Post by MadStepDad on Jan 17, 2012 17:20:47 GMT -5
Cut to the (NEW) in-studio host for the show
Sunny
I love hosting all the TV shows because it's basically my show – I'm on the whole show for the whole hour. There’s so much stuff! I have a lot of fun here.
** CUT TO VIDEO **
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"ABUSE of POWER"
XPW Remixed commissioner “Real Deal” Damien Steele can be spotted pulling up in a limo alongside his new “secretary” Jasmine St. Claire... He is positively giddy over his handling of the Ed Lewis situation (see XPW TV Episode #33) and is confident he will rid himself of the Nick Gage problem at “(Another) New Years Revolution” (when Angel and Tony Rumble send him back to jail)… Steele & St. Claire make their way backstage to his office to find the Havana Pitbulls, Ricky Reyes & Rocky Romero waiting for him… they want action tonight… Steele is so cocky and arrogant when he agrees to book them in a match tonight… AGAINST EACH OTHER… St Claire giggles as he snarls at them to leave his office… in turn they stare daggers through the XPW commissioner…
** CUT TO RING **
ROCKY ROMERO versus RICKY REYES
versus
The two men pound fists to start, but the mutual intensity is quite clear… they start technical, evolve into more of a strong style, before the natural competitiveness of the two men ratchets the match into a full-blown brawl… An intense, hard-hitting, fast-paced match that Reyes wins after a chain of suplex reversals leads to him burying his partner with a picture-perfect brainbuster.
Winner: RICKY REYES
XPW Remixed Commissioner "Real Deal" Damien Steele
Post match, Reyes helps his dejected partner off the mat and the two men embrace to cheers. But they are clearly worn out. Just then, Damien Steele’s entrance music heralds his arrival and he shows up in his business suit finest, alongside secretary Jasmine St Claire and the Cali Cripplers head coach Ad Santel. After a brief conference with Santel, the Commissioner decided NOT to cancel their upcoming tag team match, so in fact the Havana Pitbulls are wrestling TWICE tonight. And their opponents are Ad Santel’s prized tag-team pupils… THE USO’s
HAVANA PITBULLS versus USO's (w/ Ad Santel)
versus w/
Quick, competitive squash with the over-exerted Havana Pitbulls getting outgunned by the fresh Uso brothers. Two synchronized superfly splashes from the top rope end the match emphatically. Santel holds their arms aloft as another cheapened victory is nauseatingly celebrated by the Cali Cripplers club.
Winners: USOs
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
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Honk Tonk Man's
"ICE CREAM PARLOR"
(Featuring Jon Moxley & Terry Funk)
Host Honky Tonk Man starts the show by introducing the legend Terry Funk... he's a well traveled veteran of fantasy wrestling, and does he think XPW Remixed is the start of something BIG in Mash-Up Wrestling?
TERRY FUNK: Well. Different times, different places. Honestly, the NWA was probably the biggest thing that ever happened to me because it was just after my father had passed away. He had only passed away a couple of years earlier than that. It was a great thing to win that in Florida and be recognized throughout the world. XPW Remixed is a great thing because its the start of something good. Not necessarily "BIG" but good. You always say “it was the start of something big”. Well this was the start of something good. It was the start of an organization that grew to something that had a lot of my friends that were intertwined within it.
Just then they interupted by Jon Moxley's theme song... the "Street Dog" is cocky and dangerous as ever... He and Funk have a tense face-off... Moxley interrupts and goes on a rant about veterans not knowing their place and stepping aside for the young talent... Funk remains stoic as Moxley suggests he is the start of something BIG in Mash-Up Wrestling...
Honky Tonk Man tries to cool the men down as they go right into their "Loser Leaves XPW" match at (Another) New Years Revolution. They both promise fireworks!!!
TERRY FUNK: Yeah, that’s it. It’s right around the corner by golly and I’ll be looking forward to seeing you up there and everyone else. And that is quite a menagerie of fellows there. It’s like the Odd Couple. It is. Jon Moxley, Honky Tonk Man, Terry Funk... That’s a pretty good bunch of guys. I’d like to hear what they’ve got to say. I’m interested in this thing. I’ve got to know what’s going on. It’s a pretty unique situation, what you’re going to have up there in New York, something that I think that all of the fans will enjoy. And at "(Another) New Years Revolution" Jon Moxley, you'll be in the unemployment line!!!
**************
SUNNY SAYZ:
Yeah, he [Moxley] was a prima donna; he was a [jerk] to just about everybody except for his very close friends, and me for about nine months. Terry Funk in December, he did seem like he had a different attitude. He seemed like a happier, more content person. Back in the ’90s, he was so good, he was the best that we had in the company. Jon Moxley was still very insecure about himself. And that’s why he thought he had to be a [jerk] to everybody, to kind of uphold his image.
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
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OG SHEIK w/ ABDULLAH the BUTCHER & ATSUSHI ONITA
versus
JUN KASAI and...
versus and...
Onita enters first and acts as Abdullah the Butcher’s handler for the match… he has the mic for a vicious heel promo, and he introduces the reigning “King of the Death Match” SHEIK to huge boos… the OG Sheik has a terrifying entrance, complete with plumes of fire alongside the entrance ramp and a giant poisonous snake curled around his neck… Announcers allude to slight dissent within the Commission between President The Grand Wizard and VP Jack Pfefer over the Unification match at “(Another) New Years Revolution” (Pfefer does NOT want to jeopardize Buddy Rogers’ piece of gold or their place in the game)… but TGW is confident because his man Sheik already has the KotDM belt and they disposed of Sabu (see XPW TV Episode #33)… The huge XPW Remixed fan favorite JUN KASAI gets his entrance for what is - ostensibly - a handicap match… Kasai at the top of the entrance ramp with a brief promo, basically saying he didn’t come alone…
Who did Jun Kasai bring with him for partners???
The houselights pitch into darkness, and loud abrasive rap music suddenly rips through the arena sound system… an elaborate light/laser/pyro show blows up behind Jun Kasai… and the INSANE CLOWN POSSE bombards the stage beside him (??)… they do a quick routine that gets up everybody on their feet before introducing…
THE JUGGALO NINJAS!!!
Madness, insanity. The crowd goes BONKERS as the Juggalo-attired, ICP-inspired combo of Necro Butcher and MadMan Pondo make their triumphant entrance. Redesigned and remixed for the occasion. ICP continue the rowdy rap concert non-stop as Kasai, Necro & Pondo go straight to work in the ring – catching the trio of hell-raising heels completely off guard. Chairs, tables, guard rails, panes of glass and a bumping Hip Hop soundtrack… what could be better??? The brawl goes all over the arena as the beat continues and Jun Kasai winds up crushing OG Sheik with a light tube-assisted balcony dive through a table (shades of his previous epic-level victory over Sheik at “Night of Champions”)!!! Jun Kasai has pinned the KotDM champion before the song was even over!!! He’s looking strong going into “(Another) New Years Revolution”, and now ICP lead the crowd in cheers and chants for the new team of the JUGGALO NINJAS!!!!
Winners: JUN KASAI & the JUGGALO NINJAS
******************
SUNNY SAYZ:
They’re always interesting. You get these weirdos walking around dressed up like Darth Vader! (laughs) ICP fans are so much creepier than wrestling fans.
** CUT TO COMMERCIAL **
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Who'z da man???
POGO the CLOWN versus SAMOA JOE
versus
Once again the announcers take note of New Jack’s absence… no word on his whereabouts… Pogo the Clown takes center ring for a “f-bomb”-laced tirade (against those ICP "clowns" in particular) that actually draws some pretty good heat… the fatman who looks to be the size of a wall claims to be the Cell Block champion… he’s answered by the ominous strains of Samoa Joe’s music… Pogo is incredulous as the crowd chants ”Joe’s gonna kiiiIIllll you…!” Good big man vs. big man-offense match, with Joe timbering the mighty Pogo with stiff strikes and running kicks… Rear-naked choke earns Joe the tap-out in the center of the ring... still no New Jack.
Winner: SAMOA JOE
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Welcome to the newest online ("not a fucking") blog by XPW Remixed Fantasy Superstar Danny Havoc... (aka "a reprint of all his awesome web rants"). Tonight, the first episode...
"Confessions of a Teenage Deathmatch Queen"
Being the deeply self-reflective philosopher that I am, I often find myself thinking on why I have opted to go into what is, essentially, a career of self-mutilation. I mean, certainly there are other elements to it—showmanship, creativity, storytelling, athleticism…to name a few—but, let’s face it, when you decide to mark “deathmatch wrestler” in the ‘Occupation’ box on your tax returns, you’re basically committing to a lifetime of excruciating pain and likely paralysis. So, why?
It’s certainly not as if it was an encouraged move by my family, and my high school guidance councilor did not sit me down in his office and ask, “Say, have you ever thought about working in the field of professional deathmatch wrestling? I’ve got some pamphlets here for you to look at, I think it’d really be right up your alley…” Actually, though, in an interesting sidebar—my high school guidance councilor was also my high school “Advanced Business Tech.” teacher, and he did encourage and support our local backyard wrestling enterprises… Still, there was never in my life a single person in a position to give advice who told me that they thought this was a good idea. Nevertheless, in early high school, when most of my peers’ long-term goals involved scoring at prom, I had decided it was my life’s destiny to have a back that resembled Jun Kasai’s. By the middle of my sophomore year, I knew that I had to pursue deathmatches as a career, whatever the cost. I did backyard matches with my friends, which (due to my slight OCD) I ran and organized obsessively, and—in front of audiences ranging from 0-2 people (max), I repeatedly and determinedly attempted to maim myself with barbed wire, thumbtacks, light tubes, glass panes, and more; and all for the sheer sake of having an extensive resume of scar tissue for my eventual job interview with John Zandig.
While my entire extended family were suggesting colleges and possible careers for me to look into, I was too busy jumping off of buildings to hear them. It was mentioned that perhaps I could go to art school, to get some sort of degree in advertising artwork or computer graphics… “F-U-Calvin Klein that noise,” I’d respond, “I’ve got a plan.” And I did. My plan, quite simply, was to risk life and limb to impress an audience of a few-hundred overly-critical “fans;” Fans who would not only forget about the danger and pain I put myself through by the time they left the show, but who would then go home and write about how I “botched a few spots” and “the finish of my match looked sloppy” on their computers. But still, I have to admit…I fucking love this shit. I love to get my head cracked by a steel chair, I love to get tangled up in barbed wire, and I love the way the lighttubes explode on my body, and suddenly I’m covered in blood. It’s fucking brilliant. So what’s the motivation behind all this? Why would I choose to do this, when there are so many other safer, more lucrative, more beneficial ways to spend my life? Because I’m a profoundly disturbed young man, that’s why. There, that solves that. I’m a nutter. There, I’ve learned something about myself today. Good enough.
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** BACKSTAGE SKIT **
Commissioner Steele in his office with secretary Jasmine St. Claire. Entering the office is the valet to XPW Tag Team champion the (Real) Kings of Wrestling, Jessica Darlin. Some stilted delivery and bad acting from Darlin & St Claire that’s all strung together by Steele’s smooth ad libs. They coyly make reference to a “Freaky 3some” (just google “Jasmine St Claire Jessica Darlin) and Steele is on the hook. Per Jessica Darlin’s request (and fear of Annie Social - see XPW TV Episode #33) the Tag Team title match at “(Another) New Years Revolution” will now be a STEEL CAGE match!!! (Real) KoW vs. BLKOut for the tag titles in a STEEL CAGE MATCH!!! Only at “(Another) New Years Revolution”!!! Steele pops the cork and parties down with a grinding St Claire and Jessica Darlin! Happy New Year!!!
Jessica Darlin likes it in the cage.
** CUT **
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SAMI CALLIHAN & "SICK" NICK MONDO vs GENERATION ME
versus
After titillating fans with their Dream Match in the 1st ever XPW Remixed “Best of the Best” tourney (see XPW TV Episode #32), Mondo & Callihan are paired up tonight… both are on the singles rise… but the brotherly GenME duo are expert tag teamers… Mondo matches speed and agility with GenME but Callihan has the power advantage… The chemistry between GenME saves them in a few spots and they earn an extended heel beat down segment after a Callihan/Mondo miscommunication… In the end, Mondo & Callihan argue and GenME take advantage to win the bout with a double-pin… GenME celebrate, while Mondo & Callihan stew… they argue again before breaking out into shoves and finally fisticuffs! “Sick” Nick Mondo & Sami Callihan brawl recklessly in and around the ring while XPW officials try futilely to separate them and restore order... Callihan thinks HE should have won the "Best of the Best 1" tourney and aims to take that frustration out on Mondo!
Winners: GENERATION ME
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** Main Event **
ADAM PEARCE (w/ Ad Santel)
versus
DAN SEVERN (w/ Masahiko Kimura)
(30-Minute Iron Man Match)
versus
*with*
This is an Indy-epic wrestling re-match of the fight that set off an entire feud (see XPW TV Episode #27 and the birth of the “Best of 7” series). On that night, former NWA World and XPW Remixed Midwest Champion “Scrap Iron” ADAM PEARCE defeated DAN “the BEAST” SEVERN in a lumberjack match. Since that night Dan Severn (1995) - representing the elite Shooters Club - has been itching for a rematch. He gets it tonight it what is being billed as a “Throwback Classic”. A 30-minute Iron Man match; man with the most decisions at the end of regulation wins. In case of a draw or tie, a “sudden victory” overtime period will be assigned. The crippler Ad Santel leads his charge Adam Pearce to the ring tonight, and Severn is accompanied by his Judo coach Masahiko Kimura and striking coach Rocky Marciano. Performance is a straight wrestling clinic. At first Pearce is hesitant to commit and his heel stalling tactics rile the fans. So when the “Beast” finally takes it right to him he displays a passion and a charisma unforeseen by many during his late 90s WWF run. But when you let this man run amuck with the release suplexes and overhead tosses he is what his name says: a muthaphuckkin BEAST. But watching Adam Pearce at the top of the game reminds you that true wrestling roots never stray far. Pearce steals a pinfall with a handful of tights, but Severn squeezes out a quick tap to a guillotine choke. Back and forth we go until the final minutes when a tactical mistake (blown by Severn’s escalating temper) allows him to be counted out - advancing Pearce’s score up by 1. The rest of the time Pearce spends trying to duck, dodge and avoid Seven to draw out the clock! Anticipation mounts as the clock ticks down… Santel (arm still in a sling/cast because of Kimura) tangles outside the ring with the Shooters Club… Pearce tries a foreign weapon shot, but Severn winds up reversing into a Dragon Sleeper to tie the score, followed by Pearce-styled piledriver to “Scrap Iron’s” near unconscious body for the final pinfall! Severn wins in regulation 2 - 3!
Winner: DAN “THE BEAST” SEVERN
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XPW Remixed presents...
(ANOTHER) NEW YEARS REVOLUTION!!!
LIVE on PPV January 28th!!!
** HUGE Triple Threat TITLE UNIFICATION bout!!! **
Bruno Sammartino © vs Lou Thesz © vs "Nature Boy" Buddy Rogers ©
Terry Funk versus Jon Moxley
(Loser leaves XPW)
** XPW Tag Team Titles **
(Real) Kings of Wrestling © (w/ Jessica Darlin) vs BLKOut (w/ Annie Social)
(Steel Cage Match)
Matt Morgan versus Ezekiel Jackson
(Last Man Standing match)
** XPW Television Title **
Officer Cabana © vs The MIZ
Nick FN Gage vs Angel (w/ Tony Rumble)
("Mask" versus Mask match)
** King of the Death Match **
Original Sheik © vs Jun Kasai
Sheamus versus Triple Threat
(Disband vs Join challenge)
** Boston Championship **
Jinder Mahal © vs William Muldoon
"Sick" Nick Mondo (2002) vs Sami Callihan (2011) vs Samoa Joe (2006)
(Triple Threat "Glass Ceiling" Match)
JANUARY 28th, live only on PPV!!!
** Fade out **
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CREDITS:
TERRY FUNK: About.com interview
DANNY HAVOC: dannyhavoc.tripod.com/id8.html
SUNNY: Baltimore Sun Interview 2008