Post by Leo on Jun 17, 2021 19:40:25 GMT -5
Continental Championship Wrestling: The Drizzling Shits
Andy Kaufman sits at the head of a long, empty conference table in an all-white room. His right-hand man, Col. Robert Fuller, comes in with a huge stack of file folders in his arms. He drops them on the table with a thud. Kaufman stares at the stack with a sigh.
AK: Just summarize it for me.
RF: You’re broke and you’re screwed.
AK: WHAT!?
RF: We’re coming up on our one-year anniversary and all of the one year contracts and those we adjusted to expire in July are coming due for renewal. We can’t afford to resign any of the main event talent without severe pay cuts and they’re not taking them. Ric Flair, Randy Savage, Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, Dave Bautista, Curt Hennig, the Steiner Brothers…just about everyone.
AK: What about the money from Jerry Lawler for the brand split?
RF: That’s just going to barely cover our outstanding commitments. And since Lawler’s Mid-America is under our banner, Lawler is eating the losses too and he’s going to have to close up, even though he’s not nearly hemorrhaging as much money as our side.
AK: That’s one positive of all this I guess, making Lawler angry.
RF: There’s a few other positives. You can thank Lawler for this one – we’ll be able to keep the entire women’s division from Mid-America. He signed them all to extended contracts set to expire next July and for pretty cheap too.
AK: Can’t we cut them and use the money?
RF: We’d be in breach of contract and if we could, that wouldn’t be enough to cover Flair’s annual bar tab.
AK: What about the WWE trade?
RF: That was already factored in and thanks to Vince McMahon paying off the contracts of his guys to cover the difference from Sting and the Revival, we’re basically getting Hulk Hogan, Owen Hart and Davey Boy Smith for free.
AK: We’ve got one of the most famous wrestlers of all-time. We’ll be fine.
RF: Yes and no. We’re getting Hulk Hogan, but not. All three have creative control clauses and I guess our problems got leaked. None of them want to use their real names and they want to wear masks to hide their identities. They’re embarrassed to be here.
AK: So we have them, but can’t say we have them. Great.
RF: Nick Aldis said he’s willing to stay and can get Tommy Rich, Marty Jannetty and Nick Nemeth to stick around too at a reduced cost. So we’ll have an established heel stable in the York Foundation.
AK: That’s good.
RF: Eh…Aldis said they’ll stay if we put all the belts on them.
AK: Fine, they have to go on somebody.
Kaufman hangs his head. Fuller opens another folder and looks at the form.
RF: Some of the recently signed guys we have locked in. Billy Graham, The Funks, the Murdoch Violence Connection, Brad Armstrong, Badd Company, Fantastics. Ronnie Garvin was an original guy for us, but he’ll resign if we throw in a new Cadillac, which one of the car dealer sponsors will pick-up.
AK: We can’t run a company just on those guys alone. What are we going to do, order grapplers on Wish.com.
Fuller stands up and unfurls a poster he brought in with him. It shows a muscular, good looking guy.
RF: What do you know about Tom Magee?