Post by MadStepDad on Oct 15, 2011 16:36:40 GMT -5
Cut to the (NEW) in-studio host for the show:
Sunny
SUNNY: (flaunts her perfect physique circa 1995, and shows off her teeny weeny hosting bikini) I already had it on while I was packing for my trip to Mexico, when all of a sudden the announcement of Colt Cabana getting fired and Sammi Lane going into the ring comes on. I said to White Ace [backstage XPW Remixed agent], 'That's great! Good for him, he deserves it,' as I acted happier than a pig in poop. Then Ace goes, 'Well, Toots and Ed and I were talking and we'd like you to be the second host.' I paused, and then said, 'You're s**ttin' me right?' Then he says, 'No, I'm not s**ttin' you.' So of course I started crying and shaking and freaking out. I was thinking to myself, 'Oh my God!" All I could think was, 'Holy crap, this is awesome!'"
** THIS IS A COMPANION PIECE TO XPW TV EPISODE #26 **
The Bewitching hour is upon us. Beware the Tales Told in Darkness. Professional Wrestling legends, ghost stories and cautionary tales take on a life of their own when XPW Remixed arena is surrounded by the Mists of Ravenloft. From the immortal creature destined to eternal wandering to the sinister Fiendish Undead known as the "CEO of Hardcore", from the family whose members all have dark secrets to a wedding night shattered by horror and the house the relives the atrocity at its core, stories of classic terror become a setting for bold champions - or helpless victims.
XPW Remixed presents: "Halloween in Hell" will revisit the old-fashioned horror story as viewed through the lens of XPW Remixed, and promises to touch upon all wrestling fans' deepest fears. The nightmare began when XPW arose from the ashes of fantasy wrestling - and it climaxes at "HALLOWEEN IN HELL"!!!
** CUT TO RING **
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DANNO O'MAHONEY ANNOUNCES RETIREMENT
Promoters in the Boston area had already scheduled a match for O’Mahoney against Dick Shikat for XPW Remixed presents: "RETRIBUTION", and more controversy was brought to the table. The title unexpectedly changed hands that night and in that sense, no promoters, no matchmakers, not even O’Mahoney knew that was going to be the outcome. Shikat beat O’Mahoney and took the Boston Championship in quick (and duplicitous) fashion. The news shot across the world like a bullet. There was something sneaky going on behind the scenes. The government began to ask questions. Then, earlier this week, another bombshell - Danno O'Mahoney announced his retirement from fantasy wrestling. It is with tearful aplomb in the old Gah-den in front of local reporters O'Mahoney made this proclamation, and bid farewell to his Boston fans.
It turns out that O'Mahoney's last contractual fight with the former GDT Inc (scheduled to take place next week on XPW TV) will be his last - win or lose. Myriad reasons have run their course as to why O'Mahoney will not be re-upping his agreement, from gambling to extortion to injury to fear. But one thing is certain, O'Mahoney's contest next week on XPW TV will be his fans last chance to see their hero in a fantasy wrestling ring once again. His management team is said to be trying to secure one last do-or-die match against Dick Shikat - no holds barred - to settle their differences once and for all. But word from Shikat's camp has been oddly quiet.
SUNNY SAYZ:
Situations like the O'Mahoney/Shikat scandal are partly the reason why my guys the NEW Triple Threat have arrived in XPW Remixed. We're sick and tired of the same old regime, or "Commission" or whatever "System" is devised to hold hard-working wrestlers back in favor of good 'ol boy politics! And we aim to prove what we speak next week on XPW TV when "The Franchise" Shane Douglas will step up to challenge Danno O'Mahoney in his last match!!!
** CUT **
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JTG (w/ PG-13) versus Tony Altomare
versus
Backstage skit opens the segment: La Coka Nostra chattering mindlessly in their locker room, when suddenly - in walks their old capo Tony Altomare! LCN is surprised to see him (as his wrestling career had supposedly "bit the bullet"), but here is barking orders and directing traffic again. He rallies up the troops for the following scuffle - cut to ringside, where two whiteboys adorned in Black Raider puffy coats and baseball hats flank the entrance stage. They each have a microphone and proceed to perform one of the lamest renditions of a white-boy attempt at a rap song ever. Their ode tonight? Delivered to the one and only JTG. "Just that Gangsta" bursts through the entrance curtain at the climax of the song, wearing a bulletproof vest and black doo-rag. Entertaining jobberfest with the black pants/white tank topped Lou Altomare getting bounced around the ring by JTG's futuristic offense, while the slick-talking former member of Cryme Tyme gets his fair shair of old school pummeling at the hands of Altomare. PG-13 and La Coka Nostra have words outside the ring - Altomare gets distracted within - and JTG hits a sleeping neckbreaker for the pin. Referees and security intervene before things get TOO wild between the parties, but JTG and crew look like they're ready to party the night away.
Winner: JTG
** CUT **
Another sleazy, underground promo by Moxley (featuring Sammi Callihan and Jessica Darlin lurking in the background of this shady pool hall).
"Brodie Lee" = (Real) Kings of Wrestling
"Evolve" = XPW Remixed
** CUT **
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** BACKSTAGE SKIT **
Lizzy Borden - XPW Remixed Woman's division president - unloads an intensely sensual promo on the various punishments, torture and other veiled threats she has in store for ANNIE SOCIAL (and any other XPW Remixed woman's competitor who dare cross the boss). But when "newcomer" Mildred Burke plainly appeals to Borden, requesting the chance to meet Annie Social in the ring - Lizzy Borden coyly plays Burke off and says she has bigger plans for the XPW Remixed "rookie" next week. Clearly, Lizzy Borden gets some kind of sick, perverse pleasure from watching Mildred Burke compete against over-matched men...
** CUT TO RING **
Bratty Sammi Lane gets a few minutes of in-ring mic time to run down her litany of complaints. XPW Remixed Woman's president Lizzy Borden is a big meanie who kicked Sammi off her plush XPW Online gig in favor of an old skank! (Sunny) Then, Sammi gets the short end of the stick again when Alexxis Nevaeh beat her soundly for the new XPW Remixed Woman's championship. Now, Sammi Lane is steaming mad! She demands answers to her demands! Her pip squeak tantrum is suddenly interrupted by an ominous theme song...
Enter Cali Cripplers coach Ad Santel, and his charge...
TAMINA
Gulp! It looks like lil Sammi Lane has bitten off more than she can chew here!!!
TAMINA (w/ Ad Santel) versus SAMMI LANE
versus
Quick, ruthless little squash with Tamina playing the beast role and Sammi Lane the little pipsqueak getting smashed. With head coach Ad Santel shouting instructions from ringside, Tamina ends the spectacle with a flying splash from the top rope! Ad Santel - the tough talking old school shooter - holds his pupil Tamina's arm aloft in victory, while the crowd serenades them both with viral boos.
Winner: TAMINA
** CUT **
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CANNIBAL CARTEL - Chainsaws in the shower
Intense Cannibal Cartel promo in some slimy meat locker somewhere, with chain saws and hatchets being used freely in the background. Leader of the pack "VICIOUS" VIC GRIMES (with specks of white in his nostrils) promises all kinds of gloom, doom and destruction for reigning XPW Remixed champion (East Coast) BRUNO SAMMARTINO. Promo climaxes with Grimes having "Sick" Nick Mondo step from behind the hand held video camera (where he is the official documentarian for all Cannibal Cartel capers) to challenge Bruno next week on XPW TV! But Vic Grimes also has some ominous words for Mondo as well, should he fail in his task to injure Bruno before his PPV match with Grimes at "Halloween In Hell". Harken back to Lil Chief and JC Bailey (see XPW TV Episode #24) for proof of that...
Mondo fights Bruno next week
versus
SUNNY SAYZ:
The whole Cannibal Cartel is so "ewwww"! The whole East Coast is just waiting for Bruno to run them off for good, and we can get back to business like we do it out here in the Northeast. We wrestle! It's not about blood and tacks and wrestling rings blowing up. It's about wrestling, and nobody will prove it more than MY guys the NEW Triple Threat! (Shane Douglas, Chris Candido & Eddie Gilbert)
** CUT **
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MAIN EVENT
WILLIAM MULDOON versus DOINK REBOURNE
versus
Good, exciting, fast-paced match that entertains while displaying solid wrestling acumen. Muldoon schools Doink with takedowns and reversals, while the haggard Krusty-the Clown meets-the-bottom-of-the-bottle Doink tries to keep up. Finally he takes over with some good old fashioned cheating, before Muldoon turns the tables and ups the ante with American boxing. But in the end it's submission wrestling that sends the loudest statement. Muldoon reverses a spike DDT attempt into a spinning hammerlock before segueing into an Anaconda Vice in the middle of the mat! Doink has no choice but to tap out as the crowd heat builds to a crescendo! Muldoon earns the tap-out!
Winner (by submission): WILLIAM MULDOON
Post match, Muldoon is joined by his Olympia camp in a triumphant display of unity. "The Solid Man" William Muldoon then takes the mic to call out Dick Shikat and demand a shot at his championship!!! William Muldoon wants Shikat at "Halloween in Hell" for the Boston Championship! Nobody could hold the crown higher!!!
** FADE OUT **
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CREDITS:
SUNNY: SLAM! Wrestling interview (3/31/11)