" **
versus
5 on 5 “Survivor Series”-styled elimination match… called a “Fallout Survivors Tag” match, the comparisons are obvious… but the classics never go out of style, and with the XPW Remixed twist it’s like a brand new match…. The match interplay and character development of each are the main highlights here… Thesz & Sammartino remarkably show little to no interaction between them, preferring almost to snub the either entirely… Damien Steele argues vehemently (and comically, I must add) with The Grand Wizard at ringside -and that affects his relationship with tag partner Sheik… meanwhile Sami Callihan & Samoa Joe display a rabid, stiff ferociousness that’s answered only by Nick Gage’s bold and brazen offensive style… Bam Bam tries to dodge Sheamus as much as possible, which is to say - not much at all… the Miz plays baby face in peril for the most part…
ORDER OF ELIMINATION
#1 & #2: Sheamus & Bam Bam Bigelow (Brawl to a double countout)
#3: Sami Callihan (distracted by Messiah’s “congregation” in the audience - fans with “HOLY FN S***” shirt and ejected from the match for fighting with fans, ala Ron Artest in Detroit)
#4: MIZ (Honky Tonk Man showed up out of nowhere to BLAST Miz in the head with a guitar shot, causing him to fall unconscious into Samoa Joe’s kokina clutch… where his arm dropped 3 times)
#5: OG Sheik (By count out, when he inexplicably chooses to run from the ring and flee backstage instead of facing a fresh Lou Thesz in the ring… later camera cuts will find him backstage brawling once again with Abdullah the Butcher while TGW futilely tries to separate them)
#6: Nick Gage (Surprise, sneak-attack roll up from Damien Steele.. Cheap victory after Gage was violently involved with Samoa Joe, but Steele celebrates it obnoxiously like he just won the championship… Nick Gage has to be escorted out by security as Steele’s taunting becomes too much)
#7: “Real Deal” Damien Steele (tandem release Tbone suplex from Bruno into an STF submission by Thesz… Steele taps out instantly)
#8: Samoa Joe (The Samoan suplex machine embraces the two-on-one handicap situation, especially when it becomes clear Thesz & Sammartino are NOT on the same page… they aren’t working together well, and Joe is able to isolate each of them at one point.. But eventually the tandem becomes too much, and Samoa Joe is coming close to gassing out again… something that helped lead to his loss against Sammartino @ “MBVII”… “conditioning”… but tonight, when the odds are completely stacked against him, Joe rolls to the outside of the ring, grabs a chair, and goes absolutely berserk… senseless, remorseless, violent, steel chair-assisted beat down on BOTH Thesz and Sammartino, leaving each of them a bloody, concussed mess… Samoa Joe is relentless in his assault, going so far as to clobber any referees, bystanders, camera men or security that may get in his way! Complete blood lust by Joe here! He is in the throes of attempting to destroy Thesz’ knee with the chair, when FINALLY back-up arrives in the form of Dan Severn & Drake Younger (two of Lou Thesz’ “Shooters Club” trainers)… Samoa Joe smugly retreats from the ring, still holding the dented steel chair, and championship blood staining his chest and sprayed upon his face… both champion and challenger have been left in bloody heaps in the ring…)
"Winners": LOU THESZ & BRUNO SAMMARTINO
** FADE OUT **
________________________________________________________________
XPW Remixed presents...
FALLOUT FESTIVAL
A revolutionary two-night event that will blow the mind of every fantasy wrestling fan... a real life Wrestling Woodstock...BRACE YOURSELF!!!
** XPW Remixed Championship **
Lou Thesz © vs Bruno Sammartino
Chyna (w/ Lizzy Borden) versus Mildred Burke
(Steel Cage Match)
"Nature Boy" Buddy Rogers (1963) vs Ezekiel Jackson (2012)
Bam Bam Bigelow (w/ Wild Red Berry) vs Sheamus
** XPW Woman's Championship **
Annie Social © vs Wendy Richter vs Alexxis Nevaeh
20-Man Battle Royal
Nick FN Gage © versus "Real Deal" Damien Steele
("Loser Leaves XPW Remixed" Match)
** XPW Boston Championship **
John Cena (2005) © versus Mil Mascaras (1975)
Jon Moxley vs "Mystery Opponent" (w/ TGW)
_____________________________________________________________
CREDITS:
Scott & Justin: Royal Rumble 2007 review
BRUNO SAMMARTINO: CamelClutchBlog (10/11/10)
LOU THESZ: WrestlingClassics.com feature (2000)
THE MIZ: BuddyTV Interview (3/27/09)