Post by MadStepDad on May 18, 2011 12:19:56 GMT -5
1) Cut to the in-studio announce team for the evening:
Gordon Solie & Matt Striker
GORDON SOLIE: You don't get a Center College beating Notre Dame except, you know, once every hundred years. Just like Bruno Sammartino overcoming the Black Army at "Night of Champions"!!! But it was fascinating and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Now, XPW Remixed continues it's East Coast Invasion and we've been promised a very big defector from the WWF will be making his debut tonight. This so-called, self-manufactured "feud" between XPW Remixed and WWF could have some interesting ripple effects in the world of fantasy wrestling. And we could have a certain amount of crossover of talent, which I like because I was able to call upon my past personal knowledge of who this guy could beat and be able to offer commentary about the past performances, so that was very helpful.
________________________________________________________________________
1) BOURNE CONSPIRACY
Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the Devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about seeking whom he may devour (Peter 1:8)
The dark intentions of Doink Rebourne have been met. The MESSIAH - pariah to wrestling extremists everywhere - has been crucified and destroyed (see "Night of Champions"). But like the Devil vs the Son of God himself, he couldn't do it alone. The beginnings of Doink Rebourne's twisted flock emerged at "Night of Champions" as well, when one of the "Rebourne One"s tormented subjects appeared to drive the final nail in Messiah's coffin (in this case, it was a tray of medical syringes). Introducing to the XPW Remixed Fantasy universe -
THUMBTACK JACK
"Then was brought unto him one possessed with a Devil, blind, and dumb: and he healed him, insomuch that the blind and dumb both spake and saw" (Matthew 12:22) The hideous transformation of a once unlovable foreign preliminary wrestler. His horrifying, brutally scarred exterior, belies the madness, terror and torment he underwent at the hands of Doink Rebourne - before the hell spawn known as "Thumbtack Jack" could exist. Now he is a monster unleashed upon the fantasy wrestling universe, controlled by the diabolical Doink Rebourne on a mission to recreate fantasy wrestling in his twisted image.
Again, the Devil took him to an exceedingly high mountain, and showed him all the kingdoms of the world, and their glory (Matthew 4:8)
TJ's transformation into Thumbtack Jack culminated in a dangerous gauntlet match organized by his Dark Savior, in which Thumbtack Jack was forced to compete in 3 consecutive Death Matches. Be forewarned, the footage you are about to see is rare and VERY GRAPHIC. Also featuring appearances by MadMan Pondo and Necro Butcher! Stay tuned and see firsthand the birth of the now-infamous legend of "THUMBTACK JACK"...
Post match, Thumbtack Jack is joined by his Dark Savior Doink Rebourne. The Rebourne One proceeds to conduct an elaborate ceremony in which the mortal remains of The Messiah are burned (his T-shirt, logo and whatnot) in order for Thumbtack Jack to be reborn. When the trash barrel burns the newly-anointed Thumbtack Jack gives thanks and praise to his leader. The Messiah is dead. Long live Doink Rebourne.
_______________________________________________________________
2) HAKUSHI versus EDDIE GILBERT versus...
B-BOY!!! (XPW Remixed DEBUT)
versus versus
B-Boy, legend of the underground scene, makes his triumphant debut tonight in XPW Remixed. Segment starts with Hakushi's grand dramatic entrance, followed by Eddie Gilbert who has some very unkind and borderline xenophobic comments about the Japanese superstar. Gilbert's brazen desire to meet a real American challenger is answered by the hardcore rap entrance of B-Boy! You may not recognize this thug but his rapport with the audience is unmistakable. This is some hardcore G shit, and suddenly Eddie Gilbert is caught between a rock and a hard place. Triple threat rules apply. Exciting exchanges between the three, with Gilbert playing the pinball in between. In the end, with Gilbert seemingly incapacitated, Hakushi and B-Boy engage in a thrilling display. But just as B-Boy hits a crushing suplex variation to end Hakushi - he is smashed from behind by Gilbert (using some kind of foreign object). B-Boy is out, but as Gilbert briefly argues with the referee, he turns around just in time to eat a brainbuster from Hakushi! 1-2-3! Gilbert is distraught!!!
Winner: HAKUSHI
________________________________________________________________
3) WHITE TRASH WORLD
Somewhere in the fields of Iowa or Virginia, there is a gathering. Amidst the lonely cornstalks, a lone wrestling ring – stained with gore and littered with the debris of a thousand death matches. It is here, the greatest defender of purity in professional ‘rasslin was born. MadMan Pondo. Tonight – alongside his delectable piece of white trash arm candy Jessica Darlin – they are gearing up for war. Pondo cuts a promo while loading up his rusted-out pickup truck (w/ confederate flags a’wavin) for action. With a hunting knife gritted between his teeth, a bundle of light tubes thrown in the truck bed, and Jessica Darlin riding shotgun (with a shotgun on her lap) – MadMan Pondo promises to scour the underground XPW Death Match circuit looking for his nemesis. The enemy, the criminal scumbag NEW JACK! He violated parole, violated Jessica Darlin, and ruined Pondo’s XPW Remixed debut all in one night! (see XPW Remixed presents “Night of Champions”) MadMan Pondo is coming for you, and he won’t stop till the last ounce of blood has dripped from your body! The pick-up truck speeds away in a cloud of dust.
____________________________________________________________________
4) POGO the CLOWN & ABDULLAH the BUTCHER (w/ TGW)
versus versus
B-Boy, legend of the underground scene, makes his triumphant debut tonight in XPW Remixed. Segment starts with Hakushi's grand dramatic entrance, followed by Eddie Gilbert who has some very unkind and borderline xenophobic comments about the Japanese superstar. Gilbert's brazen desire to meet a real American challenger is answered by the hardcore rap entrance of B-Boy! You may not recognize this thug but his rapport with the audience is unmistakable. This is some hardcore G shit, and suddenly Eddie Gilbert is caught between a rock and a hard place. Triple threat rules apply. Exciting exchanges between the three, with Gilbert playing the pinball in between. In the end, with Gilbert seemingly incapacitated, Hakushi and B-Boy engage in a thrilling display. But just as B-Boy hits a crushing suplex variation to end Hakushi - he is smashed from behind by Gilbert (using some kind of foreign object). B-Boy is out, but as Gilbert briefly argues with the referee, he turns around just in time to eat a brainbuster from Hakushi! 1-2-3! Gilbert is distraught!!!
Winner: HAKUSHI
________________________________________________________________
3) WHITE TRASH WORLD
Somewhere in the fields of Iowa or Virginia, there is a gathering. Amidst the lonely cornstalks, a lone wrestling ring – stained with gore and littered with the debris of a thousand death matches. It is here, the greatest defender of purity in professional ‘rasslin was born. MadMan Pondo. Tonight – alongside his delectable piece of white trash arm candy Jessica Darlin – they are gearing up for war. Pondo cuts a promo while loading up his rusted-out pickup truck (w/ confederate flags a’wavin) for action. With a hunting knife gritted between his teeth, a bundle of light tubes thrown in the truck bed, and Jessica Darlin riding shotgun (with a shotgun on her lap) – MadMan Pondo promises to scour the underground XPW Death Match circuit looking for his nemesis. The enemy, the criminal scumbag NEW JACK! He violated parole, violated Jessica Darlin, and ruined Pondo’s XPW Remixed debut all in one night! (see XPW Remixed presents “Night of Champions”) MadMan Pondo is coming for you, and he won’t stop till the last ounce of blood has dripped from your body! The pick-up truck speeds away in a cloud of dust.
____________________________________________________________________
4) POGO the CLOWN & ABDULLAH the BUTCHER (w/ TGW)
versus
NECRO BUTCHER & JC BAILEY
versus
Reinvigorated after his XPW Remixed career-defining match (a loss to Damien Steele) last week on XPW TV, Mister “Too Hardcore 4 a Gimmick” JC Bailey is back again here tonight in Rhode Island. This time he gets his own ring entrance and a good studio pop. He is shortly joined in the ring by his partner for the evening, perennial hardcore favorite Necro Butcher! Houselights darken as we cut to the video wall. There, The Grand Wizard (greeted by immediate boos in-house) is aligned with the Original Sheik, Abdullah the Butcher and Pogo the Clown – a veritable who’s-who of murderers row. He once again touts the superiority of his brand and managerial prowess, vowing to prove his fight camp is the tightest. To show that, his twin monsters of destruction Abdullah the Butcher & Pogo the Clown will be teaming up tonight. Time for dinner! TGW breaks through the curtain waving his monsters on. Pogo and Abdullah rush down the ramp where Necro and JC Bailey meet them head-on in the aisle and the brawl is on! A lot of poking, stabbing and bloodletting. JC Bailey bumps like a madman for the gargantuan Abdullah and Pogo, as Necro Butcher withstands a bevy of brutal weapon assaults. But in the end, a mass miscommunication spot amongst TGW’s Monstah Squad unleashes Hell! Abdullah winds up clonked with a barbed wire-wrapped shovel at the hands of Pogo! The Killer Clown eats a steel chair by Necro Butcher – who lays the weapon across Pogo’s face for a top rope legdrop from JC Bailey! 1-2-3!!! The blood-soaked underdogs prevail!!!
Winners: NECRO BUTCHER & JC BAILEY
(Post match, the tension between Pogo the Clown and Abdullah the Butcher explodes into action. TGW tries berating the defeated Pogo the Clown, until the man-monster finally snaps and grabs The Grand Wizard by his scrawny neck! As he prepares to deliver a double-fisted choke slam to a HUGE crowd pop, Pogo is bumrushed by Abdullah the Butcher and his fork. The two monsters brawl throughout XPW Arena, leaving a trail of carnage in their wake! Oh my, the Monstah Squad has finally exploded!!!)
** CUT **
** Cryme Tyme skit from the streets of Providence RI. They’re in the ghetto referencing such cult movie favorites like “The Departed” and the Patriarca family (legendary RI Mafiaso). Then, you realize Cryme Tyme are actually outside a well-known Providence hotspot, infamous for its connected clientele. They finagle their way past the valets and wind up stealing The Sicilians brand-new luxury Mercedes Benz! Cryme Tyme end the skit by promising to expose the Sicilians for being fake, and blowing smoke out the Benz sun room as they speed off into the Rhode Island night!**
_____________________________________________________________________
5)ICE CREAM PARLOR (w/ special guest "Rockstar" Joey KAOS)
HONKY TONK MAN: My advice to the new guys is try to perfect your gimmick. try different approaches until you find that little something that you can do very well. Learn your role so to speak. I don't know what promoters are looking for today. Hardcore is not it for sure. I think you have to be uniquely different to get over nowadays. Too many guys all look the same, dress the same and so on. Be different is the best way.
Welcome to another illuminating and engaging edition of “The Ice Cream Parlor” – with your host and toast of the coast – HONKY TONK MAN!!! Tonight’s special guest is a man that caught many people unawares in XPW Remixed – Honky himself included. I’m talking about the current, defending, longest reigning TV Champion in XPW History – “The Rockstar” Joey KAOS!!!! Alongside his lovely girlfriend Missy Hyatt (circa 1987), KAOS makes his deafening ring entrance to Cypress Hill’s “Rock Star” song. Ill street swagger, style, fashion and glamor – with the XPW TV title over his shoulder.
Engaged, enraptured and enticed. The Rockstar Joey Kaos is everything you aspire to be - and with Missy Hyatt by his side - everything you aspire to be WITH. The host Honky Tonk Man (who once so viciously lambasted Missy and Kaos on the internet when they arrived in XPW Remixed) now fawns over the TV Champion. He lavish praise and self-glorification comes to an immediate and abrupt end when SUDDENLY...
"AWEEESSSOOOOOMMME!!!!!!"
OMG WTF!!! Can it be??? IT IS!!! Introducing to XPW Remixed
THE MIZ!!!!! (featuring Alex Riley)
THE MIZ is in XPW Remixed! And he has championship gold on his mind!!!
______________________________________________________________________
6) CITY of CHAMPIONS (starring Damien Steele)
Pre-taped vignette by the current XPW Remixed commissioner Damien Steele. He is within the storied walls of Campanelli Stadium in Brockton MA, home of the Brockton Rox baseball team. He is adorned with their team colors and gear today as he cuts his promo. XPW Remixed - East Coast invasion - this so-called "City of Champions" hasn't seen a real champion in 25 years - and that's the real deal. Damien Steele aims to show Brockton MA, XPW Remixed, RavP's WWF and the entire East Coast why he is indeed the "REAL DEAL" - and everybody else is just an pretender to the throne. That's why at "A Cold Day In Hell" PPV (coming soon!), Damien Steele's campaign to "make" the next big wrestling superstar continues in Broken City. He's make the call out now to anybody who wants to step up and accept his challenge at the PPV. Steele punctuates his challenge by suddenly whacking the Brockton Rox mascot with a miniature bat and beating the ever-loving-stuffing out of the costumed character. Steele slams the mascot around before finishing with his "Deal Breaker" finisher and "REAL DEAL" catch phrase. See you in Brockton, bitches!!!
** CUT **
** Backstage, in their locker room which has been set up to resemble an old time speakeasy (with dames, cigar smoke and hooch flowing), the Sicilians and La Coka Nostra are having a card game. Albano wears a white wifebeater with suspenders. They are playing cards and shooting the shit. Until backstage correspondent MSD (begs to) enter the room and confronts The Sicilians with video taped footage from earlier, where Cryme Tyme was spotted stealing one of The Sicilians cars. This enrages the group, as the card table gets overturned and girls run away screaming. Young Albano cuts a steely-eyed promo where he promises La Coka Nostra and the bosses will "whack" Cryme Tyme once and for all. **
____________________________________________________________________
7) SABU versus "SICK" NICK MONDO
versus
In what the earlier hardcore tag team match lacked in finesse and pizzazz, this solo semi-main event more than makes up for it. “Sick” Nick Mondo was one of the premiere underground Xtreme artists during his time. He is legendary still (from the days of tape trading to youtube) for the high-level, suicidal bumps he took. Tonight is no exception, as he was to 2004 what Sabu was to 1995. Homicidal, suicidal, genocidal. This is a Hardcore Xtremist’s dream match and these two athletes do not disappoint. The two start out with a complicated chain of counters and reversals, before executing a variety of tosses and throws. Finally they unleash the stomps, slams and suplexes, before climaxing with their respective aerial assaults. A steel chair and a ladder wind up getting involved, but are the only gimmicks used. At one point, with Sabu on the arena floor, Nick Mondo bounds off the top rope in anticipation of a flying senton onto him. But before he could launch himself – Sabu hurls a steel chair at him that catches Mondo flush in the face – propelling Mondo backwards into the ring where he CRASHES full force, unprotected onto the metal ladder (a tribute to one my favorite bumps of his). Finally, with Sabu gaining the advantage with an Arabian FaceBuster – Cannibal Cartel leader “Vicious” Vic Grimes makes the run-in. But Sabu is too quick! Grimes gets blasted with a face-full of steel chair! Springboard moonsault to Mondo! 1-2-3!!!
Winner: SABU
(Post match, the hits just continue. Vic Grimes immediately collapses upon Sabu, pummeling him to the mat. He is quickly joined by 800lbs of the Headhunterz and a recuperating “Sick” Nick Mondo in stomping Sabu into wine on the mat. Finally, Terry Funk comes to the rescue wielding a steel chair! He catches Nick Mondo with the weapon, but it’s no use! Grimes and the Headhunterz quickly swallow him up and beat down Funk & Sabu together. Oh my, the Cannibal Cartel is looking more dominant than ever… just then – two saviors rush the ring. It’s the reigning King of the Death Match champion JUN KASAI and ATSUSHI ONITA!!! To the surprise and delight of the fans, Kasai and Onita rudely crash the ring with weapons and light tubes, ridding us of the Cannibal Cartel. With Vic Grimes and his cronies in shock and pain outside the ring, slowly retreating to the back – Kasai and Onita help Funk and Sabu to their feet while threatening to finish the Cartel once and for all! Has a new International alliance formed to rid the fantasy wrestling world of the Cannibal Cartel scourge?)
______________________________________________________________________
BUDDY ROGERS & JACK SWAGGER w/ EZEKIEL JACKSON
versus
BRUNO SAMMARTINO & LOU THESZ
versus
Black Army (Kevin Sullivan, Damien Demento, Lizzy Borden & Skandor Akbar) enter first with their charge Ezekiel Jackson. The Apocalypse of 2012 looks as dominating and devastating as ever, and the fans in Rhode Island recognize it with cheers. "Diamond from Sierra Leone" instrumental heralds the immaculate arrival of the "Nature Boy" Buddy Rogers and his tag team partner Jack Swagger - the "Diamond Dynasty"! Their interaction with the Army is minimal upon their in-ring arrival. But when the sounds of "Black-n-Yellow" by Wiz Khalifa announce the arrival of XPW Champion Bruno Sammartino and his partner Lou Thesz - the Dynasty and Black Army can be seen secretly congregating and asserting their respective dominance. Story of the match has Thesz and Sammartino more than holding their own in this handicap match, with Thesz really taking his former apprentice Jack Swagger to school. Their precision teamwork disrupts the fragile harmony of the heel team, and Rogers and Sullivan wind up arguing quite frequently. Finally Rogers winds up taking control of the match after blind siding Thesz and targeting his leg and knee. Now Rogers shows the Black Army how it's done as he wears down the master technician with submission attempts and crippling hooks. Thesz plays face-in-peril until the barn burning hot tag to Sammartino. All hell breaks loose. Ezekiel Jackson winds up clothes lining Jack Swagger by mistake! Sammartino flattens Jackson with a lariat, but he's quickly rolled up by Rogers (with a handful of tights) for the pin! "Nature Boy" Buddy Rogers has earned the win for his team!
Winners: DIAMOND DYNASTY & BLACK ARMY
Post match, another shouting match ensues between the Army and Dynasty - but this time the one thing they can all agree upon is their mutual hatred for Thesz and Sammartino. So they unite and execute a vicious gangland-style beating upon the XPW Champion and partner. With Sullivan, Demento and Akbar also joining the fray the numbers game becomes insurmountable. Suddenly - from the audience - a savior appears!
Introducing PRIMO CARNERA!!!
The legendary "Ambling Alp!" The huge, near-7-footer hops the guardrail, bypassing a phalanx of XPW security! Dressed in the attire of a high-priced businessman, or mob associate, the huge beast of man makes his entrance! A huge clothesline nearly decapitates Demento! The evil troll Kevin Sullivan eats a wicked boot to the face! "Nature Boy" Buddy Rogers' eyes widen with fear, as he deserts his allies and flees the ring. This leaves Jack Swagger to get pitched over the top rope by the man! Finally - Jackson and Carnera's stares meet - they size each other up and charge! Carnera ducks the lariat and counters with a scintillating right cross that KOs the massive Ezekiel Jackson! A harder punch than even the Big Show could throw!
Who is this beast of a man??? This must have been the reinforcements Bruno called in from back home. The Italian pro boxer/pro wrestler/American sports Icon PRIMO CARNERA!!! The huge man helps Thesz and Sammartino to their feet where the three men unite to a tremendous roar from the crowd. Outside the ring, the dismantled Black Army/Diamond Dynasty alliance look on in bewildered shock and pain. Bruno's enforcer has certainly evened the odds tonight! But who between the Dynasty and Black Army has earned the first title shot against the champ??? Tune in next time as the road to "A Cold Day In Hell" continues!!!
Sammartino, Thesz & Carnera!!!
____________________________________________________________________
CREDITS:
GORDON SOLIE: Jeremy Hartley online interview
HONKY TONK MAN: Dale Pierce Interview 9/9/04