Post by MadStepDad on Oct 24, 2011 17:23:58 GMT -5
* THIS IS A COMPANION PIECE TO XPW TV Episode #27 **
Cut to the (NEW) in-studio host for the show:
SUNNY:: I work for the smallest little indies all the way up to XPW Remixed; I work overseas; I work in Germany a lot. Every single weekend I’m somewhere – at least one show per weekend, sometimes up to three. Business is actually very good right now. One big trip I’m looking forward to is going to France in November. I also did a Star Wars convention recently in Niagara Falls. They’re always interesting. You get these weirdos walking around dressed up like Darth Vader (laughs). The Stars Wars fans are so much creepier than wrestling fans. You get all these girls walking around like Princess Leia wearing the little bikini – and they really shouldn’t be wearing that little bikini. But whoever wants to hire me to sign my name and smile, I’ll go (laughs). It’s a lot easier than doing anything in the ring or even ringside. I like keeping my face out there. That's why the Triple Threat put me front and center as the face (and buns!) of our new conglomerate! Mash-Up Wrestling beware, because the Triple Threat are about to begin our reign! Eddie Gilbert vs William Muldoon for the rights to the Boston Championship, tonight!!!
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PG-13 (w/ JTG) versus LA COKA NOSTRA (w/ Tony Altomare)
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The controversial new duo PG-13 made their XPW Remixed debuts last week as members of JTG’s entourage. Tonight, they make their first in-ring appearance. Their antics, swagger, dress code and language is instantly abrasive and imminently unlikable – str8t wigger. They cling to their affiliation with JTG (complete with bulletproof vest and NY Fitted hat) – the only sense of “realness” they have – like white on rice. Their opponents for the night are Lil Guido and Tony Mamaluke, “La Coka Nostra”. They are accompanied by the massive Big Sal E. Graziano and the recently-returned former capo Tony Altomare (who is wearing the suitcoat, tie and fedora tonight puffing on a cigar). Another excellent display of the kind of tag team wrestling XPW Remixed can produce – fast paced, exciting with just enough extracurricular antics to produce a laugh, when needed. Or grit your teeth with intensity. Here, PG-13 provide the obnoxious heelishness, while La Coka Nostra reinvent themselves (via their in-ring work) as the solid shooters they were once known as. With JTG looking on with screwfaced disgust, Lil Guido makes JC Ice Baby tap frantically to a Fujiwara armbar. Malibu’s Finest are sent packing, with JTG offering no support in their loss. Meanwhile, La Coka Nostra pose in victory and Tony Altomare puffs a cigar like he’s the Godfather himself.
Winners (by submission): LA COKA NOSTRA
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Performing LIVE!!!
For ONE LAST TIME in concert…
Run-D.M.C!!!!!!!!
Only @ “HALLOWEEN in HELL”
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XTREME ELIMINATION CHAMBER QUALIFYING MATCH
HARDBODY HARRISON versus MADMAN PONDO
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Match serves two purposes: 1) the launch of Hardbody Harrison’s new side gig as a “all-woman wrestlers trainer”. The first 20 second paid-for advertisement runs before this match tonight for Harrison’s new “school” for female wrestlers. 2) Put over Madman Pondo’s new gimmick as a zombie-like undead Confederate soldier, ala Pondo’s role in the “2001 Maniacs” movie (and a tip of the hat to the new season of “The Walking Dead” on AMC). Much to do is made about Hardbody Harrison's choice of apparel for the night (damn-near a suit of armor), and it is quickly obvious that the chiseled "woman's wrestling trainer" does NOT want to play rough tonight! Madman Pondo, of course, is one of the roughest wrestlers alive. He dismantles Hardbody Harrison before stripping him to his bare back - unleashing a series of wicked Kendo stick shots to his bare back - before hitting the rolling DDT on a stop sign for the pin.
Winner: MAD MAN PONDO
Hardbody Harrison may train 'em, but Madman Pondo killz bitches dead!!!
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SUNNY SAYZ:
Madman Pondo is SOOOOO "ewwwww"! And Hardbody Harrison thinks he's some kind of God's gift to women. I don't know what kind of girls he's getting to sign up for his so-called "wrestling school", but they'd be wise to stay faaaaaaar away from this wannabe pimp...
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HYKSOSA's HEXAD
MwahahahahahaaaaHAHAHAHAA!!!!! With the Mists of Ravenloft rising to welcome the world of XPW Remixed, continents shift within the ethereal plane. As news of “Halloween in Hell” finding a home in Detroit MI blew through the Fantasy realms, it rallied familiar forces. Touching down in the whirlwind that promises to be “Halloween in Hell”, comes the Dark Carnival… complete with the psycho (yet visionary) madmen that lead it’s charge. The INSANE CLOWN POSSE!!! XPW Online caught up with the band members shortly before a show somewhere in the Midwest, where they revealed “Hyksosa’s Hexad” once and for all…
”HYKSOSA’s HEXAD” – a set of 6 signs prophesized to occur before a great, and cataclysmic change rocks XPW Remixed.
VIOLENT J: You have to speak their language. You have to interest them, gain their trust, talk to them and show you're one of them. You're a person from the street and you speak of your experiences. Then at the end you can tell them: God has helped me. If you died today, God forbid, if you were hit by a car and you had to turn the crank to your own riddle box, what would pop out? Would it be God, or would it be the devil? Only you truly know the answer to your own riddle box. We're asking the listener, what is in your own riddle box if you were to die today?
SHAGGY 2 DOPE: Cuz you can't lie to yourself, man…
VIOLENT J: Only you know the answer to that riddle. And then there's The Ringmaster. In The Ringmaster, we say when you die you have to face your own beast. Somebody who has lived a life of religion, they face a very small and weak beast when they die. But somebody who's an evil bastard will have to face a monster. The question is, how big is your ringmaster? If, God forbid, you were hit by a car. Ask yourself… how big is your ringmaster?
1) In the house of Daegon the sorcerer born
Through life, unlife, unliving shall scorn
Messiah wins #1 Contenders Match (see XPW TV Episode #26)
2) The lifeless child of stern mother found
Heralds a time, night of evil unbound
Chris Ca$h is killed (see XPW TV Episode #27)
3) The light of the blue sky shining over the dead
Shall gutter and fail turning all to red
4) Seventh time the son of suns doth rise
To send the knave to an eternity of cries
5) The bodiless journey to time before
Where happiness to hate makes land of lore
6) The Holy One will make his fortunes reverse
Dooming all to live with the dreaded curse
See “HALLOWEEN in HELL” for the rest, as the Hexad comes to it’s exciting conclusion!!!
VIOLENT J: You had to gain everybody's attention. You had to gain the entire world's trust and attention.
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"SICK" NICK MONDO THE VICTIM OF A HEINOUS WEEDWHACKER ATTACK
On the last episode of XPW TV, "Sick" Nick Mondo failed his mission to destroy XPW champion Bruno Sammartino. Cannibal Cartel capo Vic Grimes sought to make yet another example out of his followers, and used the above-mentioned weapon upon Mondo with gruesome results. After the show, footage was shot of Mondo backstage recuperating from his wounds.
BEFOREWARNED!!! The following footage is very graphic and very real!!! NSFW!!!
"Sick" Nick Mondo and the "weedwhacker" spot.
** CUT **
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”BEST of 7” Series
MASAHIKO KIMURA versus B-BOY
(Submission Match)
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Editors note – Masahiko Kimura is one of my personal favorite “fantasy wrestling” icons ever. In fact, he symbolizes everything I sought to do with the original BCCW (and now the thoroughly-tainted XPW Remixed)... which is remake pro wrestling in the modern vein. Similar to yesteryear, when packs of game shooters, hookers, combatants and martial artists all banded together to join this traveling carnival act known as the “pro wrestling” gravy train. Decades, and sometimes even centuries before, what could adequately be described as “Mixed Martial Arts” was born, these men did the same thing fighters of today do. They trained, fought and studied. Along the way they obviously needed money to sustain themselves, hence the trend towards “professional wrestling” matches. There’s no doubt that a vast majority of those guys (the Ad Santel’s, Mitsuyo Maeda’s and yes, even Masahiko Kimura) would have chosen MMA instead, if that were a financial vehicle available to them at the time. But even still, pro wrestling is an art (and a “fighting style”) all its own – and just because you’re a cage fighter, or amateur wrestler, or judo black belt – it doesn’t guarantee success in the squared circle. Which is why Masahiko Kimura might have broken Helio Gracie’s arm in the most famous “MMA” fight of all time, but he never won a “world” wrestling championship. Pro wrestling is its own world with its own rules and twisted perception. Kimura was even on the wrong end of one of the most infamous “shoots” in pro wrestling history (see BCCW Episode #11) when he was KTFO by Rikidozan.
Tonight, he brings his shoot expertise and his legendary aura as the greatest judoka of all time to bare against the “New Age Punisher” of pro wrestling, the hitman B-Boy. Billed from San Diego CA, the former CZW Heavyweight champion came to XPW Remixed and became aligned with Thesz’ Shooters club. But when the training regime became too regimented for his liking, B-Boy crossed over and sold Shooters Club secrets to the rival Cali Cripplers (led by Ad Santel, former trainer to Lou Thesz himself). Now, the expertly-trained hooker and shooter (with training from both Thesz and Santel, in the fantasy spectrum) B-Boy brings his knowledge of new-wave submission tactics to war against Kimura.
MATCH RECAP
Masahiko Kimura quickly goes for his patented move, the Kimura armlock, but B-Boy bails to escape. Back in, B-Boy grabs a headlock and kicks off an attempt at a single-leg takedown by Kimura. Kimura tries a sleeper, but B-Boy armdrags out of it, and then legdrags Kimura into a Sharpshooter attempt, which Kimura blocks and makes the ropes. Kimura posts him and pounds away in the corner, into a vertical suplex that gets two. He starts throwing chops, but that’s a dumb thing to try with Kimura, and he fires back and pounds on him in the corner. Kimura misses a charge and B-Boy hits him with a clothesline to the back and a knee to the gut that gets two. More chops as he keeps wearing Kimura down, but he gets suplexed onto the top rope to break up the momentum. B-Boy necksnaps him, however, and they slug it out on the apron, leading to a B-Boy DDT out there. Back in, he gets two. Flying headbutt comes way too early, however, and misses. Kimura goes for the slam, and now B-Boy really does get the Sharpshooter, having built up to it three times. Kimura makes the ropes, however. B-Boy hits him with a backdrop suplex and gets two. Kimura responds with an overhead suplex and tosses B-Boy, and they brawl outside. B-Boy wins that pretty handily and stomps away. Back in, Kimura hits him with a short-arm clothesline for two. Kimura goes to a chinlock and gets the hooks in, but B-Boy powers out and armdrags him. He walks into another suplex, however, and can’t get the momentum going again. Kimura drops him with a backdrop suplex for two. Back to the chinlock, but B-Boy powers out again. This move actually serves two purposes within the match – it works on the surgically repaired neck of B-Boy, and it causes him to expend energy escaping the hold. They collide with clotheslines and both are out. B-Boy is up first and slugs away, and overpowers Kimura into a backdrop. Rolling germans, but Kimura reverses and starts throwing his own. B-Boy then reverses after the first one thrown by Kimura and throws his own, winning the battle 4 suplexes to 1. B-Boygoes up after blowing snot on him (not just a great athlete, but a true gentleman), but Kimura pops up with the superplex for two. Now that’s guts – taking a snot rocket for the sake of selling the injury. B-Boy reverses the Kimura armlock into the crossface, dead center of the ring, and Kimura looks to be in trouble. He makes the ropes, however. B-Boy then switches to an anklelock, but as generally happens, Kimura counters that into his own version of the move. B-Boy counters back into the crossface, but Kimura rolls him over for two to escape. B-Boy keeps coming, however, taking him down with another crossface. Kimura rolls him over again, but B-Boy adjusts this time and hangs on, so Kimura gets pissed and grabs another anklelock, but B-Boy rolls through and counters Kimura into the corner, and then rolls him off a reversed german suplex. He starts throwing more suplexes, but Kimura switches and hits his own. B-Boy then tops him by throwing him 180 degrees in the air and onto his head. Kimura is ¾ of the way across the ring, so naturally B-Boy hits him with the flying elbowdrop from all the way over there, as the crowd starts to get seriously into the match. Back to the crossface, but Kimura rolls out of it and tries a powerbomb, then drops B-Boy neckfirst onto the top rope. That was a guaranteed finish in any other match, which only made B-Boy a bigger babyface with the crowd. B-Boy takes him down again with the crossface and Kimura is about to tap, but he spins into another anklelock instead. B-Boy kicks him off, but Kimura hangs on tenaciously, thinking one move ahead. B-Boy finally powers out, but is too weak to fight him off again, and kicking off won’t work a second time because Kimura can anticipate now. B-Boy goes for the ropes, but Kimura pulls him off and turns it into a heel hook (a more painful variation where Kimura wraps his legs around the knee). B-Boy rolls through and catches Kimura in a kneebar. Kimura waves or straightens his hand to get more leverage, but the ref calls that a tap!!! Even the video replay was inconclusive.That’s enough to tap Kimura at 9:47. Just a great hybrid of pure mat-wrestling and mixed martial arts psychology that not only got B-Boy’s shooter image over, but made Kimura into a huge babyface (with the controversial finish). Masahiko Kimura gets a standing ovation after the loss, and even limps back to the dressing room, selling the knee injury the whole time.
** SCOTT KEITH **
Winner (by kneebar): B-BOY
Cali Cripplers: 2 / Shooters Club: 0
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BREAKING NEWS!!!
HUGE MAIN EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT for
“Halloween in Hell”!!!!
Strangler Lewis just released this on his XPW Remixed twitter account:
Due to the circumstances in the #1 Contenders match between Terry Funk & Ezekiel Jackson on XPW TV Episode #27 (with the match being ruled "no-contest") BOTH men have been annointed new #1 Contenders. Jackson vs Funk vs Rogers for the title @ Halloween in Hell!
"Nature Boy" Buddy Rogers plan has backfired! Instead of cherry-picking his next opponent, he's forced into battle against two of his greatest foes AT THE SAME TIME!!! Karma is a muthaphuckker!!! Only at "HALLOWEEN in HELL"!!!
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MAIN EVENT
WILLIAM MULDOON versus EDDIE GILBERT
(Boston Championship #1 Contenders Match)
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Legendary in American athletics, William Muldoon can claim legitimacy as a wrestling “world” champion. His run with the title included victories over wrestlers from England, Scotland, Germany and Australia. His epic, marathon-long SEVEN HOUR championship match in 1881 is firmly embedded in pro wrestling history. With his Olympia fight camp, he has trained wrestlers and boxers – and now with his XPW Remixed chapter being written – lucha libre artists, ninjitsu fighters and mixed martial artists. Muldoon is arguably the most well-rounded fighter in all of XPW Remixed, and his training camp is championship caliber. His opponent for this evening, on the other hand, is one of the slimiest, underhanded competitors to ever (dis)grace the squared circle. Eddie Gilbert, the former “Mr Hot Stuff” (who lost the trademark and patent to that claim to “Rockstar” Kaos and Missy Hyatt in XPW Remixed lore – see “Night of Champions”) is a bitter, paranoid, angry fool. His alliance with Shane Douglas and Chris Candido as the NEW Triple Threat has breathed new life into his XPW Remixed career. With “The Commission’s” blessing, if Eddie Gilbert wins tonight he will automatically earn the Boston Championship (after a deposit of course). Some fans have wondered WHY Gilbert would choose such a deal. Well it’s simple – earn your pay for crippling Muldoon tonight, and you don’t even have to fight for the championship! It’s automatically awarded to you! That’s two matches worth of victories in just ONE match tonight. That math adds up to Gilbert and crew. This match continues the excitement of the previous affair, with unrelenting action and pace. Gilbert is his usual conniving, cheating self while Muldoon is expert-level in his takedowns and defense. But in the end it’s Muldoon’s American boxing that provides the emphatic edge. Match finish comes after William Muldoon catches Gilbert with an exciting flurry of blows that buries Gilbert until he is no longer able to intelligently defend himself! Ref calls the match! Muldoon wins in exciting, dominant fashion and the Triple Threat (with Shane Douglas at ringside screaming “BULLS***!!!!) have something else to complain about, due to the unusual (for wrestling) match stoppage. But video replays clearly show Gilbert was knocked unconscious and unable to intelligently defend. Stoppage was indeed warranted. Now William Muldoon will face Dick Shikat in a FAIR FIGHT at “Halloween in Hell” for the Boston championship!!!
Winner (by TKO): WILLIAM MULDOON
BUY THE MUTHAPHUCKKIN PPV!!!!
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SUNNY SAYZ:
That was a BS call by the referee! Eddie Gilbert never tapped out or was pinned! The Olympia paid off the referees! Rest assured my Triple Threat won't take this screwing lying down!!! And you may even hear from my attorneys if you misconstrue what I say in some kind of sick sexual way!!!
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CREDITS
VIOLENT J (from ICP): “The Guardian” interview by Jon Ronson (10/8/10)
SUNNY: Baltimore Sun interview (2008)