Post by MadStepDad on Mar 15, 2012 10:09:08 GMT -5
Cut to the in-studio host for the show
Sunny
Sunny opens the show, but not her usual jovial self... she completely shits on Shane Douglas for "driving his best friend" Chris Candido from XPW Remixed (knowing full well it was her that conned Candido into the loss)... she also says Shane's claim as "Real XPW Champion" holds no weight... and challenges him to a fight on the next Episode of XPW TV on behalf of her man Big Shad Gaspard!!!
** CUT TO VIDEO **
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"KING of the MUTHAPHUCKKIN STREETZ"
Show opens with a wide, panning shot of all the fans gathered in the night time streets waiting to get into the show… lots of signs, XPW merchandise, pot smoke and loud “XPW! XPW!” chants… cameras come to the center of the pandemonium to find none other than XPW King of the Death Match NICK FN GAGE (w/ his BLOut crew) positioned within the crowd in a bboy stance… bandanna over his face, KotDM belt over his shoulder, and “FEAR ME” T-Shirt looking intimidating as fuck… backstage correspondent MSD runs up to the scene to catch a few words from the Xtreme Outlaw on the run… the first thing MSD asks Gage is the question on everybody’s mind - “what happened at the end of MBVII w/ you and The Grand Wizard!”…
Nick Gage cuts another blistering close-up promo into the camera… staying true to the adage “real bad boyz move in silence”, Gage is purposely vague about the exact details of his meeting with TGW, but the ex-Commission president has bowed down and there will be no further need for interaction of any kind between BLKOut and TGW… see, Nick Gage has a much BIGGER target in his sights… somebody handed over to him by TGW on a silver platter… So right here right now Nick Gage is calling out the XPW Commissioner “Real Deal” Damien Steele to settle their feud ONCE AND FOR ALL!!! It’s obvious XPW Remixed is not big enough for both of them, and one has to disappear… FOR GOOD! So Gage is giving Steele one chance to act like a man, and face him one on one. Or he's coming to get him. TONIGHT! ”XPW! XPW!”
*** CUT TO SHOW ***
”MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT”
Ed "Strangler" Lewis
For the continued onward success of XPW Remixed, a new initiative is being sprung. A “spring cleaning” tour… the “LLXPW” (“Loser Leaves XPW”) match on XPW TV Episode #37 was just the beginning of a roster cleansing program designed to alleviate logjam and let the cream of fantasy wrestling float to the top (not to mention the global structure of fantasy wrestling contracts, points, gate percentages, etc being lifted from GDT Inc coffers)…. This is the Boston Celtics trading Kendrick Perkins to OKC, or the Lakers giving Lamar Odom to Dallas… straight salary dump shit. And continuing next week we will be a hosting a very special “LLXPW” 4-Way dance! The first to suffer a pinfall or submission will be RELEASED from XPW Remixed! It’s feast or famine, starve or strive! This is XPW Remixed! Prepare for the FALLOUT!!! BRACE YOURSELF!!!
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”AN UNSPEAKABLE HORROR RETURNS TO XPW REMIXED”
Violent, backstage disturbance (including the sounds of destruction, primeval roars and female shrieks of terror) draws cameras running to the scene… in the shadowy darkness we find a brutal attack unfolding… the OG of Xtreme NEW JACK is being bludgeoned and throttled! Manhandling him like a sack of broken potatoes is the gigantic – multi-colored- face-painted POGO THE CLOWN!!! He’s ditched the prison cellblock persona and returned to his eerie, John Wayne Gacy-inspired serial killer clown make-up – using his barbed wire shovel against New Jack! This is Pogo’s revenge against New Jack for discovering and outing his sick perversions - then hurling him off a balcony ledge (see XPW Online #12)! Pogo murderlizes New Jack, ramming him from wall to floor to ceiling like a scene from Texas Chainsaw Massacre (really accentuating the sheer SIZE of Pogo the Clown) before driving New Jack THROUGH the metal back-bay door and press slamming him over the wall of the back parking ramp, sending New Jack crashing into the darkness and debris nearly 10 feet below! Pogo the Clown takes his time to stew, steam and stare disconcertingly into the cameras – silently announcing to the world he’s BACK in fantasy wrestling… but his rampage has only just begun. Bear witness…
** CUT TO RING **
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”FALLOUT FESTIVAL ANNOUNCEMENT”
MC Matt Striker is in the ring to open the show and welcome the fans… at the end of the month, during Fantasy Wrestlemania Weekend, XPW Remixed will be hosting a no-holds barred, take-no-prisoners, TWO-night event! The fantasy wrestling equivalent of Woodstock… Friday night, fans, bring the family for a fun filled exciting day of carnival rides, games (like “Dunk Doink the Clown”), meet-and-greets and a whole host of other exciting events! Musical acts Cyndi Lauper and (it is rumored) Run-D.M.C. will be performing live! At the end of the night we climax with the first part of our FALLOUT FESTIVAL with a family wrestling event for the eons… then, as the midnight bell tolls, lock up the woman and put the kids to sleep as the real Freaks Come out at Night… Day #2 is the thugged out, drugged out, bugged out madness we all come to love and expect from XPW… including performances by ICP and Snoop Dogg! It’s something for everybody as XPW Remixed presents the “Fallout Festival”!!! BRACE YOURSELF!!! And as a harbinger of things to come, on the eve of Fallout Festival - in XPW Remixed where “anything can happen“… ladies gentleman please welcome BACK to XPW… the Xtreme Icon and XPW Original…
THE SANDMAN!!!
Oh my, cut the ******* tape!!!
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JUN KASAI versus HUMAN TORNADO versus JC ICE BABY
versus versus
Demented little R-rated romp between these 3 characters... Jun Kasai is as scarred-up and horrifying as ever, but his weird sexual innuendo tonight (including stripping down to a thong) gives him a more creepy sense of humor… JTG (formerly of Cryme Tyme) gave the big “yoyoyoyoyoyoyoYO YO YO!” intro for his dude JC Ice Baby, who he’s apparently trying to repackage in the Marky Mark / John Cena 2003-mode (see picture below)… and Human Tornado remains pimptastic, as usual - hot stepping to the ring to a Suga Free song and dazzling with his jazzy style… JC Ice Baby winds up eating finishers from each of his opponents, before Tornado outsmarts Kasai and rolls him up for the pin… Jun Kasai doesn’t even really seem to mind; as he’s smiling broadly (a lil embarrassment, sure) but overall just as entertained by Human Tornado as the rest of us seem to be. JC Ice Baby and crew leave in shambles as usual, their crowd heat only rising with each humiliating loss.
Winner: HUMAN TORNADO
PG-13 keeps it thug life alongside their mentor JTG
** CUT **
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"WAR IS MY DESTINY"
Ill, pre-produced video segment with Thumbtack Jack reveling in the insanity and wanton destruction of Death Match wrestling… promo takes place in some medieval torture chamber of some kind… he answers “Sick” Nick Mondo’s declaration on XPW TV Episode #37 by basically calling him a coward… Thumbtack Jack is joined in the promo by a demonic Sami Callihan, who’s unholy presence draws devils closer like moths to a flame… Sami Callihan takes over the promo and paints himself as some kind of vengeful savior of Xtreme who will be accompanying his minion Thumbtack Jack to the ring as he battles Mondo on the next Episode of XPW TV… this is CM Punk/ Straight Edge Society 2010 stuff from Callihan & Thumbtack Jack, only with an emphasis on ultra-violence and not being drug free…
Their video is answered by “Sick” Nick Mondo in the interview section backstage with MSD… calm, rational retort from Mondo where he promises to be aware and alert of the weaponry but will not embrace the gimmickry… and as a safe resort, to help guide Mondo’s hand in righteous victory on the next Episode of XPW TV, he will be bringing his OWN guest enforcer… somebody to watch his back and make sure he doesn’t do something wicked to Thumbtack Jack, like he did to the Cannibal Cartel…
THUMBTACK JACK (w/ Sami Callihan) versus “SICK” NICK MONDO (w/ mystery guide)
On the next Episode of XPW TV!!!
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"THE GREAT GAMA"
5'7"
240 lbs
Fighting out of Lahore - The City of Wrestlers and Warriors
"In India, wrestling is as old as written history. Indian wrestlers are huge men almost as big as the sumo giants of Japan. However, no man can become champion through brute force alone. There are a thousand "holds" in Indian wrestling, and the most skillful grapplers like Great Gama reign supreme. His real name was Ghulam Mohammed. A Muslim of Kashmiri wrestling stock, Gama defeated all comers in India with rare exception.
The "Evil Empire"
The Great Gama made his fantasy wrestling debut in BCCW - answering the Broken City Throwdown II... it was a 16-man single elimination tourney to determine the Fantasy Wrestling World Champion... he went on to defeat his first two opponents - keeping his hallowed undefeated streak alive... but was mysteriously removed from the tourney after suffering an off-stage arm injury (the entire BCCW project was shrouded in secrecy and danger to begin with)... Gama's initial foray into Fantasy Wrestling had failed, and that defeat settled deeply in his heart... where he heard the call-to-arms of the greatest Indian wrestler alive and Punjabi royalty Jinder Mahal (2013)... now - Jinder Mahal's ancient force of devestation is set to be unleashed upon current XPW Boston champion JOHN CENA... in an unsanctioned "Last Man Standing" match... next week on XPW TV!!!
The Great Gama and his "Gurz" - a traditional Indo-Pakistani Trophy awarded to Champion Wrestlers ("Phelwans") at Wrestling Competitions ("Dungals"). It's the equivalent of an American championship belt. The Gurz are handmade and vary in design and size, sometimes made out of silver or gold with inlaid precious stones. They are a symbol of spirit, strength and skill and are only awarded to the best all the best.
** XPW Boston Championship **
John Cena (champion) versus Great Gama (undefeated challenger)
(Last Man Standing Match)
On the next Episode of XPW TV!!!
** CUT **
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"AN XTREME SHOOT"
Eddie Gilbert is on a rampage… the bitter, paranoid loner breaks onto the XPW Remixed set and crashes the ring… in street clothes with a mic in hand Gilbert cuts a frothing-mouthed shoots promo on XPW Remixed that culminates with him clamping a leather dog collar with a long metal chain around his own neck to symbolize the so-called “slavery” he’s suffered… this is Flyin Brian “Loose Cannon”/ Stone Cold WWF 1997 type stuff that gets a fairly heated reaction from the live crowd… Gilbert’s impromptu call-to-action is answered by none other than XPW Remixed VP Joseph "Toots" Mondt... he reminds Gilbert of his litany of offenses against the company (betrayal, corruption, attempted vehicular homicide) and offers a resolution to Gilbert's constant complaining... tonight we wipe the slate clean with another "LLXPW" Match! Winner gets to pick his future opponent of choice... "LOSER LEAVES XPW"!!!!
Cue theme song - enter DANNY HAVOC!!!
Danny Havoc enters the arena to a newfound pop (due to the popularity of his XPW Online “Not a Blog”)… in a quick, stage-top promo he picks up the mantle of Xtreme and his dry wit eviscerates Gilbert on the mic - driving him further into madness… But Havoc barely has time to strap the collar around his own neck when Gilbert launches into attack with the steel chain wrapped around his fist… CLONK! Instant blood flow…
EDDIE GILBERT versus DANNY HAVOC
(Xtreme Rulez Free-for-All)
versus
Another interesting clash of hardcore icons from different eras… the crowd responds very favorably for Havoc as he’s immediately in sell-mode… he’s a young Mr Perfect/Dolph Ziggler/HBK the way his body crashes and folds, accentuating every bump… not to mention the apparent geyser he’s tapped in his forehead (the result of the first chain shot)… if his head rests on the mat for more than a few moments, a large pool of blood forms… Gilbert still draws ultra-Memphis-styled-heel heat, which is why he’s probably still employed here… he works Havoc over stiffly and plays to the crowd… in the end Havoc makes the comeback with new school human cannon shots and winds up nearly lynching Gilbert over the top rope with the chain; Gilbert’s face turning purple and blue… in the end Havoc unsheathes the ULTRA-violence with a handful of light tubes that he explodes over Gilbert’s body in rapid succession like samurai sword strikes… Havoc picks up the final pinfall and soaks in the bloody aftermath of his victory… and perhaps for the last time, Eddie Gilbert is forcefully removed from XPW Remixed property in handcuffs - as he refuses to believe his loss, before rebelling and ultimately getting maced, tasered and serenaded by fans with the "nah nah nahhh hey hey hey good bye" song"... post match, he cuts an intense, crimson-faced promo into the camera - answering Thumbtack Jack (see XPW TV Episode #37) and offering to fight Thumbtack Jack in his own backyard - ultraviolent playground!!! Danny Havoc is XXXTREEEEEME!!! If "Sick" Nick Mondo is ready to put the torch down, and God bless anybody that can escape the morass of Death match wrestling, then Danny Havoc is ready to pick it up and run!!!
Winner: DANNY HAVOC
** CUT **
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** CONFERENCE ROOM SKIT **
The entire GDT Inc team in a meeting (including Ed “Strangler” Lewis & Toots Mondt)… conference room adorned with graphs, pie charts, Excel layouts and other professional accruements… at the head of the table, legal counsel David Otunga is giving the presentation… it’s a pitch for the new marketing, managing and branding company he wants GDT inc to invest in… to help fantasy wrestling “stay in focus”… television cameras and photographers are removed from the room before the meeting continues… But before the doors can be closed completely, XPW Remixed Commissioner “Real Deal” Damien Steele rushes into the room! He’s in a frantic frenzy, alongside his slightly frazzled secretary Jasmine St Claire.
He breaks up the meeting in a huff to address his own concern with Nick Gage’s ultimatum earlier this evening… Steele needs their permission to “press the red button”, so to speak… call the cops, shut down the show, and get the escaped fugitive on the run Nick Gage outta here for GOOD… Steele is DECLINED by GDT Inc who don’t hesitate to remind Steele of his own bold threats against them and general acts of flippancy and disrespect to his position… as far as they’re concerned, Steele’s backdoor shenanigans and deals with TGW prior just came back to bite him in the ass… bear witness, and BRACE YOURSELF! Steele is excused from the office, with the reminder that if he gets the cops involved in any way he will be BLACKBALLED from Fantasy Wrestling FOREVER… and that’s real talk… meanwhile, let Mr. David Otunga continue with his very intriguing new business proposition… stay in focus.
** CUT **
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“AD SANTEL RUNS THE WEST COAST”
In a shocking turn of events on XPW TV Episode #37, Ad Santel’s training camp answered B-Boy’s resignation with a brutal beat down… video recap of the smashing, including Ad Santel’s final curb stomp to B-Boy’s head… Ad Santel promo promising the rise of his Cali Cripplers training camp as they start to overtake XPW Remixed… Santel is a legendary hooker, infamous for breaking limbs for money… his hit list includes names like B-Boy and George Hackenschmidt…
“HACK TAKES ERNST ON AS PARTNER; SAYS HE IS GREAT”
Adolph Ernst* local wrestler and considered by many to be a better man than Charles Cutler will accompany George Hackenschmidt, the "Russian Lion", on his tour of the country, and will act as his chief trainer for all bouts, as well as his wrestling partner in exhibition matches where no opponent is secured for him. This was brought about after Ernst's workout in a practice bout with the grappier from the other side. So well was Hack pleased with Ernst that he engaged him for the season. "Hack" pronounces Ernst one of the best young wrestlers that he has ever took on, and believes him capable of giving any of the lighter heavyweights a hard game. Ernst weights at the present time close to the 190 pound notch.
** (CHICAGO AMERICAN--Nov. 11, 1910)
* “Adolph Ernst” is the government name of Ad Santel… just lending further credence to the immortal wrestling theory that Ad Santel was paid to injure Hackenschmidt before his big return title bout against Frank Gotch…
The FallOut Festival will feature a 20-man Over The Top Rope Battle Royal, and Ad Santel has entered his Cali Cripplers into the equation. This will be the first time in wrestling history we have more than one Battle Royal WINNER! Ad Santel says his camp will stand strong and united, now that they've executed the last weak link! XPW Remixed is fantasy wrestling! XPW was born in Los Angeles... and AD SANTEL runs the West Coast!!!
20-Man Battle Royal at the "Fallout Festival"!!!
** CUT **
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LOU THESZ: Ad did tell me about his involvement in crippling Hackenschmidt. I felt like he wanted me to hear it from him, or I would not believe it. He was right!
** CUT **
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"HONKY TONK MAN SPEAKS OUT"
Long known for his internet tirades, Honky Tonk Man finally went off the hook in XPW Remixed... he released another internet blog, this time targeting current XPW Television champion THE MIZ in particular... HTM certainly sounds bitter, and this may be his last stab at contemporary glory in fantasy wrestling... or does HTM have another revolutionary title reign left in his cache...?
First and foremost you people who have worked maybe a few days or less than a few two or less years in the wrestling industry, you have no clue of what it takes to perform at the the highest level this industry. With that said, I can now call it not an industry, but a business. To come into the wrestling business and to stay for a few days or a couple of years and say, “I have lived my dream to be in wrestling.” You all are a bunch of idiot morons.I live my dream everyday for the last 34 years. I live it not a few weeks or a few months, but everyday.
You turn around and say you are so glad you are away from WWE because you felt you were in prison. Yes I have had my issues with WWE but I never felt it was prison as some of you punks and punketts have said. WWE is a never ending grind to perform at the highest level. Ringo Starr said it best in a line of a song. “If you want to sing the blues, you have to pay your dues, cause you know it don’t come easy.” For all you punks and punketts that want to play on the big stage, get your sh*t together or stay out of our business.
Till we meet again,
Adios
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"THE COMMISSIONERS DECREE"
In his continued efforts to thwart Nick Gage, Commissioner Steele has mandated a KotDM title defense TONIGHT! Against another man with a stake and claim to the "Ultraviolent Underground" name... (see XPW Online #9)...
DRAKE YOUNGER!!!
Nick Gage defends the KotDM title against Drake Younger...
TONIGHT!!!
** CUT **
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WENDI RICHTER vs ALEXXIS NEVAEH
(#1 Contenders Match)
versus
Wendi Richter gets her rockstar entrance, alongside Cyndi Lauper… Alexxis Nevaeh already in the ring… pre-match handshake of respect… they wrestle over a lock-up and arm wringers, as Solie informs us this match was originally scheduled to be a Triple Threat match including Sunny (who had petitioned for involvement)… but when Lizzy Borden lost the championship (see XPW TV Episode #37) Sunny no longer wanted in… then Tamina was supposed to get the spot, but her and the rest of the Cali Cripplers were suspended for their beat down and wrestling-execution of B-Boy on the same Episode of XPW TV… so now just Richter & Neveah battle for the #1 contendership… nice, brisk encounter between two woman wrestling in primes separated by about 15 years… on commentary Striker touts the superiority of the XPW Woman’s division in Mash-Up Wrestling, and with Lizzy Borden’s removal from her position as President he surmises the division will soar to new heights… midway through the match XPW Remixed Woman’s Champion ANNIE SOCIAL makes her way to ringside to join the commentary team… she keeps it gutter and even lets a few “f” and “s” words fly (probably why it was cut from TV)… in the end, Annie Social’s attitude gets her involved in shouting matches with both Neveah & Richter from ringside… after a series of counters and reversals, both Nevaeh & Richter roll each other up at the same time… the ref’s hand slaps 3 (with both woman’s shoulders down) JUST as the bell rings to signify the end of their 10 minute TV time limit! Confusion and controversy reigns… Lauper holds up Richter’s hand in victory… Alexxis Nevaeh celebrates the same… crowd cheers each woman equally…
Winner: NO FINISH
Postmatch, Annie Social says “fuck this”, grabs a mic and declares martial law… Annie Social - North Killadelphia Hood Chick - is a fighting champion - and she’ll take ‘em BOTH on at the same time! Suggestive imagery from Social in regards to “3-ways” that makes the crowd pop! Annie Social will defend her title against BOTH of them at the Fallout Festival! Three-Way Dance! Richter & Nevaeh agree and we are ONNNN!!! The 3 woman stare each other down and talk trash while Annie Social holds her title high in the sky and declares herself the new Queen Bitch of XPW Remixed!!!
** CUT **
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"MSD INTERVIEWS THE CHAMP"
MSD: Why did you come back to fantasy wrestling? In XPW Remixed of all places?
LOU THESZ: Well, I came back to wrestling because it's my first love. I invested some money in an industrial rubber business where I live but it just doesn't have the razzle dazzle ... the romance to that sort of business that this does. Of course, as I said, wrestling is my first love and I miss it. I miss all the old contacts, the old friends ... and there's just a lot in the wrestling world that isn't in a regular business world. There's nothing wrong with the regular business world, but this is such a fascinating sport and I'm hooked on it.
MSD: What has been the pinnacle of your success so far in XPW Remixed?
LOU THESZ: I won the heavyweight championship of the world, which was undisputed at that time. (see “(Another) New Years Revolution”) I've since been up and down the pike many times. I've won and lost. I held the title a total of eighteen-and-a-half years. This is not a life story ... I'm just quoting some facts. I was the youngest champion in history. I was the oldest champion in history. Even at my age right now ... I'm attempting to win the heart and minds of fantasy wrestling fans for an unprecedented time and I don't see any reason why it can't be done. I've keep my body in great condition. Wrestling has been my entire life. In fact, it interrupted my domestic life and when you've got nothing left in this world, you get back to the thing you love most of all and for me that was wrestling. So I've given it my undivided attention and I've been training very, very hard for the past six months and have discovered I can wrestle both the youngsters and the oldsters and I just don't see any age barrier to wrestle anyone in any age group.
MSD: The XPW Remixed championship lineage was broken between Sammartino & Rogers, with each man claiming a portion of the title. What happened there?
LOU THESZ: Well, that was a French Montreal group and they were infiltrating this country as promoters and I even assisted them for some time. However, I really don't think that having all the various champions is good for the sport. I think one undisputed champion is what we should have. If I may, I'd just like to say something about the caliber of talent you have here in this area. I'm speaking of John Cena, William Muldoon, Mil Mascaras… GDT Inc has a pipeline to the top talent in the world. I don't know of any city this size that can witness the caliber of wrestlers the fans have in this area. It's like the seat of wrestling culture. And I’m trying to save that culture from perversion by plying my trade here in XPW Remixed.
MSD: How do you feel fantasy wrestling has progressed in the last 60 years since you plied your trade in your prime?
LOU THESZ: A lot of the old timers will tell you wrestlers and wrestling was better in the old days. I don't go along with that at all. That’s why I founded the Shooters Club – to pass some of our old school traditions down to the new school. Some of the moves back then that we thought were very inside things and very sophisticated are common place today. And the moves that we knew as amateurs that we thought were so good are also commonplace today.
MSD: But old school wrestling is still better right?
LOU THESZ: I think the young wrestlers of today are superior to what we had in the past. I think some of them do not do their homework. But the man I'm wrestling at the “Fallout Festival, I would say right today, without question, that he is the best wrestler in the world. And I say this without reservations because I'm really a super critic about wrestling and wrestlers. I think he's more knowledgeable and objective about wrestling. He loves what he's doing, he's devoted his life to it, and I believe he's the number one man in the world today.
MSD: I agree. So did you ever wrestle Bruno Sammartino before?
LOU THESZ: Oh yes! I wrestled Sammartino in Toronto, Canada in the early 60's. I don't remember the exact date but it's a matter of record and you can look it up in the old newspapers there. I pinned him in the middle of the ring and a week later they were calling him a champion in New York City. But that's the way it goes, you know?
MSD: Sammartino had his #1 contendership yanked from him at MBVII – he then went out and re-earned that title shot with his victory on XPW TV Episode #37. But before all that went down, you opened the show by announcing your intention to square off against Bruno in the first place. Certainly an admirable action on your behalf, but do you think that was a wise decision? Especially after seeing what Bruno did to Samoa Joe 2007 in their match at MBVII?
LOU THESZ: I went to New York later and a couple of reporters asked me about the Canada match and I told them. A while later I was a guest on the Tonight Show, which was being guest hosted by Joe Garagiola and he asked me about Sammartino. I told him I had beaten him before and I didn't see any reason I couldn't do it again. And I still feel that way. I could do it right today. No problem ... but he's a great guy. He's a very nice man.
MSD: Would you say he’s nicer than your MBVII opponent “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers?
LOU THESZ: I most certainly would. I don't think there's any comparison. You can't mention the two in the same breath.
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"MAIN EVENT HYPE"
** CUT **
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FABULOUS KANGAROOS (w/ Wild Red Berry)
versus
LA COKA NOSTRA (aka "FBI") w/ Tony Altomare
versus
w/
La Coka Nostra in the ring to start the segment, with wiseguy Tony Altomare on the mic… but instead of another humorous mafiaso promo he’s lip synching Frank Sinatra’s “Fly me to the Moon” while the crowd boos voraciously… Tony Mamaluke and Big Sal E. Graziano help ham it up as Lil Guido preps for action… but they are all cut off by the annoying voice of “Wild” Red Berry – XPW Remixed’s newest manager extraordinaire… wearing a derby hat, carrying a cane and using a vocabulary plucked straight from the dictionary pages themselves, “Wild” Red Berry puts himself over and introduces his camp… including Bam Bam Bigelow and the American (and Australian) flag-waving duo FABULOUS KANGAROOS… they love America! In a real taste of multicultural clash, “Wild” Red Berry outwits Tony Altomare on the mic and is touting the superiority of true American sportsmanship! The FabKangs tangle with Guido and Mamaluke in a quick, fast-paced affair… Berry & Altomare shout at each other… and even Bam Bam Bigelow and Big Sal E. Graziano tease conflict… in the end one of the FabKangs just clobbers Mamaluke with the American flag pole and buries him in the mat for the pin. FabKangs (& “Wild” Red Berry) celebrate while Bam Bam watches their back in the ring like hired muscle… but in the end, a scene-closing Red Berry long-winded monologue is interrupted by the HAVANA PITBULLS who crash the ring through the audience and attack the cocky, condescending Fabulous Kangaroos… in the very end, none other than SHEAMUS makes the huge crowd-pleasing run in to flatten Bam Bam Bigelow and put the turncoat through a table! Sheamus tries to get his hands on Berry, but the skinny manager runs away to fight another day! But at the Fallout Festival… SHEAMUS WANTS BAM BAM!!!
Winners: FABULOUS KANGAROOS
Sheamus vs Bam Bam Bigelow @ FALLOUT FESTIVAL!!!
** CUT **
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"SUN SETS ON THE OLYMPIA"
Segment opens with Olympia training personnel in the ring, including head coach William Muldoon… Matt Striker is in the ring for a quick word from them… Tommaso Ciampa is returning to action from his own mysterious ninja-star attack, and much like Mil Mascaras before him (see XPW TV Episode #37) he will be victorious! Young Tommaso Ciampa (who reminds you of a “Viper” Randy Orton-lite) has a few brief but intense words calling OUT the mysterious ninja-star attacker who’s shadowy strikes against the Olympia have resulted in both Ciampa & Mascaras missing ring time… if it is indeed a terrorist attack by the Evil Empire, then reveal yourself! Or any other cowardly opponent! There is a delay as apparently the Olympia’s open challenge will go unanswered… but as William Muldoon is about to start leading the troops away, the house lights suddenly go OUT - pitching the arena into BLACKNESS!!
Suddenly a single white light (in the shape of the mysterious ninja star sign) appears in the ring… Olympia looking around… the lights come up and SUDDENLY a black-robed assailant has appeared on the ring apron to SPIT BLACK MIST IN WILLIAM MULDOON’S FACE!
Re-introducing to XPW Remixed…
HAKUSHI KURO!!!
HAKUSHI KURO vs. TOMMASO CIAMPA
versus w/
Academic result, with the newly repackaged Hakushi Kuro (“Black” in Japanese) getting the jump on Ciampa and taking advantage… flashy, exciting, Hollywood action film, Jackie Chan / Jet Li-style from Hakushi Kuro here as he uses an array of ninjijtsu strikes and holds to disable Ciampa… all the while security is still scrambling and William Muldoon desperately tries to rub the blinding mist from his eyes… by the time he can focus blurry, runny eyes on what’s happening in the ring - the turncoat Hakushi Kuro has KO’d Ciampa and has him kneeling in execution position… “Solid Man” William Muldoon is aghast at the treachery, and pleads with his former student to relent… but instead, Hakushi Kuro (holding a steel chair like one would a dead cat) gives the sign of death and CAVES CIAMPA’s FACE IN with a buzz saw kick (steel chair-assisted)! Muldoon collapses in a combination of blinding pain and stunned sadness as Ciampa’s body slumps lifelessly over… Hakushi Kuro just bows before the “Solid Man”, giving him the sign of death indicating he is next…
Winner: HAKUSHI KURO
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** MAIN EVENT **
NICK GAGE © versus DRAKE YOUNGER
(KotDM aka "Ultraviolent Underground" championship match)
versus
Winner (and STILL KOTDM): NICK GAGE
Post match, Nick Gage goes OFF on Steele - ripping him to shreds on the mic... turns out, TGW's last official act as Commission president was to authorize a contract for Gage to fight Steele at "Fallout Festival!" In a no-rules, King of the Death Match, LOSER LEAVES XPW Remixed fight to the finish!!! On the backstage monitors, Steele goes ballistic with rage (and fear?) at the announcement! Gage and Steele will finally end their treacherous blood feud once and for all at FALLOUT FESTIVAL! This world ain't big enough for these two cocaine cowboys!!!
** FADE OUT **
__________________________________________________________________
XPW Remixed presents...
FALLOUT FESTIVAL
A revolutionary two-night event that will blow the mind of every fantasy wrestling fan... a real life Wrestling Woodstock...BRACE YOURSELF!!!
** XPW Remixed Championship **
Lou Thesz © vs Bruno Sammartino
Chyna (w/ Lizzy Borden) versus Mildred Burke
(Steel Cage Match)
"Nature Boy" Buddy Rogers (1963) vs Ezekiel Jackson (2012)
Bam Bam Bigelow (w/ Wild Red Berry) vs Sheamus
** XPW Woman's Championship **
Annie Social © vs Wendy Richter vs Alexxis Nevaeh
20-Man Battle Royal
Nick FN Gage © versus "Real Deal" Damien Steele
("Loser Leaves XPW Remixed" Match)
___________________________________________________________
CREDITS:
LOU THESZ: Interview in “World/American Wrestling Results” (December 1980) and Wrestlingclassics.com messageboard RE: Ad Santel
HONKY TONK MAN: Web Rant, posted July 2010