Post by MadStepDad on Nov 22, 2011 16:27:50 GMT -5
Cut to the in-studio announce team for the evening:
Gordon Solie & Matt Striker
RAPTURE (n).
1. The state of being transported by a lofty emotion; ecstasy.
2. An expression of ecstatic feeling. Often used in the plural.
3. The transporting of a person from one place to another, especially to heaven.
The great street philosopher Chip Chimney once theorized about a place called Elysian Fields - the literal, and physical manifestation of a drug-induced euphoria. XPW Remixed brings ecstasy to Fantasy Wrestling like MDMA, offering an ecstatic feeling to every type of wrestling fan. This is indeed HEAVEN for all fans of the "Sport of Kings". XPW Remixed presents "RAPTURE"! Coming late November! Be thankful!!!
** CUT BACKSTAGE **
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A WORD FROM THE COMPANY
(East Coast)
"The Sammartino Invitational" will climax with the winner facing Sammartino in a title match at "RAPTURE". Due to the injuries sustained by Orville Brown in last weeks car accident (see XPW Online #7) - Mr. Brown has been removed from the tourney and his attacker (Eddie Gilbert) suspended. We'll also hear more from reigning XPW Remixed champion Bruno Sammartino on his thoughts regarding the tourney. Unlike Orville Brown however, fellow competitor Nick Gage has NOT been officially removed from the brackets as of yet. Mister Gage insists he will be ready for competition despite doctors orders. All that, plus an exclusive sit-down with Jessica Darlin regarding the "services" she performs for money - "Sick" Nick Mondo gets his request for a specialty Death Match accepted - and the "Best of 7" Series between the Cali Cripplers & Shooters Club climaxes at "RAPTURE"!!!
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LADIES FIRST
XPW Remixed Woman's Division President LIZZY BORDEN
Show opens with a brief backstage tiff between Annie Social and Missy Hyatt, arguing in a very catty-nature with each other. Rockstar Kaos tries to intercede but only makes things worse. Soon Hyatt & Social are screaming and pulling each others hair, while XPW officials and even current XPW Woman's champion ALEXXIS NEVEAH try to break up the skirmish. Just then - Woman's Division president LIZZY BORDEN makes her entrance. In her slutty, evil, power-hungry way she orders the next match. Despite Hyatt's objections, Lizzy Borden ain't having it. Match happens NEXT.
ANNIE SOCIAL versus MISSY HYATT
(w/ special referee ALEXXIS NEVAEH)
versus
w/ special referee
Sticking with the theme of only using fantasy personalities in their real wrestling positions, I present to you Missy Hyatt in action. Her brief early '90s skirmishes with the likes of Paul E. Dangerously have prepped her for this moment. In XPW Remixed canon, she was Bruno Sammartino's surprise tag team partner at "My Bloody Valentine" - an grievous offense never forgotten by Lizzy Borden. Despite Hyatt's objections here, she is forced into action against Annie Social. Evil woman's division president Lizzy Borden's malicious experiment bears fruit, as tensions between the honorable champion Alexxis Nevaeh and the street wise Annie Social bubble over during the match. Annie Social even scoops an overmatched Missy Hyatt off the mat a few times to stop Nevaeh's count. Finally, Annie Social locks Missy Hyatt in a punishing octopus submission hold and Hyatt frantically taps out. Alexxis Nevaeh calls the match, but Social won't let go - necessitating the special referee to physically PRY her off her opponent. This of course brings Alexxis & Annie Social chest-to-chest where they exchange words and shoves. Annie Social wants a title shot!
Winner (by submission): ANNIE SOCIAL
Alexxis Nevaeh powders out of the ring with her Championship belt, as "The Rock Superstar" Joey Kaos consoles his fallen valet. Now words are exchanged between Kaos and the sharp-tongued Annie Social! This bitch has bite and won't back down! Rockstar grabs a house mic so the whole world can hear his words. The cocky former Television champion is sick of being overlooked and undervalued. Look at the fans, they LOVE the Rockstar! (boooo...) they want MORE of the Rockstar!!! (boooo!!!) And with everybody in the main event scene, and so-called "Sammartino Invitational" dropping like flies - now is the time for the Rockstar to step up and take over! So right here right now, Rockstar Kaos is officially petitioning for a spot as an alternate in the "Sammartino Invitational", in place of the injured Orville Brown! Then he SLAPS Annie Social in the face, knocking her to the mat!!! BOOOOOO!!!!
Just then... "For Whom The Bell Tolls" by Metallica...
Enter NICK FN GAGE!!! He nearly DIED last week! What's he doing back here so soon???
"Sammartino Invitational"
Rockstar KAOS versus NICK FN GAGE
versus
Nick Gage on the mic to a HUGE ovation. He actually has to pause a few moments before speaking. Another intense, profanity-laced promo from Gage where he returns from the brink of DEATH to fight for his chance at a title shot! Not even God or the DEVIL himself can stop him! And certainly no punk-ass, wannabe-Rockstar, douchebag POSEUR!!! Oh my it's on and poppin right now!!! Classic CZW versus XPW Original! Another mini-dream match in a universe popping with them! Nick Gage on the offense right away to massive crowd appeal. Rockstar Kaos gets to make the brief comeback, focusing on Gage's injured arm violently and heelishly, before another catfight finally erupts outside between Hyatt & Social. With the Rockstar momentarily distracted, Annie Social LOWBLOWS him from behind! Brainbuster from Gage onto a steel chair! 1!... 2!... 3!!! Kaos has been crushed!
Winner (and advancing to the "Sammartino Invitational" FINALS): NICK FN GAGE!!!
*******************
Backstage, Lizzy Borden can be seen watching the monitor and chuckling over the carnage and anarchy she helped cause - when she is approached by Mildred Burke. Once more Mildred Burke makes a very business-like, professional request to compete against other females in the ring. But instead, Lizzy Borden says she has something even BETTER planned for Burke later. So head back to the locker room, get ready and meet Lizzy Borden in the back shortly...
** CUT **
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The Italian wiseguy Tony Altomare (surrounded by his La Coka Nostra entourage) catch East Coast promoter Joseph "Toots" Mondt outside his office taking a cell phone call. In an abrasive, arrogant, Joe Pesci in Goodfellas kinda way, Tony Altomare tries to strongarm his way to a title match for his boys. Toots just laughs him off, but tells them to head to the ring regardless. Former business associates of Altomare have returned with a new preposition to discuss. Tony Altomare looks intrigued, the rest look worried.
** CUT TO RING **
BLKOUT versus LA COKA NOSTRA
versus
Tony Altomare in the ring with a mic to perform more of his exaggerated Italian mobster shtick (complete with raised black gloved and the phrase "MAFIA!"). But just then - "Hustle Hard" by Ace Hood hits... and the crowd XPLODES! Welcome back to XPW Remixed action... reigning tag team champions BLKOUT!!!! Lewis & Mondt got their licensing and legal issues in order and BLKOut are BACK before the 30-day title defense clause expires! Altomare is clearly shocked and rattled to see them. BLKOut open with their crowd-pleasing introduction routine, and take credit for locking Altomare and his boy in the trunk of a car and disposing of them from XPW Remixed the first time! Now they're going to finish the job! Extended squash match for BLKOut, as the two compact high flyers blast through Mamaluke & Lil Guido in tag action. They save their biggest crowd pleasing double team moves for Tony Altomare though, and wind up taking him out with a West Coast Drive-By (like a "Hart Attack" but with a spinning wheel kick instead of a clothesline). Lil Guido gets pinned, and post match - Tony Altomare gets put in a black body bag. Literally. Last image is of the victorious BLKOut crew holding aloft their championship belts over the unmoving body bag. FUCK LA COKA NOSTRA! FUCK GENERATION ME! GIVE ANNIE SOCIAL A TITLE SHOT & NICK FN GAGE IS THE NEXT XPW REMIXED CHAMPION!!!!
Winners: BLKOUT
Post match, Generation ME appears from the safety of the giant video tron screen wall. They address BLKOut in their cocky, condescending white-boy way - until their words are almost drowned out by the boos of the crowd. But their message is clear - at "RAPTURE" Generation ME finally gets their long-awaited title shot. And they will not fail. NEW TAG CHAMPS @ "RAPTURE"!!!
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JESSICA DARLIN REVEALS ALL
MSD: Alot of people in Mash-Up Wrestling may not be familiar with your - *ahem* - "work". How would you describe yourself to them?
JESSICA DARLIN: I was outgoing. Pretty much the little party girl. I was defiantly the town nympho, but I stayed out of trouble and went to an expensive private school. Even so, I had a wild streak. I lost my cherry when I was sixteen. I used to fuck everyday at every chance I could!
MSD: Now you're out here in LA wilding out in XPW Remixed. What would your mother say???
JESSICA DARLIN: My family thinks I'm a waitress. Sami Callihan's dad thinks I'm a nude magazine model but not a porn star. He tells his dad about him directing soon, but he just wouldn't understand about hardcore for me. My parents would totally disown me if they found out I was making porn videos, but that's the chance I live with. I knew what I was getting into!
MSD: Is it worth the risk?
JESSICA DARLIN: Fuck yeah it is.
MSD: What brought you here to XPW Remixed?
JESSICA DARLIN: I was a dancer back in Miami. I did a lot of feature dancing in the south Florida area where MadMan Pondo discovered me, but it wasn't enough. I wanted the limelight! I wanted the fame, and I NEEDED the sex! I need sex more than my pussy and ass can take!
MSD: Then you moved from Madman Pondo to the Switchblade Conspiracy. How was the transition?
JESSICA DARLIN: Hell yeah. They knew I was on the way out and they tried something that really pissed me off. They asked me if I'd like to do a gang bang, knowing damn well that they could get the gang bang and send me on my way. My days with Pondo are over but my contract days aren't. My plans have changed due to my offer from Extreme Associates. I just signed a one year deal with Extreme and my worries are over. The hostile takeover has one more weapon and her name is Jessica Darlin!
MSD: Now your "services" are getting tossed up again at "RAPTURE", when your current team Switchblade Conspiracy tangles with the (REAL) Kings of Wrestling, Austin Idol & Phil "Gunner" Shatter. What are your thoughts of the (Real) KoW, especially if you become their trophy?
JESSICA DARLIN: I'd like people to know that I do the job I do not for the money but more for the experience. You got to live and breath the industry to know how good or bad it can be. Otherwise you can't understand the ups and downs. Please support the people who bring fantasy into your homes!! They're not perfect but they're damn close. I love all my fans, and thanks for the support! Just remember the hostile takeover has begun. Extreme Associates!
** CUT **
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"Inter gender Handicap Match"
MILDRED BURKE versus PG-13 (w/ JTG)
versus with
This was Lizzy Borden's "better plan" for Burke. Rather than just letting her compete against other women, we get this abomination of a "match". Another degrading, sexist affair orchestrated by Lizzy Borden. The cocky NY Yankees loving gangsta JTG leads the pack of rowdy, Raider hat and coat wearing wiggers JC Ice Baby & Wolfie D for their rapping entrance (in which they "rap" about how awesome JTG is). Somewhat a comedy match as PG-13 underestimate Burke until she starts schooling them, and suddenly neither one can tag out fast enough. Finally, Wolfie D forces a tag - JC Ice Baby doesn't want to get in but Mildred Burke DRAGS him in - and beats his ass further before locking him in a Alberto Del Rio-like arm breaker for the quick tap out!!! Mildred Burke wins again! PG-13 has been humiliated while JTG has become enraged, walking out on the poseurs!!!
Winner: MILDRED BURKE
Still undefeated in XPW Remixed competition!!!
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COMING SOON to XPW REMIXED..
"TNA" = XPW Remixed
"Coming in June" = COMING SOON!!!
** CUT **
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"BLACK & YELLOW, BLACK & YELLOW..."
Another angry, Triple Threat in-ring promo, spearheaded by Shane Douglas. He rants about the injustices they've suffered (namely Shane getting SCREWED out of a Championship shot (see XPW TV Episode #29). The Triple Threat are the BEST WRESTLERS in the business and they're still being held back!!! That's why Eddie Gilbert's not here tonight (suspended for running Orville Brown down) and why Chris Candido had to step up and TAKE an XPW TV title shot for himself at "Rapture!" (see XPW TV Episode #29) Shane Douglas rants about the so-called "Boston Phantom" - the Boston Bruins gear-clad assailant who cracked a hockey stick over Shane's head last week, costing him the match. Shane Douglas knows the "Boston Phantom" is WILLIAM MULDOON!!!
Almost immediately, the reigning Boston champion William Muldoon answers Shane's angry allegations. Backed by his Olympia fighting camp, William Muldoon sternly addresses Shane Douglas eye to eye. Muldoon adamantly DENIES knowing anything about the Boston Phantom! Muldoon is an honorable man, and fights his battles face to face!
This sets off a hostile series of events that leads to both groups skirmishing in the middle of the ring! With XPW Security on the scene, bedlam reigns supreme. But in the chaos - none other than the "Boston Phantom" makes his way through the crowd and into the ring!
WHACK! Hockey stick shot for Candido!
WHACK! Another hockey stick shot clears out Shane Douglas!!!
WHACK! A third hockey stick shot for WILLIAM MULDOON (!?!?)
The Boston Phantom just cleared the ring with his hockey stick, as the crowd goes crazy!!! Alone in the ring - the man unmasks in dramatic fashion...
DANNO O'MAHONEY!?!?!?
O'Mahoney 2.0!!!
Danno O'Mahoney has gone crazy! His simple 1935 wrestling sensibilities must have been shattered from the madness and chaos of 21st Century Sports Entertainment!!! He's like Sting driven to the rafters in 1997, or Bret Hart pushed to his breaking point by Steve Austin. O'Mahoney 2.0 has been reinvented, and he wants his Boston Championship back!!!!
** CUT **
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"Sammartino Invitational"
LOU THESZ versus MONDO KLEEN (w/ Tony Rumble)
versus
Mondo Kleen is big, vicious and aggressive, but Lou Thesz is just a calculating ring technician. He schools Kleen on the mat when he can get him there, otherwise Mondo Kleen bullies and muscles Thesz about. Tony Rumble is the ever-annoying ringside presence who keeps the crowd heat rising. In the end it takes a surprise sneak-attack from the masked "Delikado" to lead to the disappointing count out loss for Thesz. Delikado (aka B-BOY) locked Lou Thesz in a crippling knee bar outside the ring, after running it around the steel ring post and crushing it with a chair! Not even Lou's boys in the Shooters Club (Drake Younger & Dan Severn) can get to the ring fast enough to halt the interference. "Delikado" retreats up the entrance ramp where he gleefully unmasks himself as B-BOY and smiles for the camera. He is joined by his coach Ad Santel (with arm cast and sling like Cowboy Bob Orton) in mocking Lou Thesz for his loss. B-BOY makes the challenge official: The Shooters Club/Cali Cripplers "Best of 7" Series ends at "RAPTURE" when B-Boy BEATS his former mentor Lou Thesz in a SUBMISSION MATCH!!! Meanwhile, Tony Rumble celebrates with his man Mondo Kleen like it's 2004 and the Red Sox just won the championship!!! Mondo Kleen has advanced to the "Sammartino Invitational" Finals!!! Tony Rumble continues to be the manager of winners!!!
Winner: MONDO KLEEN
B-Boy (aka "Delikado") challenges Lou Thesz to finish their "Best of 7" Series with a submission match!
** CUT **
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"UNSCARRED"
Segment starts with another vulgar Ian Rotten promo. The Cannibal Cartel will rise again under his leadership, and "Sick" Nick Mondo is a dead man! Escalates into a bloody brawl with familiar foe and opponent for the night, Necro Butcher. Eat multiple trash can shots to the face RAW, you filthy animal.
IAN ROTTEN versus NECRO BUTCHER
Winner: IAN ROTTEN
(Post match shenanigans include the wheeling down of a huge "Cannibal Cartel" coffin that kinda bugs Ian Rotten out a bit. Especially when he finds the insides of the coffin have been lined like a death trap with spikes, glass and barbed wire! After being victorious Ian Rotten wants to roll the defeated Necro Butcher INTO the coffin, but suddenly "Sick" Nick Mondo" the ninja appears! He beats the hell out of Rotten before sending him fleeing. Go-home promo from Mondo about righting the wrongs of his past and putting the Cannibal Cartel to rest once and for all. In a "Last Rites" Death Match! Where the only way to win is closing your opponent in the coffin of death forever! "Sick" Nick Mondo takes out the last of the Cannibal Cartel, Ian Rotten @ "RAPTURE"! Or DIES trying!!!)
** CUT **
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ICE CREAM PARLOR (hosted by Honky Tonk Man)
(Featuring the MIZ and Terry Funk)
Epic-level verbal showdown between two of the most dangerous men in wrestling with a live mic. Hosted by the always controversial and entertaining Honky Tonk Man, former TV champion The Miz goes verbally toe-to-toe with the Texas crazy horse Terry Funk! Hype for their "Street Fight" at RAPTURE. Miz claims to be the most watched Television champion in Fantasy Wars history. Terry Funk doesn't watch TV he whoops ass!
TERRY FUNK: I am a bad hombre from the state of Texas. Meaner than a rattlesnake, tougher than shoe leather, more dangerous than a hollowed-eyed scorpion, middle-aged and crazy, crazy like a fox. That’s why. No, but that is why. It was a part of my repertoire back then. You’re looking to being different and that is the truth of the matter. How can you be different? Well, you light a branding iron up and you brand them on the butt. What can be better than that? You know that’s quite different!!!
Finally after one "u egg sucking dog!!!" insults too many, both men meet with their wild bug eyes before Honky Tonk Man pries them apart. But Miz SPITS in Funk's face over HTM's shoulder, and all Hell breaks loose! The Ice Cream Parlor set is torn ASUNDER by a raging Terry Funk taking it right to the Miz and his million-dollar designer wear! Terry Funk misses one last deadly steel chair swing (as Miz dives out of the ring), taking out the juke box in a glassy explosion instead! Miz versus Terry Funk @ "Rapture" in a Street Fight! There's nothing to stop the Miz from getting away then!
The Miz will handle his OWN @ "Rapture"!!!
** CUT **
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ALEX RILEY & JACK SWAGGER versus TWO UNNAMED CONVICTS
versus
Extended, prison-themed squash with Jack Swagger & Alex Riley playing the role of "virtuous American crusaders" against criminal scum. They beat up the two convicts showing both Swagger & Riley to be in peak form. TKO from Riley into a Jack Swagger ankle- lock gets the quick submission.
Winners (by submission): JACK SWAGGER & ALEX RILEY
Post match Alex Riley has the mic for an enraging promo. Pro-Diamond Dynasty, the crews all together, and at "Rapture" Riley & Swagger will put New Jack & Pogo in the place - in prison!!! Of course this draws New Jack & Pogo the Clown out for the crowd-pleasing run-in... but Riley & Swagger are ready! Law-enforcement themed punishement, with mace, nightsticks and TASERS being used on New Jack & Pogo! Riley & Swagger are vicious, leaving their opponents twitching and convulsing on the mat to end the segment! Diamond Dynasty reign!
** VIDEO CUT & HYPE FOR THE "JAIL HOUSE MATCH" - including specially-appointed enforcer OFFICER CABANA **
Somebody is going to jail @ "RAPTURE"! And Officer Cabana is coming for the WEEDMAN!!!
** CUT **
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HYPE
* Television Champion THE MESSIAH has the pulpit like a dark savior using the airwaves to broadcast his Message. The moment of reckoning for Chris Candido is coming at "Rapture" - and his Jezebel Sunny will feel the Lord's wrath as well!
* A bronzed, smiling Candido & Sunny retort. Cocky promo where they promise to bring glory, fame and Hollywood beauty to the Television title. This is red carpet lifestyle, and they're living it!!!
* The Grand Wizard gives an evil cackling promo, with his monster Original Sheik behind him. They will destroy the Elephant Boy Sabu once and for all if he dare show his face at Rapture. But showing his face will be quite a pain, seeing as how the Sheik BURNED IT OFF!!! (See XPW TV Episode #29)! Sabu we DARE you to show up at "Rapture"! And feel the BURN!!!
** CUT **
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OFFICIAL WEST COAST CONTRACT SIGNING
Ed "Strangler" Lewis & Jack Pfefer - management representatives
Main Event entrances for both Rogers & Jackson, who both enter in street clothes (fine suit for Rogers - street chic for Big Zeke). The tension is palpable as Jackson just wants to rip Rogers head off. In the ring, the table and chairs are set, with Jack Pfefer & Ed Lewis representing the administration. Rules, regulations, blah blah then Rogers requests to speak - and absolutely draws the ire of Jackson. Rogers claims the odds are stacked against the Dynasty like they always are, but to make sure you bet the house at "Rapture" cuz the "Nature Boy" GUARANTEES VICTORY. Jackson is able to remain cool and collected under pressure the entire time, even those his neck veins are bulging and twitching. Until Rogers lights up a victory cigar like he's Red Auerbach, and blows a puff in Jackson's face! Big Zeke flies into a rage, tossing the table and ripping up the set! Rogers tries to call for his boys in the Diamond Dynasty... but NOBODY COMES! Rogers is suddenly stranded, and Jackson violently tears his clothes apart and punishes him with slams! Jackson is left amidst the carnage to scream in primal fury while the crowd chants his name! Rogers is left alone, battered on the arena floor trying to gather his wits! The title is Jackson's for the taking at "Rapture"!
versus
Is it Rogers last stand at "Rapture"? But what about his million dollar guarantee? Doesn't the "Nature Boy" always have at least one more ace up his sleeve???
** CUT **
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"Sammartino Invitational" FINALS
NICK FN GAGE versus MONDO KLEEN (w/ Tony Rumble)
versus
Bruno Sammartino enters first for commentary. He's not partial to who will challenge him at "Rapture", but certainly hopes Ezekiel Jackson beats Buddy Rogers. Because he knows Jackson is a man and will finally step up to face Bruno and unify these fractured titles once and for all! Kleen & Rumble are booed - Gage loudly cheered. Good, stiff Main Even match that is marred by a ref bump. Tony Rumble's new henchmen "The Angel" makes his big shambling run-in to take out Gage, but this time BRUNO SAMMARTINO is there to strike! The champ takes it to Angel - takes it to Tony Rumble - and in the end, Nick Gage buries Mondo Kleen with a brainbuster!!!
Winner: NICK GAGE
The Angel was thwarted by Bruno!!!
Nick Gage wins the Sammartino Invitational! He's going to RAPTURE! Tense face off between Bruno and Gage to end the show, before they go nose-to-nose jawing the entire time! Refs and officials need to pry them apart! "RAPTURE" coming soon!!!
** FADE OUT **
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XPW Remixed presents...
"RAPTURE"
** Switchblade Conspiracy versus (Real) Kings of Wrestling
(Jessica Darlin's "managerial" services on the line)
** Terry Funk versus The MIZ
(Streetfight Rules)
** "Sick" Nick Mondo versus Ian Rotten
("Last Rites" Death Match)
** "Best of 7" Series FINALE
B-Boy versus Lou Thesz
(Submission Match)
** XPW Remixed Tag Team Championship **
BLKOut © (w/ Annie Social) versus Generation ME
** XPW Boston Championship **
William Muldoon © vs Shane Douglas vs O'Mahoney 2.0
(Triple Threat Match)
** XPW Remixed Championship **
Bruno Sammartino © vs Nick Gage
** Vacant King of the Death Match Championship **
OG Sheik versus Sabu (??)
** New Jack & Pogo the Clown versus Swagger & Riley
(Jailhouse Match)
** XPW Remixed Championship **
(West Coast)
"Nature Boy" Buddy Rogers © versus Ezekiel Jackson
Coming late November!!!
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CREDITS:
JESSICA DARLIN: RogReviews interview (July 1998)
TERRY FUNK: About.com interview