Post by MadStepDad on Dec 4, 2012 10:18:54 GMT -5
Cut to in-studio announce team for the evening:
Matt Striker & TNA Taz
Broadcasting LIVE from an undisclosed location on the West Coast on Channel 13 (Dumont Network)! In an epic fantasy match-up (perhaps the greatest of all time) - XPW Remixed WORLD champion Lou Thesz will be taking on Boston champion John Cena in a title unification bout @ “GRAND CONJUNCTION”. But first - they must defend their tag team titles TONIGHT against #1 contenders the ROAD WARRIORS! Also in true ratings-breaking fashion, the “Best of 7 Series” between Gorgeous George & Human Tornado continues tonight with Match #5 (Lakers vs Clippers!)... plus A 10-man tag team feature… and Mildred Burke defends her Woman’s championship against Trish Stratus in a fantasy wrestling dream-match a century in the making! That match is coming up RIGHT NOW! Let’s get right to the action!
** CUT TO RING **
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** XPW Remixed Woman’s championship **
MILDRED BURKE (1953) © versus TRISH STRATUS (2006)
versus
Backstage promos, full-length TV walkouts and entrance packages for both women (complete with tale of the tape). Their respective lists of credentials are long, and all of them are referenced within the framework of this match. Bout is framed with mutual respect, even if it gets a little stiff at the end (Trish Stratus comes up with a slightly bloodied nose for example). Both women fight their hearts out as the crowd breaks out into spontaneous chants of “XPW!” and “SHE CAN WRESTLE!” In the end Mildred Burke slips out of Trish’s springboard bulldog attempt and captures her in a lightning-fast la magistral roll-up for the pin! Mildred Burke retains! Post match, her and Trish have the crowd-pleasing staredown that dissolves into a handshake of respect and mutual adoration. Both woman put the division over as *THE* proving ground for Mash-Up Wrestling competition. Meanwhile.. AWESOME KONG is spotted watching from the shadows, breathing heavily and exuding a violent intensity…
Winner (and STILL XPW Remixed Woman’s champion): MILDRED BURKE
** CUT **
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”The Sun that rises in the East… sets in the West”
All eyes on the limousine pulling into the building - it is the fashionably-late XPW President Strangler Lewis… but as he is exiting his vehicle, his doorman is suddenly WHACKED in loud, bloody fashion! Kendo stick shots go off like gunfire as ATSUSHI ONITA has descended upon the vehicle! He gets a few moments to cut an intense (barely-legible) promo upon the Strangler, as his VOODOO MURDERS (Taru & Big Daddy V), Headhunterz and Lord Tensai come looming from the shadows as well! But instead of descending upon Lewis with him… they defer? Onita watches in growing horror as his troops desert him; fading back into the darkness of the parking garage and disappearing! Now it is Strangler Lewis who is laughing because the “Boss of all Bosses” has his bases covered… WHACK! Onita goes DOWN from an unseen baseball bat shot! It is DEAN AMBROSE - with the “target name” given to him by Strangler Lewis himself! THWACK! WACK! WACK! “Untouchables-Al Capone” style! They leave Onita for dead. Dean Ambrose comes face to face with the cackling Strangler Lewis - who breaks into stone-cold stoicism just long enough to notify Ambrose he's got a match next - against LORD TENSAI! Ambrose nearly snaps with rage as he stares down Lewis in disbelief... only to have the Strangler break out into affable laughter once more. Boss of all Bosses indeed.
** CUT **
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DEAN AMBROSE versus LORD TENSAI (w/ Jessica Darlin)
versus w/
Dean Ambrose gets beaten and pulverized by the bigger, stiffer Lord Tensai - even coming up bleeding from the mouth hardway at one point. His past and ringside interplay with Jessica Darlin is referenced as well (Switchblade Conspiracy once “liberated” her services). But Ambrose refuses to die - even bloodily hulking up at one point (to growing crowd favor). Though the set-up becomes quickly clear when the Voodoo Murders (Taru & Big Daddy Voodoo) make the sneak attack run-in. Strangler Lewis has ordered this hit - the betrayer to be taken out Jimmy Darmody-style (Boardwalk Empire reference), even despite his attempt at penance. So while Lord Tensai may get the pin tonight (with his Geisha-girl Jessica Darlin leering perversely over Ambrose’s beaten, bloody body) - Dean Ambrose wins just by surviving. He is the new school Lucky Luciano of the crew - taken for that proverbial “one-way ride” only to miraculously survive… and ultimately thrive. But tonight - he has paid the price for his sins…
Winner: LORD TENSAI
** CUT **
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”World Tag Team Disaster”
XPW World & Boston champions Lou Thesz and John Cena are given quality time to lay the hard sell on their eternal rivalry, forced union and now - cataclysmic title unification bout @ “GRAND CONJUNCTION”. It is an electric exchange that touches on everything from Thesz “sell-out” accusations towards Cena (that the West Coast fans are quick to embrace) to the dual losses they suffered to NWA rivals Funk & Awesome (see XPW TV Episode #61 (Dream Matches turn Nightmares) - while retaining focus on their epic Tag Team title defense TONIGHT. For those who must absolutely know what was said line-for-line, here are some brief excerpts:
JOHN CENA:I just do the best I can do. I hate those words like 'face of the company' or 'flagbearer.' I hate that. I'm just the best that I can be… and I take great pride in that people want to come after me. I'm always ready for a fight. I'm me, I'm the best me I can be, and we've put together a pretty good ten years and I'm hoping for ten more.
LOU THESZ:: I enjoy the time I spend [here]. The questions, for the most part, have been intelligent and interesting. I always find it amazing that anyone cares what happened a half decade ago or longer. I also find it frustrating when some read between the lines when there were no lines. I am asked about some pretty interesting characters and was considering doing columns on individual wrestlers - from my perspective...
The entire exchange culminates in a deep personal challenge that will find John Cena traveling to NWA land to declare war upon MIKE AWESOME! Lou Thesz vows to do something similar to Terry Funk! Meanwhile - both Thesz & Cena are contractually bound together and stand staring down the barrel of LOD as they defend their Tag Team titles TONIGHT!!
** XPW Remixed Tag Team titles **
Thesz & Cena © versus Road Warriors
TONIGHT!!
** CUT **
____________________________________________________________
DEAD POETS SOCIETY
versus
CROOKLYN 2 CHI-TOWN/ROCK CITY CONNECTION
Versus
In an unbelievable display of hubris & intellectual superiority, the newest stud stable in the Territory Wars strikes fear into the fans with a roaring rendition of War & Peace (the wrestling version). Part multi-syllabic rant from Berry (claiming amongst other things that if he’s not crowned “Manager of the Year” then the award has no credibility) - poetry jam by the Genius - and demeaning, scathing monologue from Damien Sandow (forever holding his mic like the finest glass of wine). The horse-and-pony show culminates with the FabKangs tossing their cardboard boomerangs into the crowd alongside the Genius’ Frisbee - only to have them rudely thrown BACK in their FACE by unruly fans! Oh my the disrespect! They demand security eject them, but wait - that’s not fans - it’s Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin - MCMG!!
They have some snarky, internet-age retorts for Berry’s camp, before revealing they are not alone in their sentiment… on the other side of the ring appear CRYME TYME! Swagged out in Brooklyn Nets gear the East Coast stalwarts nonetheless get solid love from the Cali crowd off that association alone. The challenge is laid and accepted! When we get back from commercial break, Colt Cabana has evened the odds for the faces and battle commences in earnest. Crazy 10-man tag that gives everybody a little shine while maintaining the storyline of a culture clash in action. In the end, the conniving brilliance of the Dead Poets Society allows for infuriation/distraction/destruction (metal scroll + Colt’s head = FabKang finisher for the pin). Bad guys get the victory, but the good guys wind up stealing their shit (including Sandow’s expensive walk out robe, the Genius’ garment & Berry’s priceless tome) and mercilessly destroy the physical belongings (to great cheers) and gain a measure of revenge.
Winners: DEAD POETS SOCIETY
** CUT **
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”Monkey See Monkey Do”
(Monkey get in trouble too)
Intense backstage skit with Sami Callihan surprising the XPW President Strangler Lewis by showing up in his office chair unannounced. The two warriors from completely different fantasy wrestling spectrums have a scintillating exchange (including Callihan coldly brandishing his KotDM title - still speckled with dry blood!) and Strangler Lewis ominously rolling up his sleeves at one point… their little tete-a-tete is interrupted by none other than RASHAD CAMERON - opponent to Sami Callihan come the next “5-Point Show (BoB2 continued)”!! The pint-size loudmouth has some tough words for BOTH Sami & Strangler, even calling Lewis “n***a” at one point! More ominous legal threats from him and the stalemate is drawn. Cameron leaves with a smirk - Sami with a scowl - and Strangler Lewis is left behind in his office with a look of grim stoicism…
”Best of the Best 2” continues on the next “5-Point Show”
Featuring...
Sami Callihan versus Rashad Cameron!!
Stay tuned!!
** CUT **
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”White Girlz Lost”
A ranting, coked-up KILO is found in the backstage area. He cuts a vicious promo on LA, the glamour, the glitz, the drugs and the porn - extolling them all. He disses French Angel & Sammi Lane before vowing to fuck up more dumb bitches lives. Then you see something off camera snap him to attention and he drifts off into thought. Cameras pan to find Missy Hyatt (1990) and Sunny (1995) standing off to the side and chatting amongst themselves. Cameras pan back to KILO - now with a wild-eyed leer on his face. His objective clear, he approaches with a Val Venis-styled “Hellloo ladies” - and so begins their sordid affair with career-destroying demons. Find ‘em old, passed out and naked on an internet site near you. You’re welcome.
EPILOGUE: Both women transport to 2012 in mere moments and become zombified husks of their previous selves.
** CUT **
” Odd Man Out”
Backstage, secret cameras caught the irate JACK PFEFER pulling into XPW buildings and having a closed-door confrontation with Lewis & Mondt. Over the course of their eavesdropped meeting (that has the makings of an angry Mafia don meeting gone awry) we quickly come to discover that Lewis & Mondt are planning to make Jack Pfefer the patsy! The man who will take the fall for the rap of the company! Jack Pfefer is aghast - and infuriated (much like Nucky Thompson when threatened with indictment) - promising that if they try to take him down, Jack Pfefer will take them down with him! Ominous parting words as he refuses a security escort out and leaves on his own accord. Meanwhile Lewis & Mondt share a few private details about the arrangement with FX deal soon to break (they’ve been blackballed from their desired New England region by Paul Bowser, but intend to go national instead). With the ESPN deal having collapsed, this is literally the company’s last hope. Because (as we are just learning) the Dumont Network has refused to renew the companys contract next year! Despite the record-breaking ratings pulled off by XPW Remixed, the controversy, lawsuits, federal investigations and pulled sponsorships has resulted in Dumont Network pulling the plug! That means the next XPW TV Episode will be the LAST! (on the Dumont Network at least...) Meanwhile, millions continue to be embezzled on behalf of this “unbuyable” new champion in their camp - that will help them overtake Mash-Up Wrestling for good… Mwahahahahahaha!!!
** CUT **
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** Best of 7 Series (#5) **
GORGEOUS GEORGE versus HUMAN TORNADO
("Lakers versus Clippers" Match)
versus
Internet nerds continue hate. Even though they were the ones who supported Human Tornado from the beginning as he rose from obscurity - they turned on him as being a perceived “sell-out” at the height of his notoriety. He is at a zenith in fantasy wrestling - contenting amongst the elite legends in an arena he truly shines - the ENTERTAINMENT business. These same haters probably deadpanned his appearance in “Nacho Libre” as well. Meanwhile, Gorgeous George continues to do what he does no matter his placement on the card - draw eyeballs. It can only be explained in a 10-page dissertation on pro wrestling and pop culture, but simply put - Gorgeous George is a ratings star. His segments consistently rank amongst the highest-rated of the show (hence his lengthy run as XPW TV champion). The Human Orchid as taken to the talk show circuit to combat Human Tornado’s bomb radio and underground pod cast appearances - resulting in a hilarious clash of styles that has blossomed into a full-time feud.
Their Youtube challenges of everything from hitting the perfect golf drive to performing the most complex break dancing move have entertained millions. When President Strangler Lewis issued the “Best of 7” Decree - it was designed to garner the Gorgeous One more in-ring prestige. They both essentially believed the feud was one-up in favor of George, and he would end it quickly. So George started showing up at LA Lakers games and took to the airwaves with basketball-themed memes. He compared himself to the LA dynasty and told all who would listen this thing between him and Human Tornado wasn’t even going 7 matches. Hence this next challenge. But he was wrong. Unfortunately for George - the 2012 super-powered-all-star-legends-gods-version of the LA Lakers showed up. While Human Tornado had the ability, dexterity and skill of Chris Paul - compounded by the power of Blake Griffin - in his corner. Straight from the underground. There just might be a new king in LA after all…
Winner: HUMAN TORNADO
** Best of 7 Series **
Gorgeous George: 3 / Human Tornado: 2
** CUT **
________________________________________________________________
XPW Remixed Television champion
MARK HENRY (2011)
** XPW TV title #1 Contenders Match **
JACK BRISCO versus ADR versus… MATT MORGAN!!
versus versus…
Mark Henry is the new TV champion - who takes up commentary alongside Striker & Taz for the match. Del Rio & Brisco get their entrances, but everybody is caught off guard (especially Mark Henry) by the announcement that this match has been turned into a Triple Threat match. The final entrant is - MATT MORGAN! Tight affair between all 3 men, but Matt Morgan is head and shoulders above his peers tonight. With Mark Henry raging about injustice and betrayal on the mic, Matt Morgan puts forth the most dominant performance of his fantasy wrestling career. He keeps it brisk without overexerting himself and running out of gas. He runs through ADR with the carbon footprint to lay claim to the #1 contendership! Morgan and Henry jaw angrily at ringside, their tenuous alliance shattered! And conspicuous by his absence - #1 agent to both superstars, Nature Boy Buddy Rogers is nowhere to be found!! Was it HE who brokered this sudden match change? Either way, security must intercede between the two behemoths of the ring - as our XPW TV title match for “GRAND CONJUNCTION” is now set! Mark Henry defends against… Matt Morgan!!
Winner: MATT MORGAN
** CUT **
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** BACKSTAGE PROMO **
Brief, but brutish words from the former champions LOD regarding their match tonight. They don’t care whether Thesz & Cena love or hate each other - they’re going down together. Some of Hawk’s semi-famous “life is full of ups and downs” promo (with Cena going “UP into the turnbuckles and DOWN into the mat!.. And Thesz going UP into the ringpost and DOWN into the mat!”)
** CUT TO RING **
** XPW Remixed Tag Team titles **
CENA & THESZ © versus ROAD WARRIORS
versus
LOD enter together. Tag Team champions enter separately (Thesz first to monster pop - Cena last to thunderous boos). He cannot pander to the hardcore LA crowd, he can only march down the aisle - title belt raised over his head - baseball brim lowered over his eyes. He & Thesz share a tense pre-match staredown, and Cena’s “U Can’t See Me” gesture is received with voracious boos. Cena appears to officially be a heel here in Cali. Many stories are told throughout the length of this main event match. Cena & Thesz’ mutual antagonism combined with their maniacal demands to outdo the other (off sheer ego and pride alone)… and their severe distrust. LOD go from raging monsters to staggered bullies - all the way back to World Class Wrecking Crew again. They succumb briefly to the individual solo talents of Thesz & Cena - but when it comes to explosive tag team chemistry the Road Warriors win every time. But in the end - controversy reigns.
The LOD appear to have Cena in perfect position for a Doomsday Device (!!) when suddenly… the Voodoo Murders arrive!?!? Taru & Big Daddy Voodoo take no physical action - but their sinister presence is ominous enough. Hawk & Animal are forced to take heed (as Thesz recovers - slower and slower these days). The Voodoo Murders cast sly, conspiratorial glances towards Cena who nonetheless plays deaf, dumb and blind. Lou Thesz begins to shout at the heelish Japanese duo, allowing the LOD to snatch the XPW World champion from behind (as refs and officials are hustling Voodoo Murders back to the dressing room) ! But Cena is on the scene just in time to take the proverbial “bullet” for his tag team partner. He interjects himself into the fray instead, casting Thesz (and his still-sore neck) to the side. Cena winds up taking the brutal spine buster onto steel ring steps / flying clothesline combination. Then - with fan fervor boiling to a climax - the LOD hoist Cena onto their shoulders for the DOOMSDAY DEVICE! Thesz gets body-checked off the ring apron! 1!.. 2!.. 3!! WE HAVE NEW CHAMPIONS!
Winners (and NEW XPW Tag Team champions): ROAD WARRIORS
Post match the inevitable full-blown explosion occurs. A weary and battered Thesz & Cena go finger-to-chest and nose-to-nose - with the violence loving XPW Remixed audience egging them on. They’re jawing at each other and holding their respective singles titles aloft! Referees and officials surge into the ring to prevent confrontation but the emotion is very real. Finally - XPW Remixed President Strangler Lewis appears at the top of the entrance ramp with a satisfied grin. Just to throw that final can of gasoline on an already-raging wildfire. Next week - on the LAST XPW TV Episode of the season (!!) - the NWA CHAMPION DUSTY RHODES WILL BE LIVE AND IN THE BUILDING!! The announcement pops the crowd! Unsettles and aggravates the champions! Entices the viewers! XPW Remixed is airing the Last Episode EVER on the Dumont Network - followed by GRAND CONJUNCTION!! Stay tuned!!
** FADE OUT **
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XPW Remixed presents...
"GRAND CONJUNCTION"
** XPW Unification Match **
John Cena (2012) © versus Lou Thesz (1955) ©
Boston title versus XPW World title!!
"Best of the Best 2" Tournament FINALS
** XPW TV title **
Mark Henry © versus Matt Morgan
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CREDITS:
LOU THESZ: Wrestlingclassics.com messageboard
JOHN CENA: WWE.com interview (December 2012)