Post by MadStepDad on Aug 25, 2011 19:48:12 GMT -5
Cut to the in-studio announce team for the evening:
Gordon Solie & Matt Striker
This is a very special episode of XPW TV – the Hype Show countdown to “Damage Inc”!!!
Tonight, the native West Coast company holds the final show before the BIG ONE – and it just may be the last time we ever see XPW Remixed on West Coast soil! That is, if The Grand Wizard and his “Commission” get their way! When “Damage Inc” arrives in Camden, NJ it may be the start of a new East Coast expansion. So if this indeed the last time West Coast fans get a chance to see XPW Remixed live, we are gonna make sure we go out with a BANG!!! That’s a BANG BANG, doggy! Owwww!!!!
Ladies and gentleman, introducing your special host for this evening…
The one and only, KING of the muthaphuckkin West Coast, baybeee….
Big SNOOP DOGG!!!
"He is I, and I am him, slim with the tilted brim
What's my motherfuckin name?
"** CUT TO RINGSIDE **
____________________________________________________________________________________________
DOGGY DOGG WORLD
MSD – XPW Remixed backstage correspondent – has the mic for Snoop
MSD: Snoop, is there truth to the rumors we’ll see you competing in the ring???
SNOOP DOGG: I don't do no fighting, baby — not me…(laughs)
MSD: Tell us a little about what we’re about to see here tonight.
SNOOP DOGG: Me and MSD shot the video. The video is us in a big ol' Cadillac riding through the city ... just being driven where we can come up on you. It's just a fun and exciting video. Snoop Dogg is known for making fun and exciting videos that last, and you wanna see them over and over again. I wanted to get back to the spirit of doing that, and that's what I did in this video. And that’s what I’m gonna do here tonight as Guest General Manager of XPW Remixed, beeeyotch!!!
SNOOP DOGG: I'm going hard in the yard with XPW REMIXED!!! I'm a big fan of wrestling. They want me to take over the show, so I'm going to take over the show and do what I do. In the meantime in-between time, I'm setting up the biggest match ever, Matt Classic versus… my boy, THE WEEDMAN!!! Oooh weee!
** PAN TO RING **
Matt Classic starts the match in the ring, rolling his shoulders and slapping his pecs as usual (the pro-Snoop Dogg crowd is heavily razzing the masked wrestling machine; booing him voraciously as he holds up his hand in “Iron Claw” formation). Finally, the houselights dramatically darken – green lighting and fog machines (I think???) swell up around the entrance ramp. Light prisms in the shape of Marijuana leaves dance around the ring and on the floor like a kaleidoscope. The curtain finally parts…
Ladies and gentleman, Introducing to XPW Remixed…
THE WEEDMAN (2011)!!!!
WEEDMAN versus MATT CLASSIC
versus 
The masked (for his own legal protection) wrestler makes his triumphant entrance. He emerges from the curtain with a fat blunt between his lips, pausing periodically on the ramp to puff puff puff that muthaphuckker. Crowd is going wild for him, and you can see other rowdy concert goers/XPW Remixed wrestling fans puffing their own stuff in the crowd. WEEDMAN stops by a pro-marijuana sign in the front row and passes his blunt to the appreciative fan for a couple quick pokes! Fan passes the blunt back and Weedman continues his slow stroll to ringside. This is, quite frankly, the most awesome entrance you’ve seen in pro wrestling. EVER.
Weedman makes his way around ringside, slapping hands with all the fans (while still puffing his kush stick). Matt Classic watches on anxiously in the ring, shaking his head in disappointment at the shenanigans of modern-day wrestling fans. Finally, Weedman is in the ring for his introduction and he gets an uproarious ovation from the crowd. He turns to hand off the still-smoking marijuana roach to the referee… when Matt Classic races in from behind for the ambush! Bell rings and we’re off!! Match is a fun, back-n-forth affair, with the crowd reactions raising the whole vibe to another level. Matt Classic does his little schtick (complete with “Straight out of the ‘50s” moves like the judo chop and abdominal claw) before Weedman gets to make his inevitable comeback. After one elaborate sequence finds Matt Classic out of position behind the referee, Weedman takes a burning joint passed to him from an audience member – inhales deeply – and BLOWS a cloud of purple haze in Matt Classic’s face!!! Oh my, the man who fell into a coma in the ’50s only to awaken here in XPW Remixed is STUNNED and HORRIFIED! Quick roll-up (get it?) from Weedman earns him the victory in his debut match! Weedman wins! Weedman! Post match – while Matt Classic is arguing with the referee – Weedman sneaks up from behind him and STEALS Matt Classic’s MASK!!!!
OMG it’s COLT CABANA!!!!
The jig is up! The ruse is over! Colt Cabana looks around frantically as the crowd recognizes his face and howls accordingly!!! Embarrassed and humiliated, Colt Cabana scrambles for cover and flees backstage! Meanwhile Weedman is left in the center of the ring to spark another blunt and hold “Matt Classic’s” mask aloft in victory!!!
Winner: WEEDMAN
_______________________________________________________________________________________
"REAL DEAL" DAMIEN STEELE versus EDDIE GILBERT
(XPW Remixed Commissioner's office on the line)
versus 
"I lay back in the cut retain myself
Think about the shit, and I'm thinkin wealth
How can I makes my grip
And how should I make that n***a straight slip
Set trip, gotta get him for his grip
as i dip around the corner, now i'm on a-nother
mission, wishin, upon a star
Snoop Doggy Dogg with the caviar
In the back of the limo no demo, this is the real
Breakin niggaz down like Evander Holyfield, chill
to the next Episode..."
* SNOOP DOGGY DOGG ("The Shiznit")
“The Real Deal” Damien Steele emerged in XPW Remixed with a purpose. As the first champion in XPW Original history (circa 1999-2000) he came with a lot of baggage. Signed by Gold Dust Trio Inc he was immediately elevated to position of on-screen “Commissioner”. Meanwhile, he formed a tenuous alliance with another kindred soul in depravity – (the former) “Mr Hot Stuff” Eddie Gilbert. Eddie Gilbert himself is a former booker of quite ill (the good “ill”) repute, and perhaps he was seeking another way back to book here in XPW Remixed. His partnership with Steele has finally fractured when their barely-contained professional jealousy exploded into violence! (see XPW TV Episode #21). Now, with the fissure between GDT Inc business partners, Steele & Gilbert have cast their lots in on the opposite side. Steele remains a steadfast lieutenant to Lewis & Mondt, the men who assigned him. Meanwhile Eddie Gilbert has sided with The Grand Wizard and Jack Pfefer, who hope to relocate the company to the East Coast (scene of some of Eddie Gilbert’s greatest hits)! At “Damage Inc” – as part of the negotiation process between former GDT Inc partners – the office of official XPW “Commissioner” has been offered up as collateral. The winner of Steele vs Gilbert claims the lofty on-screen position for themselves, and with it the (limited) ability to affect a live wrestling card. But the political and monetary gains are staggering. Both Steele & Gilbert have been raised to a boiling point and will pull out all the stops at "Damage Inc". At the end of the day, whoever claims ownership of the title will swing major political momentum in the direction of their own sponsors.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
MENAGE A TROIS BIKINI MATCH
"chick with the real pretty face, big ass booty and ity-bity
Waist I whispered in her ear little mama what you drink? I know you a Freak, but you know I ain't gonna say shit, see my game is
Outrageous, I got it tippin crippin exchanging fuck faces, but it
Ain't no use to rush the bus
Cause I wouldn't want to have her to rush!"
* SNOOP DOGG ("Sensual Seduction")
LIZZY BORDEN
A new divsion within XPW Remixed has been spawned; a brain child of the TGW/Jack Pfefer trust. The Queen of Xtreme and XPW Original LIZZY BORDEN has been deemed an authority. Here, her first contribution to the genre - a risque peep show reminiscent of the apartment wrestling days of yore. In other words, it's an excuse to post and oogle scantily-clad pictures of hot chicks. But who is the mystery 3rd participant? And is it true that voices within in the company are GUARANTEEING a topless exhibition??? Tune in to "Damage Inc" to find out!
** BEFOREWARNED **
Future footage may be deemed INAPPROPRIATE and NOT SUITABLE FOR THE OFFICE. NSFW.
** CUT **
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
INTERPROMOTIONAL DREAM MATCH
(XPW Remixed ("Unsanctioned") championship)
versus 
What yo life like, mine is kinda tight,
A long way from hustling chyna white/
My people love, the fans love me I'm all go,
If you ain't showin love then what did you call for???
...
smoke till I'm gone...
PRO's PICKS
MSD: Buddy Rogers has a chip on his shoulder, and a belt on his waist. He has something to prove, but is doing so against a hand-selected opponent. In another coup by the TGW/Jack Pfefer conglemeration, an inter-promotional dream match was signed by the West Coast XPW Remixed and East Coast Ring of Honor crew. There are so-called Cannibal Cartel-fueld rumors that have plagued Von Erich's involvement with XPW Remixed - but they could in fact prove very fatal to the Diamond Dynasty's chances to retain their version of the World Title (especially if Von Erich suddenly becomes impenetrable or immune to pain). Either way, I think the forces of TGW/Pfefer have almost guaranteed victory for themselves here... but don't forget Dusty Rhodes... (see ROH presents "RISING ") My pick? "Nature Boy" by submission.
BOB GREEN (Chicago Tribune): Buddy "Nature Boy" Rogers was my first hero. He was a wrestling star in the early days of coast-to-coast television; because TV was new and wrestling was a cheap way to fill airtime, professional wrestling became among the first people to find out about the amazing impacr of television fame. One year they'd been wrestling almost anonymously and dingy local arenas-- the next year their faces were known in tens of thousands of cities and towns they'd never visited. And Buddy Rogers' face. . . Well, the blonde hair, the sneer, the gaze of absolute confidence -- Nature Boy Rogers was to wrestling what Elvis Presley was to music: electric jolting, incandescent. Sometimes he was the good guy, sometimes he was the bad guy -- it didn't seem to matter much, he filled arenas either way. The Buddy Rogers strut was a work of art -- he would saunter across the ring with a kind of cocky stutter-step that in itself was worth the price of a ticket. Buddy Rogers wins by submission.
MATT STRIKER: Texas Tornado Kerry Von Erich by surprise KO! Rogers loses his imposter title and XPW Remixed stays on the West Coast!!
IRV MUCHNICK: The only wrestler rivaling Rogers for sheer influence, however, was Hulk Hogan. In my mind, Buddy gets the nod over Hulk, who definitely maxed out on his talent, had charisma to burn, and could draw with the best of them for big shows. But Hogan was a pure vessel of his times, plopped down in the middle of an epochal dynamic wrought by cable TV and generational turnover. Rogers did something more formidable: he embodied generational turnover, through force of will, non-stop backstage politics, and a gift for drawing sellouts almost anywhere at almost any time. I once asked my late uncle, Sam Muchnick, who he felt, across six decades of putting together wrestling shows, were the most reliable names to install on the marquee. "There were three," Sam said without hesitation. "Jim Londos, Andre the Giant, and Buddy Rogers." Buddy Rogers will take the win at "Damage Inc" via pinfall.
Dog on the throne I'm world-wide known and a boss in the zone,
I get it how I get it cause I can, I earn the spot/
You see the plans, I'm just fuckin with my fans,
I turned out to be a better man, important for life/
You understand while I'm puffin on this gram…
** SNOOP DOGG ("That Tree")
___________________________________________________________________________________________
XPW REMIXED TAG TEAM TITLES
"Raised by the gangstas, the generals, the thieves, the twins
Yeah I'm stealing niggas, please what you know bout that
I do it everytime, told em 1800 had em mixing it with lime (oh weee)
My life is like a movie, I was thuggin in the beach when I lit my first doobie
In the same city where I got my first piece of coochie
Where I sold my first dime, and I held my first uzi
Bitch, choose me, cause I'm going to the top
Rap or the rock, them hoes say I'm on, bitch
Whenever will it stop…?"
** SNOOP DOGG ("Raised in da Hood")
The East Coast-West Coast feud had largely been a war of public insults and nightclub brawls until now. Cannibal Cartel superstars and reigning XPW Remixed Tag Team champion Headhunterz and newcomer BLKOut will clash at “Damage Inc” with the championship belts on the line. Sabian, a wiry bantam weight, had been brought up in New York, Philly, Jersey and Baltimore circuits, and though he declared his allegiance to BLKOut, it didn’t keep him from associating with East Coast rappers. Headhunterz - as name implies, are rotund men who weighed over 300 pounds and are known for killer assaults and drug-fueled paths of destruction. As part of the Cannibal Cartel, they rep the West Coast with vicious jingoistic pride. While Sabian was in New York recently in preparation for his tag team championship match against the Headhunterz at “Damage Inc”, he’d been invited to chill with another East Coast friend, Jam Master Jay, at Quad Studios in Times Square.
Quad Studios, which takes up five floors of a midtown office building, was a busy place that night. While Jam Master Jay (of Run D.M.C fame) was recording on one floor, Sabian and his entourage arrived at the building shortly after midnight. As they were getting into the elevator, three armed black men ambushed them and stole their jewelry. Sabian’s alone was worth over $35,000. Sabian (aka “BLK Jeez”) lunged at one of the gunmen in anger and was shot five times—in the head, groin, and left hand. Despite his wounds, Sabian was able to get upstairs where he paced and ranted that he’d been set up. He was taken to Bellevue Hospital where he underwent surgery and vowed to be in Camden NJ for “Damage Inc”!
BLKOut continue to shout "FREE NICK GAGE!!!"
** CUT **
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
SAMMARTINO VERSUS OG SHEIK (w/ TGW)
(XPW Remixed ("Interim") championship)
I had to tell you the truth homey, but you got mad
Yeah I hurt yo' feelings, FUCK IT, it's too damn bad
I'm a major player, I got major game
I might floss a different bitch, but the pimpin the same
I ain't got time for no haters, I lay 'em flat on they back
I'm from the Dogg Pound homey, I don't fuck with them cats
I fuck with, niggaz, who be bustin them shots
I'm talkin Long Beach, Inglewood, Compton, Watts"
** SNOOP DOGG ("The Bidness")
The Original Sheik is an unholy monster of Fantasy Wrestling; haunting the nightmares of frightened opponents for generations. Fuck Goldberg (1998) or Crimson (2011) – The Original Sheik was undefeated in 127 straight matches beating the likes Bruno Sammartino, Gene Kiniski, Lou Thesz, Edouard Carpentier and Andre the Giant. His rebirth in XPW Remixed coincided with the return of The Grand Wizard to fantasy wrestling (see XPW TV Episode #1). His violent crusade has finally climaxed with this – his first XPW Remixed championship match (even if it’s only considered the “Interim” championship). The manipulative, scheming mechanizations of TGW & Jack Pfefer are clearly apparent here: steal the physical belt, humble their persistent thorn-in-the-side Bruno Sammartino, and leave GDT Inc partners Ed Lewis & Toots Mondt without ANY legitimate claim to championship gold. Once the OG Sheik beats Sammartino for the belt at “Damage Inc”, TGW’s management firm “The Commission” will rule XPW Remixed indefinitely. But that’s a pretty big “IF”. Bruno Sammartino is perhaps the most charged-up and invigorated of his entire career. He is clearly a man on a mission to prove the belt he claims is the one true UNDISPUTED championship in the entire realm of Fantasy Wrestling. His goal remains a definitive rematch with Buddy Rogers to settle their title dispute – but in the meantime Sammartino is ready to knock down every challenge “The Commission” throws at him and dismantle their evil monopoly once and for all…
BRUNO SAMMARTINO: And it was a big mystery. In those days in the state athletic commission, there was a lot of corruption, and promoters literally bought them. This was an illegal suspension because by law–see, I didn't know all this stuff because I was a very naive young guy. The law at that time, as I found out years later, was that if you were to be suspended, before they could suspend you, they'd have to have a hearing with you, and you'd have to be found guilty or innocent. I never had any kind of a hearing. No one even notified me what I'd been suspended for, or by whom. Well, it got to be very brutal because everywhere I went, the suspension followed me to the point to where I couldn't work anyplace. I couldn't wrestle. So I went back to construction work, went back to Pittsburgh. Meanwhile, I had met Yukon Erik. He was one of the big guys of that era, and he was a big star in Canada. He was wrestling in Pittsburgh for a show. I went to see him, and he said to me, "I hear you're back in construction." I said, "Yeah, they've got me blackballed all over the country."
____________________________________________________________________________________________
MIZ vs THESZ
(XPW Television Championship)
And I'ma let the whole world see
Cos you fucked up the industry, and that's on me
We can go head up, nigga, set it up
Or we can do the other thing, I love to wet it up"
** SNOOP DOGG ("Pimp Slappd")
MIZ promo from the Blue Carpet
_______________________________________________________________________________________
KING of the DEATH MATCH
KotDM Champion "Vicious" Vic Grimes
From knives to guns,from the rich to the slums
We ran outta dope,I don't think so son
While I be gunned by a mark from the enemy park
From daylight to reach dark and all the clucks a'spark
From when I pick em off like darts
Stab em in they hearts
Make an example,what I said,ya end up dead
** SNOOP DOGG ("Downtown Assassins")
6 Questions with "Rockstar" KAOS
1. Can you tell us why you picked the ring name kAos?
KAOS: I didn’t actually pick my name my Uncle Supreme chose the name Kid Chaos. It was later changed to Chaos with a “K” by Prime Time Peterson, the local veteran at the time.
2. Where did you receive your wrestling training and how long have you been in the professional wrestling ring?
KAOS: I am actually a self-trained professional wrestler. I had the opportunity and access to a small 12 x 12 ring here North Hollywood, California. Somebody taught me how to take a bump, how to do a lockup, and how to run the ropes. But that was pretty much the end of my traditional training at that time. From there Supreme and I watched a lot of New Japan Pro Wrestling videos; we watched a lot of ECW, a lot of Ric Flair, a lot of Macho Man Randy Savage, Bam Bam Bigelow, and Vader etc. and we really just studied every wrestlers move. I guess you could say we learned the really hard way. But since then I’ve trained with many guys around the world who have helped me, and taught me the true art of professional wrestling. You never stop learning. One of the reasons I like being a trainer is because my students push me, and help me not to become lazy. Teach me new things the new lingo that these kids speak today. Wrestling has changed from when I started as a young 14-year-old boy, 15 long years ago.
3. Who do you consider your greatest influence in professional wrestling?
KAOS: Hands down my greatest influence in professional wrestling would have to be my Uncle Supreme if not for him I would not be a professional wrestler today.
4. What do you consider to be your strengths in the ring?
KAOS: Definitely my charisma and my ability to connect with the crowd whether it’s being a good guy or bad guy, one way or another the crowd will recognize me. And I can hold my own with any wrestler, whether it’s hold the hold, shoot, lucha, strong style, hard-core you name it.
5. What do you consider to be your weaknesses in the ring?
KAOS: Back in WSX, Aaron Aguilera told me a story about when he was in a WWE and he asked Eddy Guerrero, “I’ve been wrestling so long, why do I still feel nervous before a match? And Eddy responded to him by saying, you’re nervous because you care. I remember talking to the original Parka and asking him the same very question. And his response was it’s because you’re not prepared. You choose which one you’d like to believe. So my biggest weakness is I second guess myself too much. I know I’m prepared and I’m well trained but I have to learn to stop asking stupid questions.
6. What do you have planned for Vic Grimes at "Damage Inc"?
KAOS: Total KAOSTROPHY!!
Missy Hyatt always gets her way!!!
** CUT **
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
BEST IN BROCKTON
"Then it's time's up, that's how we talkin' if he come from the Beach
Better watch them niggaz out here if they come from the East
Don't stop if I'm not out somewhere so niggaz can see
Cause they don't give a fuck, you stuck if you ain't with me
My city's a beast.."
** SNOOP DOGG ("Round Here")
Brockton MA is known as the “City of Champions” for a reason (most of which remains faded glory). Marvin Hagler and Shooters Club member Rocky Marciano brought fame, and the shoe industry brought it fortune. Over time, that championship luster began to tarnish until we’re left with what we have today – rusted out, hopeless and bleak horizons. This is the story of that clash. William Muldoon represents that Golden Age, with his “Olympia Fight Camp” based out of Brockton (by way of New York). Fighters from his camp include Mil Mascaras, Hakushi and young Alexxis Nevaeh – the past, present and future of fantasy wrestling. Sterling champions, upstanding citizens and role-models for all. “The Boston Bad Boy” Tony Rumble on the other hand, represents the grimy gutters of Broken City. He is the gangsta rap, Boston Bruins-beat down, underbelly scum that toils on the fringes of pro wrestling respectability. His mish-mash crew of goons and cheap shot artists threaten to run rampant throughout the realm of fantasy wrestling – furthing tarnishing the once-proud legacy of Brockton MA. Muldoon and his men are determined to make sure that doesn’t happen, and will be seeking revenge for a series of beatdowns and sneak-attacks at the hands of Rumble and his crew, when the two teams clash at “Damage Inc” in a 6-man tag team match. Let’s get it on!!!
"The Rumble Seat" w/ Tony Rumble
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
SLAUGHTAHOUSE STAMPEDE MATCH
PHILADELPHIA -- Camden, N.J., was the most dangerous city in the United States for the second consecutive year, according to an annual survey released Monday. The survey ranked the rates of serious crimes including homicides, rapes and robberies in 369 U.S. cities, based on statistics reported by the FBI last month. Camden, a city of 80,000 near Philadelphia, was listed as the most dangerous. Camden's homicide rate was more than 10 times the national average and its robbery rate was seven times the national average, the study said. "It was a very bad year for Camden," said Scott Morgan, president of Morgan Quitno, adding that the city's rating was the worst in the survey's 12-year history.
At “Damage Inc” , Camden NJ – hometown of “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers himself – invites the XPW Remixed Slaughtahouse Stampede match into its backyard. Such rampant, barbaric and unnecessary violence naturally belongs here. The role-call went out from XPW Remixed, and it was answered by 20 of the most savage men in fantasy wrestling history. Each one bold, brazen, crazy (and maybe just a touch homicidal/suicidal) enough to answer the challenge. This will be another MSD Mash-Up Classic. 20 Man Royal Rumble rules (#1 and #2 start, with followers in 90 second intervals). Draw is random. Inside the ring, it is an anything-goes Xtreme rules Battle Royal. Last man (or tag team) surviving wins the match. Better than WWF. Iller than JCP. The sickest, most violent spectacle in all of Territory Wars history will unfold at “Damage Inc”. Let’s get a quick word from some of the participants in this match…
NEW JACK: Eventually, everyone is going to have to walk down South Central Blvd. and come to my house. And when you get to my house, if I could choose a type of match, I'd want to see a cage with a roof so you can't get out. Where I could just beat the f*** out of you and there's nothing you could do about it but complain like a little bitch. Or make it outside in like a football stadium and it's really dark so you can't really see, so I could just walk up and knock your ass out, then go run and hide. Just keep popping up and beating the sh!t out of you, cutting your arms off, sh!t like that. [laughs] Cut your arms and your legs off so you have to hop around and complain, complain until you almost die and then I resuscitate your ass and beat you some more. [laughs] I'm want to have one of those electric shock things like they have in the hospital…Clear! Then I beat the f*** out of you again. Ice picks, I'll stick them in your eyes. I want to fight in somebody's front yard, and you're down, then all of a sudden I climb on top of somebody's house with a lawn mower. I'll crank that motherf***** up and instead of diving off with a chair, I'll dive off with a lawn mower and cut your ass up!!!
DUSTY RHODES: He was cool. Terry Funk is a good man, I can see that. But he would be beaten early in this game by me. Really early. He'd be out in the same round as guys like Danny Havoc or Kevin Sullivan! Best believe, The ultimate would be me beating those Cannibal Cartel boys in the finals. It's just logical. The American Dream is the dream. But now I got a bigger purpose in XPW Remixed, if you weeeel. Everybody saw ROH “Rising Above”! They saw what those filthy Diamond Dynasty scoundrels did to the American Dream! The kids are waiting to see me against Rogers. It's simple because they've never seen that match. We've never had that match. The two biggest superstars in our industry who ruled the 60s, 70's and mid-80's and Buddy Rogers went on to rule up to now. The two biggest stars in our industry are in this game. My Lord. People would be standing around the block for hours to see that match. I just wish they would change the box cover for this PPV, “Damage Inc”. Every year it comes out put The American Dream Dusty Rhodes on the cover! It makes sense when you have The American Dream Dusty Rhodes ready to unload on everybody. I guess you save money on the box, but it's what's inside that counts. You wanna know why Rogers and his crew jumped me at “Rising Above”, daddy??? He was scared. He was always scared of me, he was scared of the Bionic Elbow. Jimmy Hart would always tell him, "Don't take this match. You'll lose all of your money and your teeth." Buddy Rogers! I’m gonna make my run through the Slaughtahouse Match, and after my good friend Kerry Von Erich beats you for your imposter title at “Damage Inc”, I’m gonna put the beating on YOU!!!
DANNY HAVOC: Ever since I chose to mark “professional deathmatch wrestler” as my occupation on my income tax returns, people have been telling me that I’m too smart to be mutilating my body for a living. I usually brush it off as people just not understanding what it is or why I do it (it is, after all, a form of entertainment with a pretty minority appeal). But there are times when I see the wisdom in what they’re saying, and never is that more apparent than when the fans JUST DON’T CARE. This isn’t going to be remotely amusing, so if you’ve decided to read through it for a chuckle, go elsewhere. I just decided that maybe putting it into words might be cathartic for me, and maybe when I meet my untimely demise (which is taking its sweet time, by the way), there will be a written referendum for the few people who remember me and wonder what the hell my state of mind was during all of this nonsense I participated in. So the problem this poses for a semi-intelligent guy like me is; why continue pursuing a career path where the cons far outweigh the pros? I’m sacrificing my health, I’m underpaid, underappreciated (arguably), and the fans seem to be more and more disinterested. Where’s the upside? I don’t know, honestly. It occurs to me that the only reason I keep doing this is because I love hardcore wrestling as a medium of entertainment, and I’m afraid that if people like myself, Thumbtack Jack, Drake, Nick Mondo, JC, and others don’t keep it alive, it will cease to exist [in this country, at least]. We’re just stupid enough to be martyrs for something that will probably never pay out nearly as much as we put in. I guess we just love what we do, no matter how much we should probably walk away. So in summation, if you feel anything at all like I do…like we do…if you want hardcore wrestling to continue being something that you can go see or watch on DVD, PLEASE: Come out. Show your support. Make a little noise once in a while. I assure you, if you show some appreciation, we’ll reciprocate to the best of our abilities. We want this to be good as much as you do.
TERRY FUNK: They forgot what was meant by the word Extreme…. just be evolving. Extreme at first was a bunch of guys busting their asses to give you the best they were physically capable of doing and it wasn’t with garbage lids, pails and other stuff…they went the other way at the end and I think that was the wrong road to travel…we all have to have our extreme matches but you have to build it on a foundation and that up there (points to the XPW Remixed Slaughtahouse Stampede trophy) was built on a foundation by guys like me.
IAN ROTTEN: Yeah, it will be an opportunity for people to see what’s been increasingly a more violent feud each time it occurs. This is about the 3rd time in my career I’ve wind up feuding over something and each time it gets worse and worse. Well, I don’t know if you can say it gets worse because the first time Onita & Kasai almost died! But the violence level each time, we keep taking it up a notch and this time, its panes of glass. Taipei Death, and steel cage and you know every imaginable object to cut someone and shred someone that there is!
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
** MAIN EVENT **
PRIMO CARNERA's RETIREMENT ANNOUNCEMENT
Primo Carnera has been the only man in history to be both Heavyweight Boxing and Wrestling champions of the world. He has cut a swath through Mash-Up Wrestling, exhibiting his pugilism (KO of the Big Show at “Baptized in Blood”) and skill in the world of MMA (versus Giant Silva, see XPW TV Episode #21). Glory, recognition and victory.
It took him 19 years to collect those memories. On Friday, he vowed to start truly savoring them.
"It's time for what's next," the Big Fella said. Primo Carnera made his retirement official, reiterating what he revealed in a video posted to Twitter two days earlier that his Territory Wars days are over. Saying those words where he did brought a full-circle piece of closure to his career, since it all ended. "Never thought this day would come," Toots Mondt said. "Father Time has finally caught up with Primo Carnera."
** KEN BERGER, CBS Sports
Primo Carnera gets the grand send-off, complete with elaborate in-ring set consisting of marble pillars and other assorted fineries. Big fluffy promo piece on the video wall summarizing his exploits in XPW Remixed (it brings a tear to grateful Primo’s eyes). The point is – Primo Carnera is going out ON TOP. As promoted by Toots Mondt, Carnera is a BEAST in the ring. Whether boxing, wrestling or MMA, Primo Carnera is untouchable in combat sports. Just as Mister Mondt is bestowing a medal around the neck of a bowing Primo Carnera, the ceremony is suddenly interrupted by a theme song blaring through the arena sound-system…
Domination!!!
Enter EZEKIEL JACKSON (2012)!!!
Big Zeke on the mic for like, the first time in his XPW Remixed career. His sudden arrival is greeted by tremendous CHEERS and he must pause a moment to speak because of the volume. Ezekiel Jackson gives respect and honor to Carnera, and his storied accomplishments. But THEN he goes on to allude that Carnera hasn’t always faced the toughest or top competition in his time (lotta “tomato cans”, if uknowhatumsayn). Ezekiel Jackson CHALLENGES Primo Carnera to a match at “Damage Inc”! This can be his final farwell – his swansong so to speak. Primo Carnera can go out like Trish Stratus or Chris Lytle (see UFC LIVE 5: Lytle vs Hardy)… or he can go out like Randy Couture or Chuck Liddell (aka “KTFO”). Either way, the fans demand it! Mash-Up Wrestling demands it! AND EZEKIEL JACKSON DEMANDS IT!!!
Carnera is dumbfounded by Jackson’s appearance and challenge! Crowd is going crazy! Toots Mondt and his boys are trying to calm things down and usher Jackson off the stage! But he won’t go! “The Apocalypse of 2012” keeps staring Carnera down from across the arena and daring him to accept the challenge! Finally Carnera has enough, rips off his suit coat and tie, grabs a mic (and in his heavily Italian-accented English) proceeds to ACCEPT Jackson’s challenge for one last match! Primo Carnera’s retirement party at “Damage Inc” – and it will come at the expense of Ezekiel Jackson! These two BEASTS will meet at “Damage Inc”!!!
Snoop Dogg sayin PEACE OUT, ya'll...
** CUT **
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IN STUDIO OUTRO
GORDON SOLIE: XPW Remixed is the premier organization when it comes to mixed martial combat within the Territory Wars. As for mixed fights, well, we had several...MMA fights, Boxing matches, Death Matches, you’re talking about the Dempsey thing, and the way that all came about was back in the 20's, I don't remember the exact year, but there was a classic boxer vs. wrestler and Cowboy went against Jack Dempsey in Atlanta, I believe it was, and Dempsey shattered Cowboy's jaw, blinded him in one eye. Cowboy remembers nothing from the third round on because Dempsey caught him, you know, going in and that's the secret to a boxer vs. wrestler match - if you can catch the wrestler coming in - whop him good one time and it's over. If you don't and the wrestler gets too you it's over for the boxer. Primo Carnera KO’d the BigShow, pinned Abdullah the Butcher and defeated Giant Silva in an MMA fight. But back to your question, I think “the Apocalypse of 2012” Ezekiel Jackson has been on a monster tear as of late. Primo Carnera may be retiring at the top of his game, but I see Ezekiel Jackson with a smothering ground-n-pound attack triumphing in the end. My prediction: Ezekiel Jackson.
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XPW Remixed presents "Damage Inc"
** Slaughtahouse Stampede Match
DUSTY RHODES
TERRY FUNK
SABU
NEW JACK
POGO the CLOWN
THE MESSIAH
SAMMI CALLIHAN
JON MOXLEY
DOINK REBOURNE
ONITA
JUN KASAI
"SICK" NICK MONDO
IAN ROTTEN
** and more!!! **
** "Real Deal" Damien Steele versus Eddie Gilbert
(For ownership of the XPW Commissioners office)
** The Olympia versus Tony Rumble's "WHACK PACK"
(6-Man Tag Team Match)
** Ezekiel Jackson vs Primo Carnera
(Retirement Match)
** XPW Remixed Tag Team Championship
Headhunterz © versus BLKOut
** King of the Death Match Championship
"Vicious" Vic Grimes © versus "Rockstar" Joey KAOS (w/ Missy Hyatt)
** XPW Television Championship
The MIZ © versus Lou Thesz
** XPW Remixed championship ("Interim")
Bruno Sammartino © versus Original Sheik (w/ TGW)
** XPW Remixed championship ("Unsanctioned")
"Nature Boy" Buddy Rogers (1963) © versus Kerry Von Erich (1984)
CREDITS
KEN BERGER: Shaq's Big Farewell marks end of one-of-a-kind career June 3, 2011
GORDON SOLIE: TWC Online.com
CAMDEN NJ RANKED MOST DANGEROUS CITY IN AMERICA: Washington Post (11/22/05)
NEW JACK: IGN Interview 11/16/04
DUSTY RHODES: IGN Interview 6/24/04
DANNY HAVOC: DannyHavoc.tripod (“A Straight Forward Plea to the Fans” – 2/4/10)
IAN ROTTEN: In Your Head interview (8/11/06)
TERRY FUNK: CamelClutch blog.com (8/26/10)
KAOS: Santino Bros website profile & interview
SNOOP DOGG: MTV Article (10/19/09)