Post by fifthhorseman on Jan 26, 2019 1:43:00 GMT -5
MLW BATTLEBOWL:
THE LETHAL LOTTERY
A video package started the show, mixing classic Battlebowl footage with contemporary MLW tag-team action, and then Lance Russell and Chuck Norris made their way to the broadcast table. Nearly every active wrestler on the MLW roster was on the card, so Norris volunteered to do the color commentary, insuring that he was also close to the action. Russell ran through the card as quickly as he could, all 13 matches of it, and then sent it down to Howard Finkel.
MUW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
TED DiBIASE (w/Irwin R. Schyster and Keith Lee) vs. SETH ROLLINS (c):
vs.
Russell: “What a way to start off the show!”
Indeed it was. Jarrett wanted to get the 18,000 fans into it early, and this was the best way to do it: the hated MLW champion DiBiase versus the wildly over Seth Rollins, MUW World champion for the most prestigious singles title in the Network. The referee gave each man their instructions in the middle of the ring, and the two gladiators stood nose to nose. Finally, he went over to the “Million Dollar Man’s” corner and told Schyster and Lee that one of them had to leave – he’d allow one cornerman, but not two.
DiBiase was furious, and then he tried to buy his way into an advantage, offering the ref several bills from Schyster’s briefcase. But the official doubled down, and ejected both men from ringside. Now everyone was angry, except for “the Kingslayer”, and he waved good-bye to Schyster and Lee as they left.
The MLW champion jumped him at the bell. But Rollins suspected a sneak-attack, and he met him with a series of punches, and the crowd erupted. Despite the weight disadvantage, Rollins was just as strong, and he threw DiBiase around the ring and eventually out of it. He followed his foe with a suicide dive, bowling the heel back even farther from the squared circle.
However, a quick win was not in the cards; the “Million Dollar Man” was also as rugged and tough as any man in the MUW Network. He went old-school with his offense, and grounded the high-flying “Architect”. He couldn’t keep him down for long, though, and the battle raged on. Ten, 20, then 30 minutes came and went, and neither man was showing any sign of fatigue. They were setting a pace, and telling a story, that every other man in the locker room was intently watching.
Rollins launched DiBiase from the top rope with a huge superplex, and rolled through, setting him up for the Falcon Arrow. But the challenger suddenly, surprisingly, circled around and locked on the Million Dollar Dream. It was clamped on tight, in the middle of the ring, and DiBiase shook him like a rag doll for several agonizing seconds. Slowly, Rollins worked both men toward a corner, and with a desperate heave, pulled them both through the ropes.
They bounced awkwardly off the steel steps and landed hard on the floor. Staggering back to their feet, they traded punches, sweat flying over their bodies with each blow. Doubling DiBiase over with a kick, Rollins went for a curb stomp on the steps, but his opponent dodged it and blasted him with a clothesline.
Unfortunately, all of this happened while the referee counted to ten. Reluctantly, he called for the double-countout at 33:27.
Both men were frustrated, and the crowd let the ref have it. However, after each man retrieved their championship belts, the boos turned into a standing ovation, and the two champions set a high bar for the rest of the night.
BOBBY EATON and GINO HERNANDEZ vs. AUSTIN ARIES and STAN LANE:
vs.
vs.
Jim Cornette barged through the curtain first, and he was furious. He’d be representing both of his men, true – but they were on opposite sides, and partnered with their despised foes, the Midnight Express. The two mismatched teams followed, and when the bell sounded, both teams did whatever they could to avoid battling their friends. Eaton faced Aries, Hernandez battled Lane, and they rarely deviated from that formula for 11 fast-paced minutes. It ended with the “Handsome Half-Breed” rolling up “Sweet Stan” with a handful of trunks for additional leverage, and as soon as it ended, the two “real” teams started battling again until other officials rushed down to separate them.
WESLEY BLAKE and CHRISTOPHER DANIELS vs. CONQUISTADOR #2 and JAMES STORM:
vs.
Blake and Daniels worked moderately well together, though the Texan tried to hog the ring time. On the other side, Storm decided that between the language barrier and the lack of confidence his partner inspired, he would carry the load for his team. The masked Conquistador got a few punches and kicks in when “the Cowboy” needed a rest, but seemed more concerned with not getting pinned himself. After making such a tag late in the match, Storm took it to Blake and finished him off with a Last Call superkick at 9:44.
CONQUISTADOR #1 and OWEN HART vs. MARK BRISCOE and ELIAS SAMSON:
vs.
Hart took note of Storm’s earlier interaction with the Conquistador, and basically confined him to the corner; however, his foes were stiff competition, and they nearly took him out early. Briscoe and Samson made quick tags, cutting the “King of Harts” off often. But a missed Froggy Bow elbow-drop by Briscoe gave the Slammy Award winner the chance to make the hot tag, and the man in gold delivered a big headbutt to his opponent, stunning them both. The two lay motionless in the center of the ring for several seconds, but tagged their ersatz partners back in. Hart victory-rolled “the Drifter” at 10:17 for the win.
GORGEOUS GEORGE and DAVEY BOY SMITH vs. CACTUS JACK and CHRISTIAN:
vs.
Arguably the most competitive qualifying match, all four men had held several singles titles between them – but they were also very adept tag wrestlers. George did not want to lock up with the unsavory Cactus at all, and it took a couple of minutes for the match to even get underway. But when it did, it was nonstop action. Speed, strength, technical skill, brawling – everything was on display. After Cactus Jack hit a double-underhook DDT on Smith, the “Instant Classic” tagged himself in and hit the Englishman with a textbook frog splash, holding him down just long enough for the pin at 14:37.
MLW WILD CARD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
BATISTA (W/Gorgeous George) vs. JAY BRISCOE (c, w/Mark Briscoe):
vs.
BATISTA (W/Gorgeous George) vs. JAY BRISCOE (c, w/Mark Briscoe):
vs.
Lots of pomp and circumstance for Beauty and the Beast’s entrance; the Briscoes’ entrance was much more subdued. After the introductions and the bell, George maneuvered his way toward the champion’s corner, preening in Jay’s direction. He yelled at him to back off, and Mark came over to steer him away –
-The split-second distraction was all it took for Batista to line up Briscoe and hit him with a bone-crushing spear. Jay’s head snapped back, the wind driven from him; he literally did not see it coming. And three seconds later, a total of eight seconds into the match, “the Animal” pinned the champ.
Mark was furious, and the referee told both seconds to get back to their respective corners while Jay recovered. These were Wild Card rules, so he had a standing ten-count before the bout continued. Whoever won the next fall would take the belt home, and the match continued. Batista tried to follow up and finish it in record time, but Briscoe was ready for him now, even if he was still in pain. He played stick-and-move, jabbing and kicking, while the former WWE icon pressed on with sheer brute force.
The two warriors settled into a rhythm; the tide of the match turned on a dime several times, each man demonstrating the skills that put them among the elite. Batista dominated in stretches but could not score the second fall – likewise with Briscoe. But as the minutes wore on, the scrapper from Sandy Forks got stronger, and to the amazement of the crowd, he picked up the 300-pounder and dropped him with the Jay Driller. One, two…
…and the bell rang before three. The 20-minute time limit elapsed, meaning that, through the champion’s advantage, Briscoe kept the title.
Beauty and the Beast were livid, but also satisfied in that Briscoe never scored a single fall on the massive challenger. They walked up the ramp, past Norris, and made it known that a rematch was in order. The Briscoes followed, unhappy with the “draw”, also eager to prove who the better man really was.
RUSSIAN CHAIN MATCH
MLW INTERCONTINENTAL TAG-TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH:
The HEROES OF THE REPUBLIC (c) vs. the ROAD WARRIORS:
vs.
MLW INTERCONTINENTAL TAG-TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH:
The HEROES OF THE REPUBLIC (c) vs. the ROAD WARRIORS:
vs.
The Legion of Doom strode to the ring first as the challengers, fresh off an impressive – albeit physically exhausting – showing at the WWE Royal Rumble; however, their manager, Paul Ellering, was not with them. Russell asked Norris what he knew about that, but the Commissioner had no answer.The champions followed to vociferous jeers, and the USF Sun Dome crowd was already in a frenzy, and even moreso when the referee began chaining the behemoths together. Hawk and Koloff were attached at the wrist to opposite ends of a length of chain, as were Rusev and Animal. Norris explained that this stipulation was chosen to keep the combatants from going into the crowd or escaping each other; also, this was not going to be dictated by the “four corners” rule – a single pinfall or submission would win the match.
As soon as the bell rang it was chaos. The four men battled in and around the ring, using the chains as weapons – as if their massive bodies couldn’t inflict enough damage on each other. Blood was spilled by more than one man, and pin attempts were few and far between, as each team seemingly just wanted to punish the other.
Unfortunately, it ended under dubious circumstances. While the referee was busy with the Animal-Rusev pairing – “the Brute” was locked in a chain-aided full nelson, a submission maneuver – Koloff removed Hawk’s wrist strap, freeing him from that chain. Rusev eventually broke free from the full nelson, and when the referee glanced at the other pairing, he noticed that Hawk was throwing haymakers with both hands. He immediately called for the bell, and after several seconds of confusion, it was revealed that he disqualified Hawk for removing the chain.
The Road Warriors were livid. They tossed the “Russian Nightmare” out of the ring, and after Animal hoisted the 300-pound Rusev onto his shoulders, Hawk flew from the top turnbuckle and clotheslined his foe to the mat. The ref sprung to the champions’ defense, untethering Rusev before even more damage could be done. Hawk and Animal left in disgust, the chains wrapped around their shoulders and fists.
EDGE and BUDDY MURPHY vs. SCOTT DAWSON and TERRY FUNK:
vs.
Obvious resentment by Murphy and Dawson towards their older, wiser partners, and they wanted to prove they were just as good. A very competitive match, and all four men displayed their individual talents as well as proficient tag-team work – no surprise, given the impressive number of tag belts Edge and Funk had worn over the years. However, in a bit of a shocker, it was Murphy who won it, nailing Dawson with a bicycle knee-strike at 11:40.
CHRIS HARRIS and HOMICIDE vs. JEFF JARRETT and DASH WILDER:
vs.
vs.
While Jarrett and Wilder were at least able to function as a unit, the bitter TNA rivals could not get on the same page for this match. Whether it was mistrust or just bad chemistry, “the Wildcat” and the former ROH World champion never established any sustained offense. This was the shortest match of the eight qualifiers, with Jarrett hitting Homicide with the Stroke at 7:13 to move on.
HERNANDEZ and PAUL ORNDORFF vs. ELI DRAKE and FRANKIE KAZARIAN:
vs.
vs.
The Main Event Machine was not amused, being forced to battle against each other. Stubbornly, Orndorff and Drake refused to tag in when it meant that they’d have to lock up; therefore, Hernandez and Kaz carried most of the action in a classic power vs. speed matchup. These two men were familiar foes, and it was a see-saw matchup until the two accidentally cracked their heads together. They crawled towards their corners, and with extreme reluctance, the former Impact World champ and “Mr. Wonderful” came in. The teammates were shaking their heads, grumbling in the middle of the ring… but then suddenly, Orndorff kicked Drake in the stomach, and crushed him with a piledriver. The match came to an abrupt end at 10:50, and “Wonderful” left the ring by himself, intensely angry as always.
The STREET PROFITS vs. ?
vs.
Dawkins and Ford felt good – through sheer luck of the draw, they weren’t split up in the lottery. No other “team” would have the chemistry they possessed. They bounced and strutted, eager to get to Battlebowl… and then Finkel announced who their opponents were.
Rick Rude.
And Roddy Piper.
Norris: “I really have to credit Jeff Jarrett and Mr. Steinbrenner for signing these two men at the last minute. Earlier this weekend, when we did the lottery draw, we had 3 Count lined up to face the Profits. Unfortunately, Shane Helms called us this afternoon and indicated that he and Shannon Moore had unsolvable travel issues, and wouldn’t make it here in time. So Jeff made a couple of calls, and here we are.”
The Street Profits put up a game fight, but they were outmatched by the two seasoned veterans. “Hot Rod” and “Ravishing Rick” came in as two individuals, but they had hundreds of tag matches between them. Rude finished off Dawkins with his patented neckbreaker at the 4:51 mark, and Piper threw Ford over the top rope to add insult to injury. They were moving on.
MLW WORLD TAG-TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
CURT HENNIG/BRIAN PILLMAN (c, w/JJ Dillon) vs. the WIDOWMAKERS:
vs.
CURT HENNIG/BRIAN PILLMAN (c, w/JJ Dillon) vs. the WIDOWMAKERS:
vs.
Big-match intros for four of the best wrestlers on the planet. The challengers were all business, while the Horsemen conferred in the corner, confidence bordering on arrogance. Hennig and Windham started it off, and the two technicians went hold for hold at a brisk pace, dead even on the scorecard. A couple of minutes later, PIllman and Wyatt tangled, and the “Loose Cannon” and the “Eater of Worlds” matched each other in weirdness. But they were also great athletes, and they were relentless.
Midway through the match, the champions isolated Wyatt, and Hennig and Pillman used every trick in their arsenal to keep him on their side of the ring. Dillon did his part as well, strategically distracting the referee just enough to be a factor. They attacked Wyatt’s right leg, neutralizing his power and freakish quickness. Several long minutes passed, until he dove into his corner to make the hot tag to the big Texan.
Windham cleared house with fists, kicks, and backdrops. The Horsemen bounced around like pinballs, but neither stayed down. Their manager was panicking on the outside, and he took a bump for his trouble as well. A flurry of tags ensued, and each man hit a big signature move, but at the expense of taking an even bigger signature move. Finally, Wyatt set “Mr. Perfect” up for Sister Abigail amidst the chaos… but the referee was distracted by an allegedly woozy Dillon, so he never saw Pillman nail Wyatt with a vicious missile dropkick. He did, however, see Hennig fall on top of the macabre brawler, and he made the three-count at 25:37.
It was a textbook Horsemen win. They grabbed the belts from the referee and backed up the ramp after enduring one of the toughest matches of their lives… but they still had the belts. The Widowmakers sat in the ring commiserating the loss.
BATTLEBOWL:
Russell did roll call as each of the the 16 competitors walked down the ramp: los Conquistadors, Edge and Christian, Cactus Jack, Bobby Eaton, Owen Hart, Gino Hernandez, Shawn Hernandez, Jeff Jarrett, Buddy Murphy, Paul Orndorff, Roddy Piper, Rick Rude, James Storm, and Dash Wilder.
As with most battle royales, the grapplers tended to wrestle either very aggressively, or very defensively. It was intense, given the stakes, and alliances rarely lasted long. In that respect, it was a typical battle royale… but there were some developments along the way…
Former WWF tag champs Hart and Jarrett banded together to eliminate “Supermex”, while Storm was launched over the top by another familiar duo – Orndorff and Piper. The first Wrestlemania main eventers laughed, and then they went after Edge and Christian. Meanwhile, the WCCW alumni of Rude and Hernandez threw out another Texas-trained wrestler, Cactus Jack, before fiercely turning on each other.
On the other side of the ring, los Conquistadors were battling a pair of NXT warriors, Murphy and Wilder. Shockingly, the masked men quickly dispatched with “the Juggernaut”, who, like the Legion of Doom, had just fought in the Rumble. Then they targeted Wilder, and beat him down before arrogantly disposing of the Horseman. He pointed back up at them angrily, but the expression on his face turned to shock when they removed their masks… and for good reason.
They were Tully Blanchard and Arn Anderson.
The crowd was stunned. The action in the ring came to a standstill; even Russell and Norris were speechless. “Hot Rod”, as usual, broke the proverbial ice, and the action continued. Edge and Christian tackled Anderson and Blanchard; Eaton and Hernandez resumed hostilities while Cornette cheered his man on. One by one, body by body, the ring cleared until there were three men left: Owen Hart, Paul Orndorff, and Roddy Piper.
The two cocky rulebreakers toyed with the “King of Harts” for a couple of minutes, double-teaming him mercilessly. After knocking him down for an eighth time, they looked at each other as if they realized that they’d have to fight each other next. At first, they seemed calm, but slowly, the fuses on two of wrestling’s most volatile men began to burn… and then suddenly, Hart hit both men with a double-clothesline, sending them over the top strand. “Mr. Wonderful” hit the floor awkwardly, and angrily. Hart celebrated, but he turned his back too soon… Piper was still on the apron.
Piper sneaked back in, and without a word, hurled the Canadian out from behind. As soon as Hart landed, “Hot Rod” crowed in victory, celebrating a win that no one could have predicted a few hours earlier. He had the cash, and the title shot of his choice, and the inaugural MLW Battlebowl win.