Post by MadStepDad on Aug 31, 2011 19:53:37 GMT -5
Cut to the in-studio announce team for the evening:
Gordon Solie & Matt Striker
The events of "Damage Inc" have come to pass - the ramifications have set in. XPW Remixed has been split into TWO bi-coastal companies. Solie & Striker are safe and sound in their soundproof studio in La Vista CA, ready to dub commentary on two separate reels of wrestling. One set of matches from the West Coast and the other set from the East.
"The Commission"
On the West Coast, "The Commission" - led by The Grand Wizard & Jack Pfefer - are still struggling to come to grips with being legally shackled to the State of California in the "Damage Inc" decision. Hoping to have fled the state (along with their company shares) and relocate back East, they ran up tremendous debts and burned many bridges in the City of Angels. So it is their just dessert to be forced to wallow in the backyard they filled with toxins and poisons. There are some that have vowed to make The Commission suffer for everyday they remain in California. Others (like Sabu) just wait for the day TGW or Pfefer step outside their territorial boundary and get snatched up into the night. Dark powers and domain borders.
Meanwhile, the only way to end this separation... to end this civil war before it can truly begin... is to unify the fractured XPW Remixed championship. Mondt & Lewis (XPW Remixed East Coast presidents) may have their reservations about taking such an extreme winner-take-all bout... "The Commission" SURE has reservations about it (more like "won't take the chance - ever"). The only one who stands ready to prove his Championship is the only TRUE belt in fantasy wrestling is Bruno Sammartino. But with his eternal arch-nemesis "Nature Boy" Buddy Rogers now nestled deep within the Commission's protective West Coast cocoon, the odds of a Title Unification belt have significantly slimmed. Yet "RETRIBUTION" lays just around the corner... Meanwhile, the city of LA once again plays host to XPW Remixed action.
** CUT TO RING **
LOS ANGELES, CA
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Jack Swagger & Alex Riley - billionaire boys club and Diamond Dynasty members - are in the ring. They are dressed in their business-finest, but with angry scowls on their faces. They recount the end of the "Damage Inc" PPV, "The Decision", and the personal ramifications it had on the Diamond Dynasty (Rogers chipped his Rolex and the Miz broke a toenail). The near-riot that ensued was UN-CALLED FOR, UNJUST and UNDIGNIFIED. All things the Diamond Dynasty vehemently opposes. Unlike those ignorant, criminal scumbags like Snoop Dogg & New Jack! On the mic Alex Riley continues to rant and rave about the injustices served upon them, when his spiel is finally interrupted...
Enter Austin Idol (1982) & Phil "Gunner" Shatter (2013)
The (REAL) Kings of Wrestling!!!
1) DIAMOND DYNASTY versus
(REAL) KINGS of WRESTLING
versus
Diamond Dynasty are completely unprepared for a contest (just check out their designer duds) - but their manlihood and ego are called into question, and they are goaded into the match. Austin Idol & Shatter act fast, clotheslining, backdropping and bumping Riley & Swagger around like pinballs. The Dynasty don't even really have time to get in the groove, as by the time Jack Swagger is out of his street gear and tangling with big Phil "Gunner" Shatter - Alex Riley has already succumbed to a piledriver from Austin Idol (who reversed an Alex Riley TKO-attempt)! The (Real) KoW have dominated this segment!
Winners: (REAL) KINGS of WRESTLING
Post match, Swagger is aghast at the loss - (Real) KoW are posing and preening before the cheering audience - and Alex Riley is left writing in pain on the mat! Jack Swagger grabs the mic to unleash a red-faced rant... but suddenly - it's answered by...
"Natural Born Killaz" (Dr Dre & Ice Cube!!!)
Enter NEW JACK & POGO the CLOWN!!!
West Coast Rydas!!!
The hardcore gangbangers rush the ring with their twin trash barrel fulls of weapons and dismantle Alex Riley & Jack Swagger piece by piece! Laptop! Crutch! Kendo stick! Finally New Jack and Pogo strip the Dynasty of their dignity and their jewels. Atop the entrance ramp, a big crowd-pleasing spectacle is made of Pogo the Clown SMASHING a Diamond Dynasty Rolex watch with a hammer! Riley and Swagger are left lying in the ring, while New Jack poses and flaunts the other stolen Diamond Dynasty specialized Rolex! Oh my, the West Coast makes their dissent known once more!!!
With New Jack & Pogo celebrating on the entrance ramp - Swagger and Alex Riley down in the ring - they are joined by none other than the King of the muthaphuckkin West Coast, baybee!!!
Big SNOOP DOGG!!!
Snoop on the mic, and he is greeted by an enthusiastic LA crowd. He big ups the West Coast, gives props to New Jack & Pogo, and reiterates the entire State of California's hatred for "The Commission" and Diamond Dynasty!
SNOOP DOGG:
I'm in the club with the snub, gettin love,
With 20 thousand Crips and 20 thousand Bloods/
And we don't give a fuck about none of ya'll,
And when you hit the city, you better holla at the Big Dogg/
(holds up the Diamond Dynasty Rolex)I done seen n****z hit LA and get dey chain snatched,
Then they call me up, beggin' me to get dey chain back...
Crowd pops big with that taunt! Swagger and Riley are picking themselves up off the mat with disgusted looks upon their faces. Just then... "AWEEEESOOOMMMEEE!!!!"...
Enter Reigning XPW Television Champion THE MIZ!!!
The Miz enters, representing Diamond Dynasty to the fullest. Thousand-dollar suit coat, black sweater shirt, expensive shoes, gleaming jewelry and glittering championship belt! With ego, confidence and billion-dollar bravado the Miz addresses Snoop Dogg to his face! It's an epic entertainment showdown on the grandest stage in Hollywood! In the audience and on press row, TMZ reporters await the Miz's every word. Miz reminds Snoop Dogg (and the world watching on) that he is the GREATEST XPW TV champion in history! In all of Television history! He is the champion of all TV and media! The most watched champion in fantasy wrestling history! Miz goes on to contend he is known bigger and on a more global stage than even the Icon Snoop Dogg!!!
MIZ: I did interviews for WWE.com, called "Superstar to Superstar", where I would interview people from movies. I interviewed people from the Dark Knight-- Maggie Gylenhall, Gary Oldman, Christopher Nolan, and of course Christian Bale. I asked Maggie Gylenhall,"Who would win in a fight: The Miz action figure or the Christian Bale Dark Knight action figure?"
She replied,"You have an action figure? That is so cute."
"No Maggie, it's not cute! It's manly. It's rugged!"
I ended up having to give her my action figure. She took it and left the Dark Knight action figure. So, I imagine I win. Every time. (Laughs)
Snoop just rolls his eyes and disrespects the champ by lighting a large Vanilla Dutch of sour diesel and blowing a cloud of smoke in the Miz's face! Miz's expression changes from cocky and tongue-in-cheek, to downright hostile. With the crazy mean eyes fastened directly upon Snoop, Miz starts talking about getting the LAW involved in that little Rolex-jacking stunt the West Coast Rydas just pulled! Oh boo! And everybody knows New Jack's got a few priors, how would it feel to head back home to the big house instead of rocking the XPW Remixed stage??? Snoop Dogg don't like what he's hearing...
SNOOP DOGG:
What I look like the muthaphuckkin Police?
It's certain rules you got to follow, when you in these streets,
Especially when it comes to this Cali shit,
And I ain't talkin' bout hangin' in the valley Bitch,
Gang bang n****z all up in the alley Crip,
On some real talk n***a, we the real West-coast...
This draws out the XPW Remixed commissioner (who just retained his office in a bloody battle at "Damage Inc") "The Real Deal" Damien Steele! Dressed in a suit that can rival the Miz's, Steele emerges into the LA arena to a surprising amount of cheers. It looks like native West Coasters have come to take the side of Steele as the XPW Remixed civil war had grown near. The XPW Commissioner has the mic.
Don't forget who still calls the shots around here, and that's the REAL DEAL! Damien Steele IS the law in XPW Remixed!!! XPW Commissioner Damien Steele has booked a series of qualifying matches for an XPW TV Title shot at "RETRIBUTION"! The Miz doesn't like this decree, and scrunches his face accordingly. The qualifying matches begin RIGHT HERE TONIGHT IN LA with a 3-way dance! Featuring Snoop Dogg's boy...
The WEEDMAN!!!
That match is next!!!
** Cut to commercial **
____________________________________________________________________________________
Backstage correspondent MSD has caught up with Weedman right before he takes the stage for his big Qualifying match next...
MSD: This is your first big challenge in XPW Remixed. Do you feel like you belong here on the big stage?
WEEDMAN: I’m the fuckin Weedman. Who you think is hookin up them sacks in the back?
MSD: Do you feel that smoking weed helps or hinders your wrestling ability?
WEEDMAN: Smoking weed helps me. That’s what makes me tick. I’m high as fuck before, during and after the match. Shit we get the ref and our opponents high when they step in there with us.
MSD: Why do you wear a mask? You got some outstanding felonies or something?
WEEDMAN: That’s my secret. It's a dope mask and no one knows who I really am. I’m like Batman or some shit!
WEEDMAN versus JTG versus CHRIS CA$H
(XPW TV Title Qualifying Match)
versus versus
The Yankee-loving New Yawker JTG garners the most crowd heat with his antics. Weedman gets his niche reaction, loud in small pockets of scattered fans. Chris Ca$h gets the audience revved up with his sportsbike entrance, like an X-Games athlete. Quick, exciting and fast-paced match - with counters and 3-way spots galore. The long, lanky Chris Ca$h continues to amaze and astound with his assortment of creative, hardcore spots. Chris Ca$h even takes a Weedman double-foot stomp through a ladder outside the ring! JTG gets his offense in on Weedman and nearly takes his masked head off with a missile dropkick from the top rope. In the end, the ultra-cocky JTG folds Weedman up with a cross-arm falling neckbreaker, but takes too long to taunt the West Coast audience. The superb Chris Ca$h swoops in and catches JTG with a "Markin Out" (cross-arm/burning hammer) for the pin!!! Audience marks out just as hard as the newly victorious Chris Ca$h!
Winner: CHRIS CA$H
Suddenly, he's blindsided from the rear by THE MIZ!!! Still in his expensive street clothes, Miz lays the hapless Chris Ca$h to waste in the center of the ring, and around the ringside area (and through barricade walls). He puts the exclamation point on his statement by administering a Skull-Crushing Finale to Ca$h face first onto the XPW TV Championship! Ouch! Miz has the mic for his go-home catchphrase. He holds his XPW TV Championship belt aloft, with the "XPW" logo purposely affixed upside down to spell out his new mantra...
(Sung to the tune of "and I'm AWWWEESOOOMMMEEE!!!")
"Miz defines XXXXTREEEEEEMEEEE!!!!!"
("XPW" upside down = "MdX")
The Diamond Dynasty still rules!!!
** CUT BACKSTAGE **
The Commission wants Jackson to play ball
** Backstage skit - The Grand Wizard has summoned Ezekiel Jackson to his office. But he's NOT going to chastise or punish him for his actions at the end of "DAMAGE INC" (Jackson assaulted and injured a half dozen security guards and off-duty cops in his post-"Decision" rampage). Instead, The Grand Wizard offers Ezekiel Jackson the opportunity to earn another championship shot. Just work within the system and soon enough Bruno Sammartino will be Jackson's for the taking once more. Big Zeke's face remains a mask of aggression, never once betraying his true emotions, but The Grand Wizard knows he sees the big picture... **
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Drake Younger discusses attack by B-Boy
B-BOY versus DRAKE YOUNGER
versus
Volatile feud shaded by their former affiliation. B-Boy was among the chosen few of the future, picked by Lou Thesz himself, to earn tutelage under his great Shooter Club fight camp. However, B-Boy's arrogance and street-hardened demeanor made him see self-sacrifice, hard work, paying dues and dedication as "weak" and "disrespectful". B-Boy voiced his concerns to his coach Lou Thesz, but when Lou stepped up to take out Alex Riley and challenge for the XPW TV Title himself - BBoy felt the pangs of bitter jealousy. So out of spite, he donned the mask of "DELIKADO" and set-off a series of surprise sneak-attacks on Thesz and the Shooters Club. Now, Drake Younger - member of the Shooters Club roster, and a victim of "DELIKADO's" attack - has stepped up to challenge B-Boy on behalf of his team. B-Boy has yet to offer an explanation for his actions.
Match itself is of the "strong-style" variety, with stiff exchanges being a hallmark of the contest. Shoot punches, stiff chops and devastating head/neck suplexes abound. B-Boy hits a tornado DDT that he holds onto on the mat, and twists into a running DVD in a sick combo spot. Both men display hard-ass Shooters Club training on the mat, twisting and turning into convoluted submission attempts. B-Boy winds up busted open (hardway perhaps) from the side of the head, pouring blood down the left side of his head and face. Replay shows it was off the tip of a Drake Younger elbow on a ground-n-pound attempt. In the ending sequence, B-Boy turns Drake Younger all the way around and upside down off a dragon suplex/into a running Shining Wizard knee for a VERY near fall. But Younger kicks out and with his LAST bit of strength, counters into a Vertebreaker attempt! But B-Boy manages to slip free and lock in a REAR NAKED CHOKE! He grapevines Younger's waist with his legs! But Younger counters into a roll-up, but B-Boy won't let go! He rolls through on the counter and winds up in Sleeper Hold position! He locks his legs around Youngers waist again and holds on for dear life! Youngers limp arm is checked by the referee. It drops once... it drops twice... it won't drop the third time! Younger tries one last gasp counter to the rear-naked choke, but B-Boy is relentless - rolls through again!... and Drake Younger taps out!!!! B-Boy has won the match!!!
Winner (by submission): B-BOY
(Post match, the vicious street thug and "New Age Punisher" B-Boy continues to pummel a near-unconscious Drake Younger. But when B-Boy reaches for the Kendo stick, enough is enough. Former mentor LOU THESZ makes the run-in for the save! He chases B-Boy out of the ring where he flees up the entrance ramp! Lou Thesz is left in the ring to check on Drake Younger, while issuing threats to B-Boy and challenging him to come into the ring. But B-Boy refuses. Instead, he grabs a mic and finally addresses the "old man").
On the mic, B-Boy relates the feelings of anger and disrespect (aka "jealousy" and "spite") he felt towards Lou Thesz and his Shooters Club training camp. Ever since Thesz asked B-Boy to join the camp, he's been holding him back! In all his crazy narcissistic ranting, B-Boy truly believes Lou Thesz tried to stifle him instead of make him blossom as a fantasy wrestler. Lou Thesz is appalled by the accusation, and addresses B-Boy directly with another microphone. The truth is, B-Boy just wasn't strong enough - mentally OR physically - to handle the demands of the Shooters Club! The realest training camp in all of fantasy wrestling! B-Boy is just a hot-headed, uneducated, street-thug MARK who crossed the wrong line when he betrayed Lou Thesz! The shooter Lou Thesz wants B-Boy right now! Injured knee (see "Damage Inc") be damned! B-Boy gets all revved and hyped up like he's ready to charge the ring and have that match with Thesz RIGHT NOW!!! But instead, he doesn't. Not so fast...
B-Boy accepts Thesz's challenge... but not tonight. Instead, the match will be at the next big XPW Remixed show "RETRIBUTION". Lou Thesz versus B-Boy. And in honor of this very special occasion, B-Boy has gone out and solicited some REAL help. A training camp infamous on the West Coast for breeding straight cripplers. B-Boy was able to gain admission by betraying the secrets of the rival Shooters Club training regimes, secrets Lou Thesz wanted protected with his life. Meet B-Boy's new trainer...
Introducing to XPW Remixed...
The "World Judo Champion" and former training partner of Lou Thesz himself...
AD SANTEL!!!
Oh my, what a development! On commentary, Solie & Striker relate Ad Santel's credentials (very very accredited, to say the least) and reputation of his exclusive West Coast school that churns out bone breakers and submission masters. In the ring, Lou Thesz looks shocked and disappointed to see former training partner Ad Santel turn up against him like this - especially as B-Boy cackles alongside him. On the mic, Ad Santel reveals it was him who put the bug in B-Boy's ear about switching sides, secrets and coasts. To a native home that is more receptive to B-Boy's unique wrestling talents. With Ad Santel's training, he is confident the pupil (B-Boy) will beat the master (Lou Thesz) at "RETRIBUTION"! Lou Thesz is outraged, and let's Santel and B-Boy know exactly how he feels! Thesz tosses down the mic and he and a recuperated Drake Younger begin charging up the ramp towards Ad Santel and B-Boy!!! Santel starts quickly loosening his tie and B-Boy flexes up in anticipation of the rushing Lou Thesz & Drake Younger. But before Thesz & Younger can get up the ramp...
They're blindsided by an unseen group of people! The four hooligans are dressed in sweater vests and American Eagle apparel, and they stomp Lou Thesz out on the steel entrance ramp!!! Look who it is!!!
THE USO's (w/ Tamina) & "Scrap Iron" ADAM PIERCE!!!
Ad Santel chuckles knowingly, and directs B-Boy to join the now 5-on-2 assault! B-Boy, Adam Pierce, the Uso's and Tamina all put the boots to Thesz in a gangland-style beatdown! Finally, B-Boy holds a battered Thesz's face up so Ad Santel can address him nose-to-nose on the mic. The Shooters Club is DEAD. Long live the Cali Cripplers!!!
The Cali Cripplers Club
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
_______________________________________________________________________________________
ICE CREAM PARLOR (w/ special guest Mildred Burke)
HONKY TONK MAN: My advice to the new guys is try to perfect your gimmick. try different approaches until you find that little something that you can do very well. Learn your role so to speak. I don't know what promoters are looking for today. I think you have to be uniquely different to get over nowadays. Too many guys all look the same, dress the same and so on. Be different is the best way.
Introducing to XPW Remixed byway of Kansas...
MILDRED BURKE!!!
One of (if not THE) greatest Woman's wrestling champions ever, and a huge Fantasy Wrestling free agent! Honky Tonk Man makes sure she gets the glam entrance, and fawns over her. He recounts her unparalleled history and legacy in wrestling, before giving Mildred a moment to introduce herself to the fans on the mic. She's here in XPW Remixed because she's looking for the next big challenge...
"Kitty Box" by Lil Kim starts blasting through the arena sound system.
Uh oh, looks like Mildred Burke is about to get that challenge...
Enter LIZZY BORDEN
LIZZY BORDEN: Really? People say that? That’s so funny. Like The Grand Wizard or Jack Pfefer has time to do that. He has to sit in the office and run things because stupid people can’t do a thing for themselves. He works so hard in the office, he wouldn’t have time to direct his own movies, let alone mine. So anyone who thinks he directs my movies can fuck themselves. If you want to come by my set and see what I do, that’s fine. You come on my set Miss Burke, you tell these fuckers. I hate that. I run XPW Remixed, so if you want something Miss Burke, you have to go through ME to get it!
HONKY TONK MAN: So, just to be clear, you direct your own movies?
LIZZY BORDEN: Yeah I do. Why would I want someone else to direct my movies? Or book my matches? I don’t even like to hear his input when he shoots camera for me. Sometimes, we end up one scene short and I could put in something that we have waiting to go into a movie, but then it wouldn’t be my movie and I would be lying to the people. I won’t do that.
Lizzy Borden brazenly suggests that the "newcomer" Mildred Burke hasn't proven anything in the world of fantasy wrestling. If she wants a chance to show her wares in the XPW Remixed woman's division (the HOTTEST new division in the fantasy wrestling universe), she's going to have to do something drastic to gain Lizzy's attention (ESPECIALLY after the stunt Annie Social pulled at the PPV that almost got XPW Remixed yanked off the airwaves for good)... Surprisingly, and with a disarming ease, Mildred Burke accepts Lizzy Borden's dare and issues a challenge of her own. An OPEN challenge to anybody who wants to step into the ring with Burke! But Lizzy Borden interjects one more time to raise the ante... SHE wants to hand-select Mildred Burke's first opponent... Honky Tonk Man eggs her on... and Burke accepts.
Much is made about Lizzy Borden’s search for a suitable contender for Burke. She scans the audience and has a call-and-response segment with the crowd over who she’ll pick from the stands to compete with Mildred Burke tonight. With Honky Tonk Man and Mildred Burke’s help, they spot a young, sporty brunette girl in the audience ready to make the jump. They begin to beckon the fan forth, but Lizzy Borden calls a halt! That’s not HER choice for Burke’s opponent tonight, and as we already established – Lizzy Borden runs shit. Instead – Lizzy Borden hand selects a fat, potbellied, beer-drinking MALE slob to be Mildred Burke’s opponent tonight! With a trucker hat and dirty flannel shirt (with tobacco-stained mustache and missing teeth) he looks like a truck stop rapist! HTM and Burke exchange glances, but the now-giddy (w/ evil intent) Lizzy Borden is dead set on her decree. The white trash dude climbs into the ring and stomps around and makes faces for his friends watching. Pure male chauvinism on display here, and Lizzy Borden is reveling in the humiliation she is about to subject the “newcomer” Mildred Burke to. Yet, Burke still looks calm and resolute under pressure. She removes the elaborate fur coats to reveal her straight out of the ‘50s one-piece wrestling tights. But her glistening muscles catch your eye right away…
MILDRED BURKE versus
UNNAMED MALE CHAUVINISTIC PIG
(Impromptu Wrestling Challenge)
versus
This is gutless, classless and downright disturbing. Most civilized wrestling fans abhor this kind of action. But this is XPW Remixed and we are talking about the demented Lizzy Borden, so in her sick mind this exhibition is the right way of “breaking in” some so-called hotshot (who Borden isn’t even familiar with as a talent). Well oooooh boy was she wrong. Way wrong. After the male pig makes a big spectacle about being a “man” and just completely underestimating the slight (yet muscular) woman before him, Mildred Burke takes his soft slovenly ass to wrestling school! It’s just a complete domination, as Burke humiliates the poor fool with repeated takedowns, go-behinds and stretch holds!!! She lights into him with stiff forearms and European uppercuts, just knocking him on his ass! By the time the wide-eyed yokel begins to realize this is no joke, and tries climbing through the ropes to escape – Mildred drags him right back into the center of the ring by his stained Carhart jeans! (revealing his fat, hairy butt crack in the process)! She snaps on a quick knee bar, bends the dudes limb in a grotesque angle, and immediately earns the tap-out victory! Astounding! Cameras catch Honky Tonk Man and Matt Striker watching on, jaws agape in shock! Mildred Burke didn’t even break a sweat! She just lets the ref raise her hand in victory, before casting an eye towards Lizzy Borden (watching on from ringside).
Winner (by submission): MILDRED BURKE
XPW Remixed Woman's Division president LIZZY BORDEN lets it all hang out. She watches on with a concentrated look on her face. She is just as clearly surprised as the rest of us at Mildred Burke’s exhibition. But is it intrigue upon Borden’s face? Or fear and jealousy?...
** CUT **
____________________________________________________________________________________________
CROSSING THE LINE
** XPW Remixed skit –
XPW Remixed East Coast Champion Bruno Sammartino arrives at a busy, high-class restaurant in Los Angeles – a place the Commission has been rumored to run business from. Camera work is shotgun-style, like you’re watching something you’re not supposed to see. Sammartino makes his way inside where he DEMANDS the maître d lead him to the backroom. Of course the maître d balks, and Sammartino unleashes an anger we haven’t seen from him, when he snatches the slight man up by his collar and DEMANDS entry! Sammartino rushes past the counter, and past a few other people on his way back to the kitchen area. New camera angle catches Sammartino bursting into the kitchen area… where none other than IAN ROTTEN & “SICK” NICK MONDO are waiting for him!!!! (??) Bruno pauses for a moment as the realization of the set-up sets in. “Hi Bruno…” Rotten begins, when suddenly the kitchen lights go OUT plunging the room into darkness! The sounds of violent combat, clattering pans and breaking dishes erupts! When the lights come back on, Sammartino has been beaten half to death on the floor. A winded Ian Rotten stands beside Nick Mondo as they loom over Sammartino. Enter Cannibal Cartel capo and reigning King of the Death match champion ”VICIOUS” VIC GRIMES!!! He gives a very ominous word of warning to Bruno Sammartino about stepping to the West Coast now. This is Cannibal Cartel territory now, and at “RETRIBUTION” it’s going to be time for the Cannibal Cartel to step up to that next plateau. That’s right! Vic Grimes is challenging Bruno Sammartino to a title match at “RETRIBUTION”! Oh my, Sammartino is at the wrong end of the wrestling law of the jungle now! A few more stiff kicks to his ribs as he’s down on the floor, and the message from Grimes has been well received. Cannibal Cartel rules!!! **
Vic Grimes #1 Contender!!!
** CUT **
CO-MAIN EVENT
NATURE BOY BUDDY ROGERS versus FRANCISO VON ERICH
(XPW Remixed West Coast Championship)
versus
Aside from the stunning and glorious HD/3D entrance of the XPW Remixed West Coast champion “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers (complete with $10,000 ostrich-feathered entrance robe), this match is a complete abortion. “Francisco Von Erich”? Are you freaking kidding me? This idea was the brilliant brain-child of Jack Pfefer, who craved a “Von Erich” rematch for Rogers. Don’t be surprised though, because as Solie & Striker relay on commentary, this is a standard business practice of a Pfefer-led booking agency. He’s also the guy responsible for names like “Scummy Rogers” or “Hobo Brazil”. Wanna bet he had something to do with the fake Diesel/Razor Ramon fiasco of mid ‘90s WWF too? Here we have a skinny young independent wrestler suited up to resemble some kind of long-lost Von Erich son or relative. In the ring, this boy’s not even a Lance Van Erich. As expected, “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers dominates the hapless contender before making him tap out to the Figure-4 leglock. Another glorious title defense for the REAL World’s champion! Rogers on the mic very briefly at the matches to conclusion to remind the whole world…
“To a nicer guy it couldn’t happen!!!”
Winner (and STILL XPW Remixed West Coast Champion): "NATURE BOY" BUDDY ROGERS
** CUT **
__________________________________________________________________________________________
BOSTON, MA
Nick "FN" Gage - Welcome to the East Coast
Nick Gage along with BLKOut and the sultry (and now unbelievably popular) Annie Social are on the run-down streets of Killadelphia with a word for the entire Fantasy Wrestling universe. BLKOut runs the East coast. Headhunterz and Cannibal Cartel, beware... this war is far from over!!!
** CUT TO RING **
SWITCHBLADE CONSPIRACY versus
MASTERS of PAIN versus LA COKA NOSTRA
versus
versus
Thumbtack Jack & Danny Havoc continue their bend towards individualized gimmicks (Thumbtack Jack like a mad German doctor from "Hostel" - Danny Havoc the bad-ass Midwestern grunge kid). Switchblade Conspiracy are escorted as usual by Jessica Darlin who twirls and shakes her little white girl booty with aplomb. La Coka Nostra (formerly known as the "FBI") enter last to big heel heat. Lil Guido rides big Sal E Graziano's shoulders, and they all flip the audience the chin. Match gives time to briefly display each team. LCN has the submission seminar, Masters of Pain sell like pros and use dangerous, creative moves - and the Switchblade Conspiracy are throwbacks to the wild, unrestrained brawlers of old. But it is their mix of new age strikes, submission attempts and tactical wrestling that gives Switchblade Conspiracy the all-time advantage. Jon Moxley folds Tony Mamaluke in half with a running lariat from Hell, and Sammi Callihan crushes Danny Havoc with a brainbuster on a steel chair for the emphatic pin fall. The ditzy Country dumpling Jessica Darlin bounces merrily and mindlessly beside her men.
Winners: SWITCHBLADE CONSPIRACY
** CUT **
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SABU (returns!!!) versus ABDULLAH the BUTCHER
(BANNED from the States - LIVE from Japan!!!)
Jumped by Abdullah's Japanese manager.... saved by ONITA
Winner: SABU
___________________________________________________________________________________________
DANNO O'MAHONEY versus HARDBODY HARRISON
(Boston Championship)
versus
Hardbody Harrison has been training extra hard for this championship shot, Solie & Striker relate on commentary. The young boxer looks jacked, and dripping with arrogance. But the steady, workmanlike popularity of reigning "Boston" Champion Danno O'Mahoney never fails to stimulate the Back Bay. He is received warmly by the hometown crowd, many who wear native Boston sports team apparel (Celtics, Red Sox, Patriots and Champion Bruins jerseys are all a popular sight). Exciting championship bout in the sports-centric style of the early days (a mere facsimile of today's MMA if you want to come full circle). The boxer Hardbody Harrison tries to keep the fight standing, and makes O'Mahoney keep his distance with jabs. But when the wrestler O'Mahoney is finally able to clear the distance and secure the clinch, things quickly go downhill. Hardbody Harrison is clearly overmatched on the mat, and falls victim to a series of takedowns and suplexes. Danno O'Mahoney finishes with an Irish Whip (a move he invented) into a turnbuckle, followed by a rolling Chaos Theory (rolling German suplex into a pin) for the win!!! O'Mahoney retains his title, and with an over-dramatized tear in his eye, celebrates his victory with the roaring wrestling audience.
Winner (and STILL XPW Boston Champion): DANNO O'MAHONEY
Postmatch, who should emerge in Boston but the evil Jack Pfefer alongside his henchman Dick Shikat! Pfefer antagonizes the audience to further to gain heat, and on behalf of Shikat CHALLENGES O'Mahoney to a Boston championship match at "RETRIBUTION"! The beauty of the pro wrestling psychology here has Pfefer and Shikat offering O'Mahoney a challenge has has NO intentions of taking. But because it's in front of a live wrestling audience - in his hometown none the less - and the matter of wrestler pride and ego is thrown into the equation - Danno O'Mahoney has no choice but to ACCEPT the challenge! Or look like a bitch on national TV!!! Sure there are ways out of a title fight (training injury, medical reasons, suspensions etc...) but for NOW at least... Pfefer and Shikat's wily manipulations have come to fruition.
Danno O'Mahoney vs Dick Shikat for the Boston championship at "RETRIBUTION"!!!
** CUT **
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THE OLYMPIA (w/ William Muldoon) versus
UNDERTAKERS (w/ Tony Rumble)
versus
The Undertakers are massive in size, but faaaaar outweighed in the skills department when it comes to the Olympia. Hakushi and Mil Mascaras keep the two huge goons off-balance with tandem aerial assaults, never staying in one spot long enough for the Undertakers to grab them. "The Boston Bad Boy" Tony Rumble stalks ringside, receiving unanimous boos from the hometown crowd and playing to them accordingly. "The Solid Man" William Muldoon on the other hand, remains focused at ringside on coaching his team to victory. Undertaker #1 misses a giant splash on Hakushi in the middle of the ring while Undertaker #2 eats a HUGE Mil Mascaras flying crossbody block from the top rope to the arena floor! Both Undertakers hit the floor where they're just too fat and out of shape to make it back inside! Count-out!
Winners: OLYMPIA
(EDITORS NOTE: The "Undertakers" trademark was purchased by VKM Jr to debut a new character of the same name at Survivor Series 1990. Tony Rumble's tag team was given a cup of coffee run in the WWF as "Double Trouble" but didn't last long on the main stage)
Post match - with the Olympia celebrating mid ring - Tony Rumble attacks William Muldoon from behind with a steel chair! Tony Rumble and the Undertakers stomp and pummel the Olympia into the mat once more, until a "huge" babyface (literally) ambles down to ringside for the save...
Enter CURLY MOE!!!
The former WHACK PACK associate (who was brutally excommunicated at "Damage Inc") takes out his newfound anger on Tony Rumble and crew! Curly Moe still uses a flurry of Curly from the 3 Stooges-inspired shenanigans, like hand waves, face slaps and eye-pokes, to disgrace and humiliate the Whack Pack! The distraction allows for The Olympia to make the Herculean comeback! They clear the Undertakers out of an XPW Remixed ring once and for all, and William Muldoon is JUUUUUST about to get his hands on Tony Rumble (who begs off frantically)... when suddenly...
Enter MONDO KLEEN!!!
Mondo Kleen makes the run-in prepared to obliterate the Olympia once more, but this time they're READY. None other than Olympia cheerleader and fellow trainee ALEXXIS NEVAEH runs interference for her camp, momentarily distracting the man from the Outer Planes of sanity. Mondo Kleen gets pummeled by Hakushi & Mascaras in a ferocious display of double-team effinciency! Alexxis Neveah claps and cheers along with the audience as Kleen is hurled over the top rope like a sack of potatoes! That lives William Muldoon alone to snatch the "Boston Bad Boy" Tony Rumble in a vicious Anaconda Vice in the middle of the mat! Rumble is tapping out frantically!!!
Finally Muldoon releases him and he and his camp celebrate - in Boston - their victory over the dasterdly Rumble and his men!!!
** FADE OUT **
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CREDITS:
WEEDMAN: Juggalo Championship Wrestling shoot interview
HONKY TONK MAN: Insane Plan interview
SNOOP DOGG: "California Vacation" lyrics featuring Game
MIZ: MTV Geek interview (8/12/11)