Post by MadStepDad on Nov 9, 2011 9:31:15 GMT -5
** THIS IS A COMPANION PIECE TO XPW TV EPISODE #28 **
Cut to the in-studio host for the show:
SUNNY: (Responding to rumors that Shane Douglas has secured participation in the "Sammartino Intivational" tourney) I heard that, too, but the only place I ever heard that was on the Internet. I was never contacted. Nobody ever said anything to me about any kind of idea. After 18 years in the business, I’ve learned that you don’t believe anything until you have your name on paper and money in your hand. You can’t believe rumors; you can’t believe that somebody has an idea for you unless it’s actually happening. I’ve been heartbroken many times when I thought ideas that were going to happen didn’t happen, so I don’t get my hopes up for anything. So all of a sudden, all these people are saying, “Oh, what happened? How did you screw up your deal?” I’m like, “There was no deal. It was an Internet rumor.” I’ve even contacted a couple of my friends that are producers and writers in XPW Remixed after I heard the rumors, and I was like, “What is going on?” And they were like, “We have no idea. We never heard anything like that.” So as far as I’m concerned, it was just an Internet rumor...
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** BREAKING NEWS **
Headhunterz Defect from XPW Remixed
The events from "Halloween In Hell" continue to reverberate through fantasy wrestling. Not only have the spectral haunts and other alleged paranormal activity of this event bore responsibility for the "destruction" and disappearence of "Vicious" Vic Grimes... now the once-fearsome Headhunterz have followed suit.
Information is scarse regarding the particulars, but much like their former capo Vic Grimes, the Headhunterz have officially been DROPPED by XPW Remixed. The last remaining member of the once-dominant Cannibal Cartel - Ian Rotten - did not respond to messages regarding this article.
Footage of Mil Mascaras vs Headhunter B from XPW TV Episode #28
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HAVANA PITBULLS versus LA COKA NOSTRA
versus with
Another picture-perfect example of tag team excellence in XPW Remixed. La Coka Nostra (aka "Full Blooded Italians") employ the shootfighting and submission tactics, while Romero & Reyes (the Havana Pitbulls) display shoot-style kicks and stiff striking. Reyes & Romero are vicious, like twin Chris Benoit's. Meanwhile, reinstated La Coka Nostra mouthpiece Tony Altomare remains as gaudy and boisterous as usual (while Big Sal E. Graziano watches his back). No time for jokes or games, although La Coka Nostra do bring humorous Italian stereotypes to the forefront with their exaggerated antics and hand gestures. Instead, the crisp double-team dexterity of the Havana Pitbulls wins the day after a "Cuban Missile Crisis" crushes Tony Mamaluke for the pin. The "Cuban Missile Crisis" starts with Ricky Reyes setting his opponent up in backbreaker position, ala an old-school "Demolition Decapitator". Rocky Romero then flies off the top rope with a double knee to the opponent's head and chest. Ricky Reyes and Rocky Romero continue to impress on their first tour of duty in XPW Remixed. La Coka Nostra are ill bantamweight shooters, but the Pitbulls are legit featherweight to lightweight-level fighters who just outclassed them tonight.
Winners (by pinfall): HAVANA PITBULLS
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** BACKSTAGE INTERLUDE **
A bitter and jealous Jon Moxley and Sami Callihan berate, abuse and bully the timed Jessica Darlin. Their insecurity over Austin Idol's advances upon their valet have unhinged them completely, even after Moxley's recent victory (see XPW TV Episode #28). They remind Darlin she's nothing more than a whore who was with a mongrel (Madman Pondo) before they "rescued" her!
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SABIAN SPEAKS ON BEING BANNED
Reigning XPW Remixed tag team champions Ruckus & Sabian (aka BLKOut) can't catch no breaks. Here Sabian addresses being Black in professional wrestling, with his tongue firmly in cheek.
** CUT **
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WEEDMAN versus CURLY MOE
versus
WEEDMAN: You know we’re the highest muthaphuckkers around now. All we do is smoke weed and win matches. Maybe it's cause we smoke mad weed 24/7 at shows? Maybe it's because our moves are so fuckin dope? Ask the family they will let you know... (and on a side note we smoked with all the alumni).
Another sidebar display of XPW Remixed's overall wrestling balance. The R-Rated version of Santino, or the wrestling-Cheech and Chong, comes JCW alumni WEEDMAN. Coming straight out of 2011 and the Decriminalization era, Weedman brings the funk (figuratively and literally) with every kush-flavored entrance. His opponent meanwhile, comes right out of the cartoonish era of the late 80's/ early 90s. When Ninja Turtles clashed with Beetlejuice and wrestlers shot webs of confetti (not) like Spider Man. Ladies and gentlemen, the massive near-400 lb rotund funny man CURLY MOE!!! The nyuck-nyuck, borderline mentally retarded antics of Curly Moe are met with hilarious puffs of marijuana smoke from Weedman to make one of the most perversely entertaining wrestling matches of the year. Ever wonder what would happen if Curly from the 3 Stooges smoked a joint with Peter Griffin from Family Guy? Well here's your reality. The antics are stone cold hilarious, and end when Curly Moe gets the munchies but is rolled up by Weedman like a Vanilla Dutchmaster for the pin. But that's OK cuz Curly Moe still got the bag of Doritos.
Winner (by pinfall): WEEDMAN
(Backstage correspondent MSD catches up with Weedman for a quick word)
MSD: So I'm curious how did you get your start in professional wrestling?
WEEDMAN:: I’ve always been a fan of the sport so I went out and got trained when I was 17 like so many other kids with high hopes. Thing is my hopes were, and are, the fucking HIGHEST. I paid for wrestling school by selling weed at my high school. And the rest wrote it self...
JUST THEN -
Loud sirens blast through the building! Both MSD & Weedman jump! The cops are here!!! Before you know it, Weedman has scrambled away into the crowd - just as a flashlight carrying, badge-wearing SUNOVABITCH makes his way down the entrance ramp! Oh my, the officer is looking for Weedman and has a warrant for his arrest!
Weedman may have escaped this time, but Officer Colt Cabana has a warrant for his arrest!
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SUNNY SAYZ:
"I’ve never smoked pot. I’ve never even touched it. I’ve never done any kind of recreational drug in my life. I’ve never smoked anything; never snorted anything; never did anything like that. When I say the word “drugs,” that’s what I think of – recreational drugs. Prescription medication I don’t consider drugs. You’re not taking that to get a buzz; you’re taking a painkiller because you have pain, or you’re taking a Xanax because you need to go to sleep. It’s a totally different thing."
** CUT **
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A WORD FROM XPW REMIXED MANAGEMENT
When The Grand Wizard first gained admittance into Mash-Up Wrestling (see XPW TV Episode #1), he did so with a mission in mind. To create, innovate and DOMINATE the culture of “Xtreme Ultraviolence”. A niche aspect of pro wrestling with just enough insanity and bloodlust to permanently mar the face of this sport forever. If pro wrestling were a beautiful woman, TGW wants to take the razor blade to her face.
With the destruction of “Vicious” Vic Grimes at “Halloween in Hell”, the “King of the Death Match” championship was vacated. Now TGW & his Commission bear responsibility for crowning a new champion. A cause The Grand Wizard and his men take very seriously. The Grand Wizard formally announces that his man THE ORIGINAL SHEIK has automatically gained entry into a KotDM tournament final to determine a new champion. The OG Sheik’s victory in the Xtreme Elimination Chamber (see “Halloween in Hell”) was the determining factor in TGW’s decision to put him in the Finals. Now, a qualifying match between former tag team partners in XPW Remixed – Thumbtack Jack & Danny Havoc!!! The winner gets a chance to meet SABU next week in a Death Match to determine who faces OG Sheik for the vacant KotDM title!!!!
Original Sheik - KotDM finalist!!!
** CUT TO RING **
King of the Death Match championship Qualifier
THUMBTACK JACK versus DANNY HAVOC
("Panes of Glass" Death Match)
versus
Winner: DANNY HAVOC
** FADE OUT **
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CREDITS
SUNNY: Ringposts Q&A (2008)